Deb ([info]devora) wrote in [info]vaginapagina,
@ 2005-12-20 02:43:00
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Tightness
Weird question, but I'm curious about the vagina tightness factor. My bf always exclaims how tight I am during sex. I understand that this is a good thing n'all, but what constitutes tight? Is it a hereditary thing? Are most women tight before they have children? Will this be lost to me after I do have kids?

Also, why is tightness more pleasurable to a man than "looseness"? What is it about the sensations?

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[info]taste_of_air
2005-12-20 08:00 am UTC (link)
I would assume "tightness" would be more pleasurable for a guy because it's a tighter fit, it squeezes more to stimulate him. being "loose" would be less of a grip and so not rub as much.

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[info]lovethatlovage
2005-12-20 08:03 am UTC (link)
this pertains pretty much directly to the post i made a couple of days ago

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[info]lovethatlovage
2005-12-20 08:04 am UTC (link)
http://www.livejournal.com/community/vaginapagina/6816400.html

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[info]laurenmd
2005-12-21 07:14 am UTC (link)
ahhhh i love you for that post

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[info]theelusivemolly
2005-12-20 09:57 am UTC (link)
Ha. I read this and was like, "Oh man.."

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[info]fuzzipoo
2005-12-20 10:01 am UTC (link)
i actually thought this was done on purpose...in realation to that thread.

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[info]adira
2005-12-20 08:05 pm UTC (link)
same here.

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[info]findingmeg
2005-12-21 01:00 am UTC (link)
me too. lol

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[info]skjfhsljfhslfa
2005-12-20 03:54 pm UTC (link)
lol me too

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[info]phedre_verreuil
2005-12-20 05:42 pm UTC (link)
See, this is the kind of post that I totally agree with you on. I also thought it was made as a "retaliation" or something.

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[info]lovethatlovage
2005-12-20 08:08 am UTC (link)
"tightness" is considered to be more pleasurable (for both parties) because it increases the amount of friction. what determines the amount of friction is pretty much how much control you have over your pc muscles, and how lubricated you are. a lot of women report that their vaginas return to their original state after they give birth (it can take up to a year though, from what i understand), being that it's such a wonderfully elastic organ (kegels also help).
the word "looseness" kind of gets to me though. if your vag is relaxed and wet their may not be the most friction, this doesn't make you "loose".

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[info]misslynn
2005-12-20 08:48 am UTC (link)
agreed, though i would like to say that too much friction can equal owie vagina.

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[info]emmycantbemeeko
2005-12-20 08:32 am UTC (link)
What constitutes a "tight" vagina varies from person to person, but it's usually used to describe a vagina which provides friction to the thing penetrating it.

Where people get confused is in the idea that vaginas are just... skin, that can start out tight and become stretched out through penetration or childbirth and never return to their original condition, like a piece of elastic. From this logic comes the idea that penetrative virgins are naturally tight and sexually experienced women or mothers are "loose" and that's that. I suspect this little bit of inaccuracy his was a popular idea in the past because it feeds into the notion that virginity is a highly valuable commodity that once lost can never be replaced- once your virgin tightness is gone, you can't get it back, so don't have too much sex or you'll get "loose"! It also gives people the false sense that they can "tell" how much sex a woman has had in the past, and everyone likes the feeling that they have access to privileged information. And it is yet another way to attempt to make experienced women feel inferior to virginal women.

In reality, the vagina is a tube of muscles, and the condition of the muscles is the main determining factor in how much flexibility it has. Well-toned PC muscles can tighten and relax as the owner sees fit. A vagina that's not well-toned can't do so as easily. The owner of a vagine which gets a lot of exercise (for example through kegel exercises or contractions during sex) is going to have a greater range of control- someone with a set of well-toned PC muscles can squeeze "tight" or relax and "loosen" as desired. Remember- being able to "loosen", or more accurately, relax, can be just as good a thing as being "tight"- not being able to can make penetration difficult or impossible.

So... like any other part of your body, the PC muscles need work to stay in good condition, able to tighten or relax as you wish. The way to locate those muscles is to squeeze like you were trying to stop the flow of urine. Hold and release. Voila! You're exercising your vag. ;) They're called kegel exercises- google that phrase for more information.

Childbirth can place a strain on the tissues of the vaginal canal, but like any other muscles, the PC muscles can recover from the strain. So no, childbirth won't make you lose your "tightness" forever, although it may take some time for the muscles to heal from the trauma. I know women who didn't know about kegels before childbirth and started doing them after who say they have MUCH better control over their PCs (ie, they can make their vaginas "tight" during sex) than they did before they gave birth.

Hope that clarified things somewhat. Sorry I'm so rambly- yay for cold meds!

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[info]kerplunkymonkey
2005-12-20 11:06 pm UTC (link)
Well said!

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[info]15_characters
2005-12-20 10:14 am UTC (link)
How much pleasure would happen if sex were like slinging a hotdog down a hallway?

note: the other comments are much more constructive and I KNOW that it isn't like that and the emphasis on the tight/loose thing makes me sick.

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[info]lovethatlovage
2005-12-20 10:16 am UTC (link)
that's the remark that first came to my mind too ("any tread left on the tires", etc). the thing that irks me about remarks like that is that they only relate vaginal size to the male enjoyment of sex. if you don't like my pussy, than stay the heck out!

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[info]bake
2005-12-20 03:26 pm UTC (link)
if you don't like my pussy, than stay the heck out!

Finally, a comment with which I totally agree!

=)

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[info]animeg3282
2005-12-20 03:43 pm UTC (link)
Hell yeah! Too much tightness can be a problem. I had to be manually stretched before I could have sex at all.

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[info]viv7mgte
2005-12-20 05:28 pm UTC (link)
AMEN! I heartily agree on this!

