Abstinence Only programs in High Schools
I was wondering who all went to a school that had Abstinence Only programs, what were they like, and if they weren't helpful where did you find out the truth? 

I'll start.

My high school's sex ed was Abstinence Only. It was basically an entire week of bullshit. I learned nothing useful, other than the fact that women had a vagina (note, not a vulva), and men had a penis and testicles. The man put his penis in the woman's vagina to make a baby, and that sex before marriage was un-fullfilling and emotionally scarring. Masturbation was just as bad if not worse, because it would lead to feelings of guilt and take away from the experience when you finally got married and wanted to have children. There was no mention of homosexuality, and they used scare tactics and unrealistic statistics when talking about STDs and pregnancy. It did in no way encourage me to stay abstinent, and I think it was actually more hurtful than it did good because now it was leaving a bunch of young, hormonal teenagers in the dark about sex and left on their own to find out what was accurate and what was not.

I did NOT go to a religious high school either, this was the program presented in my regular public high school. I ended up finding out from friends or my own research, which was not always accurate either unfortunately as my parents never took it upon themselves to talk to me about it. Their views very much were in line with what my school taught and I was always afraid to ask because it was a very taboo subject.

So, anyone else? I'd also like to hear from those who went to a school that actually had a decent sex-ed program.

EDIT: Thanks to everyone who has responded! There were a lot more replies than I counted on so sorry if I don't get a chance to thank you all individually.

(68 comments) - (Post a new comment)

rediculouslyon 2009-07-10 12:31 am UTC (link)

there was no sexual education at all through school, k-12. in 6th grade the girls were taken aside and told we have periods, the end. nothing else was addressed until i got to advanced biology my junior year of high school, which was an elective class. a very small percentage of students took it and it was only one chapter. my high school had a crosswalk from the gym to the pregnancy center. just a fun fact, there. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	alyfizzy 2009-07-10 04:40 pm UTC (link)
	lol! (Reply to this) (Parent)

kayeyem 2009-07-10 12:35 am UTC (link)

I went to a school that had a sex ed component. However, even though it wasn't abstinence only...it still didn't explain much. If anything. Basically what you described, minus the guilt talks, and included information about birth control (See your doctor for the pill, ladies, and boys, here's how to use condoms...which led to TONS of condoms all over campus for a few days, some artfully filled with glue or other liquid-ish substances). I suppose helpful if you haven't a clue what's going on, but otherwise? pretty pointless. It's not the schools job to educate about sex really (I say this as a teacher...you can't imagine the phone calls we get for providing period products in emergencies...let alone sex!) but the programs they do try to provide (generality here) are designed so you have "some clue" in case talking about sex and what not didn't happen at home. I seem to remember reading the teaching target for the sex ed courses in a district I taught at being something along the lines of "To provide general information about reproduction in humans including examples of STI's and contraceptive aids while enabling students to seek out information from appropriate sources." But really...what else would you want to learn at that age (these were taught in fifth/sixth grade in my area)? We all giggled and blushed and oh-my-god-ed through the entire thing. I'm surprised they were able to teach what they did! lol *edit* And when I said it's not schools job to teach about sex ed, I meant about the feelings you ought to or ought not to have with regards to it/give instructions on masturbation/that sort of thing. The basics, however, should be just because they might not happen at home. I hope that makes sense! lol Edited at 2009-07-10 12:43 am UTC (Reply to this) (Thread)

	tacky_tramp 2009-07-10 05:48 am UTC (link)
	what else would you want to learn at that age I knew plenty of kids who were sexually active in sixth and seventh grade. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)

(no subject) - kayeyem, 2009-07-10 09:14 am UTC (Expand)

(no subject) - tacky_tramp, 2009-07-10 09:49 am UTC (Expand)

rowmyboat 2009-07-10 12:41 am UTC (link)

I went to public school in downstate NY, finishing high school in 2002. We had comprehensive starting in 4th grade with period and puberty stuff. In 5th and 6th grade, things were reiterated and added to, including HIV/AIDS, female and male anatomy, pregnancy prevention, etc. In 8th grade we did it again, but more in-depth. In high school, there was a unit in health class, which most people took in 22th grade, which covered EVERYTHING. Pregnancy and STI prevention (including condom demonstrations and discussions of HBC), anatomy, healthy relationships, little bits on masturbation and queerness, etc. I think one of the reasons the 11th grade class was so good was because we had a particularly devoted and sensitive teacher. In retrospect, some of the information was a little shock and awe -- for example, STIs were all portrayed as THE WORST THING EVAR!!!1, and it was not mentioned just how common HSV and HPV are. I think that would save alot of heart ache if this was mentioned. See for example the spate of 'omg do i have herpes and will anyone ever love me again' posts this community had a few weeks ago. I also suspect that queerness might be mentioned more these days in that class, as I took it shortly before it was a really hot topic, so the issue flew beneath a lot of educators' radars. (Reply to this) (Thread)(Expand)

rowmyboat 2009-07-10 12:44 am UTC (link)

