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Any of you guys on my pancake addiction? [Sep. 16th, 2019|06:52 pm]
Fall Together

expectationsrot

It's a great site for Ed's of all types. I just come here because I wanted to make a personal diary of sorts because it was becoming difficult to hide my real one.

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Is this active? [Apr. 28th, 2019|07:47 pm]
Fall Together

my_wishes_x
I dont know if anyone is still using this but i used to be on lj all the time. 'recovered' and have fallen back again. Just wondering if there might be any familisr faces still around?
Or anyone at all
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My spoken word poem on body image [Oct. 30th, 2015|02:33 pm]
Fall Together

xsidneysheldonx
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgIEohywMU0
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tonight is one of those nights again [Jan. 3rd, 2014|10:15 pm]
Fall Together

prophetstar
It's one of those nights I'm binging.
I cannot stop eating.
I feel like I am a fat piece of a shit that has no worth.
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(no subject) [Aug. 17th, 2013|04:09 am]
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starsburnaway
I haven't been on this community for years, is it still active? I doubt anyone will remember me.

I'm Laura, I'm 23 and I'm from Scotland. I have depression and EDNOS. I'm looking for support in my recovery so if you want to add me feel free.

I hope you're all well.
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2lbs [Mar. 18th, 2013|08:31 pm]
Fall Together

chemicalcadaver

So I'm keeping up with the Squat Challenge but today I fell off my diet wagon due to today being my honeys and my day off together. So of course he wanted to go eat when we woke up and now he is making dinner I ate way more then I would have liked I did how ever refuse a baked treat today so I accomplished some thing lol I was going to cook him breakfast and just have a little but he didn't want an omelet oh we'll ill try tomorrow. Also I'm trying out Zantrex 3 Red. Last time I had the blue ones but that was over 7 years ago. We'll see how they work out. OH the big bummer about this morning was I actually had lost 2lbs and now it's back. I am fat because my honey makes me that way ^.^

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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Just Another Post to Read [Mar. 17th, 2013|07:43 pm]
Fall Together

chemicalcadaver

So I decided not to cal count. I didn't before and I won't now I feel that sets you to fail. I'm just making sure I only eat twice a day. I am also doing the March Squat Challenge and its doing wonders for my lower half already. I jumped in a few days ago so I didn't get to start off slow I pretty much just had to start at 215 haha oh well :) at least ill look good for Cali next month. I hope >.< I've never been there but I expect all the women/ girls to be amazingly hot and me catching my honey looking I'm sure it's only natural but yay for self esteem killers :D anywho I joined another site called myproana.com it's interesting but I like LJ a little more. It brings back memories here and its easier to navigate and actually do stuff on the site ( here on LJ that is). But I was wondering if anyone else has one and can help me figure out how to actually use it :) OH and!!! I just read WinterGirls oh my gawd that book was amazing I very much recommend it.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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Making new friends [Mar. 13th, 2013|05:07 pm]
Fall Together

chemicalcadaver

Does any one live in Seattle? Ill be honest I've been here for four years and only have the friends I work or have worked with. I'd like to have a buddy to spend time with. Gym. Talk. Go out. Things like that. I just work and sit at home :(

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Feb. 20th, 2013|10:26 pm]
Fall Together

where2look
I feel like nobody uses this community any more. It kind of makes me sad when I'm going through a rough bit and have nobody to bounce ideas off of. But at the same time these groups can make me feel dumb and childish. Like I'm indulging in some kind of guilty pleasure that is so, so wrong.


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

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(no subject) [Sep. 5th, 2012|09:17 pm]
Fall Together

cinderella_110
Hello everybody :)
I know I haven't posted in foreverrrrrr but life has been super crazy and I just could never find the time. However, I'm starting this new blog and I would LOVE it if you would follow me and read it and give me feedback and overall be amazing!! <3 you alll!!
Jules

p.s. here's the link
http://chucktownadventures.wordpress.com/

Thanks!!
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Plateau [Jul. 7th, 2012|08:23 am]
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messed_penguin
[Where |United States, Maine,Hancock County, Hulls Cove]

I'm so frustrated.

