?

Log in

No account? Create an account
stamped // rex goliath, first draft 
  redskydecline
 
11:22pm 12/04/2005
  I wrote this in a modified sonnet form (14 lines, 10 syllables per line, but no rhyme or rhythm/iambic pentameter). I'm just starting to add in structure to my poems, so I'm starting out slowly. I was inspired by a wine bottle at the dinner I attended on Sunday. Any feedback will be appreciated!!

Rex GoliathCollapse )
 
     
2|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
mod//news 
  fatherfabulous
 
06:59pm 12/04/2005
  Gang, I started a new job on Monday, and it is kicking my proverbial ass. Very hard but rewarding work. I will catch up with critiques on the weekend. Maybe someday, I'll actually write another poem! :-)~

FF
 
     
1|Perfect Sonnet| Speak?
 
stamped//Victim of Beauty 
  see_you_around
 
04:12pm 12/04/2005
  (edited)Collapse )  
     
4|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
 
  frprtgirl
 
01:12pm 12/04/2005
 

Here is the second draft of a poem I
put up a week or so ago. I'm still not very confident about it and it
still needs work, but let me know what you think about the revisions
and the direction in which I am heading with this. Thanks!







The Words I Cannot FindCollapse )
 
     
7|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
stamped// My Goddess 
  nightskyetears
 
07:20pm 10/04/2005
 
mood: depressed
first draft, lemme know wacha think!
My GoddessCollapse )
 
     
8|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
stamped// me (revision #1) 
  gypsymuzikman
 
09:41pm 09/04/2005
  meCollapse )  
     
4|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
Stamped//Random stuff.. er run! 
  fallenalexiel
 
12:52am 08/04/2005
 
mood: indescribable
Er, its a style I tried once before and my class liked it. I'm not sure about this one. Wrote it on a whim. Bring on the insults!

Sorry I'm not as active as I'd like to me. Sometimes the critic comes and says "Hello!" and sometimes the poet and the critic hide in this corner thinking the worse of itself. Please forgive me.

Havesting SpringCollapse )
 
     
4|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
 
  pinched
 
01:30am 07/04/2005
 
mood: aggravated
I can't write a damn thing. Someone inspire me.


"You're older than you've ever been.
And now you're even older.
And now you're even older.
And now you're even older.
You're older than you've ever been.
And now you're even older.
And now you're older still."
 
     
3|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
stamped // muse, second draft 
  redskydecline
 
11:53pm 06/04/2005
  Thanks to everyone who read or gave suggestions last time around (not that I'm finished, I'm just being grateful).

One specific thing I am wondering: do you guys "get" what I am trying to express at the end?
(All comments will be apprecaited, whether or not they deal with this. Thanks!)

MuseCollapse )
 
     
3|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
mod//heads up 
  fatherfabulous
 
07:37pm 06/04/2005
  Gang:

Take a look at Liz's reworking of "An Objection to Mass Media's Perception of Love," located at the bottom of her most recent post. She's changed her username again -- now she's elizabethyang. She took our suggestions, expanded upon them, and came up with a poem that really jazzes me.

FF
 
     
1|Perfect Sonnet| Speak?
 
Stamped//First Poem 
  frprtgirl
 
05:09pm 05/04/2005
 

The Words I Cannot FindCollapse )

 
     
8|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
not sure if stamped, if not ... in my own words 
  graphik_poetry
 
11:24pm 04/04/2005
  I have one quick question about this community.
due to some harrassment, I've deleted my livejournal(youarethedead), but I'm keeping this open (because this is the one where I'm posting my poems and to HELL with it if they think they can take that away from me.) Do I need to reapply under this account?

thanks, and sorry about the trouble.
-Liz
 
     
2|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
mod//announcement 
  gypsymuzikman
 
12:12am 05/04/2005
  Okay, my sweets--

I just wanted to let you all know that I am taking a brief hiatus from the community. I am suddenly extremely busy with preparing for an audition and recording a demo. I am doing both of these things within 3 weeks. I will be practicing my a$$ off, as well as working full time. I will check in every once in a while and, I hope, will have some new work for y'all at the end of this strenuous period. I will try to sneak in and get some critiques in between now and my 'full return,' but I can't promise anything!!

much love,
Ben
 
     
3|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
stamped//my monster. 
  she__sings
 
10:57am 03/04/2005
  Who Knew He'd Grow Up Like This?Collapse )  
     
8|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
 
  gypsymuzikman
 
08:53pm 02/04/2005
  Congratulations to fatherfabulous! You are the Poet of the Month. Submit a photo (or something representing you) to put on the info page with your poem.

Congratulations, once again!
 
     
4|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
stamped// currently untitled 
  vodka__december
 
06:17pm 01/04/2005
 
mood: uncertain
It's been a long time, I have to be honest. I get nervous posting here. I feel quite inadequate. But anyway... for the poem...

untitledCollapse )
 
     
11|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
stamped//THEME (it can be done) 
  gypsymuzikman
 
09:51am 01/04/2005
  ThemeCollapse )  
     
4|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
Stamped// "Harry" 
  rcmno31
 
01:13am 01/04/2005
  Read more...Collapse )  
     
11|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
Stamped//Rain II 
  xcrystavelx
 
08:19pm 31/03/2005
  Please critique!

