| Crit: Moderate |
[13 Sep 2008|11:54pm] |
Ways to leave him
I would leave him in an airport
I would leave him in the middle of the night after we made love;
he would wake up with my sweat in his mouth coughing from the staleness.
I would leave him on a wednesday after our usual
dinner of dead air and suffocating space.
I would leave him on a train
I would leave him in the ocean,
swimming off to some distant island and he'd write
long verses about his vanished lover
and I could live on in books and song.
Most of all
I'd leave him in the street and blend into the crowd
like a bird in a flock
migrating for the winter.
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| Crit: moderate |
[05 Jul 2008|10:44pm] |
Ray, a mute sixteen-year-old, heads over to Sammy's house in hoping of having a normal day of skating in the cold city, but when he arrives, he immediately notices that something is wrong. In the meantime, Ryan can't find his meth stash, and he's ready to lash out at whoever stole it from him.
The World Has Ears
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| Erm. |
[05 Jul 2008|06:30pm] |
I'm having trouble relating to my character. Do you guys happen to know any movies with a character similar to the one I'm about to describe? That might help me out a bit and I would really appreciate it.
My character is apologetic, sniveling, listens to all orders given to him yet secretly longs to be the boss he listens to, scared to try out new things, and self-conscious. But at the same time he's sympathetic and tries to help others out, but gets bossed around too much. He has good ideas but no one listens.
Any help here?
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| Crit: moderate |
[02 Jul 2008|10:10am] |
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RE-EDITED (As of 8/21/08)
Unfortunately, I still don't have a title for this.
Warning: There is profanity and mild drug use in the story.
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| A bit difficulty. |
[02 Jul 2008|12:44am] |
So people have been saying that I need to make my writing a bit more realistic. And I was wondering if you nice people could help me out here?
So here's the thing. Right now, in my story, these 2 brothers who are pickpockets get caught stealing and are getting chased by the cops. But while on the chase, they gotta stumble upon this one chick, who they gotta take home and deal with later. In my story right now, they just stumble upon her in the middle of the road, beaten and unconscious, which is unrealistic.
I was wondering if any of you guys had some creative minds out there and were willing to help me out into some different possibilities as to how the brothers bump into her? Help is greatly appreciated. :)
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| The next session. |
[01 Jul 2008|05:20pm] |
So I decided to try writing in a different style, yet keep it in first person. Just because I like first. This is a try at giving Finch a more distinctive voice. Please tell me your opinions on in and what I should or shouldn't approve on. Thank you. :D
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| Thief's dialogue. |
[23 Jun 2008|03:20pm] |
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I'm trying to write about a theif, a pickpocket to be specific, but I'm trying to figure out how a thief would talk. Like their dialogue.
For instance: instead of arrested they would probably say busted, or instead of credit cards they would probably say plastic, et cetera.
(I got these from the wonderful ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) foxtrot_sierra)
Can you please help me out here?
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| Chapter 3 |
[16 Jun 2008|05:27pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Minus The Bear - The Pig War |
] |
Again, you can be as harsh as you'd like. I just want to hear your opinions. :) Thank you!
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| crit: mod |
[29 May 2008|02:59pm] |
Perhaps the start of a story.
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| blurred to indigo. crit: moderate |
[26 May 2008|02:59am] |
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I'm slightly inexperienced with writing; I'm still young, but I've pieced a few chapters together and I'd really like your opinions.
Constructive criticism is fine--welcomed, actually. Some of you have amazing writing and I'd love to hear your thoughts.
I'm just posting the first tidbit so far until I feel happy enough with it to post more.
Title: Blurred to Indigo
Genre: Psychological Thriller
Chapter One: The Pen of Night Writes with a Heavy Hand
copyright Danica Y. {etherealights}
Reality is relative to each person, simply depending on what one allows himself to believe is true. She glows. In the pitch dark, her skin glows, mesmerizing him. She glows white and silver, abruptly interrupted by indigo black. She is ghostly; he’d turn on the light, but he prefers ethereal whiteness to sickly yellow. When the lights are out, she glows with innocent pallor and beautiful curves like Indian ink, images marking his minds like calligraphy. When the lights burn bright—too bright—her skin seems lucent and jaundiced, glowing with a different endearment. She looks like liquid gold in the ways she moves and sickly timid with the stains of ink on her yellowed pallor.
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[25 May 2008|08:18pm] |
I have been a livejournal user for over five years now, and recently made a website with a collection of my writing from my writing on livejournal. I apologise to anyone who has heard me mention this site before and are not interested, but for those of you who are curious, or have visited my site before - I have just updated it with a bunch of new writing, and would appreciate any feedback on it, whether you love it or hate it. The address is: www.sidrichmond.com
Also, whether you care about the website or not - add me as a friend. I enjoy reading your writing just as much I enjoy sharing my own.
