Okay, so I've posted in this community once before. In retrospect, it was probably a poor example to post for critique, because it was meant to be as more of a personal piece. But since then I've done some critiquing of others' works, and would like to post a couple other things I've written.
Both of these have been posted to other communities, but I figure I'll post them here for further and more specific feedback.
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I think I like the second one more. The first one, to me, seems a bit cliche and it doesn't flow as well, not to mention there are some repeated words that I think kind of throw it off. It was my first stab at poetry in quite a while, after getting really into LiveJournal and beginning to really take note of what I liked in others' poems, and was basically just kind of messing around with what I could do with that. The second one, I think flows a bit better and makes more sense and has more of a solid concept to it. I don't know whether any of the technical stuff is any better necessarily, but I'm still learning. =)
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