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Thursday, April 19th, 2007
2:47 pm

I read sometimes about people who haven't gotten out of this. The ana world, the SI world, the world of knives and scars and tears and numbness.

I've stopped, right? I'm free, I don't need that anymore...

...sometimes I miss it. I read about it and it makes me almost nostalgic, as if I could get something back or some sense of intensity by feeling my own skin part.

No one's ever really free. I harm myself in other ways. Insanity, the co-maintainer moved in with me. When one of us breaks down, it's so easy to recognize the self-destructive patterns and nod with familiarity. I digress. I'm not sure where to.

Have I permanently damaged myself?

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Friday, February 2nd, 2007
1:23 am

so i've been a self-harmer for the past five years now
and i've recently quit

so i've decided i need sort of tribute tattoos
on my inner forearms
something somewhat symbolic and meaningful.

anyone happen to have any ideas on what would be nice?
i would greatly appreciate any input anyone has. =)

current mood: tired

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Tuesday, January 30th, 2007
2:02 pm

my name is sarah. i, myself, have been a cutter for about 7 years or so now. i suffer from depression and have suffered from eating disorders in the past.

that being said, i'll get to my point.

i am a photography major at point park university in pittsburgh, pa. i have a documentary class this semester. i want my big project to be on self-injury and the people behind the scars. my problem is, i need volunteers to be photographed. I am willing to travel, but it depends on how far. my goal is to photograph you in your environment (i.e. place of peacefulness, your school grounds, a place that triggers you, your home - although i completely understand how weird that may sound coming from a stranger on myspace).

if any body can help me out, i would greatly appreciate it.


ps, there are some pictures that i've taken in the blogs on my myspace. if you want to check it out to see that i am legit, they are there. keep in mind, though, that the pictures i plan to take will not be in a "senior portrait" style (like the portraits that are on there), rather a documentarian style. just think photojournalism meets art.

current mood: artistic

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Monday, January 1st, 2007
9:25 pm - it's not easy facing up when your whole world is black.

I hurt.

I don't want to hurt, but I need to and it felt better, and it shouldn't have felt better. I've never done that before.

I purposely banged my arm into the wall so I could feel the pain, maybe bruise.

There's nothing I can do to stop that, is there? I can't get all the hard surfaces and walls out of sight and out of mind. I can lie.

I can so lie, can't I?

I don't want this.

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Monday, November 27th, 2006
8:55 am

Wow, it's been a while since I last posted in here...I was doing so good.

Almost 3 months. And I threw it away. Again.

I'm happy though. I am.

but when it seems when the slightest unhappyness breaks through my little hapy bubble I cut to get away.
I don't know. I'm confused and ugh. With a side of ugh.

for the most part school is stressing me out. My grades are low...for the first time ever. And theres just to much fucking shit going on.

Between moving and being sick, I just keep slipping farther and farther.

I don't want to do this again.

current mood: blah

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Thursday, November 23rd, 2006
4:27 pm

It's Thanksgiving, and I'm letting everyone I care about that I am very thankful for them and their presence in my life.

Thank you.



current mood: thankful

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Tuesday, November 14th, 2006
11:03 pm


Under the link is a survey I have made about SI in order for research purposes. Moderators, if this is unallowed, please feel free to delete this post. Surveyors, some topics in the survey may be triggering and uncomfortable, please read the disclaimer before you continue. Thank you for your time.

Disclaimer: this survey is on a strict volunteer basis where anonamosity is respected. There are topics in this survey that people may find triggering or uncomfortable, if you wish to continue this survey please feel free to skip any answers you do not wish to answer. Above all, I ask that you answer honestly in the hope that these results can help others. Those who fill out this survey are encouraged to elaborate on their answers to provide additional information.

Please email all completed surveys to dancinginthedarkness@hotmail.com
Feel free to email questions, comments and complaints

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9:16 am - I dont think i have posted here yet...
but i was wondering has anyone heard this song?

it's called "Cut" by Plumb?

i was just wondering, cuz i just recently heard it and loved it and i thought you guys might wanna hear it or look it up. hearing it just made me feel like i REALLY wasnt alone. it just fit so well....  it really is a great song though. if u wanna check it out.


current mood: content

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Thursday, November 9th, 2006
1:04 pm

Hi. I'm starting a new self-injury recovery journal called selfinjuryanon. You are all welcome to join, if you so wish.

Thank you.

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Wednesday, October 4th, 2006
7:06 pm

Please call me Bela.

I've been cutting for 4 years now.
I cut a lot on my legs, my upper arms, and my wrists.
It's getting a problem to hide. People ask questions, people point, people see, whatever.

I want to quit.
I'm sick of being a freak.
I'm sick of being hated my people I thought were my friends.
I'm sick of being stared at with disgusting faces.
I'm sick of being worthless and I'm sick of being abnormal.


