pi_hole ([info]pi_hole) wrote in [info]vancouver,
@ 2008-08-06 07:50:00
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Entry tags:health: alternative medicine, services: banking & finances

investing course; colonics
my query is two-fold:

i'm looking to get into investing, as i'm no longer a spring chicken; it's high time i do something wise with my money and stop frittering it all away on strippers, blow, and veggie korma. does anyone know of a good introductory investing course? i'm talking really introductory- something juuuuust above the "stock . . . market? what is this market you speak of, and can i buy my smokes there?" level. ideally, it would be an evening course held one night a week or something. better yet if it's in burnaby.

colonics. i need my fecal freeway cleansed. i haven't had this done before and since it involves sticking a hose up my ass, i kind of don't want to just pick some place at random out of the phone book (what section would colonics even be listed under?). suggestions for somewhere to go, if you please. again, best if it's in burnaby.


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[info]molasses
2008-08-06 03:05 pm UTC (link)
i haven't tried but it comes recommended by friends. downtown, though.

http://www.vesttawholehealth.com/what.html

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[info]opium
2008-08-06 03:17 pm UTC (link)
HAPPY COLON
is in New West.

I want to go there just because it's called Happy Colon. Hah.

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[info]xinit
2008-08-06 04:10 pm UTC (link)
"stop frittering it all away on strippers, blow, and veggie korma"

How am I going to pay my rent now?

Regarding colonics... you likely don't need one unless you have an ostomy, are incontinent, or for a couple very specific intestinal diseases.

"Colonic irrigation can potentially cause severe adverse effects and must be carefully administered. People receiving frequent treatments may absorb too much water, leading to electrolyte imbalances in the blood, nausea, vomiting, heart failure, fluid in the lungs, abnormal heart rhythms or coma. Infections have been reported, possibly because of contaminated equipment or as a result of clearing out normal colon bacteria. There is a risk of bowel perforation (breakage of the bowel wall), which is a severe complication. Deaths have been reported."

Colonics and cleanses don't remove 'built up undigested meat' or anything ... they're mostly administered to people who don't need them for problems like they can't help with (asthma, allergies, colds, etc).




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[info]pi_hole
2008-08-06 06:17 pm UTC (link)
trust me, i need one. years of dope use and subsequently being on a high dosage of methadone grinds one's bowels to a halt. i know there's some bad stuff stuck in there.

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[info]cloud_atlas
2008-08-07 12:03 am UTC (link)
I wanted one for the same reason - being on opiats after an injury, years later i am still experiencing "re-apsorption and withdrawal" episodes. It's not pretty, it hurts like fuck.

I jsut haven't gotten around to getting mine done yet.

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[info]pi_hole
2008-08-07 03:37 am UTC (link)
yeah, opiates and opioids pretty much = retention of fecal matter.

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[info]thecesspit
2008-08-06 04:10 pm UTC (link)
"The Wealthy Barber" is a good book to read on the matter of investing. Starting point at least. The Motley Fool has a lot of good advice as well on investing and managing your cash.

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[info]cloud_atlas
2008-08-06 04:49 pm UTC (link)
The wealthy barber is a great suggestion. Also, (and while this can be a shameless plug, meh) the website for Credential Direct has HUGE amounts of resources/information about stock markets/investing/etc, all tailored to the beginner, DIY investor. AND they are doing a promotion with the Globe and Mail at www.stockstar.ca where they are giving people $150,000 in fantasy cash to play with...

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[info]thecesspit
2008-08-06 05:43 pm UTC (link)
Thanks for that linky, awesome.

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[info]gingertea75
2008-08-06 05:11 pm UTC (link)
Thirding the Wealthy Barber.

Also, check out "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" by Robert T Kiyosaki. It's been recommended to me by several folks that I consider to be 'savvy' when it comes to investing.

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[info]thecesspit
2008-08-06 05:43 pm UTC (link)
I'd not pay for 'Rich Dad...'. It's an interesting, and upbeat read, but the Wealthy Barber gives better, concrete advice AND is based on Canadian finance (which really helped me coming from the UK where things are a little different).

Robert Kiyosaki has had a fair amount of criticism on his investing techniques.

But as they say, Do Your Own Research!

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[info]jessiekins1
2008-08-06 05:50 pm UTC (link)
i live close to burnaby and i have a garden hose. backyard colonic- $50!

;P

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[info]jessiekins1
2008-08-06 05:52 pm UTC (link)
but seriously, eat some more fibre. go to the produce store and buy peaches, blueberries, celery, spinach and apples. make a salad and eat lots of it. it's like having a chimney sweep in your intestines. ;)

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[info]pi_hole
2008-08-06 06:20 pm UTC (link)
yeah, normally that would probably work. but- TMI time- when you're only pooing once a week, there are extenuating circumstances.

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[info]jessiekins1
2008-08-06 06:56 pm UTC (link)
oh, i see. apparently, there's this tea they sell at t&t that cleans you out. a friend of mine who only pooped once a week started drinking it and now she poops daily. she loves it. :)


or you could try drinking the mixture they advise for the master cleanse without doing the cleanse itself. that stuff gets you going like no other. o_0

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[info]pi_hole
2008-08-06 07:32 pm UTC (link)
three ballerina tea? with senna? i call it "the shit twirler" because of the twirling ballerina on the box and the effect it has on my bowels.

i know that my problem isn't so much what i eat (or don't eat), but the fact that most processes in my body are completely slowed down. i've tried the teas, herbs, a roughage diet, stomach massages, acupuncture, cleanses, you name it . . . it's time to bring in the big guns, now.