If anything, any worthwhile man will understand tightness can be a BAD thing--if my boyfriend and I start having sex and he thinks I'm feeling "tight," he usually pulls out and gives me more foreplay, because he's worried I'm not turned on enough so he might be hurting me.

But there are the guys out there who don't understand the female anatomy at all, so are still obsessed with perceived tightness. Our mission is to educate them, and if that doesn't help, excommunicate them from all girlparts. If only we could!

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[info]15_characters
2005-12-20 06:10 pm UTC (link)
hahahaha, exactly.

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[info]ennyleve
2005-12-20 07:40 pm UTC (link)
while the OP is obviously most concerned about the male enjoyment of sex, 'tightness' can also affect a women's enjoyment of sex (if you are super-tight, it ain't what it should be) although i suppose the degree of 'tightness' is probably related to the size of the object (e.g. a penis) inside

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[info]auraesque
2005-12-20 11:24 am UTC (link)
...that is a fantastic visual, though.

"Hun, are you ready?"

*Thwing!*

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[info]medbsbraid
2005-12-20 05:13 pm UTC (link)
lol

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[info]jdtrue66
2005-12-20 03:43 pm UTC (link)
All this talk about tight / loose reminds me of men always talking about size…..

I guess for me if it will let me in and still give enough friction for pleasure it is just fine…..

Will we men have to start saying “it is ok dear…. Size don’t matter” are we going to have to start making references to things like ships and oceans?

You ladies seem much more obsessed with this then any man could be of your size….

Men don’t talk about how tight a woman is. How sexy, how great a lover, How big her boobs are yes but not how tight.

I can only remember one time a guy told a woman she was to loose. Her reply was something like if you had more to fill me it would not be so loose (He shut up)

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[info]devora
2005-12-20 05:10 pm UTC (link)
You sure about that? In seems to be a pretty important factor in my boyfriend's mind.

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[info]phedre_verreuil
2005-12-20 05:25 pm UTC (link)
I have -tons- of guy friends that I'm close to and not one of them has ever mentioned tightness as a big factor. The only guys that I've ever had talk about it a lot were some frat boys that I knew who were incredibly shallow. ::shrugs:: they also talked about boob size and never wanted to date a girl if they couldn't fit their hands around her waist.

So... most guys don't.

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[info]devora
2005-12-20 05:36 pm UTC (link)
My boy is by no means a frat boy, and since I'm plump, I doubt size is usually an issue with him, but in terms of the vagina it seems to be. His gf before me was a mother of three kids, and when we once discussed the physical difference between a woman who had kids and a woman who hasn't, he replied "I've tried the Pepsi challenge, and I prefer Coke."

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[info]phedre_verreuil
2005-12-20 05:40 pm UTC (link)
I wasn't trying to imply that your boy was a frat boy or shallow, just sharing my experience as the poster above was.

But I don't think it's very nice to ask people for their opinions and then question them. That would be like me saying "are you sure your boy likes it or is he just saying that?"

Sorry if I offended...

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[info]devora
2005-12-20 06:02 pm UTC (link)
I'm not offended. What makes you think that? I'm just adding to a discussion.

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[info]phedre_verreuil
2005-12-20 06:38 pm UTC (link)
Sorry if I offended... I was unsure by the wording of your response whether you were offended or not so I apologized in case you were - when I read it, I thought you might possibly have been offended. I wasn't sure, hence the "if" in the comment.

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[info]viv7mgte
2005-12-20 05:33 pm UTC (link)
My guess would be it might be his way of sort of, talking dirty, if you will. I dated a guy who liked to do some low-intensity dirty talk, and he wouldn't say "tight" necessarily, but he'd allude to it and things like that.

Here is my completely invented hypothesis (I have nothing to back it up, except what other people have said):
1. it's a sort of "putting you on a pedestal" sort of thing... guys like to think of their girlfriends as better than other girls. thinking of you as tight, as has been said, associates in the male mind with purity and thus you're "better" than most other girls
1a. he likes to think of himself as special. if you're pure and he's getting something special, that makes him feel good.
2. the idea of tight also means that it "just barely holds" his penis--and that makes him feel big, and that makes him feel sexy.

Anyways, I'd guess it's just a sort of "talking dirty" sort of thing and it's something that comes to his mind. I've never seen porn, but it's possible that they say things like that in porn, or something. If you ever ask him about it, I'd be curious to hear about what he says, because now I'm kind of wondering too! ;)

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[info]lovethatlovage
2005-12-20 06:58 pm UTC (link)
"just barely holds" his penis

i love it! i'm on board with the entire hypothesis

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[info]teshara
2005-12-20 06:00 pm UTC (link)
Men don't talk about how tight a woman is.

Maybe to each other, but they do to us!! And my male friends in college compared size worse than the girls did...

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[info]devora
2005-12-22 04:36 pm UTC (link)
This is very true. My man is in his thirties, and tightness still seems to be something that is important to him.

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[info]teshara
2005-12-20 05:58 pm UTC (link)
it is a biological thing. I think it has to do with some people being more flexable than others. Some people are just bigger than others.

As for the baby thing, as a male friend of mine that has 2 children to attest said they can do all sorts of things to rebuild you after that. He said his wife was tighter with each baby born.

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[info]frolicnaked
2005-12-21 04:56 am UTC (link)
I'm sure [info]smallstar won't be upset with me if, in the interest of education, I post her comments on the matter.

She wrote them, not me, but they're here on [info]contact_vp and here on [info]vaginapagina.

But basically, aside from a person's anatomy or any medical conditions, a lot of "tightness" has to do with how well toned the muscles in your pelvic floor are. On one level, the muscles in one's vagina are like the muscles elsewhere in the body: exercise them, and they will become stronger.

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