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Blending In

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[14 Feb 2007|12:35pm]


so I have never hid the fact I'm a big gurl. I'm around 6'1" and on the upper end of 2 bills. That said, I'm in pretty decent shape. I lift weights, I run..I can go upstairs without losing my breath but I'm wondering. I have seen several before and after photos as of late of wonderful gurls who have made remarkable changes.

I would like to ask...who out there have made a large weight change, whereas you started out a heavy male weight and brought it down.  What did you do different?  How did you incorporate the changes? If you haven't had a large decrease, how did you adjust to life as a large woman?  Was it easier? I'm just trying to find where I'm comfortable in my own skin. I know I'm never going to be model thin and I do not want to...I just want to be able to present as womanly figure as I can without having to feel like I'm a extra for creature feature...ya know?

I hope this does not come out wrong...I'm very serious about learning and incorporating change and I thought I would ask those who have went through it.

Thank you.

4 comments|post comment

Introduction! [05 Feb 2007|05:28pm]

[ mood | amused ]


I am a seventeen year old lesbian living in the closet at home.
Typical, eh?

Well I am very often mistaken for straight and it makes me laugh so much because I am obviously not.
Aside from dressing in men's clothes 50% of the time, I flirt with girls openly, and express my opinions on how 'icky' heteros can be. I have also said that in public that men are not allowed to touch me.
My close friends know that I'm gay and we all joke around, some of my friends call themselves my secret lesbian lovers, etc.

But there is this girl, Sara. I have a huge crush on her and she is so beautiful but she is straight. Well she has asked me on more than one occasion if I have a boyfriend. I've even made comments in response to the effect of 'I don't swing that way', but I don't think she understands. She continues to ask me if I'm dating any boys and how many boyfriends I've had and I have given her clues that I'm gay but she still doesn't get it.

I'm also hit on quite frequently by men and that I also find highly amusing!

1 comment|post comment

Hmm [19 Oct 2006|11:35pm]

[ mood | curious ]

I am actually surprised that I managed to put this off for so long. “put off” isn’t probably a good way of putting it because it implies that it’s something I’ve been meaning to do. More accurately, I’ve been trying not to mention it. Quite silly actually, and sort of pathetic.

There’s this guy at work I have a real crush on one of the oldest stories in the book. I don’t know if he knows I’m gay though. It’s not like it hard to figure out. Maybe he knows and doesn’t care? Wouldn’t be unusual, I do have straight friends. So how saw if this crush? September made it a year, lol. But he’s being really chummy with me lately. He play scratched my left elbow while he was talking to me last week. And when we went out, he danced behind me, and hugged me more that 3 times. Curious… but still sad. He was sort of distant before I moved back home, but now I'm back at school, and working out here again, it like he's gotten a lot friendlier. What brought about this change? And that fact that I think he's awesome doesn't help.
2 comments|post comment

Dodging "the" question [16 Sep 2006|11:56pm]

For the majority of the summer, I've ignored the real world coming out process because I've been busy studying for the biggest exam of my life. As soon as it ended (literally while driving home with a couple of friends), I was faced with a my first post-exam inquiry from a friend:

Friend: So, do you have a girlfriend?
Me: Nope
Friend: Why not?

See full extent of conversationCollapse )

I was so tempted to just blurt out "I'm gay!" but I knew that it wasn't the right time. Plus for anyone who read a previous entry I wrote on my journal, this is one of my work friends and in my ordering of telling people, they rank below "other friends" and most of those people are still in the dark. Its a little bit amusing that everyone still thinks that a 25 year-old who's been single almost his entire life is straight without really questioning it. Who knows, maybe these people talk about me behind my back. I guess I'll find out someday.
6 comments|post comment

[03 Jan 1970|05:09pm]

Here I am at college in Moraga, California, and I came out to my family, or rather, they inquired and I told them.

So far, it seems like everything will be fine.
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[24 Aug 2006|02:30am]

To anyone who may have read any of my journal entries: Please don't until a situation with the entry "Shhh! He's hiding..." is taken care of. I have to leave the most offensive thing up that I've ever seen for the admins to see. I guess they saw me on this community and decided to go gay-bashing on the internet.

