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[18 Nov 2010|11:50pm]

hello..is this place alive? did it even exist?  :)

+ People are obnoxious
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[23 Oct 2008|10:38pm]

i did it on purpose......and i will never tell you.
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Georgia [09 Aug 2008|05:20pm]

I haven't got a big story just a few words.
If it wasn't for my best friend, Georgia, I would have killed myself by now.
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[19 Nov 2007|10:08am]

allright, so i feel its necessary for me to tell my story because if not i think it'll end to my demise. let me start off with the background info. I met amanda last year in the first month of school, she was single and so was i. we instantly became best friends, however it wasnt only best friends it was sooo much more. i had came out 3 years earlier so everyone knew i was gay, amanda became known as my "fag hag". over time we became inseperable, i love love lvoe this girl. we would spend hours talking and not get tired. we would hold hands and talk about boys and what our life was going to end up like. it was the best friendship that i had ever had. she understood me 100% and i understood her 100%. things were perfect. we were lovers ( well as close as a gay guy and a girl can get)

anyway, about a month ago we had to stay after school one day, i asked her for a ride home but she said she had to go home early because her MOM was picking her up early. during the middle of our club meeting she walks out without saying anything. i didn't have a problem with it, it was fine. but when the meeting ended and i was sittig outside the school with some friends i see her getting dropped of by this silver kia. my hear stopped. it was her new boyfriend, daniel. i was sooooo pissed. i felt so betrayed by her. i didn't care that she had gone with her boyfriend, what truly hurt was the fact that she had lied to me. in our entire friendship, we had never had a figth, an argument nor had we ever lied to each other. i felt so betrayed by her. it was horrible, worst of all, it frustrated me so much that i became angry. i wanted to curse this bitch out, this girl that called herself my "friend".

i took the mature road and instead of confronting her, i simply gave myself time to cool down and relax before doing something harsh and regretting it afterwards. but the bitch came coming up to me and trying to talk to me, she was soo immature about the whole thing. i'm sorry is it just me or does anyone else think that the grown up thing to do is to apologize and give the other person time, not constantly badger them and then turn your friends against you for not forgiving her? i'm sorry bitch, but i'm not gonna accept your apology when i'm still pissed off at you? time is the best cure, and by not giving it to me, i think i totally ruined our friendship. why the hell did she have to be so persistant? why didn't she fucking leave me alone for a fucking week and then come and talk to me, not the day after or the day after that.

as of right now, amanda and i aren't speaking. i'm still mad at her, i still feel bad because she betrayed me. i feel its my fault for relying on her 100% and never foreshadowing our end.

i guess only time will tell from now on, perhaps next year we'll talk again, but for now, i can't even see her guts anymore.
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[25 Sep 2006|12:33am]

4 postcards

i worry everydayCollapse )
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Different Community! [13 Jul 2006|06:18pm]

[ mood | blank ]

e-mail is     divine.human.fall@gmail.com   
This is no_likey_aol  (I deleted that screen name)
&  I've made a new community for you all.
So that I can monitor the trash that is placed in it.
[no, the post's don't have to be approved to be put on ....but I'll be able to watch it & delete stuff]

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[09 Jun 2006|12:11pm]


11Learnedpost comment

[08 Jun 2006|11:41pm]

[ mood | scared ]

I'm a compulsive liar but I'm scared to tell my therapist in fear that she will think I'm lying or that I have lied about everything I have told her. 

And all I want is to stop lying, and get help.

13Learnedpost comment

[06 Jun 2006|02:48am]

My secret power of invisibility in the dark comes from being a gay black cowboy.

In other news has anyone here ever been raped...and liked it?
4Learnedpost comment

[30 May 2006|02:32am]

My confession is that I'm scared of my own imagination.
1Learnedpost comment

[27 May 2006|10:43pm]

I don't know how I'll cope when he moves away.
2Learnedpost comment

Love Because [26 May 2006|11:01am]

[ mood | blank ]

You want to know a secret?

The reason why I'm so obsessed with Alex Kapranos (the lead singer of Franz Ferdinand) is because he looks and reminds me of my high school sweet heart who broke up with me a year ago. I haven't seen him since the break up.

I still love him. So very, very much.

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[09 May 2006|01:27pm]

I've dated plenty of guys in my short life,
none of them were men I liked... they always
liked me. The one person I have always adored,
and may possibly love one day doesn't know.
He knows me, he knows my name, my number,
where I live, But he doesn't know how I feel.
When we talk, we have the most interesting
conversations, this i has been going on for
7 years. I am against trusting people because
they are deceptive and are out for themselves,
but I trust him more than anyone in the world.
We were even discussing marriage, and deep down
inside it makes me happy to think that I could
one day marry him.
I will never tell him this. I'll always just act
like a friend. I spend my time waiting by the
phone for him to call, though I know he wont call
anytime soon; he's pretty new in the Air Force.
I feel lonely without hearing from him, I've withdrawn
from my friends and family, I am too tired to do
anything... I am wasting whatever time I have
just thinking about him, and the life could have,
But I'll never tell him.
2Learnedpost comment

[23 Apr 2006|12:09pm]

I feel bad for my best friend's ex-best friend who was a total bitch to her.
4Learnedpost comment

[04 Jan 2006|04:15pm]

your girlfriend told me she was breaking up with you.
I gave her a hug and told her I was sorry.
On the inside I was celebrating.

Because it means I have one more chance to be with you.
4Learnedpost comment

[02 Jan 2006|10:49pm]

I lead two lives.

I got so sick of reality I formed a new one.

IN my reality I'm me except I'm best friends with Daniel Radcliffe, I'm an only child, and I'm pretty and popular. Whenever things get bad I just go to my reality. I talk to myself and pretend people are actully there and it's affeting my everyday life.

