When I am in public and virtually everyone around me is a stranger, the moment I interact with someone I am most commonly referred to as a woman.  When I am in a social gathering with close friends and known acquaintances, it seems like my womanhood is not respected by some people who know my situation and genuinely care about me. 

I am not one to demand recognition, but sometimes my friends attitude or approach towards my gender identity seems trite...yet it seems like they're trying very hard to understand me and my situation..otherwise they wouldn't take time out of their day to make plans with me. 

I'm tired of feeling the pressure of negotiating my identity for people (in work*particularly*, in play, in organizing, in the day-to-day) just because I happen to be visible to them in a given moment.  I'll probably be dealing with this conflict for years to come, I primarily wish that those who feel that they know me better than most wouldn't attempt to promote me to their friends as a masculine individual, "he", etc...when they know very well that I don't identify as male.   I'm aware that some people don't think it's kosher to disclose to strangers about a friend, and I agree..but even in that case I'd prefer if the gender-specific pronouns were dropped.   I'm aware that my presentation  is malleable, and I do have masculine traits as much as I have feminine traits...I just feel that my femininity should not be debated upon, and my masculinity should not be the fall-back subject-- Because my femininity is dominant, and I am a woman, and whatever my anatomy may be should not be the focus at hand.

I feel like this is really buggering me, but I feel like I have a better understanding of the issue at hand I feel like I'm not stressing so much...It's just very disheartening when those I've been intimate with don't seem to be respecting my gender identity, while strangers refer to me in the proper pronoun without question.

Thoughts?

Love,
         Noa

Curious if anyone has had any experience or luck with getting a name change record sealed?

I want to change my name again, and go more stealthy. But I worry about the name change record being widely available online. The way the internet/google is going it seems like there's no option to keep a name change under wraps. Most counties in California at least digitize all their court documents and you can literally pull up the exact document. Though, luckily some counties DO automatically seal court ordered gender changes, like they did with mine.

I've talked with the Transgender Law Center, the National Center for Lesbian Rights, and a few lawyers and none of them have been much help. They all indicate they've never heard of someone wanting to seal a name change record, and don't think it's possible. So maybe its not. Anyone had any experience otherwise?

In california, one can get the record sealed and even get a new SS number if you're a victim of domestic abuse or a stalker. I considered faking a stalker in order to do this, but my friends persuaded me against this idea...might be big trouble if caught

I got my T letter today!!! I am so friggin happy!!!! I knew that my therapist was working on it, but I didn't think that she would have it done today. This day keeps getting better and better, I got a job too and I found a ride for my fiancee to come this weekend so we can celebrate our anniversary and go to our friends' wedding!!

I have packed away Nicola's belongings and put them in storage.

I have come to the conclusion that I have body issues not gender issues and on that diagnosis I have come terms with my past actions.

That was a discussion about proper terminology. This got me thinking...
(I know...right...DUCK!) Is there a list of proper terminology that I could copy and post round the office? I don't feel a huge need to reinvent the wheel...& I do, not so fondly remember when so many of the terms we use were an absolute mystery to me. I think that more exposure to proper terminology could do nothing to hurt, and might go miles in avoiding conflict by mishap.
So…
Anyone know of a good list?

I have some sad news for the community.  I don't expect any of you knew her, but a transwoman named Lucille died this weekend.  I met her when she spoke to people at my school about trans issues.  she was an active member of the community, a brave, beautiful, and fucking fabulous woman, and I didn't know her that well but her death has me shaken up.  I had a lot of respect for her...I don't even know what to say.

of course, the newspapers in the town where she died refuse to use the appropriate gender, and furthermore they are immediately making typical racist assumptions about the nature of her religion.  She had traveled to New Jersey from Arkansas to participate in a Voodoo cleansing ritual, after the ritual everyone went to sleep, and Lucie never woke up.  The ritual had nothing to do with her death, but the headlines are reading "VOODOO CEREMONY GONE BAD!" the paper is making it clear exactly what we, the white christian public, should think about african traditional religion. 

moreover the first two comments on her obituary are mocking.

if you feel so moved to let the Gloucester County Times know what you think of their coverage of this tragedy, I encourage you to comment or contact the paper.

here is the story.
( and here is Lucie )

Greetings

How does one go about learning the practicalities of living stealth? And what about other details of long-term post-transition living? I’d really love guidance/advice on stealth, and am having great difficulty finding people with experience who can answer my questions.