For two weeks the number on the scale has not budged. It's so fucking annoying. I've been so good, sticking to my running plan, eating under 1000 calories every day, and I'm overweight so it's not like I'm just "done." I'm so frustrated, and I've been so patient. :( I haven't been eating after 6, and I spend the rest of my night going out, watching them eat all these fried foods and drink a lot, and I sit there, starving, with water. What do I need to do differently??? Please, any help is appreciated.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Jun. 12th, 2012|10:41 pm]
Fall Together

cinderella_110
[Mood |determineddetermined]

Hey girls and boys:)
Well I've got my own (awesome and totally amazing) laptop now, so I
can get on here without worrying about my mom seeing and getting suspicious! yay! 
So I just wanted to drop in and say that I hope that all of you are doing 
well and that if you need anybody to talk to you can come to me because I love all 
of you and would love to be able to know all of youuu! 
As for me, I've been doing pretty shitty, I've gained so much weight these past couple of months 
I don't even know what to do about it anymore. :\
I'm currently staying with my aunt and uncle in CA for the summer, 
I'm pretty psyched about it. I really need to start working out again,
going for my runs and using my Nike Training Club app on my iPod, 
I could also use it on my computer since it's an apple I guess.
I miss you all, 
and can't wait to begin posting on here regularly again. 
<3 
Jules
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(no subject) [May. 27th, 2012|11:03 pm]
Fall Together

veggiextales
Hey all! I haven't been on here in a while but I miss this community, back when it was thriving. I recently got a tumblr and would love to follow some of you! My url is http://bodytemple.tumblr.com/ and if you have one please share!
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(no subject) [May. 22nd, 2012|09:24 pm]
Fall Together

prophetstar

Tonight is one of those nights that I
am feeling incredibly lonely.
I feel fat and ugly,
and I feel like I am completely alone.
I want to be able to live with myself,
and I don't even know how that is going to
happen.
I am convinced that I will always be lonely,
and honestly, it's about time I prepare myself
for that.
I just don't know how I'm going to deal with the world alone
Despite trying to lose weight, I am only gaining
The doctor has no idea what is wrong or why
I am still gaining, but all I feel is ugly.
I am never going to be pretty enough for anyone.

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(no subject) [May. 18th, 2012|12:11 am]
Fall Together

cinderella_110
So tomorrow is my last day of high school. I can't believe it's finally here. I'm so excited for the summer, and to go off to college in the fall but I know I'm going to miss my friends so much. Especially the ones that have been there for me throughout everything, oh and Jeff. Even though I've only known him for less then a week, I already feel like I've known him my whole life. We talk all the time, and he's going to teach me how to play skyrim. ha I'm a dork, but I will literally do whatever I have to so that I can spend time with him. My therapist calls it "boonopolis" ha cracks me up every time. He's so sweet, and nice, and funny, and interesting, and crazy, and non judgemental, and we have so much in common, not to mention he's quite attractive, and not too tall for me since I'm sooo damn short. I just, whenever I think about him, I get this crazy big smile on my face that I can't control. :D I'm going to miss everybody, and I know I complain about Ohio all the time, but I really am going to miss it, I mean I grew up here, in the same neighborhood, with the same kids, and now we're all going our separate ways. I really can't believe it. But that's my "rant" I guess. ha I'll post an update after school tomorrow. :) 

Love you guys!
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(no subject) [May. 5th, 2012|06:04 pm]
Fall Together

prophetstar
I am sick and tired of
everything that I see when
I look  in the mirror.
I was convinced I would
get to my goal weight
before graduation, and I
can't even lose weight.
I want to lose 40 more pounds,
and graduation is Saturday.
I'm still in a dress size that I
am embarrassed to admit,
and I have no idea what to do
to become anything close to skinny.
I give up.
I hate myself.
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I love my body! [Apr. 28th, 2012|01:47 pm]
Fall Together

starrynight
[Mood |happyhappy]

Recovery is a scary thing. When my psychiatrist told me I hade an eating disorder, I cried, because I knew it meant that I had to gain weight. My bmi was about 17 and if I had my way, I would have lost and lost and lost until something horrible happened and I told her that.

