April 3rd, 2006

Will I lose or gain....

Well I am really not sure what will happen when I weight in tomorrow. I am going to be weighing in on the callaberated scale which is a definate dead certain reading of my weight. I am very scared because Saturday was a huge day of eating and for me you know I am no longer a purger so The prospect of weigh in is quite terrifying this week.

I have also been eating alot- 450-600 cals a day! I am really finding it hard to stay awake and I was getting so grumpy and angry so I gave in and had a small plate of salad instead of just having my vegies for dinner. I managed to lose 3 kilos last month and I am so happy. But I am no way near what I should weigh for my heigh and I have such a long long way to go. I have swore and declared to myself that when I get there this time there will be nothing that willl make me this fat ever again! I will not be swayed by what others say. The only time I will allow myself to gain weigh it when I am pregnant and I will not eat junk then anyways. (having kids is five years away anyway)

Has anyone seen the really cute pic of Nicole richie in the ballet outfit. It is so cute! Great thinspiration- especially for dancers.

Again- not to gross anyone out- but I still cant poo- if any I have been eatting JOLS-(lollies that give you the poos from the fake sugar) But even then hardly anything. Because of my past history we have a NO LAXATIVE rule in our house- and for my own wellbeing I have made a concious effort to stick to that- bar the Jols no and then. BuT I am getting desperate for a poo. (gross I know). Please dont tell me dried fruit- it CALORIE RIDDEN!!! I refuse to eat it. So is there any other ideas out there? I would love to know.
Take Care
Kat