up ahead is underground. the air, the water, everything is soiled with radiation. superhuman rot, putrid boils filled with pus, extra limbs fall off replaced by another one growing out of your ass. a convenient death is payback for destructive creation. after a thousand cycles of nonlinear time it was bound to happen now that everyone is capable of striking water from a rock made of formica.
This was my entry into my university's annual Bad Poetry Contest in 2007. The Joseph in the title would be the then-editor of our literary magazine, who was giving me crap for not having anything prepared for the contest. I did not win anything. I am not sure whether that is a compliment or an insult.
I have to come up and say this or Joseph will beat me A haiku is five syllables, then seven, and then five again.
Where did all the cyber poets go? To the refrigerator door To fetch some snacks Sally never came back And when they came back they signed up for MySpace accounts It's a true account And LJ became passe Doctor Suess has long ago died And along with his corpse Is these user accounts But the users aren't using There is no drug war any more Bad poets come back Need that long over due Log on Bulletin board fix
There was a barroom debate over whether that song "Ironic" actually had ironic things in it. I could only remember two, and it seemed like irony to me. But let's go to the song:
An old man turned ninety-eight He won the lottery and died the next day It's a black fly in your Chardonnay It's a death row pardon two minutes too late Isn't it ironic ... don't you think
Well, I think it's 'cosmic irony'; it's not the sarcastic kind, but I'd allow it. Chorus
It's like rain on your wedding day this is ironic only to a culture which associates rain with gloom. So it's a bit insenstive to the Chinese, but it makes sense It's a free ride when you've already paid Hey, you can go to the Black Keys show next week for free! Don't buy tickets, ask me how! It's the good advice that you just didn't take I think this one's a bit more tenuous, but I get it, it's a song about how life has these sucky moments, and this fits in Who would've thought ... it figures
Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye He waited his whole damn life to take that flight And as the plane crashed down he thought 'Well isn't this nice...' And isn't it ironic ... don't you think Textbook example of irony. Repeat Chorus
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you When you think everything's okay and everything's going right And life has a funny way of helping you out when You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up In your face
It's a traffic jam when you're already late Not irony. It would have to be like, a bus ran over a guy directing traffic (to keep it flowing, eh?) and that caused a back up. Or if you thought the main way to get somewhere would be slow so you take a short cut and IT turns out to be jammed, while on the radio, the traffic guy says how smooth the main way is flowing. That's a little wordy for a song It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break Just walk farther down the parking lot, dummy, It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife stupid It's meeting the man of my dreams And then meeting his beautiful wife it's more ironish than ironic, a stronger image would be "the man of my dreams, who really, really raped me." And isn't it ironic... don't you think A little too ironic... and yeah I really do think... Repeat Chorus
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out Helping you out
So it looks like the last verse is the weakest, and what those Best Week Ever jokers must have focused on, Fox News style.