I'll also add that my mom was always really awkward (recovering Catholic, donchaknow) about trying to talk to me about sex and all the business, which made the whole thing really difficult. Like, she was trying to do her due diligence, but her general disproving attitude just kinda rubbed off and made the whole thing really unpleasant. And I honestly didn't need the information from her. The school did a good job, and I'm a smart cookie. (Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - rowmyboat, 2009-07-10 01:19 am UTC (Expand)

(no subject) - violet_tigress1, 2009-07-10 01:46 am UTC (Expand)

(no subject) - awesam, 2009-07-10 02:34 am UTC (Expand)

(no subject) - tacky_tramp, 2009-07-10 05:49 am UTC (Expand)

indis_earfalas 2009-07-10 12:56 am UTC (link)

I went to catholic schools for the entire time and the sex education was pretty good, actually. So good that I didn't tell my parents much about it, knowing that they'd have a fit about how much we got told. Mind you, this was in the 80's and in Australia (where we are slightly more relaxed about such thing ... or used to be anyway, I'm not so sure about now). Don't listen too much to your friends though, or at least don't take it as gospel, I think the best thing to do is read up and shut up (to your parents, if they're anything like mine, well, they don't need to know that you're educating yourself!). (Reply to this) (Thread)

	captaineri 2009-07-10 01:14 am UTC (link)
	I remember the Catholic school in my town had a more comprehensive sex education than my public school. I think it's because they were outline what exactly constituted birth control/contraceptives and how the FAM system worked. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)

(no subject) - captaineri, 2009-07-10 01:14 am UTC (Expand)

strychnos_nux 2009-07-10 01:02 am UTC (link)

Can't say my school's sex-ed was great, but I figured I'd share my experiences. Truth be told, I don't really remember much of it. We just had a special week in health class dedicated to it when I was in...oh, it was probably in fifth, sixth, or seventh grade. I remember briefly discussing condoms (which our teacher called "rubbers" and I've never heard them called that since). It was kind of paradoxical. I knew nothing about the basics of PIV sex--it took me forever to realize that sex was a penatrative act and not just rubbing--but I was one of the only people who knew what oral sex was. That was probably due to reading a lot gay fanfiction, but that's another story. >_> I took a parenting class later in high school, and we talked about sex quite a bit, but at that point, we were assumed to have known quite a bit. I recall being told that precum is a definite preganancy risk and that the pullout method is useless. Ah, scare tactics. One thing that always baffled me was the description of a man's foreskin. Every single time I heard about it, it was described as "a flap of skin covering the tip of the penis." I could never wrap my mind around that until I actually saw pics of an uncircumcised penis (less than a year ago). And then it was like "Ohhhhh! I get it!" In retrospect, calling it a "flap" is terribly misleading. In short, I learned way more about sex from the Internet than school and my parents combined. (Reply to this) (Thread)(Expand)

	captaineri 2009-07-10 01:12 am UTC (link)
	I had the same misconception about penises as you. In spite of my younger brothers and male cousins and babysitting I had no clue how they worked and had circumcision backwards and when I saw a picture of an uncircumcised flaccid penis I thought it was circumcised and the head or glans had been cut off. (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)

(no subject) - updraftgirl38, 2009-07-10 01:30 am UTC (Expand)

(no subject) - violet_tigress1, 2009-07-10 01:51 am UTC (Expand)

(no subject) - strychnos_nux, 2009-07-10 02:05 am UTC (Expand)

(no subject) - gemfyre, 2009-07-10 03:26 am UTC (Expand)

(no subject) - fireaphid, 2009-07-10 04:51 am UTC (Expand)

(no subject) - iud_jenny, 2009-07-10 07:09 pm UTC (Expand)

(no subject) - odalisque, 2009-07-10 02:21 am UTC (Expand)

(no subject) - fireaphid, 2009-07-10 04:54 am UTC (Expand)

whatweneversaid 2009-07-10 01:05 am UTC (link)

