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Blending In

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[07 Apr 2006|05:48pm]

Hi, im new to LJ, i just joined, and i went through different communities on here, and i seemed to like this one the most.

Okay i hope you can take my little rambling/life sotry here lol. I just came out as a lesbian. I told a friend of mine in school, and well. The entire school ended up finding out. They were pretty suprised when i admitted i actually was, i don't really give off that "vibe" unless you have really great body language. I dont brag about my sexuality and scream out that im a homosexual, like a lot of people i know do, i just keep it to myself, i dont really think that people need to know my buisness. But if they ask, i wont deny it. I go to a private school ( thankgod i only have 2 months left..and finally off to college ), and there is not that many kids who go there , only about 300, and most of them already know, I don't care, i just can't take the jokes any longer and i wish i havn't come out that soon without thinking about the consequences. I also told a few of my close "friends"...i really shouldn't call them friends anymore since they just shut me out of theyre lives after i told them. Not only did i come out to my friends but i came out to my cousin as well. I thought she wouldn't have a problem with it, but she kept telling me i was in a faze and ill get over it like her friend back in highschool did. She said she was gay all through highschool and fell for a boy when she went into college. I dont get this whole "faze" thing..maybe her friend at that time did feel like a lesbian, but changed later on in life and dosn't feel that way anymore? Those feelings are real, not fake. People are differnt & they like different things. & to add to that my mom and dad agree with her. And they want to set me up with a jewish guy..and well i don't want that.

So..yeah that's it. Thats my mini life story right there. annyway. Im looking for some friends that i can relate/ and talk to on here. It be really nice :)
1 comment|post comment

[09 Feb 2006|11:17pm]

I'm new to the community. I'm a 16 year old girl who has just come to terms with being a lesbian. I haven't told anyone except two of my friends at school and I'm not sure how to tell my parents. I've tried hinting to my mom and she always say I'm not a lesbian. I have a gay cousin on my dad's side of the family who is out. I like to write and read. My fave show is Degrassi. I'm liberal at heart.
7 comments|post comment

? [04 Feb 2006|07:07am]

[ mood | I just don't know... ]

Okay. So, I got frustrated about not really having gay friends I can hang out with. Girls… all I have. Just girls. I do have gay friends but they're the superficial type, and I'm done with fakers. So, the short and sweet of it is that I joined this site where you can meet other people. I was on it before I went to Florida on Spring Break this past March, so I was like, why not try it again. The problem though is that everyone basically just wants sex. Sex is great yea, but you know? I want friends. I don't want to havefriends just to sleep with them when I’m horny. If I did, I'd probably be seeping with all of you... if you wanted to. I guess my pics don't help much either. I guess they just shout fuck me or something because that's all I'm getting. They’re of my chest and stomach, not my face. God only knows where that’ll end up. No one wants to talk, hang out maybe, watch a movie. No. It's, "I live 20th and 8th Ave. Wanna come over and get fucked?" or "I wanna fuck you. Can I pick you up? I know this cheap hotel near the GW bridge for only $25 bucks." $25 huh? Gee I feel so special. There're a couple of hot guys too that asked, but I don't just want sex. If I did, I would just go out to clubs, do that innocent young vulnerable thing and pick up guys. But I'll feel trashy you know? Then I won't be happy because they wouldn't really like me, because they'd only be interested in sex.

Can I tell you something? The sex thing with strangers is kind of scary. The idea of doing the deed with someone who's only interested in pleasing themselves, then just leave when they're done doesn’t appeal to me. "Wham bam thank you Carlos. Later..." Especially with all the things out there. How safe is safe anyway? Is there such a thing as totally safe? Another thing is, if I ever did say, to hell with it, and went to meet with someone, would they like me? Now I'm just sounding pathetic. If I had a twin, I'd probably smack me. Then again if I did, I'd probably go, because I'd kind of have some to look out for me. He'd be around the corner texting me and waiting for any sign of danger. Yea... I'd be complete. I would always have him and, and him, me.

I'm a romantic I guess. I want to meet someone, go out to diner, watch movies. Just hang out, sit around all day maybe talking. Maybe walking around. Sit around in my friend’s flat and bother her. haha jk. That would be fun though. Where have the gentlemen gone? But then again, I guess a hook up site isn't a good place to go finding them. I guess if I want friends I'll just have to stick to eljay
8 comments|post comment

Heya there. [01 Feb 2006|09:51am]

Hey there. My name is Brad and I am a junior Econ major and math minor at Berry College in Georgia. Yeah, I blend in very easily. So much that not even the "president" of Berry's psuedo GSA (don't even ask, its long and involved) had no clue, and neither did my parents until I came out to them. So I am out, though I don't exactly scream, but if anybody asks I will give them an honest answer.

