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[18 Apr 2009|11:56pm]

i wish this made sense in a linear way.
i don't have any words. i just need to document this feeling somehow.

please someone understand this ache...
this up down rollercoaster.


i've been a lot of people in a short amount of timeCollapse )
fell from grace

write me back with thoughts [12 Oct 2007|03:02pm]

Hey everyone,

this post may seem a little weird but bear with me,

im a photography student at ryerson university in toronto, im in my last year (fourth) and im working on my final project. the focus of my project is girls who live with, or are recovering from, or who have had an eating disorder. this project is very personal to me as i lived with ana and mia for five years. i used to visit all of these sites and coming  back to them has brought up alot of all memories of the girls i met over these sites and the support i recieved. i am not fully recovered but i am really looking into the pressures and feelings that go along with this and im reflecting alot on my own life and the effects of this. my photos will be only from the shoulder up, a classic headshot, because i dont want each photo to be about the body at all. my purpose is to bring awareness to this and put a face to this struggle. i also want to get rid of stereotypes i have found people have about girls who obsess with what they eat. people have very strong assumptions which i want to change.
i have the upmost respect for everyone im shooting and im looking for anyone of any age and colour. i am willing to go a distance from toronto so you dont have to come to me if youre not able or comfortable.

if any of you are willing to sit for me or talk to me about this you have no idea what that would mean to me,

please visit my site at www.kajatirrul.com just to see that im legitimate.

if you go under contacts youll see my email and number in case you want to talk to aside from livejournal.

fell from grace

A few questions, if you don't mind [27 Sep 2007|09:15pm]

I'm doing an article for the local paper about the pro-ana mia community and, if it's not a problem, I would like to ask some questions, so I can make the article as accurate as possible.

They aren't personal, no real names are used.

1. When did you first become ana/mia?
2. How long have you been ana/mia?
3. Do you think ana/mia should no longer be called mental disorders? Why or why not?
4. Are hate crimes a serious problem, are you ridiculed because of your lifestyle?
5. What's your goal weight?
6. How old are you (for statistics)?
7. What gender are you (also for statistics)?
8. When did you find the Pro-ana mia community and how did you react to it?
9. Do your parents have any idea that you're pro-ana/mia (again, statistics)?
10. How do you react to an anti-ana mia statement?

Thank you.
2 fell from grace

[22 Sep 2007|04:17pm]


[[ Add your own!! ]]

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket 

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4 fell from grace

i think im losing weight! [05 Sep 2007|11:04pm]

 ive been doing the green tea & trail mix fast. i only nibble a tiny bit per day & i do believe im beginning to see the outline of ribs, ya & when i go to weigh in this saturday i have a feeling its going to be a lot better than 130.2. lets just wait & see. i want to hear how everyone else is doing. someone plz write me & tell me how theyre doing
fell from grace

k [02 Sep 2007|11:40am]


i bought clothes instead!!! really hot shirts from express & aeropostale. some neat shit from hot topic, including 3pairs of leggins (tights w/out feet). i got  a special water bra from victoria secret. wow! i said id never spend that much ona bra!. it was $50, a water bra, w/water inside so i look bigger. also got the cutlets shapers to go IN the bra to make me look major!!! the bra is so soft i see why gurls spend $$ on this shit. i also got a really pretty pair of shoes that have sneaker bottoms but pretty tops - from sketchers :-) & i bought a corduroy book bag that says Hollister on it!!!   now how easy was it to spend $400 in 2 hourse :-O i felt like i must deserve this after suffering w/my weight for so long. ive just gone up another 1/2 lb, so im  now 130.2, i want to scream & cry & rage!!!!! i need to download some evil metal rock so i can  burn off this shitty feeling!! cept i dont have a downloader cuz they cause trojans etc. so no tunes for me. but im thinkin of one i like by mike patten from faith no more called, "little gurl".............luv it............pray for my success as i do for you. you gurls are my life-line! why the fuK am i gaining?????????????? ps the hoodia made me very sick & barfed twice friday, wicKed nice............now what

fell from grace

dying inside [28 Aug 2007|01:36am]

