weddingplans: 362 Progress Post and Mama Drama

the woman of voices (

fallstosilver) wrote in

weddingplans,
@ 2008-11-17 09:41:00

362 Progress Post and Mama Drama
So first off, sorry mods for my one line squee on my 365 day :) We closed on our house exactly on our -1 year anniversary, and thusly lost internet at home (at work now). So I was pretty excited.

But onward and upward,

We have our venue and I will have pictures of it sometime in December. A friend of the FIL's is graciously allowing us to use his beautiful property on the Saluda River in Columbia for nothing more than a plate and a beer with his name on it.

I have a dress, not ordered yet, but I have a dress all the same

On the model

On me with bad hair :)

Bouquet ideas:

Center pieces cross of:

and

Mah Hairs:

Decorations for the aisles at the ceremony

And a florist I just got off the phone with had a marvelous idea about decorating up some kayaks to serve as a focal point against the river. I think I might like it a lot. I have to find out about the price tag for it though.

For bridesmaids:

aka
http://www.davidsbridal.com/bridesmaids_detail.jsp?stid=2985&prodgroup=110

It's a mutual love thing from all three of my girls, so definitely a plus.

In other news, any clues on how to deal with borderline-y overly emotional mothers whose emotional boat is completely upset by the fact that FMIL lives 30 minutes away while Mom lives 2.5 hours away? I'm taking tons of pictures of the house to show my family, but FH's parents live 30 minutes away, so we invited them over for dinner to show them the house. My mom got PISSED. Pissed as in called all the rest of the family to sob about how I apparently don't love her. I've gone more than out of my way already (and still a year out) to not take FMIL dress shopping or even do anything that might spark mom's wedding-related jealousy. I just don't know what to do at this point with her. I cut out going to lunch once a month with FMIL due to the drama, and now I'm getting grief for dinner with them.

and shoe help! I need to find some purple shoes for myself! I'm looking for something (closed toe) either with chunky heels (no sinking into grass) or flat with a low heel. Preferably the chunky heel one. Let me see your purple shoes!!

Edited to fix photo-fail.

Also edited to include my fabulous photographer, Tomme Hilton (www.tommehiltongallery.com) who is a fantastic lady and also going to be doing free engagement photos for us.

As well as hopefully having catering by Shealy's BBQ (www.shealysbbq.com/) they are my FH's favorite and I'm kind of in love with them too. They also make amazing banana pudding which I'm trying to convince them to share with a baker to fill a layer of our cake. Because that would be a cake full of win.

(Post a new comment)

firefly062
2008-11-17 06:24 pm UTC (link)

I don't have a solution, but I wanted to commiserate about the crazy mother issue.

I have been engaged for a week and a half.

3 DAYS after getting engaged, my sister called to tell me that my mother was crying that I wasn't going to include her and she was going to be left out and oh-my-god I don't love her.

NOTHING HAS HAPPENED YET!!!

So..point being...I have no idea how to deal with this psychosis. So if you find something that works, let me know!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	fallstosilver 2008-11-17 08:40 pm UTC (link)
	Sorry you're having to deal with crazy mama, too. The worst thing was when I told my aunt that my mom is crazy, my aunt was like "Now, don't say that! She's my sister!" and I had to explain to my aunt that personal relationships do not change whether or not someone is functioning appropriately. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	gettingdistant 2008-11-17 09:08 pm UTC (link)
	lol. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	eightydollsyell 2008-11-19 03:55 am UTC (link)
	my mom wanted the date when i called her 5 minutes after it happened....maybe she had a clue it was coming but I didn't.....yeah totally there. (Reply to this) (Parent)

uptheiresons
2008-11-17 06:28 pm UTC (link)

That all looks stunning! Well done on that :-) I love the centrepieces, the twine with the flower around the glass gave me some ideas too!