I went to a public school that did a bit of the comprehensive approach to it, but not very well. It ignored homosexuality and masturbation pretty much completely, which bothered me. We had to watch this stupid video "Adam and Eve when Eve's pregnant" in crappy 80s animation about pregnancy. They did a good job with birth control, telling us all the different kinds and the rates associated with each. It was pretty obvious that the teacher really didn't think much of the natural family planning thing, which I thought was funny since my family is Catholic. We did a little bit on STI/STDs, but that was mostly "fill out the worksheet from the info on the webmd and other sites!" so it was fairly non-judgemental but not as informative as it could have been. We watched a video about HIV/AIDS, but it was mostly "don't hate on the HIV positive people" focused, plus the whole "Use a condom!" Our health class didn't tell people that they should or shouldn't have sex, but it didn't do the best job of teaching us either. It was a waste of time, really. The puberty thing earlier in elementary and middle school was important, but I got that stuff from a book my mom gave me. (Reply to this)

captaineri 2009-07-10 01:08 am UTC (link)

I graduated in '07. Had abstinence-only sex ed. We got a lot of scare tactics about STDs and the boys were trash talked about only wanting sex. Girls were told that they shouldn't give in to what guys want and if they do no one will want to marry them because they won't be able to emotionally connect with others. Basically they perpectuated stereotypes and did a lot of victim blaming and female sexuality shaming. The thing that made me the maddest is these things were always taught by different people/groups and all of them completely ignored the sex drive of females and the idea of a life that doesn't include marriage and kids. We were told that condoms don't work and can make a woman sterile. The only way it can remotely make a woman sterile is if she has a severe latex allergy, then it might but that's still not a very large percentage. The only thing I really learned from their scare tactics is that a lot of people will ignore sores and lesions on their genitals until they get really bad. I have two younger brothers who are still in school and they've told me how it's still being taught like this. The way I found un-biased sexual information was by accident. It was a combination of me wanting to look at "naughty" websites but being too afraid of porn. I wound up looking at health sites and relationship advice sites. Also, my school had five pregnant girls when I graduated, three who had already given birth and those were the girls who actually went through with their pregnancies. I'm sure there were plenty more who chose to have abortions. So I don't think abstinence only works. If some one is going to choose abstinence they don't really need a two hour session of someone telling them how not to have sex and that masturbation is bad. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	captaineri 2009-07-10 02:01 am UTC (link)
	Another thing I just remembered is that the town I grew up in actually doesn't sell condoms. All businesses in the town had to be apart of the Board of Commerce which prohibited the sale of condoms under the guise of "issues of morality". (Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)(Expand)

(no subject) - bellatragedia, 2009-07-10 04:44 am UTC (Expand)

(no subject) - silenced_lambs, 2009-07-10 02:17 pm UTC (Expand)

(no subject) - captaineri, 2009-07-10 02:34 pm UTC (Expand)

deathbytamarind 2009-07-10 01:30 am UTC (link)

I had a sex-ed program in high school that was combined with other stuff, falling under the umbrella of "decision making." How to make choices about drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. The sex-ed part of it was actually good. They presented us with STI information, pregnancy, anatomy, the menstrual cycle, and birth control options. They drilled into us that abstinence was the only 100% effective method to prevent pregnancy and to protect from STIs, but they acknowledged that safe sex was feasible and a good thing to do. (Reply to this)

eunicemcgee 2009-07-10 01:35 am UTC (link)

I think my school system was really good about sex ed. In 5th and 6th grade, we had a week each year where we spent an hour watching videos and finding out the very basics of reproductive health; menstruation/puberty, and the mechanics of reproduction. We got to submit anonymous questions to the teacher, too. I remember in 5th grade, everyone was *hugely* relieved to find out that a boy couldn't pee in you when you were having sex. I'm sort of amused by how serious that concern seemed at the time :) 7th through 10th grade we had to take gym, but a whole quarter of the school year, gym was health class instead of running around. I'd say the majority of health class was devoted to sex topics, followed up by drug awareness topics. We also watched live birth videos and revisited reproduction in biology class in 9th grade. Junior year of high school, we had a special presentation where three HIV positive people came and talked to us about what it was like to live with HIV. Since most people's HIV status doesn't come up unless you're really close to them, I think it was a valuable thing for the school to do: put a face (or 3) to the virus. (Reply to this)

	dearstudioaud 2009-07-10 01:36 am UTC (link)
	i went to a religious HS, so we had no sex ed at all, nothing was taught. (Reply to this)

3goodtimes 2009-07-10 01:38 am UTC (link)