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[info]smartcookie
2008-08-06 11:13 pm UTC (link)
I know you said you've tried everything, but have you done psyllium husks? Most health stores carry them

I was on some pretty intense pain meds that totally messed up my body, but they really seemed to help. I think it's only reccommended that you do a tablespoon a day or something, but I played around with the dosage until I found something that worked.

This would be a post colonics thing to try maybe


If you have facebook there's a fake stockmarket application that it kind of fun, might give you a place to mess around for a little bit without risking actual money

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[info]pi_hole
2008-08-07 03:39 am UTC (link)
psyllium, yes. for three months. no discernible change is my bowel movements.

i've tried everything. including just pleading with my bum to please just let the poo out with minimal trauma.

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[info]tephs
2008-08-07 01:26 am UTC (link)
my sibling had a similar problem when he was a teen, and he went to one of those chinese doctors (herbalists?) where they prescribe bags of chinese herbs that you can use to cook that horrible black bitter chinese medicine drink stuff and it cleared him right out. it's not a tea, it's a bit thicker, a bit more like soup?... it's a bit complex to cook it, but some places cook it for you and you can just bring it home.

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[info]gingertea75
2008-08-06 11:25 pm UTC (link)
Senna leaves...

hooboy - that stuff works like a hot damn

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[info]twilight_79
2008-08-06 05:52 pm UTC (link)
If you don't really want to do the investing yourself but want to be educated a little on how different things work, and then let someone else design a plan for you - I've just started doing financial advising for World Financial Group and I'm building my client base at the moment. I'd be willing to sit down with you and do our initial presentation. There's no sales pitch - just info on some different strategies that we can use to build your wealth. Oh, and I didn't know this until I got involved, but you don't have to pay a financial advisor, so there's no cost involved for you.

Email me if you're interested. twilightlost [at] gmail [dot] com.

/shameless plug

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[info]arwenoid
2008-08-06 07:08 pm UTC (link)
whoa. wait. when did you start doing that? how out of the loop am I? :D

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[info]twilight_79
2008-08-06 08:16 pm UTC (link)
That's what happens when you spend a few months in Cloverdale! :P j/k - check your email.

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[info]kinky_tink
2008-08-07 02:19 am UTC (link)
it's obviously HER fault as I hadn't a clue either. *nya*
OR...you and I are both terribly out of the loop these days. Nah...that couldn't be it.

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[info]twilight_79
2008-08-07 03:43 am UTC (link)
We *are* out of the loop! When I get back from DC, I want to hang out.

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[info]ladylickwid
2008-08-06 09:50 pm UTC (link)
My prescription must be old because I thought you signed off your post "/shameless butt plug".

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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[info]twilight_79
2008-08-07 03:43 am UTC (link)
Hahaha! I'm shameless about that stuff too. :D

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[info]queerasmoi
2008-08-06 08:50 pm UTC (link)
There are a bunch of personal finance blogs out there, and the Financial Webring Forum.

I've recently started some DIY investing and I think the key is fees, fees, fees. If you don't consider yourself the type to go around stock-picking, then a "passive indexing" portfolio might be for you, and you'll want to design a strategy that lets you do so without giving too much of it to brokerages or mutual fund companies.

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[info]pi_hole
2008-08-06 09:27 pm UTC (link)
durrrr. that was all greek to me.

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[info]queerasmoi
2008-08-06 09:35 pm UTC (link)
Okay, so that confirms that I was giving the right advice but at the wrong level :)

Read at least as much about investing as you need for my first comment to make sense. Then read it again and process.

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[info]jawnbc
2008-08-07 01:06 am UTC (link)
RE colonics:

We have a home colonic kit: board, jug, hoses, nozzles. Takes a long time to set up and hours to get it done--especially the first time.

I have 2 suggestions for you: sugar free generic Shopper's faux Metamucil. Take it every morning a heaping tablespoon (much more than the recommended dosage) in a glass of water, followed by another full glass of water immediately. For the first 3 or 4 days do the same thing in the early evening, a few hours before bedtime. Once you've had 3-4 days of consistent plop outta ya poos, just do it in the morning.

But we also have a "shower bidet," which is a douche/colonic system that attaches to your shower. Many sex shops sell them (for butt sex). Just start with only a teeny weeny bit of water pressure until you get used to it.

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[info]pi_hole
2008-08-07 03:42 am UTC (link)
wheeee i've tried sugar free metamucil. no go.

and i'm scared that if i try to cleanse my poo tract at home, alone, i'm going to blast impacted fecal matter all over my bathroom walls.

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Good cleansing...
[info]traikunborn
2008-08-07 02:26 am UTC (link)
Two words: Coffee Enema.

No, not a starbucks double frap.

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[info]de_grasshopper
2008-08-10 05:19 am UTC (link)
A friend of mine did a colon cleanse, said he felt like Superman afterwards...whatever that means. But he lost some weight out of it.
Definitely consider keeping on a high fibre diet. I took this "Flush The Fat" stuff once, my roomate got mad cuz I ran through all the toilet paper in a matter of days.
I don't know anything about Finances, but you could give me all your money if you like. I'll find uses for it.

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