We had one of our office cookouts on the Friday before last. Chef Theron grilled up his spread of burgers and dogs, and there were ribs in the offering this time, as well. Liar's dice broke out in the mess hall (I won $5) and Guitar Hero raged in the Domain conference room. Oddly, no beer pong took place.

The party marked the welcome return of warehouse four-square. We play on a big court, with each square having over a hundred square feet of surface area. It's more like four-man tennis with no net or rackets, and way more vindictiveness. We score it like volleyball, and king isn't allowed to call fruity house rules when he takes the square.



Out of nowhere, Reynir ][ brings Icelandic terror to the court and completely dominates two games. He just destroys them, winning by a margin of no less than six points. Jeremy was an unexpected contender, too, even though he whined the loudest about wanting to play silly variants. Nobody wants to call out the names of different My Little Pony characters when they return a serve, Jeremy.



The party was also the venue for the first annual CCP NA chili cook-off, organized by Chef. We had six entries. Although I was a contestant, I sampled all of the entries, so I can dish a little bit on my competition.



Let me begin by saying my entry wasn't perfect. It needed a little more salt and had a bit too much cheese. It had the growing heat that I like in chili, but it didn't hit the sides of the tongue hard enough. It was a B+ batch, and I'm used to serving only A-grade. LATE ADD: Here's the recipe for my chili.

Jeremy's chili, on the other hand, was like being invited to have dinner at Pol Pot's house. I think he used a pound of chili powder, and he let it burn on high heat in a crock pot all day. It had corn in it, too, and beans. All that chili powder made it really dark, and with little bits of corn in it… well, it looked like it tasted. You finish the analogy.

Katie made some mess that had cinnamon, beans, and corn in it, too. Honestly, people, what do you think this is?

Mike T. made a white chicken chili that was pretty good, but needed a bit more heat and a bit more salt. Also, beans. Not chili.

Zack made his with no beans, so it was real chili, but it cooked too hot too long. He also used a good cut of meat, but the overcooking hurt the texture.

Brian made some absurd fiasco that had bacon and sausage and beans in it. I think when Chef said "chili cook-off," Brian heard "Brunswick stew jamboree and recovering alcoholic jug-band" and lost his mind. Still, who can argue with bacon and sausage?

Brian took first place. Katie and I tied for second. Mike took fourth. Zack didn't place, and Jeremy was horsewhipped in the back parking lot. I think he got off easy.

As the night wore on, things got a little chippy and crazy talk was crazy talked. Conrad made some bunk statement and then things got all out of hand. The first annual Justin vs. Conrad guts fight-off took place. Scott declared a battlezone in the open side of the [redacted] part of the first floor. Strikes were disallowed. Headlocks occurred. Rib-crushes took place. I dropped Conrad on his head. Conrad charged me through a wall. I thought he was just going to be some bark-chip-chewing hippie, but he was absurdly tenacious. He eventually tapped out, but not before he had my forearm in his throat and I eventually had to choke him into submission.



Carpenter Mark fixed the wall. "Is this going to happen every Friday?" he asked.

"Every other Friday," someone consoled him.

Current Music: Hearts of Black Science, "Snowfall"