Went to an all-girl's Catholic school. The sex ed was great in some areas, horrible in others. On the one hand, we got to learn about a lot of stuff that happens to women because of the all female environment--yeast infections, ovarian cancer/cysts, a lot of specific details about pregnancy, etc, etc... However, the sex part of sex ed was awful. We were taught that condoms weren't really that effective. That birth control wasn't that effective either. We were taught that IUDs could warp your uterus, and masturbation was sinful. A priest actually taught us the rhythm method, which was awkward and put silly ideas in girls heads about how to get around taking precautions. The worst was the abortion issue--so many sideshows of mutilated infants, so many twisted "facts," so much condemnation of women who had abortions. When asked about rape and health risks to the mother, my teacher responded that rape pregnancies were exceedingly rare and should be carried out anyway, and that health risks were exaggerated by doctors to encourage abortions. Planned Parenthood was considered corrupt and we were told they pushed girls into abortions. Our school had a club dedicated to protests outside abortion clinics, basically for heckling scared, pregnant girls. Awful stuff. I was pro-life when I went into the school, their sickening propoganda made me realize I needed to research the issue, and I became pro-choice. (Reply to this)

in_pieces 2009-07-10 01:38 am UTC (link)

I graduated in 2003. in elementary school, in 4th grade, all the boys went into a room and got a 'sex' education talk, and all the girls were in another room (this was groups of different classes as well). we learned about tampons, tss, and really thats all i remember. i had not even started developing or getting it on with the boys, so it had little interest to my 4th grade self - especially when i read a lot of medical books/stories and knew some of it already. in 8th grade we had health, where we watched a movie of a woman giving birth (and some kid puked, but not because of the movie, just a funny side note). and we discussed aids/being gay. I think we might have watched a movie that hit that topic, but i dont remember what it was. we didn't really talk about what penises look like, or much else about sex. in high school, there was an elective class about health and stuff.. we touched on sex there, when we found out one of the girls in our class had a 3 year old. we also had a health class in 11th grade and i remember the teacher trying to show pics of stds. i don't think that our school was too bad with what they did, although we did have a slightly higher rate of pregnancies than the other schools around my area (the girl in the 10th grade class had i think 2 others before we graduated, and a few other girls i knew had gotten pregnant during high school). (Reply to this)

running_farmer 2009-07-10 01:53 am UTC (link)

When I was in the fifth grade, all the girls in my class got to skip class and have a special meeting with the school counselor. She handed out this packet with travel-size deodorant, a pad, a tampon, and a few pamphlets about puberty and what growing up is like for girls. There was a diagram of the female anatomy and I remember being FASCINATED by the fallopian tubes, ha. I thought they looked like strange flowers. Basically the school counselor told us that someday we would start to bleed out of our vaginas, that it was a normal occurrence that had to do with chemicals in our body, that we should never be ashamed or embarrassed about it. She also talked about hygiene and how puberty can make hair grow in certain places and make your armpits stink more than usual. I felt so important and womanly after that experience. I couldn't wait to get my period! I still wonder what the boys learned in their section of Puberty 101, though. In the eighth grade we had a nice big round of Bush-funded abstinence-only sex ed, complete with graphic photographs of cervices with cancer and labia with warts (for some reason, the boys saw pictures of vulvae and penises but we only got to look at girly bits. That still bothers me). The female instructor (the girls and boys were split up into two groups with an instructor of the corresponding gender) told us the story of a woman who decided to break her vow of abstinence while she was engaged to her husband and died of AIDS complications after he passed it onto her (apparently once you get married your STI slate is wiped clean?). She also shared her story of having sex at sixteen, being totally emotionally and morally ruined by it, and then deciding to become a born-again virgin, not letting her fiancee even KISS HER ON THE LIPS until their WEDDING DAY. There was no talk of condoms or birth control except to say that they didn't work or were bad for you. When I graduated from middle school there were three pregnant eighth-graders and ten pregnant sixth-graders. I am not exaggerating. Luckily I was nowhere near being ready to have sex when I was in middle school, preferring to fantasize about Mr. Rochester and Harry Potter making out with me instead. Ooh, and Aragorn! I eventually learned everything I needed to know about sex from my very honest mother and the Internet. (Reply to this) (Thread)(Expand)

running_farmer 2009-07-10 01:56 am UTC (link)