Since I've been medicated (I have Bipolar I) and in therapy, I've feel better about myself. I did freak out because I gained 10 pounds in a month. Some of it was period bloat, and some of it was due to really bad food choices, like going out to eat constantly. Then I found out I have osteoarthitis in my knee + hypermobility, causing horrific, constant knee pain. I gave up on exercising for a while. Recently, I found that walking and pilates is okay, and if my knee hurts, I take a rest or cut my routine short. I use Walk Away The Pounds. You can choose to walk in place for 1-4 miles. It only takes 15 minutes for the one mile "walk", and it doesn't hurt my knees one bit.

Between doing that, pilates, and short ab workouts, my body has changed a lot. My problem area is my butt. However, my butt is much, much fimer. I'm starting to get oblique definition in my abs, and lower back dimples, which I've never had before.

Also, I can eat loads more food and still stay the same. On top of my usual food, I had two huge bowls of mac and cheese (practically the whole box), two big, double chocolate chip cookies and a good amount of Goldfish crackers. Guess what? I didn't gain! That's such an improvement, as I only used to eat around 450 calories a day.

I'm still a size four (women)/size seven (junior clothing). The shorts that I wore when I was 112-115 lbs? They fit perfectly. Didn't think I'd be able to wear them. Jeans actually look good on me for once, they're not baggy anymore.

I am not cured. I do have bad days. I have ED thoughts and the temptation to starve to lose a little weight, but it comes at a horrible, emotional toll. I still see myself bigger than I really am and I don't think I'll ever be able to see myself as normal, and I do want my weight to be at the low end of normal. For me, that's 120 lbs, a bmi of 18.8. I will not go any lower than that, I don't feel the need to. I do have a super small frame. I can touch my pinky and my thumb together around my wrist, with some space to spare. If I had a larger frame, I'd probably be around 125-130 lbs.

I didn't think I would ever be happy with myself. I thought happiness = starvation. I was very resistant with eating more and gaining weight, especially on Seroquel, which is known for weight gain. When people say "it gets better", I thought it was a big fat lie and that I would be wrapped up in my ED forever. I asked my psychiatrist if it's even possible to totally recover, as I know ED's have a high relapse rate. She said she has had patients who have 100% recovered. She told me that she didn't doubt that I could. She said I would.

Right know, I would say I am 80/20. 80 percent positive, 20 percent negative when it comes to my body image. Before, it was something like 10/90. As I have OCD, I saw everything as flawed. But that's not the case, it's just my mind playing tricks on me.

Anyways, for those who think that it's not possible to recover, that weight gain means never fitting into your clothes again, that you'll be fat because you're eating more: it's NOT true. You know what eating regularly and exercising does? It enables you to eat more and stay at a stable weight. Yes, you will gain initially. Like I said, I gained ten pounds in a month and thought recovery was bullshit at first. But that weight gain goes to restoring muscles, organs, and feeds your brain. It does stabilize and then you'll find that maintaning weight is easy after a while.

Basically what I am saying is this: don't be afraid, and start living.