This makes sense, as of course stealth folks wouldn’t want to be found. But surely there must be someway to find someone to talk with. Any advice? Are there other forums to check out? People to contact? Is there anyone here who'd be willing and able to answer some questions about their experience?

I am in my mid 20s, blend very well, and basically my idea is to change my name (again) and move to a new city. But before I make the move I’d really like to hear some guidance from a big sister, as it were. Any ideas? Thanks!

I looked through the tags and didn't see anything about this, so I figured I'd ask.

I'm beginning to research surgeons so I can get my ducks in a row and know what to expect. I'm lucky enough to have insurance that will cover insurance, but the stipulations and conditions and hoops I'll have to go through to find a surgeon already seems daunting. I also was born in Illinois; So, for insurance purposes and Illinois' stupid birth certificate laws (for now) I need to find an SRS surgeon in the United States for $20,000 or less. So far, I've found the major names of course.. Bowers, Meltzer, and Brassard (not sure if Insurance would work with Brassard), Reed (which from everything I've read is a big no-no), and Christine McGinn.

Here's where the problem comes in, and I have to imagine I'm not the only one with this problem:
I'm overweight. Now, to be fair, I don't -look- all that overweight, and I mainly carry my weight in my belly. My arms and legs are actually very toned. I'm about 5'8", and at last doctor's appointment weighed about 298. (Still don't look it though).

Just about every surgeon's information I've found have weight restrictions; Bowers site I believe states patients should be 210lbs or less, McGinn's states patients should have a BMI of 28 or less (which for 5'8" is about 170lbs. Get Real.)

I know that I can't be the only overweight MTF person in the world, and I know that there have to have been others who have successfully had SRS. I can't imagine surgeons would turn away clients based on weight issues alone.

So then, does anyone out there have any experiences with surgeons / surgery and weight issues? I'm willing to try to lose weight, but I don't think that trying to lose 100+ lbs in the next 1-2 years is all that practical, feasible, or realistic.

x-posted to mtf, mtf_plussize and transgender

So, I have a question about testosterone vs. estrogen.

I went to the doctor on Friday as a walk-in patient and I explained my situation and gave him my letter from my psychologist. His original plan of action was to put me on a testosterone blocker for a couple of months and then introduce estrogen, however I told him I'm moving to Vancouver at the end of the month when he told me that the T-blocker would require numerous blood tests. He decided that because I'm going to be leaving it'd be pointless to do blood work now and then have to do it all over again when I get there as they won't have been there from the beginning and be as knowledgeable about my history, so he put me on .625 milligrams of estrogen for the first two weeks at one tablet a day, and then after the two weeks I begin taking two tablets, and after a couple of months I'm to find a doctor in Vancouver and start doing the t-blocker.

So my questions are these: Has anyone else done this, and will the testosterone in my system severely limit the effects of the estrogen while I'm on them pre-blocker, or will the estrogen basically just do its thing around the testosterone? 

This morning we held our protest. Lu's Pharmacy decided to show their true colours and closed rather than allow us inside. We held our protest anyway, and got on camera doing so.
My prescription for Lu's: Take two doses of tolerance and call me in the morning.

Xposted

Well now I am obsessed with having FFS done on my brow bone! I keep looking at the brow bone and I get so depressed seeing it. I don't think I have a huge brow bone(I probably do but don't notice it like others would), but more than I want. I really want to get rid of it someday(sooner than later), but I am so scared of the surgery and concerned with the costs. I know overseas is the place where many go, but I am afraid of traveling across the ocean. What surgeons would any of you recommend that have an exceptional track record, and are not over priced in the states?