Oh, I forgot to talk about high school. I graduated in 2007. There was an elective "Life Skills" class where you cared for a sack of flour or a robotic infant, learned how to sew and cook, and were taught sex ed, but I decided to take AP classes instead. It was known as a "bird" class and I already knew everything that was taught in it already. Edited at 2009-07-10 01:56 am UTC (Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - so_much_udder, 2009-07-10 03:39 am UTC (Expand)

(no subject) - itsnotfairlaika, 2009-07-10 10:49 pm UTC (Expand)

glass_rain 2009-07-10 02:18 am UTC (link)

In fifth grade in northern California, public school, we had "Human Growth and Development," which, being fifth graders, we called "Human Gross and Disgusting." That was all the puberty basics. In eighth grade in western Michigan, Christian school, we had the biological side of things in science class (zygotes, embyros, video footage of birth...that did more for abstinence than their total non-discussion of any protective measures), and the "moral" side of things in a different temporary class before lunch. Someone came in from the "Pregnancy Resource Center" to tell us about how awful abortion is and that we should never kiss our boyfriends or girlfriends beyond pecks on the cheek. (Because kissing on the lips leads to petting leads to sex.) And we had to take care of kitty litter baby dolls for a week. There was a chapel on the evils of abortion in seventh grade, which was the year 2000 and thus of the Bush/Gore match-up. Convenient. I do remember them having a way to ask anonymous questions, which I think is good, and they did a lot to dispel HIV myths (no, you cannot get it from a toilet seat, etc). But there was a lot of shame attached still -- I recently came across the unit test from that science class, and there are Bible verses quoted and I was asked why one should refrain from sexual activity, and my poor brainwashed 12-year-old self mostly talked about how one would get "a reputation" and "be ashamed." We were also told that our virginity was a rose, to be given to our husbands/wives on our wedding nights, and how would our prospective spouse feel if it was all torn and trampled on. Yeah. My brother got a similar analogy, only his was tennis shoes that "the whole football team" had worn. Bleck. (Reply to this)

wiccanlilly 2009-07-10 02:21 am UTC (link)

I actually think I had a fairly good experience with sex ed in school. I graduated high school in '98, so some of the information we have no, such as the multiple strains of HPV, we didn't have then, nor were there drugs like Valtrex, but even taking that into account, I think it was good In fourth and sixth grades, we had the standard "Hi, this is puberty!" talks. I was actually surprised by some of the comments about this, because they didn't seperate boys and girls. Each gender got their own gender-specific booklet, but we all learned together about perids and sperm production, and that fun stuff. Which was a bit embarassing, yeah, but I think it was better in the long run, because we weren't left in the dark about the other half of the population. In eighth grade, sex and pregnancy were introduced. It wasn't very hardcore, basically "this is how pregnancy occurs, this is the coruse of a textbook pregnancy, these are ways to prevent pregnancy, these are old wives' tales about how to prevent pregnancy." I think this is when the first introduced mastrubation to us, more as a fact of life thing, that it wouldn't cause you harm, and it was up to you if you did it or not. We had a semester of sex ed health our freshman and seniour years in high school (sophomore year was driver's ed and junior year was first aid/CPR). We learned all about the contraceptives that were availavle at the time, and their percentages of effectiveness when used perfectly AND with human error. We also learned about STIs without the scare tactics. It was made very clear that people didn't contract STIs because they were "bad" people, or "dirty" or anything. Even HIV?AIDS was handed in that matter--a big deal, since I think we as a society were just starting to come out of the "AIDS IS EVIL AND ONLY EVIL PEOPLE GET IT DON'T BE EVIL LIKE THEM!!" phase. Oral and anal sex were included, along with their risk factors. We also learned about abortion--I remember doing an essay on RU-486--I remeber the numbers because it was right when the drug was being approved by the FDA, so it was a VERY big deal. We also learned about abstinence, as well, and we did talk about the emotional ramifications about sex, not that sex "ruins" you, but the emotional side of making the decision to have or not have sex. Peer pressure was frankly discussed, too, and it was clear that the school KNEW that teenagers do have sex, and they wanted us to be as well-informed as possible. Honosexuality was discussed, too, not as a judgement, but as more of an "it exists in society" thing. We never went into it much, but from what I remember, the topic was very unbiased. The bottom line of our sex education was that they wanted to make sure that we had all the information in order to make the decisions that were best for us individually. We were never given any "morals" lectures or anything, but told we should use the information in conjunction with what we knew of ourselves in order to make decisions. Honestly, the best thing I got out of my sex ed classes? The idea that unless we were comfortable with our own needs, wants, emotions, and bodies, and were comfortable with sharing that information with our partners, that then was when the best sex would happen, whether that be when we're 16 or 60. (Reply to this)

lougolas 2009-07-10 02:32 am UTC (link)