I hope that in seven years, I can say I've fully recovered.
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(no subject) [Apr. 4th, 2012|05:13 pm]
Fall Together

cinderella_110
[Mood |distresseddistressed]

Hey, so I know most of you probably don't remember me, but I've flitted in and out of this group for a while. Life just gets so busy that I go months without posting and then I feel really bad and spend like an hour updating everyone on my dismal and disappointing life. Ugh so I'm pretty bitter at the world right now. I'm at my highest weigh ever, but I did start taking slimquick today so hopefully that will help. Prom is an a month, I'm freaking out, I have to look good this year! I recently (two days ago) found out that I didn't receive any of the business scholarships that I applied for from my college, *sigh* and I only got 5500 from FAFSA and 2500 from my college. I'm screwed if I don't figure out what I'm going to do. School is currently kicking my ass, I have so much to do, and I'm so stressed out, but I only have 35 days left! :) yay. ha I just need a break. ughh I can't wait for my summer vacation. I've been talking to a new psychologist, she's pretty nice, I feel like it hasn't really helped me yet, I don't know, maybe I'm just immune to help, maybe it's because I don't want to be helped. Ugh. Life is crazy and I just need it to slow down. Well that's my life right now.. How are you guys???
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(no subject) [Feb. 5th, 2012|07:28 pm]
Fall Together

prophetstar
For nearly a year, I've been having a picture of
myself on my desktop.
It's a picture from college when
I was at least 40-60 pounds less.
Every time I load my desktop and someone else
is around, they look at the photo in amazement and ask
IS THAT YOU?
My mother even asked me that the other day.
Yesterday, I had to plug my computer into the projector
at work, and nearly half of the attendants at the conference
asked me who was on my desktop.
Each time I have to tell them,
my self esteem gets a little lower.
It's still up there though, and it will
stay up there until I become that girl again....
if that ever happens.
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Post whoring... [Jan. 17th, 2012|11:42 am]
Fall Together

cushla_x
[Where |Scotland]
[Mood |anxiousanxious]

Me again, sorry.

just remembering this community back in the day when i was about 13, there was a lot more girls and guys posting, of corse, there was a lot more uncomfortable drama which is something i am glad the community seems to have left behind :).

Something we used to do to get the ball rolling was a little question post, just to get us all reacquainted...
so, if you can be bothered, here are some Q's for you all :)

Read more...Collapse )
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I'm back! [Jan. 16th, 2012|05:04 pm]
Fall Together

cushla_x
[Where |scotland]
[Mood |anxiousanxious]
[Music |I am Kloot]

haven't been positing here in about a year now :0! shocking. Sadly my eating problems haven't been on pause since then.
I supose i should re STAT myself,

Name: Kat
AGE: 19
HIEGHT: 5,6
HIGHWEIGHT: 133 Lbs
LOW WEIGHT: 98 LBs (Back when i was 14 till i was 15)
CURRENT WEIGHT: 130 lbw

Basically been going between 119 and 130 for the past 4 years or so, trying not to loose my mind or gain too much. it's like being on some kind of mad see saw, too thin! to fat! up down, gain loose. i know all of you will understand, that's actually why came back seeing as i can feel my self loosing again and i know i'm going to need a bit of support. also, i really missed this kind of community. we're not pro ana, and we are not al in recovery, we're a very special place, focused on helping each other stay healthy and happy. I missed this :)
hope you are all well
xx Also, i'm from Scotland so hey for that! xxx
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Goals, plans, whatever you want to call it. [Jan. 5th, 2012|03:30 pm]
Fall Together

starrynight
At my last pdoc (psychiatrist) appointment, my doctor and I came up with some goals. They are: 1) exercise 3x a week, 2) eat 900 calories on the days I work out, 3) draw more (she knows I love art), and 4) cope with my parents/stress by disassociating. Example: when my mom is screaming at me or my parents are fighting, I am supposed to build a mental wall and tune it out.

I've been doing everything but eating 900 calories. However, I went from eating 450 calories to eating 600 a day, regardless if I am working out or not. I'm losing weight, about a pound a day, and I was so sure that I would actually gain weight. I'm not doing heavy exercising, either. I'm doing 30 Day Shred, so it's about 20 minutes of exercise three times a week. My doctor did say that this is going to be a very slow process, medication and recovery wise. I'm on 25mg of Seroquel & 25mg of Lamictal, which I am upping to 50mg on Saturday per my docs instructions. I certainly feel more stable mentally.

