Well I am not too worried about my weight today. I was 59.8kg last week so I am now 59.4kg and I only really write my weekly weight in on thursday. I do weight everyday but more as a thing to make sure I am not gaining. I only have normal scales at home but I always go to a shop with collaberated scales so I can get a "true" reading.
I have still not pooed for 2 days. And even when I did they were like one tiny nugget! I know gross.... grossssssssssssss. But I will try and get some vitamins. Mum is starting to be a pain about my eating again so I started to eat a piece of toast and then when she went to the shops threw the other half to the dog. I love skinny lattes. How bad are they????? I THINK THEY ARE 50CALS but I am not sure.
I am looking to have a small group to have a weight loss challenege/competition with because I am worried that my weight loss is slowing down- I knwo that competition is the best form of motivation for me. Thats how I got to my lowest weight (32kg) last time. So if you are interested please get in touch.We can make a group.
It is so cold here at the moment! I am having trouble typing! Thanks to all who sent advise on the pooing issue. Much appreciated.
I am teaching this afternoon, and Im really not excited about it. Im not in to grade 4. I find them a really annoying grade... but I might think differently after.
I am a bit sad as my favorite skirt is far too big now. I hold it up with pins but it really runis the fall of the skirt. Damn. Does anyone else find this?
Yesterday I ate:
*skinny latte in a cup
*a small plate of lettuce, half a small tomato, some onion, half an egg white,and one small thin sliced ham.
*1 weight watchers pumpkin soup
* a bowl of pumpkin, potato and parsnip
So far I have had 1/2 a peice of toast today.
Soon to add a latte too that a skinny- but maybe a large......:(
Well I am really not sure what will happen when I weight in tomorrow. I am going to be weighing in on the callaberated scale which is a definate dead certain reading of my weight. I am very scared because Saturday was a huge day of eating and for me you know I am no longer a purger so The prospect of weigh in is quite terrifying this week.
I have also been eating alot- 450-600 cals a day! I am really finding it hard to stay awake and I was getting so grumpy and angry so I gave in and had a small plate of salad instead of just having my vegies for dinner. I managed to lose 3 kilos last month and I am so happy. But I am no way near what I should weigh for my heigh and I have such a long long way to go. I have swore and declared to myself that when I get there this time there will be nothing that willl make me this fat ever again! I will not be swayed by what others say. The only time I will allow myself to gain weigh it when I am pregnant and I will not eat junk then anyways. (having kids is five years away anyway)
Has anyone seen the really cute pic of Nicole richie in the ballet outfit. It is so cute! Great thinspiration- especially for dancers.
Again- not to gross anyone out- but I still cant poo- if any I have been eatting JOLS-(lollies that give you the poos from the fake sugar) But even then hardly anything. Because of my past history we have a NO LAXATIVE rule in our house- and for my own wellbeing I have made a concious effort to stick to that- bar the Jols no and then. BuT I am getting desperate for a poo. (gross I know). Please dont tell me dried fruit- it CALORIE RIDDEN!!! I refuse to eat it. So is there any other ideas out there? I would love to know.
ED:in between- was fully bulimic (doctor diagnosed) but now switiching to starving and restriction
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOU:
I was bulimic for a longggggggggg time- when I was found out and hospitalised ect the whole of the small town I live in thought it was their GOD GIVEN FUCKING right to treat me like a freak- so in a desperate bid to get them off my back and stop hounding me I ate and ate and ate- to be like ever other fat fucker in this town.... Now I have been restricting, and fasting for 5 months. In a desperate bid to get down to 30kg- 2kg less than my lowest weight
Read journal for more about me.
a bite of a snackajack.
one bun (160 cals)
the rest of the day is black coffe and cigerrets.
im finding it so hard to kick back into a fast.
i find myself restricting.
i hate this...
gar...out of all days...how could it happen?
so i woke up today, showered, had coffee, and did what i usually do, i jumped on the scale, and woohoo 128lbs!!!sweet...which means i now meet all the criteria of an anorexic...well as soon as i went under 132lbs i met all the criteria (yeah, you should be at most 85% of your healthy/ideal weight, which at 5'11 is 155lbs)...and then i went to the bathroom, and guess who started menstrating today! ME!!! wtf? i havnt had my period in like 2 years, and now i get it? wtf? when my weight started going down even more? wtf? has that happened to anyone else, like where you just get it out of nowhere when you havnt had it in like a long time? so i had wicked cravings, had like 700cals today...gar...i actually had a bagel, and a brownie...and thats most of it...and some juice...so like 700cals...w00t...im contemplating getting aim...what does everyone else think? msn is so boring, is aim any better?
gar...today sucked...i ended up eating/drinking 500calories...mostly in fruit and juice...had like 300cals in just fruit an juice...and then i had 3 chips (33cals), 1 cube of layered cake (45cals), a small cube of tofu (50cals), gummi bears (70cals)...these are approximates after measuring and comparing to packaged serving and overall quantity...gah...i also had some soup...but its this 30cal soup...so fine, 530cals for today...i love that soup...so filling, but so little cals...had a somewhat bad day...i spent the whole day panicing because i was worried about a history test i had a while ago...i thought i got a 50 or 60...why?...because i fell asleep during the test, and i even wrote the word sleep for name!!!wtf???how could i not fail...turns out i got an 84...how did i find out? i mean i ripped up my test, and threw it out...but my teacher decided to tell me infront of the whole class, turns out i got the second highest mark, the highest was 86...so i guess i paniced for no reason...i stepped on the scale like 5 minutes ago...and it red out a horrific number...135!!!wtf? 135???but then again i did just have an apple, an asian pear, and i had a cup of green tea...so i can see where it would come from...so i realized...as great as fruit is for you, i must cut it out, i really should...ill have like 500calories alone on some days all in fruit, i should still make sure to take in vitamins, but i can take them in through juice...so i guess it sounds stupid, but no more fruit...just clear juices...w00t...anyways, im still in conflict with the stupid person who decided that they would take it upon themself to discuss my personal life with one of their friends who i absolutely hate...sounds complicated...its not that complicated...so i had a presentation in religion, i love and hate presentations, because im always so good at them and i do a fantastic job, but ill spend like all the time before that freaking out and worrying that i will mess up, and then i wont...gar...so i end up psyching myself about it when i know it wont suck...anyways...yesterday i completely binged...like majorly...luckily i didnt gain 5832709324867329lbs...luckily...that would be crazy though...i was expecting to gain at least like 5lbs from this weekend, but nope, none...its like my body realized i f-d up and decided to spare me this time...so yea...um, tomorrow starting an official fast, and i know i say that every few days, but hey, this time im sticking to, but this time its more of a mind and body fast...i just need to get rid of all the negative karma around me, and just try to realign myself...and it sounds silly, but everytime i want to go on a fast i have to post it because that way its like this constant reminder whenever i go online, and it keeps me motivated, and ive started enjoying not eating around people, you get to observe others, and its kind of gorss...well anyways...going on a fast starting officially tomorrow...today was the last juicer...i guess...but tomorrow shall be the official day...anyways
ANYONE WANT TO JOIN ME ON A FAST? POST COMMENT, KEEP UPDATING DAILY, KEEP TRACK OF YOUR THOUGHTS, ETC...POST PROGRESS...JOIN NOW!!!