I went to a Catholic school, but I'm in Scotland and from what I've heard from friends, the sex-ed seemed much the same as non-denominational schools. In Primary 7 (age 11), we got the initial talk, explaining the basics of sex and periods (well, the girls did - they took the girls and boys in as two separate groups so I'm not sure what they were told, but they looked more freaked out than we did afterwards!). In our first or second year of high school (age 12/13), we were taught about sex as part of a Science lesson, so it was a more technical explanation. A couple of years after that was a lesson as part of Religious Education, where they actually told us that pre-marital sex isn't prohibited by the Bible, just by the Church. Around the same age, it was also covered in Personal and Social Education, where we actually learned about birth control. I can't remember if we'd already had a pregnancy in the class by that time or not! I do remember thinking that they'd left the birth control part a bit late, so maybe we had. The only negative approach was from an old priest in our final year of high school (age 17), when we'd already had all of the other lessons (and it was a bit late in terms of pregnancy prevention! The average age for accidental pregnancies seemed to be 14/15). We had a series of guest speakers on various topics (organ donation is the only other one I remember clearly, but there were a few) and apparently this priest had been giving the same talk for a while and was supposed to be quite good. His speech was on alternatives to penetrative sex - oral, mutual masturbation, touching, kissing, etc. Needless to say, we were all horrified to hear an old priest talking about this stuff! Our teacher actually apologised later! His heart was in the right place, but it was very disturbing. (Reply to this)

muskeeterrowan 2009-07-10 03:01 am UTC (link)

my school offered no sex ed of ANY kind. not even an abstinece program. We had health class, and learned about STDs, but never safe sex or anything. I pretty much figured things ou on my own. Sadly, i didnt know that coitus was another word for sex until i graduated, and i never even saw a condom until i finally broke down and went to planned parenthood. But thanks to my sisters boyfriend stash of hustler mags and my own natural curiousity, i figured it out. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	muskeeterrowan 2009-07-10 03:03 am UTC (link)
	Wanna add when i was 11, we were told about menstration in school, and given little boxes with tampons in them. I asked my teacher "we put this WHERE?". After school, she explained. (Reply to this) (Parent)

gemfyre 2009-07-10 03:19 am UTC (link)

I went to a public school in Perth Australia. My parents never gave me "the talk" but I was given a copy of "Where Did I Come From?" and "What's Happening To Me?" when I was about 7 years old. I was a voracious reader and read them cover to cover. A bit later mum gave me another book on pregnancy and birth. She also gave me books on menstruation not long before I started bleeding. They were sponsered by companies though so I had no idea about alternative mentrual products until I was in my early 20s. At high school sex ed was included in health class (I went to high school from 1992 - 1996). We learned about basic reproduction, STDs and mainstream contraceptive methods. There was no mention made of sexualities other than heterosexual. I also took Human Biology (the only subject I was ever really good at) in year 11 and 12 and learned a bit more about the nitty gritty of hormones and reproduction there. Our biology teacher also rocked and showed us things like Wicked Willy and Monty Python's Meaning of Life. I also found out quite a bit on my own from reading magazines and books. I think if I had met the right person and the circumstances were right, I possibly would have had sex anywhere from age 12 onwards. As it was I only found the right person when I was 19, I'm still with him. Edited at 2009-07-10 03:21 am UTC (Reply to this)

kayla1906 2009-07-10 03:20 am UTC (link)

I went to catholic grade school and an all girls catholic high school. My mother was way too embarrassed and much too full of shame and/or guilt to tell me anything about sex. She did give me a very sketchy view of what was going on with my period and forbid me from using tampons. One day I asked her something about sex and she finally stuttered something about that would be taught in school. In school we had almost no sex education. Occasionally something would come up about sex and the whole discussion would revolve around it being a mortal sin and we would leave feeling we better be careful or we would be going to hell. I remember when I was in the 8th grade there was some kind of discussion about masturbation with the result being we were told the bible says you can not spill your seed on the ground. Me being the smart kid I thought I was I came out and said or that is too bad for the guy, but I am glad to know girls can masturbate because we have no seed to spill. There was a lot of hooting and howling by the boys, and the girls were all going eeeewwwww. I got kicked out of class and suspended from school for 3 days. My mother was mortified and went to church everyday for a month praying for me. It was about this same time I discovered masturbation. The first time I had an orgasm it scared me to death, and I shook uncontrollably for a good 15 minutes. I had no idea what I had done I was scared to death I had done something and everyone would know I had been "playing with myself" - I was full of guilt, shame, and fear. Finally I calmed down and began to think how could something so good be so bad, and I knew I was going to do it again. I did continue to masturbate regularly, but it took months to get over the shaking although it was not as bad as the first time. After that and all through high school I spent much time in the library finding out everything I could about sex, and religion. During my first year in high I had my first experience with a guy. Since then I have departed from the religion, and have no qualms about sexual relations of any kind. I have found my life is much fuller, and not dominated by fear. (Reply to this)

stephanielikes 2009-07-10 03:50 am UTC (link)