And it's not that I'm lonely, It's not that I'm weak. It's just that when I'm not with you I feel lonely and weak.Collapse )
 
     
3|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
Mod 
  pinched
 
05:17pm 30/03/2005
 
mood: blank
I'm back now. For good.


Another one of these...First draft...could use some helpCollapse )
 
     
19|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
mod//members can ignore this. ... 
  fatherfabulous
 
02:41pm 30/03/2005
  permanent record of youwontletmego's application and ensuing comments, which the prat won't be able to delete this time. ...Collapse )  
     
15|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
 
  youarethedead
 
10:29pm 28/03/2005
  untitledCollapse )  
     
9|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
Left On Eternal Hold 
  redfairydf
 
02:05pm 28/03/2005
 
mood: gloomy
My interpretation of the movement outside the window at my place of self employment.Collapse )
 
     
5|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
(one for traci) a heroic undoing 
  psylobix
 
12:36pm 28/03/2005
  agamemnon too
would testify: eyes like hers
level empires.
 
     
3|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
All I've ever learned from love, was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you. 
  xcrystavelx
 
11:02pm 27/03/2005
 

Rain.Collapse )

 
     
6|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
mod//for my own sake... 
  pinched
 
09:21pm 27/03/2005
 
mood: melancholy
I need intangible contact. Hence, a return that I didn't forsee occuring for a couple more weeks. I don't expect that I'm back full time...but I'll make an effort to come back every few days to see how things are going. The new theme sounds really good........it'll be a while before I attempt that one. I've been writing a lot the past few days, ya know...ignoring medication and such.


Anyway, here is what I have so far...I think there are four. One is a haiku by accident. The are all FIRST DRAFTS. Please comment...if you ignore me, I will probably decide to hate you. But I won't blame you for not caring, so, whatever floats your boat.
I shouldn't waste my time telling you not to jump to conclusions too soon...because you will anyway.Collapse )

Happy Easter everyone.
 
     
15|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
mod//Theme for April 
  gypsymuzikman
 
12:47pm 27/03/2005
  The new Theme is an excercise from The Practice of Poetry called "The Night Aunt Dottie Caught Elvis's Handkerchief When He Tossed It From the Stage of the Sands"

Long title, but fun exercise, it entails the following:
guidelines for the themeCollapse )

ok...so have at it!! it really is a lot of fun!
 
     
5|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
stamped//The Grind (first draft) 
  fatherfabulous
 
11:21am 27/03/2005
 
mood: nauseated
The Grind, First Draft. Comments, please. No, really, PLEASE! I'm feeling insecure, and I need to know if this sucks. Honesty is welcome.Collapse )
 
     
13|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
In your own words 
  mexicanfes
 
12:50am 27/03/2005
  a comment from you will be apreciated lots!! *smile*Collapse )  
     
12|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
stamped// the real me 
  gypsymuzikman
 
08:24pm 25/03/2005
  the real meCollapse )  
     
7|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
MOD// Let the Voting Begin 
  gypsymuzikman
 
06:41pm 25/03/2005
  It's time to Vote for the Poet of the Month

Will it be:

poets_hand Gazing

arlinb cryogenia

nightskyetears Tattered Wings

father_fabulous Shoplifter

Now have at it. Please cast your votes here! :D and good luck to all who participated. The new Theme will be posted tomorrow.

xo
Ben

edit: the link to cryogenia is fixed. My apologies to arlinb
 
     
8|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
mod//more on copyright law 
  fatherfabulous
 
03:54pm 24/03/2005
  From the US Copyright Office Web siteCollapse )  
     
Speak?
 
Stamped//Enigma(revision) 
  poets_hand
 
11:29am 24/03/2005
  EnigmaCollapse )  
     
4|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
mod//new rule 
  fatherfabulous
 
11:17am 24/03/2005
  Gang, Ben and I have been talking (oh yes, we have). :) As a result of increased participation in this forum, we would request that henceforth, all poems be put behind an LJ-cut. There are three reasons we have made this decision: 1) People are posting poems longer than 30 lines on the front page, against the policies Meg has set forth on the info page for this community; 2) increased participation is making it harder to wade through the posts in __amatory_verse when complete poems are posted on the front page; and 3) line breaks are an essential artistic decision poets make, and it's sad to see your good work mangled for lack of space for longer lines on the front page.


To make using an LJ-cut easier, we have provided a form on the community info page that you can simply cut and paste into your post.


You might also want to take a look at the community info page for recent updates, and for some advice on protecting your work.