There only like six openly gay guys here at Berry (though they aren't my type of dating material for various reasons), plus a ton of uber-religious closet cases. I don't really get along well with a good number of gay guys my age. My interests don't lie in the direction of clubbing and constant sex and extreme left-ism; I am a geek of all trades, and I want something more out of life. I consider myself a romantic, and someday I hope to settle down with a husband and have kids. :)

Feel free to friend, I usually friend right back once I notice you friended me. :)
5 comments|post comment

Heya! [01 Feb 2006|02:36am]

My name is Chip, I'm 19 and I live in Maryland. I have a voice that can be interpreted as either pothead or gay, so only very few can pick up on it. I started coming out to my friends at around 17ish, and I don't really think it's anyone else's business.

I think I have problems with being TOO adaptable! I don't talk to any gay people! Maybe like one or two on LJ, but that's it. So when I do talk to a gay, then he'll be more interested in fucking than talking. I sound like such a woman for saying that, but it gets really seriously annoying. There is no way I will ever have a normal gay friend, I'm beginning to think.

Does anyone else have this problem or am I living under a rock?
13 comments|post comment

[05 Jan 2006|12:27am]

it really started out about someone being gay being offended or not when they or someone else uses the word gay, whether it's a joke, or if it is offensive

eh, then it sorta went into whether its right to say anything that could offend anyone

I'm D, he's C, what'ya think?
and i'd really like to hear your opinion on this subject
-(please no one get pissed off, its just a discussion topic)
Read more...Collapse )
11 comments|post comment

[03 Jan 2006|03:04pm]

[ mood | chipper ]

hey, what's up guys, my names james, and i'm 17, i kinda created a 2nd live journal for myself, kinda.... the gay one. so as of now, no one knows, but i made it my newyears resolution to come out to at least one person. its just hard bottling it up inside and not being able to let it out. so i found this communtiy and i thought it was good, and could maybe help me deal, so yeah that's basically it.
i know i haven't really said much, and if there's anything you wanna know feel free to ask me.

10 comments|post comment

The New Guy... [29 Dec 2005|09:23pm]

[ mood | content ]

Hey everyone. So I guess this is my introduction...(fair warning, I'm usually no good w/ stuff like this, so read at your own risk of boredom :))

Name: (not now, once I get to know some of you)
Sex: Male
Age: 23
Orientation: 99.9% sure I'm gay
Situation: One person who actually knows me knows I tend to go for the guys, and that's cause, well, he was my first.... Everyone else, as far as I know, are in the dark. I've accepted the fact that I'm gay, but I haven't come to terms with the turmoil that I'm sure will follow when I do finally come out. I'm fairly sure my mom would understand, but she's been through enough emotional stress this year, and I feel really guilty about adding more onto her w/ coming out. As for my friends (who are mostly girls) I'm just not sure what to do. I know that if they can't accept it, it's their problem, and I don't need them in my life, but meeting new people is hard for me to do, so I guess I've just gotten stuck in the rut of my comfort zone

Anyway, that's my rant for tonight...


1 comment|post comment

A Newcomer.. [26 Nov 2005|02:47pm]

I was scouring through LJ when I came across this community and have been reading through the posts for about the last hour.

This community is awesome! I can't believe in the 3+ years i've been on here that I haven't found it! I had never thought that anyone else really had this problem that I do, but it seems I'm not alone afterall, and I'm glad.

My name is Bobby, I'm seventeen and currently living in a small town in Ohio. I "blend in" very well, I suppose. And it's all unintentional. When people find out I'm gay, 95% of the time they're suprised, and i've only had about two or three people call me out on my sexuality. I don't understand, though. I think if I weren't me I'd be able to point out my homosexuality, but a lot of people just don't. It's weird. And no, I'm not ashamed of my sexuality, I just don't feel the need to flaunt it around. Perhaps that's why most people aren't clued in? Anyway.

I'm planning on going to either Ohio University, or Ohio State University in the fall of 06, which I'm sure will prove to bring some interesting experiences. Both schools are moderately conservative so that'll be a little awkward at times, but hopefully it won't be anything too bad.

Anyway. Yes. I just thought i'd introduce myself to you all and hope to read some more interesting stories from this community.

