[06 Sep 2008|08:53pm] jennomac [ mood | bored ] [ music | "Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In" - The 5th Dimension ] Lmao is it totally sad to be like...addicted to this song? Omg me and this song have a love/hate relationship, tbqh. I hated it for the first 17 years of my life cuz my mom ALWAYS SUNG IT and I'd be like "Wtf shut up now." And then this came along: And it was funny cuz people were like ~Omg Megan sang this weird song on her premiere, idk idk~ and I'd be like "UM OMG. DO YOU PEOPLE NOT KNOW THIS SONG? OMG. I KNOW THIS SONG." Well, the original I mean. So then I loved the song again for a while. But then this commercial came along: And my mom WOULD NOT STOP SINGING IT and I was like shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up. But I think I like it again now for the time being. In other news. I bought watercolors today and spent an hour on a painting and the color ended up seeping cuz I used computer paper and not art paper. :( FAIL. I'm gonna go have a Nutella sandwich and watch Arrested Development now. post comment

Huh. [05 Sep 2008|08:40pm] fr0zted [ mood | calm ] [ music | Trivium ] I'm really happy right now, despite the decisions I know I'm going to have to make sooner or later. On that note, though... I had another college meeting and I'm feeling a lot better about everything school-related. I just don't know if I'm ready! I know I'm ready to get out there and live, I'm just not sure if I want to jump into another 4 years of school right away. I'm slowly figuring things out, though... and that's good enough for me. :) post comment

[06 Sep 2008|05:27pm] _vavavavooom ive been going to the gym like mad crazy with christoff. its good motivation of which i needed. its nice.. my body hurts and it feels nice :) in 26 days ill be in east liverpool... yessss!! post comment

[06 Sep 2008|02:39pm] jassypwincess [ music | Minus the bear ] Confession #3 I love to collect sunglasses, tea, and tea pots. Sunglasses are my favorite though, I carry about 5 pairs with me in my purse whenever i go out. Usally, you will see me in one pair, and later in another pair. My favorite are my purple ones. I like to wear them when I am driving around with my friends. Usally, my friends think I am just thinking or being really quiet. In reality, I am sleeping. No one can ever tell because my sunglasses are so dark. I nap on every car ride, and ironically i can always wakeup at the right moment to insert a word or two. No one has ever caught me sleeping yet either. post comment

[06 Sep 2008|01:52pm] jennomac [ mood | nostalgic ] OLD SCHOOL PIC SPAM. So, I got a USB cord to connect my printer/scanner to my computer and I was like "Omg after how many years of having a computer, I FINALLY have a scanner!" And I was in the old computer room which doubled as a junk room so I found a drawer with a whole bunch of early 90s pics of me. God, I had forgotten what I looked like at that age but I remember being this age so vividly. I guess I just figured I looked like how I do now only......shorter. But I don't :o ( KID JENN PIC SPAM! ) 4 comments|post comment

[06 Sep 2008|01:23pm] theboomboxbeat My birthday started at 10:00 last night, and seriously is only getting better. I'm legal, whuddddap. post comment

[06 Sep 2008|12:49pm] _losinggrip i just want someone to hold me tonight.... "you just have to go after what you want and if it doesnt want you back then so be it, it doesnt deserve you anyways" - Nicole Richie. post comment