Thanks guys!
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| Protectors : The protector of men |
[23 May 2008|02:48pm] |
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Title: Protectors
Main character: Alexandra Weller
Rating: PG
Summary: No use summarizing when you can read perfectly fine.
Disclaimer: These characters are fictitious and in no way resembles any actual person.
Read more : http://mad4hana.livejournal.com/29269.html#cutid1
Before she could say anything, Conrad continued, “Do you know how you got your name, Alexandra?"
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| Re-edited version of my first. |
[22 May 2008|09:45pm] |
This is a re-edited version of my first piece of writing. Many people said that more description was needed and that an added introduction might make it a lot more better. So here it is. Please let me know what you think of it. Criticism is needed. :) Thank you!!
Oh yes, and one little add-in. If you've read the first one that I put up, the non-edited version, then I changed the girl's name from VON Grimm to Alejandro (I'll explain later) because VON Grimm kind of confused many people.
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[07 May 2008|08:22pm] |
Hey everyone! I have spent the past few years writing on various livejournal accounts, and I have just recently made a website to organise all the work I have done in the past three years. I guess it's my first real attempt at presenting my writing in a serious way. This is really not intended as spam! But if anyone is curious, and would like to read some of my words, thoughts, ideas on life; I'm very interested in hearing any kind of feedback you may have to share!
Just words flashing through my mind, like television to the senses, and by hand of creativity, letting go to waves of emotion, and offering life what I see of its mystery. http://www.sidrichmond.com
Thanks so much! Cheers!
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| My first. |
[03 May 2008|09:47pm] |
I'm trying to write a story and this is my first.
The genre is science fiction and thriller.
Please give me any feedback; all I need is people's opinion on it.
Thank you! :)
P.S. - This is just part one of my first chapter. If I get a lot of positive comments or if a lot of people like it, I might think about posting the second part.
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| Call For Submissions: Ghosts In The Machine |
[14 Apr 2008|03:56pm] |
Phoenix Imprints Presents is now accepting art and literary submissions for its new anthology: Ghosts In The Machine, edited by Aitch Jae Esse of Phoenix Imprints Presents, an original collection of short stories focused specifically on the supernatural as relates to technology, most particularly with the Internet/Computers but other areas of technology will certainly be considered. Literary submissions should be less than 7000 words and, while authors are encouraged to ‘push the envelope’ with their submissions, excessive sexuality and violence are acceptable only to the degree that they serve the overall story. Successful submissions will be those stories that tell a genuinely scary, original tale with memorable characters and story arcs. If you have questions about submissions, policies, etc., please email the address below. Submission Deadline: June 1st, 2008 Anticipated Publication Fourth Quarter, 2008, First Quarter 2009 Submission Details: 1000-7000 words Authors’ Recompense: $20 per story accepted, publication credit and contributors’ copy Artwork Sought: Original Cover Art as well as interior illustrations, recompense negotiated based upon submissions.
Authors may submit their literary artwork to the email address below. Please place the following in the subject line: “Ghosts In The Machine: Literary Submission”. Acceptable formats include MSWord (DOC) and Rich Text Format (RTF). Please be certain to include your contact information including Name, Address, Email Address, Telephone and any other relevant contact information. Artists may submit their artistic submissions to the email address below. Please place the following in the subject line: “Ghosts In The Machine: Artist Submission”. Please make sure to include all photographs of work in TIFF, JPG or BMP formats. Other formats may be acceptable if arranged in advance. Please be certain to include your contact information including Name, Address, Email Address, Telephone and any other relevant contact information.
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| pointless Arthurian rambling |
[30 May 2007|06:24pm] |
What do bored authors do when not studying for an exam and writing a term paper? They write pointless things. So enjoy this foray into my own little Arthurian world (definitely not the traditional interpretation, but it could be fun)...it may be continued but I kind of like it as a short. Enjoy!!
reviews: moderate/harsh (don't focus entirely on the bad, but be harsh)
Enjoy!
Jewelles
jewelles2
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| a little help with my paper |
[29 May 2007|04:01pm] |
Hi guys, I got an extension for my finals due to some medical emergencies, and now I have turn them in this week. I just finished a paper, and since my school's library and writing center is not open, I was wondering if anyone were nice enough to read my essay and give me feedback/help me with grammar and errors.
My teacher didnt give me much of a prompt. She told us to write about any topic we find interesting that relates to language or anything we have learned in class. My paper is on Dora the Explorer, and how I feel she is a positive, female role model for children, how this bilingual show encourages learning language/vocabulary, and how the show is unique in the way it is interactive. I feel my biggest weakness is commas and grammar. Please let me know if it makes sense or if the ideas are ok. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
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