well im so sick of everything
i had lost 10lbs on my recent liquid fast 
then gained back about 4 and i had just lost like that weight last week

but i binge 
and i cant fix it
i purged a few times but that did not help 
n e way 
im goin back on my liquid fast
but im eating breakfast with my sis in the morning 
so i have to eat a little bit
but not much 
im not much of  breakfast eater you no 
yea n e way im really angry at myself
if i dont eat im ok but
when i do i eat to much....also a side note
ever since my recent purges 
after i eat now puke seems to want to come up 
i dont no 
n e way 
long sorry
fell from grace

im gaining weight [27 Aug 2007|08:24pm]


im now 129.6 & am NOT willing to be back in the 130's. if i starve i dont lose, if i nibble ev few hrs i fuKing gain. i am so over my body. i hate it!!! my daughter's on medifast & is gonna fly right by me in weight, biatch. no way do i have any desire to medifast my way. i have my ways of what i do. but they're not working. plz, if anyone has advice, im dying here. i CANt be 130 again, i'll die. whatever happened to fuKn 99 lbs???????????????? how the fuk am i ever gonna get close to that???????????????????????????????????? what if she's right & my body is only gonna go so low??? does that happen??? you reach a limit & thats that??????????

plz w/b, im dying inside. ps im new here, thank you for accepting me!!

ilu all

2 fell from grace

Fresh start [15 Aug 2007|04:03am]

Hey guys Im new, I was just wondering whats the most anyone haslost in the shortest time. Just curious. Also I wanted to say hey. im starting fresh this fall. A new diet my currentdiet kind of stopped working. I just quit losing weight, really depressing. But on monday my first day back to class Im starting a new fall diet new season new diet right.. any good tips or anything
fell from grace

[04 Apr 2007|07:26pm]

i feel like shit, im so tired lately and keep craving food, ive been sick for past week so i havnt eaten much all i ate today was an orange and lots of water also my friends bought me some candy sticks and i had to eat them there not to bad i love them though! but for some reason i have gained a pound im now 6 stone 9 wtf?!?!?!? why cnt god let me be fing thin!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

Age: 13
Height: 5' 6"
CW: 93lbs
GW: 84lbs
Mood: Crap
fell from grace

New!!! [28 Feb 2007|10:55am]

[ mood | hungry ]

Hey lovelies,
I'm new and thought I'd introduce myself...

Ed Type: Ednos
H: 5'4
Cw: 115lbs
Hw: 126lbs
Lw: 103lbs
1st Gw: 114lbs (ALMOST DONE) (31st of February 07)
2nd Gw: 110lbs (31st of March 07)
3d Gw: 105lbs (31st April 07)
Interesting stuff: Um, I'm a vegetarian and have been for 3 and 1/2 years. I've have had an ED since I was 13years old. Every year of my highschool life I have changed schools, so I guess that's why I don't have very many friends which helps fuel my need to starve.  But now I've dropped out of year 12 and am currently partaking a course in Beauty Therapy.
Feel free to add me as a friend...

fell from grace

New :-) [13 Feb 2007|02:21pm]

[ mood | cold ]

Hey everyone..

My name is Lindsey. The past few days I have been driving myself crazy because I've been binging so much.. and I don't know why. I feel like I just eat for NO REASON, and it makes me angry and upset, and feel like shit.. I feel like my control is just gone. I need it back, and quick. So I figured I would try the livejournal thing again for some support and understanding from others who actually know what I'm going through. So here I am, and I'm glad!

Height: 5'4
CW: 124
HW: 132
LW: 118
STG: 115
LTG: 100 right now.

Well anyway, I guess I should mention I've had a problem with my weight for as long as I can remember.. started getting more serious about it in the past 2 years or so. I've never been professionally diagnosed.

fell from grace

Newbie [12 Feb 2007|10:56pm]

Hi, I'm part of another community but am branching out to more, partly because I need more updates, and partly because something disgusting was left on the one I use most often. Hopefully nothing like that happens here. Here are my stats:

Height: 5'9"
CW: 130
HW: 147
LW: 118
STG: 120
LTG: 110 or lower, depending on how I feel.