Don't have any advice on the Mother situation I'm sorry. I'm a bit similar in that I live nearby my FILs and my folks live a flight away so they get missed out a bit. I just try to make sure I keep in touch and send lots via emails so that they can see photos and have their input. Maybe you could visit her and discuss it. I tell my Mum I wish she could be here and I miss her lots. Hope this helps a little.

Congrats on everything you have organised! :-)

(Reply to this)

	PURPLE SHOES! olivetree 2008-11-17 06:31 pm UTC (link)
	http://www.endless.com/Womens-Shoes/b/242169011/ref=topnav_sd_wm_gw (Reply to this)

	dc1048 2008-11-17 06:42 pm UTC (link)
	Everything looks so pretty! I'm getting married in Columbia too - let me know if you have any vendor questions or whatever. I don't really have any advice other than to maybe schedule a wedding-filled day with your mom so she doesn't feel left out? My mom was drama-rama too at first, not sure why weddings sometimes bring that out. Good luck! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	fallstosilver 2008-11-17 08:17 pm UTC (link)
	Really!? Could you let me know your experience with whatever vendors you're using? I'm kind of shooting in the dark other than Shealy's catering and our photographer (which oops, forgot to post about that on the update). I spoke to a florist out in Irmo who I liked the vibe from on the phone, but I'm hoping the prices sync up. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

dc1048
2008-11-17 08:33 pm UTC (link)

Sure...so far my mom's been handling most of it, though I have met almost all of them (I live out of town and have to fly in to visit). You probably spoke to Something Special, right? That's who we're using; from what I see/hear the work is great and I am sure they can do what we want. I liked that he pulled together bouquets while we were meeting to illustrate ideas. Very friendly too, they are supposedly one of the best in the area.

We're using Parkland Bakery and the cake tasting was out of this world! I have heard really great things about Publix wedding cakes too though.

I would ask around to your friends and stuff for other recommendations. I sometimes post questions on the SC Knot board but it's kind of hit or miss over there. People put up vendor question and recommendations there though, so it's a good place to visit at your stage. I went on there to see which photographers kept getting mentioned, etc. People also post there about officiants, hair/makeup, etc. I hope this helps, let me know if you need anything else or you can message me, good luck!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	affectionjunkie 2008-11-17 06:46 pm UTC (link)
	OP: any psych/mental health background going on there? I was very impressed with the borderline diagnosis! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	fallstosilver 2008-11-17 08:12 pm UTC (link)
	Music Therapist :) Trying to do everything I can to redirect her behaviors so I don't feel obligated to check her into inpatient. She's actually a lovely diagnosis I love to call borderpolar. Lots of reactionary issues surrounding her relationships with others that totally send her to one end of the spectrum or another. In short, lots of fun. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

affectionjunkie
2008-11-17 09:34 pm UTC (link)

I'm an art therapist (woo-hoo, creative arts therapists unite!) I'm very familiar with the borderpolar, but I don't think I've used that term before! I think you probably have more of an idea of how to work with her than most, but it is hard to separate the clinical from the home biznass. I think my partner and I fight more since I became a therapist simply because I CAN'T use therapuetic techniques during fights without being accused of therapizing the relationship.

Is the FMIL on contact with your mother? I wouldn't want to push an Axis II into the life of someone who doesn't need be involved, but maybe having your mom talk with your FMIL (after giving you mom lots of info and inside scoop and involvment) will help allievate some of these issues?

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	fortuna_juvat 2008-11-18 02:17 am UTC (link)
	More and more, the psychiatry field is thinking that borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder exist on a continuum, based on frequency of manic/depressive states and other Axis 2 issues. Who says there's no new research in psych outside of pills? :) (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	fallstosilver 2008-11-18 02:32 am UTC (link)
	I know! We have a girl who meets criteria for every cluster B personality disorder, and yet she's also meeting criteria for bipolar disorder as well. It's really kind of interesting when she's not busy giving you a headache trying to come up with ways to treat her. All this and I'm just a lowly music therapist :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	cleverisall 2008-11-17 07:02 pm UTC (link)
	those hairstyles are beautiful. it sounds like your mother and my mother may be the same person... (Reply to this) (Thread)