Thanks very much for your cooperation. :o)


FF
 
     
6|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
in my own words ... 
  youarethedead
 
11:08pm 23/03/2005
  What happens to a dream deferred? Well I'll bounce right back and come up for moreCollapse )  
     
26|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
stamped // muse, first draft (but don't be gentle) 
  redskydecline
 
10:52pm 23/03/2005
  This is a first draft, so I apologize about the line breaks. And if you do read this and comment, please don't be gentle. I don't learn from "gentle." Thanks!!
MuseCollapse )
 
     
6|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
mod//Check out darkdragoneyes! 
  fatherfabulous
 
10:46pm 23/03/2005
  Everyone should look at the poem darkdragoneyes posted below. This is ab fab, uh huh!  
     
5|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
Stamped// [Behind the Lens] 
  darkdragoneyes
 
07:15pm 23/03/2005
 
mood: calm
Read more...Collapse )
 
     
9|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
A lotta more times 
  redfairydf
 
01:13pm 23/03/2005
 
mood: and speedy!
A love poem.Collapse )
 
     
2|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
mod//leaving for a while. 
  pinched
 
08:15pm 22/03/2005
  Hi guys...I have to take a leave for a while.


Ben should take over. IN three days start the vote for poet of the month. My vote is for fatherfabulous.


Speaking of whom...I am making a co-mod until I get back (or forever if you accept) to help Ben out with applicants and theme and whatnot.


Don't know how long I'll be gone. Should have plenty of material when I get back.


<3-Meagan
 
     
6|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
stamped// leaving 
  riotonsunset
 
07:53pm 22/03/2005
  thank you everyone who accepted me to the community. you're all great poets, unfortunately i have limited time lately and am leaving the community. take care


-michelle
 
     
1|Perfect Sonnet| Speak?
 
stamped//Original Sin 
  fatherfabulous
 
07:10pm 22/03/2005
  New: *Original Sin* (Third draft)Collapse )  
     
2|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
5 affirmations 
  redfairydf
 
11:43am 22/03/2005
 
mood: working
Ye olde mirror and all it's glory.Collapse )
 
     
5|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
Sapor Fructus 
  pixiesfan
 
08:14pm 21/03/2005
  Sapor Fructus

How art thou fallen from heaven
O morning star, son of the dawn
How you have fallen from heaven
The father struck by his fawn


She took us carelessly to be tried
Bent our legs back until we cried
Names cut the air; where they bleed
All of the sightless and emptied
Dart through the barrens on their knees
Through the wool of these sins she teased

Pressed our lips to the secluded signs
Aesthetic and full of grace
Star-studded wings pinched the sky
This embryo will soon erase

Clench our teeth, like it's our first time
Excrete rapture like it's a crime


(this is a song for a concept album)
Cough up fervor into the tide
This copulation will soon divide
Filed your teeth along my thighs
Stomached the taste until sunrise

We're lapsed out
She's forgotten
Blank stares
Still caught in

This reel.
 
     
1|Perfect Sonnet| Speak?
 
Stamped//Winter Marsh 
  poets_hand
 
11:25pm 20/03/2005
  can anybody offer suggestions for this one? I'm stuck.Collapse )  
     
5|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
mod//wtf, mate? 
  pinched
 
09:15pm 20/03/2005
  WHO IN BLOODY HELL DELETED ALL OF THE COMMENTS TO YOUWONTLETMEGO'S APPLICATION?!?!?!?!??!?!?!


If it was Ben, my bad, but if was anyone else...you should probably own up and have a REALLY good explanation.


I'm betting that it was youwontletmego because all of the comments reflecting negatively on her application, INCLUDING MINE (her rejection stamp), were deleted. NO ONE besides Ben and I have the authority to delete comments within this community.


If it was youwontletmego, consider yourself banned for being a foul, ignorant prat who handles rejection so badly that you cannot even stand it to be publicized even with you not belonging to this community...anyone else, just tell me why you did it and I probably won't care all that much.
 
     
17|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
stamped//Heavy Horses, a Sestina 
  fatherfabulous
 
11:01am 20/03/2005
  Sestina: *Heavy Horses*Collapse )  
     
8|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
Holy Nose Hairs 
  fatherfabulous
 
09:55pm 19/03/2005
  *A parody of youwontletmegoCollapse )  
     
8|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
Stamped//Drifting Away 
  poets_hand
 
03:21pm 19/03/2005
  Drifting Away - too repetitive? Does it need more?Collapse )  
     
4|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?
 
Be gentile with me... 
  she__sings
 
11:24am 19/03/2005
  Sorry for the leave of absence, I've had terrible writer's block :( I eventually just settled with editing an older poem I had... I'm not 100% happy with it, but I felt I needed to start posting again, so here you go:

And all I have are the ashes
Of a silent, pretty dream
The quintescence of lovliness,
Dead before its time.
Burned, not buried
No epitaph for me.
I breathe in the roses;
Dry, brittle things.
They make me cough these days.
I step into your footprints,
Empty spaces that should to be filled
With happiness and love...
Now devoid of it all,
I've sucked it dry.
I trip.
Face down in the dirt,
mixed with ashes
And my lonely tears,
I taste the bitter truth--
Feeling grainy on my tongue.


::waits for the firing squad::
 
     
2|Perfect Sonnets| Speak?