I. Am. So. Offended.

I might actually cry. Why are people so fucking ignorant

And I really wish someone who saw it would have told me so I could have removed it earlier. It was from two fucking days ago, and no one told me hey, some douchebag posted on your LJ.

Edit: It's taken care of. Lesson learned: friends only from now on.
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Throwing my hat into the ring [23 Aug 2006|12:40am]

Hello everyone,

Just thought I'd introduce myself. I'm a 25 year old gay guy who is still in the closet to the rest of the world barring one other person. Was browsing around LJ and found this community and thought it was quite fitting and somewhat comforting knowing that there are other people out there like myself.

I pretty much hang around all straight people and don't know anyone else like me so its difficult relating to people at times because there's always a side of myself that I have to conceal. It sucks but I've managed this long because I don't fall into the stereotypical image that people consider as gay. I juggled back and forth with the idea that what I was going through was a phase for a few years but it finally hit me that the phase wasn't going away regardless of how hard I tried to push myself in the other direction.

It'd be nice to find people who are going through or have already gone through the same process as myself.
8 comments|post comment

[17 Aug 2006|07:51pm]


I'm a 19-y/o female from Buffalo, NY. I don't really know what my sexuality is. But I don't think it really matters; I support the glbtq community with all my heart.

I live in a community that is very closed-minded and would like to meet open-minded people.

I initially came out as bisexual, and I walked around my old high school with two other people who wanted to come out. We came out together with rainbow colored t-shirts. It was comforting to do it together. It didn't go over too well but we were glad we did it, and we found out who in our school was worth talking to.

6 comments|post comment

[17 Aug 2006|12:21am]

Hi there I am new to this community. I have an issue here.. right now i feel that i am going through a lot of confusion about my attractions. I call myself a "lesbian", but i started to like men.. I am finding them more appealing then i usually have. I am also very femminine and a random person wouldnt even guess that im queer whatsoever. Im starting to feel really guilty about these feelings. A lot of gay people i have met do not get "bisexuals" here. Im thinking about throwing labels away all together.

Like i said before I've been out as a "lesbian", but if i happen to like men too and decide to have the bisexual label on me, i would feel like i would be put in a "second closet". Im afraid of what the reactions would be. This hit me more then realizing my attraction toward woman.

Can anyone relate to this?

3 comments|post comment

[14 Aug 2006|09:30am]


hello everyone.

I started a livejournal, because I hate myspace with a passion, but I still needed a way to communicate with my friends.

lets see. I just turned 18 in june and am pretty much out, i guess. it takes people a little time to catch on, usually, they assume I'm straight, which is cool with me. I've never been overly gay acting, which is a plus, considering I live in a stupid redneck town where gay people aren't readily accepted.

i guess that's me in a nutshell. have a nice day.

3 comments|post comment

waves [01 Aug 2006|04:32pm]

Hello all. I just started a journal pertaining to the subject of this community when I came across it, so I figured I'd join.

Uh, well I'm a 22 (almost 23) year old guy living in the Chicago area. I'm not out at all. I generally hang out with all straight people, but one of my best friends is gay (but unfortunately he just moved across the country with his boyfriend). No one knows I'm gay, and I'm naturally pretty "straight acting." (That phrase annoys the hell out of me by the way, but oh well). I love sports, music, and partying with my friends when I'm not trying to concentrate on grad school. If you'd like to know more, just ask.

I pretty much joined this community because I felt like it was a great concept. I'm just a normal guy without all of the stereotypically gay characteristics. Sometimes I feel like gay culture has made it so that mainstream society believes that all gay guys are all skinny, chiseled, flamboyant, rainbow-flag waving, lisping, BOIs! It's not that I have any problem with those types of gay men, it's just that sometimes I don't feel like there are other guys out there like me. Well... thats all for now. peace.
8 comments|post comment

The only one.... [23 Jul 2006|02:11pm]

[ mood | curious ]

Does anyone else here ever get the feeling that they are the only one who doesn't act real, well, faggy? I mean it isn't that I don't have any good friends who are gay are anything, its just that I mainly associate with guys who aren't really "gay". Yet is seems that we are definately in the minority in the scheme of things.