3 comments|post comment

[16 Nov 2005|07:59pm]

name: ed
age: 24
occupation: student/artist

Just thought I would stop by and do an introduction. I'm 24 quite the blender in kind of guy. It's intentional in some aspects and others just so happens to happen. I'm not "out" so to speak, a few people know I have a fancy toward guys. But it's kind of a trap I've seem to place myself in. I'm the "ladies" kind of guy... girls flirt with my quite often, and I admit I do flirt back. I do like women but it seems as if guys catch my attentiona little more. But the trap is that since I'm this kind of charming talented... but nice and sensitive kind of guy. I'm the perfect mate.. lots of trouble if you know what I mean. But I'm hoping to start to get to know myself a little better and really see what it is I truly desire and want in life. Not sure if it's to be with a guy or to have a happy marriage (with a girl) and a family. I'm quite torn right now cause both seem very desireble to me. Anyone else feel like this? It's like being in high school again with all these confusing questions.

But Hi, from the looks around here seems everyone is really nice.
3 comments|post comment

...hello?... [22 Oct 2005|03:54pm]

hi...this is my introduction post!
woo & yay, or some such...

name: thomas
age: 19
location: south carolina
sex: male
gender: complicated
orientation: queer
politcs?: anarchist, registered with green party though
hobbies: music, photography, camping/hiking/kayaking, activism, urban exploration, getting drunk (my "band")
occupation: student, musician, security assistant (aka, night desk staff)
quote: "It is the business of the future to be dangerous." - Alfred North Whitehead

i pass insanely well as a heterosexual. as you can imagine, this makes getting dates really hard (especially since i have no gaydar). i'm glad there's a community for others who blend in a little too well on here.

here's a few brief instances of my unwanted blending abilities for those interestedCollapse )

well...thanks for reading! and "hi," again.
3 comments|post comment

That's what friends are for... [12 Sep 2005|07:16pm]

[ mood | blah ]

Ok. Maybe I’ll come back before I go to the solitary confinement that is my dorm room.


Stupid people. *shrug* That's all I have to say, besides I don't know why I tend to get mixed up with people that don't really understand me and respect me for who I am and what I stand for.


It starts like this. I was eating...Collapse )


Was I excessive in telling her all that Jazz? 

4 comments|post comment

Don't Look Down [03 Sep 2005|12:34pm]

[ mood | giddy ]

This is for you Jesse.

There's this guy I work with and he's an artist/actor. He's like the coolest guy every (and I'm not just saying this because he might be reading this). I'm serious, he's really cool. He has a website (see below) where he has his CD listed and sample songs anyone could listen to. Don't look down is the title of his CD. Hey you never know you just might like it and wanna buy one. Check him out! Go forth now and expose thine ears to the ecstasy that is Jesse Kazemak!

jesse.tolksspot.com <----- wrong
sorry guys...

The correct site is ---> jesse.talkspot.com

Now go!!

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The Watcher [02 Sep 2005|09:11am]

[ mood | curious ]

There’s this guy who dorms on campus that freaks me out sometimes. I would be on my way to class or to the Dining hall or just about, but when we pass each other all he does is stare at me.

You know when someone is, for instance, staring into a crowd and they just have this blank expression on their face when they are watching someone… just looking? Well that’s what I get from him. Of course I kinda thought that he was not looking at me once, but it would just carry on for months. When he looks at me he even uses his eyes to follow me and where I’m going. My friend even caught him looking at me the whole time, when I got up to get some more soda from the machine thing. When I’m in the Hall eating, I would be talking to my friends, being silly and laughing up a storm, then I would turn (you know how you just look around sometimes just to look… kill some time, flick your hair lol) and he would be walking with his head turned, to look at me where I was sitting.

I was on my way to the Hall one morning to eat and I had to pass him and his friend to get to the entrance. Instead of walking between them, I walked around them. Duh. Of course he saw my approach about a minute (YES!! That long before) before I reached them, and he just stared at me the whole time. It was a bit weird, so to minimize that uncomfortable feeling, I gave a slight smile and said hey. Just to be cordial, because if I passed by anyone and had not said hello it sometimes makes me feel weird… like I’m trying to ignore them or something. Which is not the case. Anyway, I say hello, and keep walking. He smiles and nods, and I see him (out of my peripheral) turn his head, then his whole body, now facing my back directly as I walked away. I kinda thought he would be still looking, so as I opened the door with my left hand (I’m right handed mind you), I gave that slight nonchalant look slightly over my left shoulder, and LOW and BEHOLD! HE was still looking at me with the slightest smile.

What gives? That’s just weird.