Thanks :)

So, this girl and I have known each other for 2 years, but only started dating a few weeks ago. I know she identifies herself as a lesbian, but she asked me out and we had a discussion about whether or not she understood that I am a MAN. SHe said that she did, so I said sure. All the time that we spend together... I don't know she looks at me as if she really adores me. I feel pretty similarly. I never felt like we were "the lesbian and her tranny boyfriend", I just felt like we were us... until now. The other day, I said to her, "I'm thinking about try to get on testosterone. How do you feel about that." I admit that it was kind of a lie because I'm not just thinking about it, I've been trying really hard to get it for almost a year now. She said "Why should it make any difference to me?" and I was pretty ok with that answer. But then today, we were talking about Max from the L-word and I said, jokingly, "haha, that's me in a few months." I have to admit that this was also a small lie because it's not so much as a few months as... I little less than a month. She responded with surprise and wanted to know "what changes" she would expect. Now, I know my effects of T pretty well, but... I guess I have two questions:

1) Has any one else here ever been in a relationship with some one whose sexual identity doesn't exactly match your gender so much as your sex? If so, should I be worried? I feel worried... I like... her

2) What are some effects of T that I really really need to remember to say when we have our conversation? Are there any that you've accidently scared any on with? I don't want to... surprise her too much.

Help appreciated... >.>

-James

I've looked around the past couple of days on here, and I decided to make an introduction.

Name's Dominick, how 'ya do? I'm just under 20, and I am a FTM. I used to live in Oklahoma, but due to home situation I moved to Bangor, Maine (on my own at the start. I managed to find several great people to share rent in an apartment).

I'm still frustrated at my current state in transition, which has stalled due to financial reasons. I am in therapy, have been diagnosed with GID, and now I am stuck. Money, money, money, everyone wants money that I do not have to give.

Aside from that, I am a bit of a bibliophile, I like bowling, billiards, art, Galaga, and Sherlockiana.

I hope to talk to some of you guys, gals, in-betweens and off-the-charts soon!

Hi everyone.  I've been needing to do this for a while, so here I am.  This will be an introductory post in part - my thoughts, doubts, and questions will follow.

You may call me Kat - I am 23 years old and have been transitioning from male to female for the past four years or so.  I've been on hormones for a bit over two.  I have not had surgery done, nor do I, in the foreseeable future, intend to have it done.

All throughout my transition I have had doubts, and recent events have only magnified them.  I need to get this stuff off my chest or I will not be able to have any sort of peace.

So with the introduction basically out of the way, allow me to get to the heart of the matter.... ( Read more... )

Hi!  I've been lurking in the community for a long time now, the better part of a year now for sure.  I don't know that I've ever said anything, but I decided all of a sudden-like that I would post!

My chosen name is "Mina," with a middle name largely up in the air (I want my parents to have a say in it for sentimental reasons).  I'm 22, and have technically started transition, though have made next to no progress.  Currently attending school, etc etc.

This community has seemed friendly and very helpful while I've been a spectator, so even for the little I will probably participate from here on out, I hope we will get along!

Hello! I am after a decent nose job (mine is large, fifteen-times broken and way off to the right) and a tracheal shave in the UK. I'd prefer not to look like the late Mr Jackson, nor to have my voice ruined. But I am shocked by the estimate I received yesterday.

Hesham Saleh and Guri Sandhu work together and apparently do a very good job of rhinoplasties and tracheal shaves. I phoned up their secretary and now sort of wish I hadn’t.

The cost of the consultation is £200 each. The tracheal shave will cost £900. The rhinoplasty will cost between £1,500 and £3,000 (I will know at the consultation). The anaesthetist will cost £450. And the facilities at Charing Cross will cost between £3,000 and £3,700.

That means at the best, both operations will cost me £6,250. And at worst they will cost me £8,450. Even if I ditch the nose and go for the Adam’s apple, that’ll be between £4,550 and £5,250.

Does anyone have experience of good ops at beter prices?

Love,
Lilly A. Noodle, Queen Of the Waffle, Defender of Toast
=^_^=

Well after years of wanting to tell my parents I finally did it tonight! I took the leap. I told my Mom first and she took it way better than I would have expected. She was probing at me wondering what was wrong, and why I have been so down lately. I explained to her it's big. She asks, "Are you gay?" I said no that would be easy. She then had a look on her face. I asked her if she knew what transgender meant. She said,"Nope. Does that mean you like both?" I replied, "That's bi, and no I am not bi." I continued on and explained to her what it meant, and that I am transitioning from male to female. I told her I have been seeing a therapist and doctors for the past 6 months, and that I am being responsible about this. She said, "Well we are here to support you no matter what. We love you and the way I see it I still have 3 kids." That meant SO much to me. I almost broke down and cried, but was too nervous still to do so.