[06 Sep 2008|12:17pm] xensara How is that after all this time it still hurts this much? That I get trashed and make such a fool of myself? I don't understand it. I've stopped trying to anyway. The heartache just twists in my chest and rots whatever may have hung above my ribs at one point. What makes me do these things? I just keep asking myself. It's so unlike me to be so irrational and even worse then wearing my feelings on my sleeve, I splash them all over the place. All this unkept, soiled rage boiling in my bowels and the moment it sees it's cause I can't keep but vomiting it up. I feel as though if it was to stay stuck inside at the moment it would mutate into cancers and tumors and all other sorts of nasty things. I just lose it. Completely. My hearts feels denied and instead of coiling in retreat it lashes out in rage. Drunk, confused, hurt, ashamed. I'm such a fucking idiot sometimes. So what happened? I can hardly remember. I was angry anyway before going out so the anger just kept me drinking. And it was fine at first, with Austin and Kate and Rachel and we were going to a basement show so I expected that to be fine. But I think I knew, even as we were on our way that Mark would be there. And I should have known better to just turn around and go with Rachel to another party. It would have been the right thing to do but I didn't do it. Instead I descended the stairs and chatted with people here and there until Mark appeared just as promised. And it was fine at first but then he was saying his girlfriend wanted to meet me and I don't remember much but I remember telling him no and he seemed confused, asking me, hadn't we had closure? And I told him no again and I guess I turned on my heel because the next time I saw him he was dancing with his girlfriend. Outraged, angry, jealous. I don't know. Not happy and still drunk. Later that night I sent him a text message saying I couldn't be friends with him. I don't want to be friends with him. I never have. He hasn't responded. I'm sure he won't. I would rather not see him again or anyone associated with him. I just feel like such a far out son of a bitch for how I've handled this. Like a child who can't get what she wants and throws a tantrum. All the sudden I'm six and five and four years old and again and crying and whining to get my way. And because I can't get what I want, I feel like the world is ending. I've lost perspective. All I see when I open my eyes when I wake up to the world is Mark and that fact that he's not mine. It just hurts. After all this time it's just pain. And I'm tired of it. I'm sick of it. I want to throw it out of my body. But I can't. It won't go away. It sticks inside of my guts and eats at my stomach lining. It's turning me into something that's not myself. And it's scaring me. Heartbreak, I don't know. I guess that's what you call it. And I'm holding onto it in some way, I won't let myself be rid of it. I don't know why. I just won't. post comment

Labor Law? [06 Sep 2008|11:47am] aralis work 1-10 today...then I have to be back to work at 5am tomorrow!! Is this illegal? I couldn't find anything in labor laws about it. I thought there had to be a certain amount of hours between shifts. 5 comments|post comment

[06 Sep 2008|10:02am] jennomac [ mood | proud ] In this edition of ~People I love even more because they're on TV and I love TV more than people so when you're on TV you KNOW I love you most~ I am currently downloading an episode of The First 48 my dad was on. We was on a handful but this is the only one I can find by Googling cuz I forgot all the episodes he was on. I was telling BFF about how people recognized him on ONTD and she was like "Well I wanna watch!" So I looked it up and found this episode on iTunes. Once I figure out what other episodes he's on, I'll buy those too. House of Blood: A brutal stabbing in Little Havana has Detective Carlos Castellanos following a trail of bloody footprints the killer left as he fled the scene. It will take bloodhounds and a frantic pace to track down the killer. Last Man Standing: Sergeant Confessor Gonzalez has a mystery on his hands. A young man is found gunned down in a parking lot and a trail of blood at the scene indicates a second victim. Who is he and what does he know? Gonzalez needs to find the answers to those questions to solve this case. I told him I found it and that I was gonna buy it and he's like "BUY it? why?" and I was like "You need to buy things on iTunes, Dad." and he was like "Oh. How long do you have it for?" and I'm like "......forever?" Lol. Speaking of people I love on TV: I think my brain just exploded, tyvm. 9 comments|post comment

[06 Sep 2008|09:27am] xensara God I have the temperament of a six year old when I'm belligerent and drunk. Why is it so hard to get some god damn weed in this town? post comment

