I cycled around this morning. The city is warm and wet, sweet like rot. I called up John to see if he wanted a drink at the pub. Unfortunately for me, he’s too busy with the band.
Now I’m lying on my back, stretched across the carpet with a bottle of cheap wine in my hand, trying to cool down. No luck. Maybe I should pick up my guitar…
I feel lethargic. The wine certainly isn’t helping.
There's nothing more disruptive to a morning than discovering an empty milk carton.
So, do I continue to laze about, or do I get milk?
...Or do I get Paul to go out and get the milk?
A missing Paul and dry cereal are limiting my options.
A trip to the store it is. Life is so exciting.
That's the last time I ever try screaming again.
One of my roommates told me her friend needed a singer for their band--someone who could really scream. Apparently she overheard me having a 'conversation' on the phone with my mother a couple nights ago--I think the whole block probably heard, really--and thought I would be a good fit.
I'm not really sure how to take that, but she convinced me to go today and see them. They were pretty nice, I guess. All in their late twenties, but I'm used to being around older men. It just felt a bit awkward trying to pretend I knew what I was doing with them playing. I'm not very charismatic, you know. Especially when I have to try and pretend I want to yell at someone. And they wanted me to do things in Russian, which I'm trying my best not to do. I don't like people asking me to speak it for them, it feels like I'm on display. I don't really think they thought I was very good, but one of them gave me his number. Gee, thanks.
All in all, a very weird day. And now my throat is killing me. I just hope I didn't do any permanent damage. Time to hit the nearest cafe for some chamomile tea...
It's ram packed inside, but I manage to find a seat at a small table just as a couple is leaving. Which leaves me open to having someone sit down across from me, but maybe if I just glare at everyone...
I received a call last week from my college tutors, a local gallery wants to use some of my art pieces in an exhibition.
It's tonight, it's come round fast. I'm terrified. Glenns been with me, helping me move canvases all day. Now I've changed into some smart clothes and I'm clutching a glass of champagne as imposing figures start to enter the gallery.
I'm not ready for this, my work is rubbish compared to the other artists here. They look more professional too.
I left a message for Paul to tell him. I don't know why after what happened the last time we met. He probably won't come. And that's ok. The fewer people that see this the better really, it's bound to be a disaster.
*backs into a corner without realising and looks around for Pete*
-He said he'd be here, where is he? And where the hell has Glenn disappered to?-
I heft my bag over my shoulder and step onto the tube. I'm done with classes for the day and have nothing else to do but head home and watch the telly, maybe send out for Chinese. I really feel like having a movie night, but all my friends are busy with work and assignments. I should probably be doing my coursework as well, but I have the night off work and I really just feel like relaxing.
There's no room to sit, so I stand next to one of the poles, watching the Clockwork Orange continue to fill up.
It's a slow day at the shop and the weather is starting to really get cold, so my manager decided to blast the heat today. It's pretty damn toasty so I've stripped off all my protective layers of coats and jumpers so that I don't die of heatstroke as I re-stock and organize the shop. It's shocking how messy everything is, you'd think I was the only one here who knew their alphabet. Who on earth puts Charlotte Gainsbourg in next to The Zombies?
I'm round Paul's flat, standing outside his door and I realise that I haven't really thought this through. I shouldn't be here and I definitely should not have my necklace back on, nor should I have his in my hand.
But I can't do it. I can't pretend that they're meaningless, that we had nothing. So I'm here to apologise, if he'll let me. My life is too screwed up to lose Paul's friendship, I need him. There’s too much crap going on with me and Pete and Glenn to have this fucked up as well. So..
*takes a deep breath and knocks softly on the wood of the door*
So..Glenn and I are finally getting out of rehab today. Pete said he'd be here to get me but he's not.
*presses his forehead to the glass and stares out the window*
I don't know what's happening though, if I'm going home to Pete or away on holiday with Glenn as we originally planned before he did, well what he did to his wrist.
*sighs and peeks up at the air vent*
"What's the time Glenn?"
Ever since the whole fiasco with Nick, I've been a bit distant. I don't like what I did to Nick, and I don't know what I was thinking when I did it. But it truly fucked up our relationship. For good.
Right now, I'm sat in a Starbucks Coffee house on a street in Glasgow. I'm not entirely sure what street, because I don't know Glasgow that well but I'm here. And it's cold. I'm wearing a neckerchief I bought in a pound shop. It's warm on my neck. It's a weird feeling being cold all over my body apart from my neck. My latte isn't warming me up much, either. I feel numb, infact.
The door to the café opens, but I don't bother to look at who has just walked in. I'm more focused on my chocolate twist which doesn't seem to be helping my extreme hunger...
It's only when I hear his voice that I realize who has just walked in. And it scares me to know we're in the same room together...
When I came home Michael wasn’t there.
I don’t know where he’s at, but I know he’s probably buggered off to some pub to get smashed. I can’t help feeling like it’s all my fault, and it probably is, but I have more important things to worry about. It just hit me a few days ago that since I kicked out Andy I now need someone else to move in and pay the rent, or else we’re going to get kicked out soon; me and Michael’s pay together can’t suffice forever. I’m going back into town to go and post more signs up for the flat, but I think I’ll stop at the café first, if Michael finds out I’m haven’t been eating lately he’ll have a fit.