I went to an all-girl's grammar (selective state education) in the Home Counties. I had comprehensive sex ed, including changes we could expect in our own bodies, an anatomical drawing of a vulva (it had hair) drawn on the board and being told that 'having unprotected sex with a new partner, in terms of STDs, can be the same as having it with all their ex-partners too'. Condoms were pretty much promoted as the favourite means of birth control. We also discussed masturbation, and our matron explained she did now and at our age at the time (perhaps thirteen?). A couple of years later we learnt more about specific STDs and contraceptive methods. We were taught how to use and obtain the most widely-used methods, and shown a couple of IUDs and diaphragms too. We did a quiz on condoms, where we had to put the steps in the right order- 'check for Kite mark', 'pinch the tip' etc. It went up to how to discard of one respectfully. The only problem I had with what was taught was no-one mentioning homosexual sex for either gender; I know for sure we had lesbians in the class by the second one, and one of them very boldly asked what they were meant to take away from it. I think there was something mumbled about dental dams. In VIth form (16-18 years old) we were taught next to nothing; everyone assumed those present were already having sex, which was a shame, because some of the girls in particular were startlingly naive. The teacher made a bit of a joke out of when we were required to do it ('have sex, use a condom, got it? great') and we ended up watching what was admittedly a very interesting documentary on residents of the NY subway system. No-one really spoke up about the lack of education; half the people were scared of looking inexperienced, and half of us just didn't want this particular gentleman being the one to teach us. My boyfriend has claimed his own education at the same school aged 14 was comprehensive, but he had no idea how oral contraceptives or menstruation works, so I don't believe him! (Reply to this) (Thread)(Expand)

stephanielikes 2009-07-10 03:53 am UTC (link)

In terms of my response to it (long comment is long!), I found I knew most of what was taught already. My friends were a mixed group but all very precocious girls at the time, and several in the group were sexually active, including a bisexual girl and her homosexual partner. I can't remember if I had sex ed before or after I first had sex, but I remember the knowledge being no shock. (Reply to this) (Parent)

(no subject) - stephanielikes, 2009-07-10 03:58 am UTC (Expand)

twilight_kat 2009-07-10 04:18 am UTC (link)

I went to a second chance high school, so, there wasn't much in the way of sex education, most of the kids were slightly more worldly than that. I do remember drawing a diagram for one girl, as she had no idea what was between her legs, "whats a vulva?". I ended up with 4 or 5 girls in the art room, explaining what the bit where. In jr. high I was in a rather conservitive school, so it was more of; "these are the bits you have. this is how you make babies. don't do it." We talked briefly about contraception, and spent a looong time talking about various STI/STD's and the like. Oh noes, sex is baaad, it'll give you croooooooch rot- unless of course your properly married. Luckily (??) for me, my mother believed in educating her children; she was a home ec/sex ed teacher. So I got books, and long talks, and over informed about sex (I think she tested lesson plans on me). I got "What happening to my Body" when I hit puberty (like a brick wall), and then a few years later, "My body, myself." And she basically advised me to, experience as much of the world as I could before ever considering getting hitched Schools will always be governed by politics, politics will be governed by what is currently popular. But as a parent its sort of your job to ensure you children have the tools to live healthy lives. (Reply to this) (Thread)

__recidivist 2009-07-10 06:08 am UTC (link)

>>I do remember drawing a diagram for one girl, as she had no idea what was between her legs, "whats a vulva?". I ended up with 4 or 5 girls in the art room, explaining what the bit where. Oh man. I did this off and on, all throughout my first year of college. I remember going to donate blood one day and realizing I still had a vulva drawn on my palm (fingers make handy labia!). (Reply to this) (Parent)