This leads me to the story of this morning when I was in the Hall eating. I just happened to look up towards the entrance after taking a bite of my sandwich and there he was, walking down the isle. But the whole time he was looking at me and walking slowly. When I looked up he was already looking at where I was sitting, alone, eating. What was I to do? So whatever, I looked back down at my food like he was non-existent then looked up just in time to nod then look back down at my food, like waiting to hear or see him acknowledge me greeting was a waste of time. LOL But why does he look at me so? It’s the look I give a guy when I think he’s cute. That’s why the way he looks at me bugs me, because I don’t know what it means. *shrug* Do I dare say maybe he finds me cute? I feel stupid saying such a thing because it makes me feel like I’m being arrogant, or that I’m all into myself or something. Maybe he isn’t even gay… but if he is, what sort of game are we playing? Sometimes I don’t like playing, but I guess somewhere deep down, I always look forward to the next time we play dare to stare…

6 comments|post comment

The new guy... [02 Sep 2005|09:02am]

[ mood | chipper ]

Hey guys! I’m new to LJ and I was just looking for a place to talk with minds and Voila! I ended up here. Well, I guess I do blend in to some degree. Like most of you I do keep my “secret” from people I don’t really know. One funny thing is that when people who didn’t know I was gay find out, the next question the ask is, “Are you bi, then?” I had this one guy that I work with ask me when he found out, “You’re gay? Really? Hmm I would have never known. But really… Do you like girls at all? Are you like bi or something, or are you really gay *chin in hand*?” To which I answered with a shrug, a smile and a “Uh huh I’m gay.” I guess I’ve butched up a lot *giggling*. Well I guess almost everyone I’m not close to I don’t tell. For some reason, when it comes to girls I don’t feel threatened at all to tell them. But the guys? That’s another story. It just gets really lonely sometimes you know? I’m always (unintentionally) thinking that people are out to get me. Stupid right? I also have a lot of str8 friends too, so that’s another source of my stress. I often think if and when they find out it would be High School all over again. When you think your friends are your friends right? Anyway, I always worry about the potential assholes that I might find out there and therefore I kind of intentionally built this wall. It’s my 3rd year at this college I transferred to and most of my good friends either transferred or graduated so in a way I have to start over fresh, and I’m stuck with the people I speak to but don’t really know because I kept them at arms length. Am I the only one that has trust issues when it come to people that are trying to befriend me? Lol I’m just to protective of myself I guess. I tend to think all str8 guys (when I meet them first) are inherently jerks. Why you say? Well I guess you can say I’m a bit jaded or scared. Pull up a chair, get some popcorn and I’ll tell you about it *shifting my chair to face you*.
Well, I’ve been reading some of the entries that you guys made about coming out and some of them I find really cool and it makes me happy that some parents, especially the dads, were really accepting. My dad wasn’t like that. It’s not like I ever came out or anything. I was just always myself. Little gay old me LOL. Hey, all I’m saying is that dogs bark, and ducks quack. I guess it was a compilation of things that drove him to madness. He didn’t go crazy… well he did... kind of I guess. I always tried to be as macho as I could because I thought if I was I could spare my dear old brother the humiliation, and maybe my dad (even thought I know he was always a jerk). Well long story short, I was assaulted (you might call it) and he threatened to kill me and everything. Guess he didn’t take it well huh? So… well this is going on a bit to long.
I’m a really cool guy, with a lot to say as you can see. I hope I didn’t come across as a manic-depressive, because I’m not hehe. I’m a really funny, stupid, loud (not really) vivacious (sometimes), crazy (often) kinda guy, who just wants to let it all hang out. Clean thoughts people *smirk*. So hope to get to know some of you better. Lates guys
PS: Wish me happy Birthday! I turn 20 on Tuesday 6th!!!

8 comments|post comment

not out yet [18 Aug 2005|09:29pm]
This is my intro post. I am a 22yr female who never considered my self bi or gay. I have always thought about guys and wanted to be with them. In the back of my mind I have always wondered what it would be like to be involved with a female. I never acted on this; never really felt that I knew anyone I wanted to see what it was like with. Then there was day camp. I meet this girl last summer but got to know her this summer. I asked her to join a few of my friends for a night out. I didn’t mean anything by it except to hang out. (Don’t know how she took it) Well she said that she was curious to see what I was all about. Well the following week we went to a baseball game and we talked the whole time, a group of us. The night after that is really where my story starts. We were out at counselor night and talking about things somehow I made a comment that my door was open. Meaning that I kept the idea open about women. Well she new how to take that and we talked that night on the phone and the next day. The next night we all went out in a group and we started to flirt. She wanted to kiss me that night but I had friends around and didn’t kiss her. The next night we went out on our first date. I do not think that I was ever that nervous before. We went to dinner then to a movie. All I wanted to do was kiss her during the movie but we waited until we got into the car. I didn’t know why I wanted to kiss her. I liked her but it does not feel the same way that it did with guys. Well to say the least we started to date for the next 2 weeks and it was wonderful I don’t know how I feel but I know that I want to be with her and see her all the time. After that 2 week period I was moving. I moved 1000 miles away to go to grad school think that is why I was willing to get involved in the first place. But we have talked every night from the time I got here. And I mean on the phone for an hour to 5 hours one night. She is coming to visit in less then 2 weeks and we are going to get the speed a full week together before I start school. I want to see her so much. I like her but I am so confused with the whole thing we say that she opened my can of worms. I know that my parents would be ok with what ever I told them and just want to be happy. But I don’t want to say anything to anyone bc I don’t know how I feel about the who thing. I am happy that I found the journal and was able to see that other people are going through the same thing that I am. If there are any words of wisdom that any of you have out there I would love to know it. Thanks for reading my story I hope that it makes sense peace until next time
1 comment|post comment

