Script idea of mine. I was wondering if it is too confusing?

( 3 minute film )

Apologies for not being able to answer people's comments all the time, I literally can't see them because my internet is screwed ... basically I had to download 'Aguirre, Wrath Of God' for my film course tomorrow, and, uh, - would anyone care to give me the gist of it?

So however annoying this is for people, I may have to post this by updating segments. And like the primordial mass taking its first teetering steps out of the ocean, you will be able to witness the exact point where my internet collapses and dies.

( Ripples )

Hey, this is a short screen play I've been working on, with plans to film in the spring. I hope this isn't against any rules because it's not really a poem or a short story and it's a little long, but I would like to have some critical feedback. Mods: I checked the rules and it seems ok, but if it's not kosher feel free to delete.

Also: Please no notes on screenwriting format, It's impossible to do it correctly on LJ.


( Unified Theory )

This is a monologue I once wrote in a different laguage, but i decided to try on and traslate it into english. I did my best to retain some of the originality but I guess the terminology difference affect it a bit. But its a part of my learing process (or that what I keep telling myself).

I recently started writing the following script for a short film. I only wrote a little bit before quitting. I'm not sure I should continue writing it. It's not very long right now. What say you?

Thank you.

UNTITLED SCRIPT BY VINCENZO RAVINA

INT. MATERNITY WARD DAY

Fade in on a hospital door. Room 27.

MAN (V.O.)
She’s got my eyes.

WOMAN (V.O.)
It’s true. And my nose.

MAN (V.O.)
A fine-looking infant, she is.

WOMAN (V.O.)
She's beautiful.

MAN (V.O.)
We have to decide on what to
name her.

WOMAN (V.O.)
I know, I know.
What do you want to call her?

MAN (V.O.)
Well, considering 'Lucy in the Sky
with Diamonds' is our song, I thought
we could name her ‘Sky’.

TITLE CARD:

18 years hence.

( Read more... )

http://www.ahmyeyes.com

Didn't have one to submit, but as it is with prompts on this board, a scenerio of sorts came into mind, and voila...

( Gangs - PG-13 )

As always your crit is most welcome, but additionally I would like to know what you think the play is trying to say.

Hey, I'm in the process of writing my first play ever. I'm very proud of me for sticking with it! I usually give up the minute I start having trouble... but anyway. I'm VERY new to writing plays, I'm not sure how everything's supossed to be. I'm posting it here... hoping you can give me some constructive critism/advice as I continue writing it. I would really appreciate it. Thanks.

My play is called Isabel. When Isabel ends up conconcious in a hosipital, her 18 year old sister explains her life story to a nurse.

( Read more... )