I am surprised my doctor told me to exercise. I know it's good for you, but I was under the impression that anorexics shouldn't be exercising but maybe that's only if you show signs of a low heart rate, are emaciated, etc. I'm a "healthy" anorexic. My heart is not small, my electrolytes aren't messed up, my heart rate is too high rather than too low (extremely high norepinpehrine levels), and my blood pressure is normal to high, depending. I think I got lucky, in a sense. I also know about nutrition so even though I'm still undereating, I'm getting lots of protein, fats, and good carbohydrates. Maybe that's preserving my muscles. I still meet the AN criteria because I am underweight, I can't accept being a normal weight, and I miss periods.

I'm going on vacation soon and that's very triggering for me. I'll be in Orlando, Florida, which means wearing my bikini. However, since I've been exercising, I've come to realize that it's really not a matter of being thin, it's a matter of being toned. In my mind flab = fat, so my desire to keep losing weight is due to feeling flabby and disgusting. Exercise is helping with that. I don't loathe my body as much because I'm looking better. And I usually loathe exercise, but it really is helping my mental state.

That said, I still have a looooong way to go and I'm always going to obsess about food and such, but I'm making the effort to get better.
My advice to those who want to recover, but are afraid of gaining weight and getting fat is this:

Remember that you are more than just a number. Your weight doesn't define you.
You CAN change your body if you put in the time and effort.
Increase calories SLOWLY. I think the reason people put on a lot of weight rapidly when recovering is because going from starving to a normal amount of calories is such a huge shock to the body. If you take your time, your body is going to get used to the calorie increase and you will not gain weight all of a sudden. Even if you only end up eating an extra 50 or a 100 calories a week, you're still doing something to improve your physical well being.

Being forced to do something is only going to cause a relapse. If you do it on your own terms, you're more likely to succeed. That is what my pdoc has taught me.
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Merrrrr [Dec. 27th, 2011|09:03 pm]
Fall Together

cinderella_110

So usually fights with my mom don't bother me too much, just cause they happen so often, at least twice a day if not more. However when your mom retaliates a comment with "well why don't you go kill yourself! You're always so miserable, and only think about yourself" it kinda hurts, and at the same time makes you think well why not? If my mom thinks I should, why shouldn't I? Ughhhhh I need to move out.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Dec. 25th, 2011|12:32 am]
Fall Together

cinderella_110
                                    Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everybody! :) 
                                        I hope you have a fantastic end of the month.
                                                                <3 Julianne
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The dreaded "A" word. [Dec. 14th, 2011|03:03 pm]
Fall Together

starrynight
[Mood |blankblank]

Anorexic. Anorexic. Anorexic.

That's what the psychiatrist said I was yesterday. She also says I have obsessive compulsive disorder and -may- have bi-polar disorder. She gave me a small dose of Seroquel to let me try, and then said she will probably had litihium down the line.

I was honest with her. More honest with her than anyone else. I knew I had a problem because I was seeing myself as fat with a bmi of 17.4.

I told her than I'm 118 lbs now. That's bordering on underweight for my height, and I am not going to lie, I am going to try to lose. It's not going to make things any better, and I know I am being irrational. But in my twisted mind, I'm too big. I guess I still meet the AN criteria because I don't get periods unless I'm on hormonal birth control.

She says I need treatment. That is true, but she's not an ED specialist so I don't know what her plans are for me. If she wants me to see a therapist, I'll do that. I am scared of gaining weight and getting fat but I also don't want to live my life this way anymore. I deserve something beyond this. If I could get the negative thoughts to go away, the thoughts that eat me alive, then I just may have a future.

The only things I didn't like were that she said my current weight and low weight were "gross", and that I'm damaging my heart muscle and stuff by eating the amount of calories I do. Maybe it's true for most people, but so far it's not. I told her I see a Cardiologist and he does Echo's on me and they're fine. But she said: "Well, I am a doctor...who are you going to listen to? me or yourself?"