Doesn't it at times seem that guys who are knee-jerk liberal, uber-gays seem to predominate the gay community? That the smart and "straight" ones of us are often on the outside and in a sort of manner invisible?

7 comments|post comment

Being Out At Work? [21 Jul 2006|12:33am]

I was just wondering everyone's ideas about being out at work. Do you think it matters to be out, as opposed to being closeted?

I'm asking because I work during the summer and since it's seasonal work, I never see these people outside of work. My friend let it slip into conversation once that I was gay, and word spread like wildfire. It didn't bother me, because if people ask, I'll tell them the truth - the only problem is that no one ever asks. Anyeay, everyone knows now; almost all were suprised and didn't believe it at first, and instead of coming to me and asking me directly, they're all talking about the situation and asking my friend. Nothing has really changed with my coworkers or what not; It's been very anticlimactic [which is good, I suppose]. I was just curious as to what you all think of the situation. Do you believe it's important to be out at work? Any other questions or comments?
4 comments|post comment

[14 Jul 2006|12:50am]

In the few experiences I've had, coming out has been scary. I always worry about my listener's reaction and hope that all goes well. However, to me, coming out also has another aspect; my sexuality makes me feel unique, and telling others is kind of fun.

Does anybody else find coming out thrilling?
2 comments|post comment

[28 Jun 2006|01:14am]
My name is Krysta.  About a year ago, I found out that the guy I had been dating for two years was gay.  He had been in the closet for about half of our relationship, and came out as soon as I broke up with him.  I am now in the process of writing a book geared towards teenage girls who might be going through a similar situation.  If you are interested in reading it, the first 8 chapters are posted in my journal. 
I was just wondering if anybody in this community might be able to help me out at all.  I am looking for gay males who are still 'in the closet' and have steady girlfriends to answer some questions for me in order to help make my book better (and more informational).  If you fit this description
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[10 Jun 2006|11:19pm]

Well I just made my journal and so I joined this community. I guess I'm looking for some friends who "get it," you know?
My name is JJ and my best friend tells me I'm pretty much a straight guy except for the fact that I want to sleep with men. I'm not "fruity" or whatever. So yeah, I blend in. Everyone here knows I'm gay, but people kind of ignore it and pretend they don't know. It gets awkward, and I don't push it. My town is ridiculously small and I hate all the superficial drama.
I guess you can read my bio thing if you want to know more. It's kind of long. I tend to ramble a lot, but I'm trying to keep this short.
Okay, well, have a nice night everyone!
12 comments|post comment

ima noob... [29 May 2006|05:49am]

hey, im giorgio and im 19 from houston tx. im bi, but im not open and i get a kick outta hearing ppl question my sexuality behind my back, "is giorgio gay or bi?"....haha. its kinda funny cuz im a pretty masculine and intimidating looking guy, but i have a heart of gold. when ppl do get enough courage to ask me directly i tell them "i dunno, what do you think?"...i love making ppl guess, i think just a little amount of mystery is sexy...lol
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outcum [01 May 2006|10:50am]

[ mood | calm ]

Ooookay. I haven’t been on since I made this post but Later that day I decided against it. That’s me being me anyway, I chicken out of everything, that’s why my life is so beyond dull. However I’d like to thank the people who commented in the previous post though, it meant a lot to see that you were thinking what I was… both sides. So *sigh* I didn’t go for it because I rather be at least friends with someone first, or at least have a dialogue going, OR unless I just want you like that because I’d be in a horny faze at the time… besides I had a hunch he only wanted sex, and I guess I would have felt used. But on the other hand, I guess I still slightly consider myself virgin-ish, so I don’t know some stuff and it would be fun ‘learning’…? I just laughed saying that. So yea…. *thinks*

But I do entertaining the thought once in a while.
1 comment|post comment

Interesting [24 Apr 2006|05:35pm]

[ mood | curious ]

I... think I just made an arrangement to meet someone from the internet for... sex? He said "exploring". Hmmmm

13 comments|post comment

[11 Apr 2006|03:12pm]

"I was watching MTV last night when I saw somebody who looked exactly like you, but he's gay!"
2 comments|post comment

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