'Tall and Skinny' - why must you consume me? [06 Sep 2008|02:46am] chaotic_embrace No, this isn't about my body. Or your body. And it certainly isn't about Ruben Studdard's body. It's about this strange feeling I get late at night when I'm trying to fall asleep. lol But before I forget, here's a random little insight into how totally boring and uncreative I can sometimes be; I don't know when the last time I attempted a LJ entry, but it asked me if I wanted to restore my previous draft so outta curiosity I did and all it said was "Relationships suck". lol However, I stand by my previous statement. They still suck. So it's 3:00 in the AM here in Beautiful British Columbia© and I cannot for the life of me sleep. Interestingly enough I actually have something to share with you all after catching up on reading some entries. It's this thing I so lamely call the 'big/tall and skinny feeling'. I named it that from a young age. It best described what it felt like to me so don't laugh, assholes. I tend to keep this sort of stuff to myself, however recently it's really been gnawing at my brain. Really makes me wonder what the hell does it symbolize? When I'm laying in bed attempting to escape reality and enter the dream realm I often look forward towards doing, I get the said feeling. This feeling isn't typically an overwhelming one, not like embarrassment or anxiousness. I guess if I were to categorize the feeling it would be like a slight uneasiness but to a lesser extent. I usually daydream/imagine my way into the land of Nod, but while experiencing this feeling everything I imagine/daydream feels as if it's tall and skinny. Stretched out and slim. I can't see bodies - I can't invision houses or chairs. It's like I know what it's supposed to look like, I'm trying to see it and it's all distorted and not there. Sometimes it's accompanied by cacophonous noise that breaths. A repetitive cycle that starts soft and then grows louder, soft and then louder and so on. I think I remember the first time I experienced it, I was probably about 7 or 8, maybe younger - I was asleep and in my dream my step-dad was yelling. He had no face it was almost like a blackened emptiness filled with his shouting. I sleep with one leg up usually(yeah, I'm quirky like that - gotta problem!?) so it had fallen asleep and started to wake me. As I began to wake the sound of his yelling did that breathing thing. Simultaneously I was slammed with that feeling of 'tall and skinny'. After waking up I slowly moved my leg down and fought that unbearable about-to-pee-my-pants feeling as the blood flow regulated. Ever since then I've felt that feeling, only when I try to drift between worlds. I really wish I knew why. 1 comment|post comment

♪ baby, i can't erase you from my mind [06 Sep 2008|03:04pm] wondergirl_jen [ mood | ASDHFRWKE ] [ music | super junior - 행복 (Super Show 1st Asia Tour) ] Still not over Eunhyuk's ENGRIGH RAPPING prz! warning! DROOLWORTHY, HOWEVER OLD, YET BODYLICIOUS PICS UP AHEAD +++ FANGIRLING INCOHERENCY/BABBLING etc. etc. Prz to enjoy? ^^V ( YSMM:예능선수촌 ) ( HELLO THERE GOOD-LOOKEN ♥ ) FROM HERE ON IN, I BE A SHINHWA/SES SHIPPER ♥ I watched 놀러와 (Come & PLay) today, and they ahd a representative from ORIGINAL idol groups; HOT, Shinhwa, HOT, 젝키 (I do not know how to spell THAT in english, it's spelt something like sexkiss or something), FINKL, GOD. And Yoojin was SES' rep, and Dongwan was Shinhwa's rep, and Heejun was HOT's rep. And SES + Shinhwa trained together, just like DBSK + CSJH + SUJU BB's. And that please me so much :D And Yoojin and Dongwan were full talking about their trainee lifes and whatnot. And it was so good. Ugh, I'm such a Shinhwa/SES shipper. I'm also a CSJH + DBSK shipper too. And Super Junior annnd ... Super Junior can have intergroup-relationships with each other :DDDDD </center> 6 comments|post comment

Deliberate Forgetfulness [06 Sep 2008|02:12pm] hibiemi [ mood | contemplative ] Today is one of those days when I would much rather forget that I am a student with responsibilities and shit like that. I would like to forget I am a leader, a moderator, an intelligent person. Because somewhere along the way, I feel like I've lost myself in all these things. It's... a little sad, maybe? Or more like, I've been thrown into a position that makes me forget there are such things as times to breathe. Which is odd because when I think of the time I have, I actually am able to allot a lot of time for many things. So why am I wanting to procrastinate like whoa today? Maybe it's like the same way my body tells me that I'm not hungry or I should get sleep. Maybe it's my mind telling me that I need this time for me. And when I think of me, I end up thinking about dolls. And man, I really do miss Ulalume-- and even more so, the people and dolls who I enjoy being with. In short, I think if there is one thing I miss the most it's basically the momentum of creative energy... ... mm... I think Ichigo'll be an SD13 Elena :D 2 comments|post comment