	fallstosilver 2008-11-17 08:17 pm UTC (link)
	Oh for your sake I hope not :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	lizzie9208 2008-11-17 07:06 pm UTC (link)
	That dress was made for you. :-) (Reply to this) (Thread)

	fallstosilver 2008-11-17 08:18 pm UTC (link)
	Hehe, squeee. I'm so excited about it. Hopefully dad's going to be giving me the money for it over thanksgiving (wow I feel awful saying that, but that's the way the cookie crumbles). Then it will be ORDERED. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	lizkayl 2008-11-17 08:33 pm UTC (link)
	I agree! (Reply to this) (Parent)

stereophonicrpm
2008-11-17 08:08 pm UTC (link)

I don't know what to do about the mom thing-- my advice probably isn't going to be popular. My FMIL sort of did something similar but i am the kind of person that absolutely will not stand for that kind of b/s and thus, it stopped. When someone doesn't act sane and acts irrational and crazy, I just don't respond or get into it with them at all. It only seems to encourage if you try to placate or whatever. Tough love, I guess.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

fallstosilver
2008-11-17 08:21 pm UTC (link)

Yeah, FH pushes for this response as well. She has attachment issues, so I actually was trying to play it the opposite direction, check in with her every other day and make sure nothing too insane had gone down (tried the cut off thing, just wasn't good for my fears of my mom committing suicide). As I mentioned to someone earlier, I'm trying to manage her as much as I can without feeling obligated to check her in somewhere.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	lizkayl 2008-11-17 08:35 pm UTC (link)
	Ouch. If you have a chance, invite your mom home for a 'girls weekend' so she can see the house, and send your FI off to his parents? (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	fallstosilver 2008-11-17 08:38 pm UTC (link)
	Might need to try that :) Thanks (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

lizkayl
2008-11-17 09:16 pm UTC (link)

She's obvious jealous of how close you and your FILs are. She probably knows she's overreacting but if she's like my mom... you've been the main drive of her life until now and she's floundering without you.

Try to encourage her to hang out with her friends, join an exercise class, start walking- doing something for HERSELF. Recommend a new tv series for her to netflick.

I got my mom hooked on World of Warcraft, but that's not for all parents.

Yeah, calling the mother regularly is about all you can really do. Asking her opinion or for suggestions for wedding parts you don't care about.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

	fallstosilver 2008-11-17 10:06 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah, I just don't get it too, because my mom has another daughter who's about to graduate high school and I've been out of the house for 5 years. The awful thing is that she doesn't have friends, she only rides horses and is adamantly refusing to pick up anything else. Although she did get a job at Levi's, although now she's complaining about how sore she is. sigh (Reply to this) (Parent)

roaming_fool
2008-11-17 08:39 pm UTC (link)

*winces over the issues with your mother* I'm not sure how helpful my advice will be, but I suggest you make a day for just you and your mom and nicely, but very firmly, tell her that you will NOT tolerate this kind of bull from her. From there you may have enough solid ground to actually include her in some wedding planning, to reinforce that you have no intentions of leaving her out?

And your dress looks gorgeous, by the way!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	fallstosilver 2008-11-18 02:40 am UTC (link)
	I would definitely take this approach if it didn't make me feel like I would need to teach my sister suicide watch signs. Unfortunately, I've tried teaching my sister this and she wasn't very receptive. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

roaming_fool
2008-11-18 12:45 pm UTC (link)

Ouch. You have more patience than I do. I had a family member who used to pull this kind of shit, and I remember how my mother dealt with it. They threatened or implied that they might commit suicide, and my mother's response was, "Then you'll be dead," with no real emotion other than the simple statement of fact and no indication that they'd be hurting anyone other than themselves. That doesn't sound like it'll help much from your end, though.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

fallstosilver
2008-11-18 01:48 pm UTC (link)