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Friday, September 15th, 2006
7:56 pm - hey i'm new & have a question

how long does it take a deep cut to seal? i have a butterfly bandage on it & it seems be holding together well. i wonder when it will be safe to take off?

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Sunday, September 10th, 2006
12:25 am

noticed this and thought i'd give it a shotCollapse )

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Saturday, September 9th, 2006
11:40 pm - seems i never get enough of me.

Hi, all. I'm new.
So, the baisics: I'm Lisa, I'll be nineteen in a week or so. I started cutting my freshman year in high school, so that makes it...about 6 years or so. This is the whole reason I started this journal. I didn't tell anyone about it purely so I could join a community like this one without anyone I know having to know about it. I just wanted somewhere I could write about things that I can't in my regular journal (which is juego_de_sangre</span>).
I haven't done it in a while. Probably about a month (which for me, is a long time). I did once, about a week ago, but it was one of those isolated incident type things.
But today, I just feel shitty. Lately I haven't really felt like having sex. At all. Which is weird for me (I almost never turn down sex, which has gotten me into trouble afew times). And tonight I felt bad because I haven't had sex with my boyfriend in weeks, so I just let him do it. And now I feel...dirty. Like a cheap hooker. I can't tell him because he would feel awful. He kept asking me if I was sure, and telling me we didn't have to if I didn't want to, but I just felt so bad.
I was just wondering if anyone else had ever felt like this, because this has never happened to me.

current mood: dirty

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Saturday, August 19th, 2006
11:31 pm

I am just having one of those days where all I want is to cry in a curled up ball in the dark.

Why can't I be loved? Why can't I feel the way I used to? Why won't you give me affection anymore? All you gave me tonight were one word responses, you wouldn't even respond to "I love you".

I love you...

Please, I feel like fucking dirt. I know it's all chemical today; I have everything to look forward to.

I just got my new apartment. I'm here, I'm all moved in, I have a whole great school year, with a job, ahead of me. I have so much to look forward to. I am excited about this, all of this wonderful new life I'll have.

But honestly I hardly want to move. I want to curl up and die. I don't want to be.

I cut myself then. My knife isn't fucking sharp enough. I want to BLEED. I want to see my blood. All I can get are little bumpy scratches. I won't cut my arm, because I don't want to get found out.

I don't want to lose what I had.

But I just barely slid that knife over the inside of my wrist. It stung. No, no, I can't die...

I just want to feel loved again. I want to feel this again:


Why don't I? I've cried tonight and I want to throw up. I want to bleed, but I can't. I want to feel safe and happy and loved but I can't. I want to smile but I can't. I want to be good enough. But I never will be, will I?

Why won't you forgive me? Why are you punishing me? Why won't you love me?

current mood: worthless

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Monday, August 14th, 2006
9:52 pm - Back to School

So i's back to school for a good amount of people,
i can feel the stress rising, iwonder how long before i will cut.

I went to camp this summer, and this one guy found out i was a cutter he told me that i was too beautiful to have scars ..... if only the rest of the world could think like that...

but anyways, how do u know when u have an eating disorder, is it the mental decision not to eat, or the body's physical rebutle against food.

current mood: confused

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Friday, August 4th, 2006
12:09 am


Under the link is a survey I have made about SI in order for research purposes. Moderators, if this is unallowed, please feel free to delete this post. Surveyors, some topics in the survey may be triggering and uncomfortable, please read the disclaimer before you continue. Thank you for your time.

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Tuesday, July 11th, 2006
11:35 pm

ok so I'm a little bit confused

I told myself that I would TRY not to cut, but not forbid myself to if things got overwhelming and its been about a week since I have last. And now it seems like I don't really have that overwhelming urge to anymore, even in situations where I KNOW I used to. Does this make sense? It's weird for me, and now I don't know what this will lead to if anything. Any feedback would be much appreciated

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Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
12:09 am


I haven't cut in like two months, and it hasn't really been on my mind a whole lot. What I have been thinking about is that I feel bad when I have cut, or calling myself a cutter. I always feel like that I don't cut deep enough, bleed enough, or have good enough reasons to even do it. It seems so stupid, but god, it seems like I can't even cut right! Anyone else feel like this?

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Saturday, June 24th, 2006
10:59 pm - Confused

I used to cut because it felt good now I no longer get releif afterwards which is strange... Whats even more odd is I don't know why I cut? I'm perfectly happy and fortunate. I just feel as if I need to cut .. like I have to.. I deserve it.. Who knows, does anybody get like this? I'm just confused and stupid..

current mood: confused

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Thursday, June 22nd, 2006
10:32 pm

If you are interested in being in a community an promise to be active in it join mine at http://community.livejournal.com/a_scar_is_made

i apologize for messing up on my first post.. but above is the link

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