Other than that, she was ok. I'm not mad at her for saying any of that because I realize she's trying to shock me into seeing how dangerous it is, but it's akin to saying: "well, why don't you just eat!?"

I see her again next week.

On the upside, Seroquel made me sleep like a champ. I actually don't mind that because I'd rather be sleeping than staying up all night because I'm feeling manic.
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Sorry for vanishing [Dec. 11th, 2011|07:30 pm]
Fall Together

fatallybroken
I havent posted in a while, im sorry!
I acutally had a question, and if its inappropriate, feel free to delete my comment.
But i've been reading up on the link between Ed's and Substance abuse, and i'm wondering if anyone has this problem?
And if so, what do you do to cope? Do you satisfy those needs, or do you have ways to distract yourself?
If you want, you can PM me =]

X-posted <3
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(no subject) [Dec. 8th, 2011|10:50 pm]
Fall Together

cinderella_110
Hey guys! Wow it's been a while since I've posted on here, I've just been sooooo busy with school and the Wizard of Oz production being done by our local theater, I'm a production assistant (aka I spend all my time there!). Senior year is sooo busy, I'm not quite sure how it's Christmas already. I have definitely not been doing good this month, I swear I've gained weight. :( However I don't have the courage to weigh myself and see. I want to lose thirty pounds by May 31st, otherwise known as my high school graduation! I'm so stinkin excited guys! ahhhhh. I've been having a lot of trouble with my depression lately, I can't seem to concentrate, sleep, get any work done, I'm constantly thinking of self harming, and I always feel the need to purge even though I haven't lately. I need to get my life under control. I have an appointment with a counselor in January, it was supposed to be the 21st, but they had to reschedule... :( Well I guess that's it for tonight. <3 youu!
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Body Fat % [Dec. 3rd, 2011|02:43 pm]
Fall Together

lbsforlbs

What's a good body fat percentage for a girl--a thin girl? Mines at 15% but I feel like 12% is a much nicer number. I'm not sure what that will look like. Is 15% average? What are you guys? The web says 25-30% for the average normal female but that just seems too high. Also, does anyone here workout? I have been working out now for months and I'm wondering if anyone has an opinion on muscle gain if it contributes to looking leaner all around (bigger # on the scale but better looking body overall)

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Nov. 30th, 2011|11:05 pm]
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lbsforlbs

A heartbreaking day for me considering the breakup with my passive-aggressive--no, make that aggressive-aggressive boyfriend. He actually told me he isn't attracted to me anymore. Unbelievable. I've already lost 15 lbs in 6 months!! It's because I don't go to the gym anymore. He's obsessed with the gym. Well, I'll show him. Time for bed and calories consumed today=ZERO. Though I probably should have a glass of water. Anyway :/ time to cry myself to sleep. Goodnight all.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Nov. 19th, 2011|07:01 pm]
Fall Together

cinderella_110

My saturday night:)) gotta love stats....

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Nov. 1st, 2011|09:46 pm]
Fall Together

cinderella_110

Got myself a tattoo:)) so happy. I'll post pictures laterr:))

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Oct. 31st, 2011|10:26 pm]
Fall Together

thegenrespanner
Note to self: Do not watch Black Swan for the trillionth time because instead of motivating you, it just makes you feel bad...
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(no subject) [Oct. 27th, 2011|08:25 pm]
Fall Together

prophetstar

I hate being an emotional eater.
Everytime I feel bad about myself,
I eat, which only makes me feel
worse, and then the cycle continues.
My weight has been on a continuous high
for weeks now, and I'm just feeling worthless...
so I just ate.
The cycle continues, and I try to not eat certain

foods, but then I live at home with my mother, and
she just bought a cake for after dinner. I
want it so bad, and yet, I'm resisting with
all the energy I have left in my body, and resorting

to Diet Coke.Food is what makes me happy, and yet food is what makes
me feel unhappy.