If Im in school I forget and start talking to myself or if I'm at work I'll do it.

Reality got so bad for me that I had to create my own friends.
4Learnedpost comment

same old, same old [28 Dec 2005|08:15am]

I'm in love with my best friend.
It hurts like hell, let me tell you, but I am. For about 2 years now, and I've tried like hell to get over him. I've watched as he's gone from girlfriend to girlfriend with no frelling idea about me. Then there are the wonderful times when I get details about it, ya know? Here, let me angst all over you about the girls I like. No thank you.

Half the time I hate him for not loving me, and the other half I love him so much it tears me up inside. Everyone says thats a cliche thing to say, but its also true. Getting your heart smushed hurts. ALOT.

Oh gods, what am I going to do? I love him, as a friend as well as more, but I don't know if I can take it much longer.

... help??
1Learnedpost comment

[23 Dec 2005|04:05am]

i've been interested in looking for a boyfriend, i'm 15 years old, president of the sophomore class, i have a 4.35 GPA, i'm well know in my school and i have lots of friends. but i wanted something more so i began looking for a bf. I found 3 guys that i'm interested in, one is a total closet case nobody know he's gay but i feel like he could really be the one. he's nice, special, totally cute, and a romantic. second was this really hot guy that i've only met once, he gave me his phone number and aim and told me to call him. third guy, hes a friend i've know for a long time, i recently found out he had feelings for me so i pursued it. so i had 3 guys that i liked and that liked me back and i called them the trio.
eventually 1 got dropped because well, he's 18 and i'm 15 and he goes to a different school and all, so it wouldn't have worked out. that was the guy that gave me the phone number and aim name.

so then it was 2, closet case and my friend. i was really confused so i pursued the relationships further. i ended up getting involved with my friend, one night we just started messing around and it lead to him on his knees (don't ask). but the weird thing is that when he was doing his "job" i wasn't thinking of him, i was thinking of closet kid. so i was like i want closet case.
so now i'm talking to closet case more and i finally found him. thats right "him" the one, the one that completes me and that makes me happy. so i'm going to ask him out and stuff but... i can't cause i still have my friend hanging there.

so i told my friend listen, i love you.... as a friend, and i don't see things working out or going any farther. i did it cause he's a total asshole, i mean alot of people don't like him, he's mean and really a big jerk. and i dont want a boyfriend that is hated, i want a boyfriend that is respected. so i told him how i felt and i then he got mad

i think he hates me cause i broke his heart, i mean i kinda did "stuff" with him and told him to go on his way. somehow he found out who closet case was and now he hates closet case. I'm worried that my friend will get between me and my future bf, but then again i'm worried that i hurt my friend and that i played with his feelings.

so this leads me to this. i'm here writing in this community asking for your advice, i need help on what to do with my friend. i don't want to hurt him but then again i want him to get over me and find someone else. i don't want to send the wrong message, i need good ideas on how to deal with this

1Learnedpost comment

[22 Dec 2005|09:30pm]

I was raped.

Last summer by my best friends boyfriend.

I was held down well he touched me and took my virginity.

I have never told anyone this and I kept blaming myself. I just had to get it out I couldn't stand it.

The only person who know's is my docter when I went for a pregnancy test.
8Learnedpost comment

I knew it, knew it all along. [14 Nov 2005|02:24pm]
I knew. I knew he had fucked that child. I knew he was "seeing her" or whatever you want to call it.

I knew by doing the math. By the changed subjects, unanswered phone calls, the bullshit, and the being ditched at a heart beat.

I was 98% sure. I needed that 2% of proof.

So I asked his best friend, who reluctantly spilled.

I knew it. The 20 year old fucking a 14 year old tramp.

So here's my confession: The whole thing gives me a deep evil glow of satisfaction. I'm better than him. He's desperate, and pathetic. I am a genius. A goddess. A being of divine power and knowledge. I supersede him. He is nothing but a child molester. A Monster. A Rapist. I'm bathing in the attention of older men. Being bought things, dates, fucking, all the attention I have ever wanted.

The man I fell in love with had died. I wailed the night he chose her over me. I've now had my revenge. No one will talk to him, hang out with him. His grandmothers both got sick, his car was stolen, and he is completely dependant on losers to keep his world afloat.

I laugh and laugh. I had cursed the undead pedophiliac that night, the night I wailed. I had wished for this monster's misery. My wish was granted. He is nothing without me. And he will never achieve his dreams.

I pray he knocks the child up, so he can hold her hand while his first born is sucked out of her whore-flesh and flushed down a sink. So knows that he had the universe on his side, and he chose to be sucked into this vortex.

I have been laughing him for two months now. I will continue to stick my nose up. I'm no longer on bottom, kid. No longer taking it. Now, I am the master of my domain. I rule the universe you could have had, and I will give it to whoever I want. I want to take pictures of someone fucking me and send them to you, so you can savor the flesh you once had, the flesh that once loved you, the flesh willing to die for you, giving itself to another. The flesh you will never have again.

This is where I will end my rant. I dust off my shoulders, letting the pieces of you slide off. I'm devoid of you, I can fully be at peace. Knowing you had me, and you let it go, you were more foolish than I had ever thought.

I understand that this sounds incredibly egotistical, but that fact is, he sunk to a level he himself had condemned as "sick". His friend couldn't have her, but he could? She is fourteen. He's twenty. I guess when you hang out with children, you fall in love with children. Michael Jackson, perfect example. Except he likes little boys, instead of little girls.

((Sorry about the long confession. It is a rant that I had to get out))
7Learnedpost comment

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