I restrict calories, trying to stay below 600/day, I take pills and supplements, try to go to the gym every day, but have a problem with binging. I'm working on it though. ;)
fell from grace

[09 Feb 2007|12:53pm]

In lieu of me going crazy, please help!

I ate half a small sugar cookie, probably two inches up and down and across, so I ate basically 2 inches? How many calories would that be?

And, I ate two licks of frosting. It's 120 calories for 1/4 cup of frosting, so how many caloris would be in a teaspoon (that's probably how much I ate a teaspoon)

I know this all sounds stupid.
But the limit I gave myself today was 100 calories.
Any ideas?
Or maybe just tell me if it went over 100 calories.
2 fell from grace

[29 Nov 2006|05:33am]

Hey guys,

So i'm pretty new to this online thing but i've basically reached the end of my line and am looking for support (can't really talk to anyone about this so this seems like a good place to go :) ). I am 5'7 and gained like freshman 50 million lbs, its sooo nasty. I used to weigh 100 lbs maybe 95 at my lowest before University. Then the stress piled on and the binge drinking began and i was stupid and let myself go. So now im sitting here 3 years later and weighing 140 (soo nasty especially when u've been used to being skinny ur whole life). I love playing sports and going to the gym when i can but it's so hard with schoolwork getting in the way. Its weird b/c in highschool everyone thought i had an ED but i never did, so when i started gaining weight ppl were complimenting me and it got to the point that i was almost afraid to lose any weight so that ppl wouldn't talk. But now i've reached that point and i gotta let go of that fear and do what makes me feel good about myself.
I guess i just need some support in getting out of this nasty cycle of eating when i study and/or get stressed and just eating crap in general ha.
Any support / advice would be awesome b/c going at this alone is a bit hard.

Thanks :)
5 fell from grace

new [28 Nov 2006|08:08pm]

hi girls i'm new =)

i've been in these pro ed communities for a while now but i was looking for a new one to join and this looked good lol.

i have anorexia that's sort of off and on, it comes and goes but i've always been worried about calories and gaining weight and things like that. i just love the feeling of being empty.

okay stats:

height- 5 feet, 2 inches
current weight- around 110, ew
stg- 106

peace & loveee
2 fell from grace

Tips [14 Nov 2006|11:18pm]

hey girls ( & guys?)

im new to live journal, so im not so sure how to do everything

but this group is what inspired me to make a lj
and i love how everyone helps eachother out with tips

here are a few of mine:
1.*If you are being watched by someone at home: In the morning break up a flake of cereal in a bowl and pour some milk in it.... or something of the sort to make it seem like you just ate.
2.* At lunch ( if in school or at work) smell the food of your friends/ coworkers and watch them eat to trick your body so it thinks its eating.
3.* If you binge & find it nessacary to purge drink a bubbley fluid (like seltzer or 'clear splash') and push ur belly in and out quickly so the fluid gets between the food particles and upsets them so that they are ready to come out.
4.* For a quick purge: keep gagging yourself while your body is vomiting- more and more keeps coming out. ((instead of waiting for it to come out and taking a break. ))
5.* Dont Chew Gum.... the juices in the gum leave your stomach bloated. and when im fasting it weakens me by leaving me light headed and feeling sick to my stomach. (( This rule may not pertain to all- just thsoe with senstitive stomachs))

I hope these are helpful.
Sorry If these seem simple or idiotic, and if just wasted your time.

<33 nothing tastes as good as thin feels
<33 a moment on the lips : forever on the hips

1 fell from grace

??? [13 Nov 2006|03:22am]

[ mood | complacent ]

Any good ideas on losing weight QUICKLY and but still make it seem like you're being healthy. And does anyone know what diet pills actually work? Peace and thanx.

fell from grace

Newb [09 Nov 2006|11:41pm]

[ mood | stoned ]

Hey, I'm new here. My name is Katrina, I'm 14 and I'm from oregon. I'm not quite sure what to say right now, so I'll get back to you all on that. Peace.

1 fell from grace

[16 Oct 2006|05:41pm]


2 fell from grace

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