Right now, I just don't see any way out.l


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awakening [Oct. 9th, 2011|03:37 am]
Fall Together

thinjase
hey,

my name is jase and i'm a twenty one year old nursing student from toronto. i have had bulimia nervosa since i was twelve or thirteen which you may find a bit rare because i am a male. i had a really huge experience today that i wrote more about in my journal but i'll leave the choice of reading it up to you if you want to. the short version is that someone encouraged me to purge without thinking and everything came back to me even after my prior two heart attacks and inpatient therapy. i'm definitely back in to this.

recent news for me is that my psychiatrist signed off on my disability package that entitles to me to eleven hundred dollars a month for absolutely nothing. he wrote that i am completely incapable of doing any type of work whatsoever for an indefinite period of time. this is really great for me because money is always a problem with my rich spending habits. one possible threat to this is the fact that my whole family wants to move from toronto to edmonton out west. i'd have to find a new psychiatrist and have the disability process started over again. i don't want that. i like how this psychiatrist writes my prescriptions without question and cares about my condition. he will definitely recognize that the bulimia nervosa has returned when i start dropping weight by my next one or two monthly appointments.

my ultimate goal weight is my old weight of ninety nine pounds. i'm just under six feet tall. stay strong. i will speak to you all soon!

xoxo,
jase
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(no subject) [Oct. 7th, 2011|12:10 am]
Fall Together

cinderella_110

It is now officially my birthday. So damn excited and happy:)

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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Sad Glutton [Sep. 30th, 2011|05:01 pm]
Fall Together
best_at_me
[Where |US, Nevada, Sunrise Manor, Clark, Clear Valley Ave, 5998]

Been feeling so down; I haven't felt this way in such a long time. My boyfriend (or whatever he is) wants to take another break from the relationship and out of fear and shame, I have been bingeing on ice cream, chips, noodles and rice. On top of that I'm on prednisone, which makes it all worse. I don't even want to step on the scale, I'm so ashamed. But I can see that I've puffed up. I'm ugly. So ugly and fat.

I just don't know what to do.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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(no subject) [Sep. 28th, 2011|10:39 pm]
Fall Together

xfattyxl
Hey I won't be posting to this comm anymore due to college, just in my journal so if you want to add me you can :) don't worry I'll still be here to comment though x


Posted via m.livejournal.com.

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(no subject) [Sep. 21st, 2011|08:32 pm]
Fall Together

prophetstar
Feel like a failure yet again today.
I gave into the comfort foods, and
the weight on the scale is still the only
thing that gives me any sense of self worth.
The counselor that I was forced to go to
is recommending a body image journal,
but writing all of this down (including every food I have eaten, current weight, etc...)
is making me cry. It's literally making me sick.
My weight has spiked for the 4th week in a row, and
my eating habits and exercise are the same.
I can't even admit my goal weight or current weight becase
I see/hear what other people weigh, and I feel guilty even looking
at the number.

Just did 5 miles on the precor and drank a ton of water...
feeling absolutely worthless.
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(no subject) [Sep. 19th, 2011|08:13 pm]
Fall Together

veggiextales
I'm slowly coming to accept that I'm bulimic and that I'm not just going through disordered eating. My dad visited on Friday and we went out to dinner. I said I just wanted a cob salad, but he made me order something more substantial because he "worries about [me] sometimes." He has never made any comment like that to me before, so it really got me thinking for the rest of the weekend. I've never had any binge that is more than 1,000 calories, though, but I think it's definitely the right diagnosis. I'm sick of thinking I'm fat and restricting and exercising all the time and then just eating back all of my work. I want to talk to someone about it, but I don't know if I should just find a dietician or go to the most-likely crappy counselors on campus.
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(no subject) [Sep. 18th, 2011|10:10 pm]
Fall Together

xfattyxl
Had a bad weigh in, check my journal for details :( xox

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(no subject) [Sep. 17th, 2011|10:01 pm]
Fall Together

xfattyxl
So I haven't posted here in a few days as I have had nothing to say weight wise. just wanted to let you know iv made a few personal entries in my journal if anyone wants to read. They are only partly ed related. I have my weigh in tomorrow morning, bet I have gain. So nervous.