[07 Jul 2005|10:12pm]

[ mood | excited ]

Hi everybody! long time since i've updated...
I think on my first entry I said I was never going to do it because i thought my parents would disown me or something, but when I told them, they were happy that I told them and told me I could do whatever I wanted as long as I was happy!!!!... i expected them to say exactly the opposite... guess i didnt know my parents that much after all, I mean my dad (the one i thought would kick me out of the house) said it didnt matter, that i was first and foremost his son and that he still loved me no matter what!!
So I'm like really freaking happy now!!!
l8tr ppl!

7 comments|post comment

[13 Jun 2005|10:55pm]

[ mood | aggravated ]

Taken from http://www.livejournal.com/community/colormeawesome/460990.html?view=7130046#t7130046

Read this, it's worth your while.

I want everyone who reads this to pass this on somehow. Something has to be done.

This is not a hoax.

Meet Zach (http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=7428306&Mytoken=20050612045342) , who lives in Tennessee. He's sixteen. Really dead-on guy, as far as I can see. Smart, friendly, kind.

Oh, and gay. There's the problem to his parents, who have enrolled him in an indoctrination camp run by 'Christians' to turn him 'right'. If you follow that link to his blog and scroll down to 29th May, you can hear this in his own words. Just in case something happens to the entry in question, I'm reposting the document he found that contains the rules of this camp.

So apparently the guys parents lied to him about the program, and he somehow got a hold of those rules, as he wasnt supposed to (as you can tell by all the "(not to be given to client)"'s in there. It seems that none of the clients are to know what the program is actually about until they get there, in effect, tricking/forcing them into going. i suggest you all read it... Geres a few of the rules:

1. All new Refuge clients will be placed into Safekeeping for the initial two to three days of their program. A client on safekeeping may not communicate verbally, or by using hand gestures or eye contact, with any other clients, staff members, or his/her parents or guardians. In case of a practical need, Safekeeping clients may write down their question or request and show it to another client, staff member, or their parent or guardian. Writing may only be used when absolutely necessary. Parents and guardians must enforce their child¹s safekeeping status at home or in their temporary lodging.

6. No television viewing, going to movies, or reading/watching/listening to secular media of any kind, anywhere within the client¹s and the parent¹s/guardian¹s control. This includes listening to classical or instrumental music that is not expressly Christian (Beethoven, Bach, etc. are not considered Christian). The only exception to the media policy is the weekly movie.

12. Refuge clients must be accompanied by a parent during any trip to a public restroom.

13. No access to malls of any kind.

19. Refuge clients must keep their bedroom doors open at all times, day or night.

12. Do not be defensive. While being spoken to, one may not respond to defend him/herself or return confrontation to the person speaking.

5. Clients are expected to remain accountable with all relationships. No cell phones, phone calls, or contact with anyone
outside the program without prior permission. Phase 2 and Training Program clients may make approved relational phone calls.

(and heres some rules that the parents are to follow)

5. Your client is not allowed to talk to anyone outside of your home including friends or family. Do not tell client who has called for them or who is asking about them. Keep the thoughts of the client focused on his/her treatment.

Read more...Collapse )
See what I mean?
Get the word out.

7 comments|post comment

[13 Jun 2005|05:55pm]

im just curious... does anyone else have days where they feel especially gay? because i do... like... some days i feel way more gay than others. LIke for example.. sometimes i dont think about it much... but then there are others when i just wanna run around with a rainbow flag in my neighborhood....


hellllo happy homos!
11 comments|post comment

[06 Jun 2005|12:21pm]

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

thats me (on the bottom) and my new boy kenny...feed my ego, tell me hes cute!

sorry i havnt updated here in awhile...things have been kinda crazy...but rest asured, im still gay, and still fabulous...heh
7 comments|post comment

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