SENSITIVE POSITIONS MOVES TO HOUSE
WASHINGTON (AP) -- The Senate has taken steps today to ensure that President Lowe will sign the hotly-debated Sensitive Positions bill into law. The legislation, begun in the Senate, passed with 62 yea votes and 8 abstensions, and now moves on to the House of Representatives for further debate.

Daily Show host and fake news pundit Jon Stewart interviewed Pennsylvania Republican Jonathan Spectre last night, a longtime advocate of right to privacy in mutant affairs; in addition to joining in with several cracks about the risqué-sounding "sensitive positions" in the "House," Representative Spectre urged the people of this country to make themselves heard in their constituencies.

When approached after the interview for a quote, Spectre said that "America is sliding down a slippery slope" and spoke of a bipartisan coalition in the House to fight the bill.

According to Shirley Zyrich (CT-Dem), Spectre's coalition will have quite a fight on its hands. "It is important to keep in mind," she said, "that we are advocating awareness on this issue, not persecution. The better informed we are, the better protection we can offer to all our citizens, regardless of their genetic code."