__recidivist 2009-07-10 05:41 am UTC (link)

I really can't remember much about what my (public, small town Massachusetts, USA) schools' sex ed programs were like. I know that we had sex-based groups (female students with female teachers, male students with male teachers) in the fifth grade. I want to say that it was maybe a week long, but, like I said, my recollections are really fuzzy. I remember that I knew a lot of the puberty information that we were talking about, but I thought that female puberty made people's voices higher, which was embarrassing. In high school, we had a semester-long health course that most people took in 9th or 10th grade. This covered things like drugs and alcohol, along with some sex ed. I don't remember a lot of the content, but I do remember being pretty cheesed off that there was only a cursory mention of queer people even existing. I went to a Catholic college, where I was a Resident Advisor and president of our queer and same-gender-loving group and sometimes I really needed to walk on eggshells around condom use. My school was pretty down, though, and one of the sisters, in particular, lead some great events around Catholic social teaching on issues like abortion, which homosexuality, and birth control. I sometimes put handfuls of condoms in the bathrooms and they were always snatched up within an hour or so, which always indicated to me that we needed to be doing more for the 50% of our population that was not Catholic and the students who had decided not to wait until they were married to have sex. It has long been a major bone of contention that my school is unable to provide condoms at the nurse's (there's no woman's center) and was reaaaally stingy with BC scripts. If they thought you wanted it to prevent pregnancy, they would refer you to a local hospital with which they worked. Though, like anything else, that could depend on the nurse you saw that day. One was really reluctant to prescribe, and one wasn't. That was pretty long for not remembering much! I tried to find my schools' curricula for sex ed, but a cursory search didn't turn anything up. On another note, some of the phrasing in your question bothers me a little. I'm worried that people-- especially religious people, since you imply that the poor education your school provided is the sort they might give-- who might prefer if schools do take the abstinence approach might be offended by your describing abstinence education as "bullshit" and programs that include information on other birth control techniques as "the truth." Since there are so many people in VP (25,500+!) I'm sure at least a few of them believe that schools shouldn't be teaching about sex or birth control. So while it's totally fine to explain the problems and short comings with your own experiences, I worry that your tone might unintentionally have alienated or offended some people. (Reply to this)

tacky_tramp 2009-07-10 05:45 am UTC (link)

My school district had an awesome program. We learned the mechanics in fourth or fifth grade, but honestly, I already knew a lot by then. My parents gave me Where Did I Come From when I was five, I think, and by the time I was 10, I was already reading my mom's books on pregnancy (she was in training to become a midwife) and examining my own girlparts with a hand mirror. I also sort of grew up in the queer community, and used to volunteer folding brochures about HIV prevention and hand out condoms at drag queen softball games. So I guess I don't clearly remember exactly what happened in school, because I had such a great education at home. There were no scare tactics that I remember, and I know in middle school the teacher talked frankly and positively about masturbation, which made us all giggle and blush. In high school, the visiting sex ed guy showed us how to put a condom on a banana. (Reply to this)

harro_der 2009-07-10 06:27 am UTC (link)

Graduated hs in 2003. In 5th grade we watched a video about puberty/etc and hiv/aids, either of which our parents could sign us out of. I think 7th and 8th we had sex ed, which had the usual "abstinence is the best policy" but our teachers were realistic and said that in the event you chose not to remain abstinent, what to do. STD/I's wre certainly not painted in a good light, but we learned what the common ones were and what they did to you (and how you caught them/warning signs your partner had them). This was circa 1997-98 so I don't think we knew how common hpv is, but I remember discussing it. Learned how to put a condom on and all that jazz. They were fairly open to everything, we had life styles discussions that were non judgmental. They made condoms available to us both there and in high school if we needed them. I actually really should thank them for the "life styles" (which I mean to use to encompass all issues thereof) discussions because it helped me be open and tolerant of genderqueer individuals from a younger age, certainly left to my parent's that wouldn't have been so. A few people in our school later determined they were genderqueer and didn't receive (that I know of) much/any shit for it. Sex Ed was a good experience for me and I'm sad to know it wasn't for so many other people! Though I also had no idea what a foreskin was until I saw some porn and the guy was uncut and it sort of clicked (all 4 of my partners have been cut). (Reply to this)

nakedfaery 2009-07-10 09:14 am UTC (link)

My school had detailed sex ed regarding womens genitals and reproductive organs. We were taught proper self care (not the 'oh god menstruation is SO dirty) stuff you get in some places. We were taught about the clitoris and sexual pleasure. We also did a bunch of lessons on being ready for sex, emotions surrounding sex etc. We were taught to have sex when it felt right and we were taught how to have safer sex and use birth control. I am so so glad for this. (Reply to this)

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