my face

(no subject)

allright, so i feel its necessary for me to tell my story because if not i think it'll end to my demise. let me start off with the background info. I met amanda last year in the first month of school, she was single and so was i. we instantly became best friends, however it wasnt only best friends it was sooo much more. i had came out 3 years earlier so everyone knew i was gay, amanda became known as my "fag hag". over time we became inseperable, i love love lvoe this girl. we would spend hours talking and not get tired. we would hold hands and talk about boys and what our life was going to end up like. it was the best friendship that i had ever had. she understood me 100% and i understood her 100%. things were perfect. we were lovers ( well as close as a gay guy and a girl can get)

anyway, about a month ago we had to stay after school one day, i asked her for a ride home but she said she had to go home early because her MOM was picking her up early. during the middle of our club meeting she walks out without saying anything. i didn't have a problem with it, it was fine. but when the meeting ended and i was sittig outside the school with some friends i see her getting dropped of by this silver kia. my hear stopped. it was her new boyfriend, daniel. i was sooooo pissed. i felt so betrayed by her. i didn't care that she had gone with her boyfriend, what truly hurt was the fact that she had lied to me. in our entire friendship, we had never had a figth, an argument nor had we ever lied to each other. i felt so betrayed by her. it was horrible, worst of all, it frustrated me so much that i became angry. i wanted to curse this bitch out, this girl that called herself my "friend".

i took the mature road and instead of confronting her, i simply gave myself time to cool down and relax before doing something harsh and regretting it afterwards. but the bitch came coming up to me and trying to talk to me, she was soo immature about the whole thing. i'm sorry is it just me or does anyone else think that the grown up thing to do is to apologize and give the other person time, not constantly badger them and then turn your friends against you for not forgiving her? i'm sorry bitch, but i'm not gonna accept your apology when i'm still pissed off at you? time is the best cure, and by not giving it to me, i think i totally ruined our friendship. why the hell did she have to be so persistant? why didn't she fucking leave me alone for a fucking week and then come and talk to me, not the day after or the day after that.

as of right now, amanda and i aren't speaking. i'm still mad at her, i still feel bad because she betrayed me. i feel its my fault for relying on her 100% and never foreshadowing our end.

i guess only time will tell from now on, perhaps next year we'll talk again, but for now, i can't even see her guts anymore.
Dan/Emma trl ;; actors

(no subject)

I'm a compulsive liar but I'm scared to tell my therapist in fear that she will think I'm lying or that I have lied about everything I have told her. 


And all I want is to stop lying, and get help.
  • Current Mood
    scared scared