Author's Note: I have no idea if the GW fandom is still active on here, in fact it feels like it probably ISN'T, but I'm very into this show and these characters so who knows, maybe someone in the vast infitiy of the internet might want to read this.
It's less fun with no one to bother, Boyce muses to himself as he walks toward the cantine around lunchtime. The replacement radiology teacher is extraordinarily dull, but, unlike Statham, refuses to rise to any of Boyce's jabs. There's only so many times you can make a fart noise to no response before it gets really old.
Oh well, Statham is never out for more than a day or two, even when he's practically on his death bed he makes it a mission to be there as much as possible, and in the meantime...
Boyce enters the cantine at exactly the perfect time. Guy and Mac, excellent, are bickering over something or other at their table, as per usual, and it's the perfect opportunity. As Boyce approaches them, Guy scoffs loudly and crosses his arms in that way that he does when he's pretending not to be annoyed about something he really is. Mac snorts into his Lucozade and mutters something to him under his breath.
Boyce quietly slides into a seat a few tables away, still comfortably out of view but still within earshot. He's had a theory for a while, good a time as any to see if it holds any water, he supposes.
"Uh, yeah well fuck you too, twatty!"
"You first," Mac replies evenly (as if there's any other way he ever talks), and Boyce sees Guy aim a kick at him under the table.
"You know 'or what', Ginger Dick!"
"You do know I'm not actually ginger, right?"
Boyce is getting bored, time to interject.
"What this then?" Guy is saying as Boyce walks over, tugging on a handful of Mac's hair hard enough to make him wince, only he doesn't. If anything, he looks pleased.
"That's kinky," Boyce says, sliding into the seat across from Guy, who instantly drops his hand back down and starts sputtering angrily.
"It's not — we're not — look, I don't know what you're implying but-"
"Sure, mate," Boyce interrupts, stealing a chip from Guy's tray and smirking. "And I'm sure Mac has no idea what I'm talking about either."
"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean," Mac says in a voice somewhere between amusement and smugness.
Guy kicks him again.
"You're a wanker," Guy says, pointing a finger at him.
Mac laughs again and Guy turns to him, annoyance written all over his vaguely donkey-like features. "I don't know what you're laughing at.
"Is it your face?" Mac suggests, eyebrows rising up in mock-surprise. "I think it might be."
"Fuck you, Mac."
"You guys are so adorable," Boyce says, sweetness dripping from his voice. He leans his chin on his hand and blinks innocently at them.
Guy leans towards him in what he assumes is meant to be a threatening manner, and fixes him with a glare. "What do you know."
Boyce leans towards him too. "Everything."
"Fuck off, you're bluffing."
"Okay then..." Boyce says, shrugging and slowly getting up from his chair. "Don't believe me. Staff closet," he coughs, loudly. "Well, tootaloo." He counts in his head as he begins to walk away. 5... 4... 3... 2...
"Alright fine, come back here!"
Boyce turns on his heel and sits back down, biting the inside of his mouth to stop from laughing.
Mac is still blissfully unbothered, draining the last of his drink and leaning back in his chair looking utterly neutral.
Guy is quite the opposite. "If you tell anyone, I will find you, and I will hurt you."
"So there is something to tell then?" Boyce asks excitedly. "Fuck yes, I knew it! That was a lucky guess!"
"You... knew..." Boyce can see the gears turning in Guy's head as Mac stifles laughter beside him. "You, you," he sputters, "Little cock!"
"Nah, save that for Mac," Boyce says, earning him a bark of laughter from Mac and a swiftly dodged punch from Guy. "Well, see ya then. Have fun in the closet. Hah, get it?"
He leaves before Guy can attempt to hurt him again, waggling his fingers at the doctor as he goes. He snorts as he hears their receding conversation.
"The fucking twat!"
"Oh, fuck you!"
"I'd love to, but it seems the staff closet has been compromised."
"You — fuck — Jesus Christ, Mac!"