I think it's just because I have so much experience with it. She's actually unstable enough to go through with it, and she's not the type to make a threat on it. She's never stated "I'm going to kill myself" but it comes across in her actions, her hopelessness, her desperation, and her reactionary relationships with those around her (even me). So you see how I feel like I tread on water. I have enough that could potentially be on my hands working with children who are like this day to day. I'd rather not feel like I have her blood on my hands, too.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	movedtoalaska 2008-11-17 09:23 pm UTC (link)
	Your dress is beautiful!!! What brand is it? (Reply to this) (Thread)

	fallstosilver 2008-11-17 10:01 pm UTC (link)
	Moonlight :) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	maggieplans 2008-11-17 09:25 pm UTC (link)
	Your dress is beautiful and everything looks lovely! I'm sorry to hear about your mom's issues. Honestly, I wouldn't let her drama limit your relationship with your FILs-- that's not fair to either of you. I do think making special "mom time" is a good idea. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	fallstosilver 2008-11-17 10:02 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah, I don't like that I feel the need to limit it with them, but thankfully they understand how reactionary my mom is and are pretty discreet about their assistance of us. (Reply to this) (Parent)

chapstickqueen
2008-11-17 10:49 pm UTC (link)

I LOVE your bouquet and centerpiece ideas. Judging from my own wedding, you'll need to spend a lot of time convincing your florist to do such loose/rustic bouquets...In then end I got pretty close to what I wanted, but it was a bit of a struggle!
AS for your mother situation...perhaps you can put your mom in charge of researching a few ideas for the wedding, maybe favors or a DJ/photographer/florist....just to have a project that's 'hers'? Plan a bi-weekly phone call with just your mom to gab about the wedding? You can email her a bunch of pictures of your ideas and then talk about them with her and she can feel like she's still included in the process?
As for shoes...have you consider purchasing white shoes that can be dyed purple? I know that there are a couple of brides who have recently [within the last month] posted pictures of their purple shoes.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	fallstosilver 2008-11-18 02:34 am UTC (link)
	I thought about doing that, but I'm kind of inexperienced in finding dyable shoes outside of the bridal shop. I found some 'bridal' shoes that are dyable, but everything I've found has a thin heels that would definitely have me sinking. Perhaps some help in that area is in order. (Reply to this) (Parent)

Also

fallstosilver
2008-11-18 02:37 am UTC (link)

The florist I spoke with on the phone today sounded (at least) like he was totally on board with my rustic ideas. He even had some terminology he used to describe the looser bouquets. And, as mentioned in the post, he talked about doing up some kayaks against a tree with hay and flowers, etc.. which I just thought was very creative. So here's hoping for the best in that arena.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	skrype 2008-11-17 11:13 pm UTC (link)
	Don't tell your mom anything about your relationship with your FMIL. Just reference doing minor things together with her and FH only. Basically, don't say too much about her, positive or negative! My mom is the same way and this is the strategy I'm using :) Good luck! That bouquet idea is so pretty- like wildflowers. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	fallstosilver 2008-11-18 02:39 am UTC (link)
	Thanks for the advice :) And I love the bouquets, that's why there's two pictures! I kind of want a mix between the two. I really want it to be kind of laid back, rustic, BBQ, river deliciousness and I think a fresh, handpicked looking bouquet helps bring that out a bit more. (Reply to this) (Parent)

fur189
2008-11-18 02:20 pm UTC (link)

Your "bad hair" looks better than the model's '80s beauty pageant hair.

Sorry to hear about your mom. My mom has a history of depression and issues as well so I empathize, even if I don't really know how to help. Good luck.

The heel is probably not clunky enough, but I think the knotting would look nice with your dress:
http://www.dsw.com/dsw_shoes/catalog/product.jsp?index=13&category=cat20006&prodId=183141&brand=

(Reply to this)

Username:		Create an Account Forgot your login or password? Login w/ OpenID
Password:
	Remember Me
	English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…

About

Help

Get Involved

Legal

Store

LJ Labs