[06 Sep 2008|01:54am] deathrvltn how can i make things better?  post comment

[06 Sep 2008|01:15am] ilovetriangles oh yeah a little future reference for myself. i fucking hate life. i miss my dad like hell. all i can think about is when i'm gonna see him next. and then it dawns on me that i'll never see him again. it's really hitting on me hard. i seemed to good for the past months and then WHAM. it's like i was hit by a bus. all this pain. i had the chance to move back to ky. i decided to deny it just to stick with college counseling here. no matter how miserable it here here and how badly i wanna move. friends are barely sticking. they're slowly getting better. once i seem sad they don't know what to do and ignore me. so basically Ross is the only friend that doesn't ignore me and actually HELPS me when i'm sad. aka my social life is down the drain. oh well at least work distracts me. and I do have Ross. no matter what people say about us. I dont' give a shit. he's my best god damn friend right now. so think what you want to think. we're NOT dating. judge me all you want. but he's my best friend. so you deal with him, you deal with me. <3 post comment

[06 Sep 2008|01:09am] ilovetriangles i had no intention in using this again for a while but due to recent frustration and i KNOW you read this. i must post. so READ THIS. you'll know if it's about you. i do not appreciate you talking about me behind my back. i've been trying to be nice to you through this whole thing. the only time i've been mean to you is to ensure i'm not leading you on in ANY way. to be honest, which i'm in an honest mood and i don't want to go behind your back like you do to me, i find you to be obnoxious at times. that's why i may seem to victimize you. but seriously. stop talking shit about me behind my back, you have a problem please tell me about it, not my friends. they're MY friends first off. so of course i'm gonna figure it out eventually. i'm going through so much fucking shit right now. the last thing i need is for you to be talking about me and creating more tension and drama. honestly i don't care what you think at this point, all i care is that i stay sane (not working) i'm barely hanging on mentally as is. i'm literally at a breaking point. so please leave me alone. if you have nothing but trash to talk then please go away. if i bother you that much than just leave my life. seriously. 1 comment|post comment

at work [05 Sep 2008|11:54pm] macaroniandchz [ music | t-pain ft. lil wayne - can't believe it ] i love the people i work with. i learn so many things from them. i like old people i like knowing what they know. i lvoe lil wayne. and i love things right now at this moment. just alone upstairs listening to peaceful music and being relaxed after a shitty days feels so good. i really just am a sad person and constantly miserable i wish i wasnt cuz i wanna live my life to the fullest and be happy cuz i dont want people to think im a bad person but i have a lot of shit going on in my life which makes me a fucked up person so i cant really help it. im trying to do good in life but its so hard. i wish somebody just understood me like really deeply. it sucks but i dont want people to know how shitty my life is so i act like nothings wrong when so many things are. i have so much anger deep inside me. i am not gna go to therapy again or get depression/mood swing pills either cuz like... too expensive n i dont like telling strangers my life story i feel like theyre judging me and i hate it. oh well... gotta go mom might be here byee post comment

[05 Sep 2008|11:19pm] candykisses46 getting covered in frosting and finding fudge all over is priceless. being a culinary student makes me fulfilled. now i feel bad for those who dont know what they want because it feels absolutely perfect. 1 comment|post comment

[05 Sep 2008|09:04pm] jennomac [ mood | KSKFJA;DFKFJ OMG WTF ] 30 Rock episode description: "...Megan Mullally guest stars as the no-nonsense adoption agent sent to evaluate the unlucky Ms. Lemon." UM. OMG. Don't fucking toy with me! DON'T PLAY GAMES WITH MY HEART. 14 comments|post comment

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