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New member (kinda) & looking for diet buddy [Sep. 15th, 2011|02:55 am]
Fall Together
best_at_me
[Where |US, Nevada, Sunrise Manor, Clark, S Plum Canyon St, 1312]

Thought I'd stop lurking and kind of introduce myself. Here are my stats:

HT: 5'1"
CW: 123 lbs.
GW: 110 lbs.
LW: 109 lbs.
HW: 131 lbs. (ew, fatty)

I've been struggling with my body image since I can remember-- always thinking I'm fat, comparing myself to other girls, not thinking I'm good enough, etc. And until last year I've been pretty good at keeping my weight pretty low. All because I watched what I ate (which was not much) and was obsessed with the gym.

But since the beginning of this year, I just let myself go. I honestly don't know what happened to me. I just no longer have the motivation to eat the right things, restrict my portions, and keep up with my workouts. And I find myself making excuses not to do them, which is very unlike me. Thanks to that, I am at my heaviest: 123 lbs. And I want to try and get back down to 110 lbs. Hopefully me being an active member in this community will give me a kick-start. I'm also looking for a diet buddy who I can exchange emails with. If you're interested, lemme know, I'll greatly appreciate it!

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(no subject) [Sep. 11th, 2011|09:47 pm]
Fall Together

xfattyxl
Few personal posts in journal, will be at college tomorrow so might not have time to comment all posts, sorry :(

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(no subject) [Sep. 10th, 2011|11:30 pm]
Fall Together

cinderella_110
I really have no idea why I'm not soo much fatter than I already am. It's fucking ridiculous.
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(no subject) [Sep. 9th, 2011|08:54 am]
Fall Together

veggiextales
So I can't remember the last time I posted. I came back from studying abroad, which gave me so much more confidence. Unfortunately, I lived at home for two weeks before going back to university and I automatically gained five freakin' pounds. I'm trying to not keep any trigger foods in my room, such as dark chocolate and nuts, because I know it will just mess me up and make me feel sick. I've started going to the gym and taking ballet classes again, and I want to do yoga and/or pilates as well. I always have a hard time knowing when to stop with exercise so I like classes for that reason: they're a set amount of time.

I also just joined a sorority. I never thought I would, but I realized I might actually really enjoy it, and I happened to have the opportunity to informal rush this week! I'm super excited, but this also means I have to look good for all of the parties, and of course, the upcoming holiday of Halloween. I guess it's just more motivation?

Also, yesterday I found my old prom pictures from my senior year in high school on my computer and flipped through them. I remember being so mortified then because I thought I looked so fat in the pictures, so I didn't post any to facebook. I'm looking at them now, and I can't help but think I look so thin. I'm around the same weight now that I was then, and I definitely feel like a whale right now. Perceptions are so weird.

I hope everyone is doing well! How was everyone's week? <3
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This is going to be a lot more personal, so it's under a tag. [Sep. 8th, 2011|09:22 pm]
Fall Together

prophetstar
Personal...Collapse )
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(no subject) [Sep. 8th, 2011|01:48 pm]
Fall Together

xfattyxl
So here's the deal. I go home saturday and am meant to have a weigh in sunday. I'm not sure though, I mean I'll probably be drinking a lot saturday as I'll be hungry due to having breakfast before nine to get out the lodge and not getting in until 6pm. This will probably mean a gain and I have college the day after, so don't want to be upset. Also due to the holiday I think my weight may be a little messed up for a while for some reason. Iv been one week without a weigh in, can I last two? It may be good to know what weight I am at the beginning of the second year though.. Opinions?

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