I gave her the letter I composed, and she said she will give it to my Dad. She said he will call you and set a time to talk. He just called a bit ago and said basically the same thing my Mom did. I am so relieved and happy right now. I know this is the first step in them learning to deal with this, but at least I didn't get the reaction I was expecting.

I decided to stop just lurking on LJ and post and was pointed here after posting on some other trans communities.

My name is Alex, I'm 14 and FtM, having figured this out over the last year, roughly.  I'm not out to my family (with the exception of a little cousin who is awesome for an eight year old) and a few of my friends, who are supportive.  I'll be starting high school this coming school year (in the deep south of the USA.  Yay.)  I've been binding since Christmas, first with a back brace (which my parents took away about a week ago because I might hurt myself) and now with a thing I made from the remains of a denim shirt.

I already pass to strangers, and have since I was about six (not intentionally, but I've always had short hair and worn guy's clothing,) and the friends I'm not out to are okay with this and consider me a girl despite it, which bothers me.  I've started cutting my hair in an expressly 'masculine' cut instead of just short as of this summer, and dressing to pass instead of just wearing guy clothes because I like them better.

When school starts back up, I'm going to try to come out at school to my friends at large, which shouldn't be much of a problem, as I run with the liberal 'queer' kids (mostly lesbians, bi boys, and the artsy folk.)  However, my closest and dearest friend is conservative and very Christian.  He's sees homosexuality and anything he equates with it as innately wrong, though he leaves our other friends to do what makes them happy because it doesn't effect him, which makes him better than most of the people in this part of the states.  I don't want to come to school the first day and be using my chosen name instead of my given name and doing my best to get seen as a guy by the students that I haven't been in the same classes as for the past three years of middle school and have my friend be completely confused.  I won't see him until school starts back up and there's something slightly impersonal about telling him over email or Facebook, which another friend (who came out to our classmates as gay last year) warned against because it might be hard for me to explain well.

So yeah.  That's me, and my current issues.  I'm probably just going to bite the bullet before school starts and try to come out to the friend over email.  Sorry if this got a little long.

my doctor prescribed me accutane for my acne but did not give me an ipledge number.  the pharmacy asked me to get one and so i called the doctor back.

basically the last week or so i've been having it out with the nurse/..doctor/..director of old town clinic about this--they will not give me an ipledge number unless i either take phamacutical contraceptives or have a hystorectomy.

contraceptives would completely mess up the fact that i'm on testosterone and a hysto is something i want but not something that i should be required to have just so i can take a medication.  Apart from that, testosterone is not fda approved as birth control, but it is.

also, if they filled out the forms for me as male, it would not be an issue, it's only an issue because they insist on marking me down as female.  they said it's like a moral/ethical thing that they can't fill out the forms for me as male as long as i have not had a hysto.

i think this is bullshit and know that FTMs go on accutane all the time, but everyone kept insisting that the ipledge standards and stuff have recently been changed to be more stringent.

it's all on principal at this point because my health insurance just changed to kaiser and will have to start this process all over again with a new doctor, but i'd love to be better prepared this time.  i can't lie and just say i've had a hysto or not tell them i'm trans either because i want to try and get a hysto covered so i put that i was female on my insurance stuff, plus it's an HMO and so i can't just go to one doctor and say one thing and go to another doctor and say something else because my info isn't private.

but i would love some input from anyone who's gone on acutane and overcome similar obsticles.

What's the maximum dosage of estradiol usuually given? My endo says she is going to max me out at 8mg a day. It seems a bit high.

Peace :)

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

I Want Your Sex Too! is a monthly cabaret and dance party in Montreal, QC that is curated by and for trans* folk.

The goals of I Want Your Sex Too! are as follows:

-to raise $$$ for local trans people to cover various costs of transitioning
-to provide a cultural space for trans people to showcase their art** (ie: music, drag, spoken word, photography, film, performance art, etc)
-to provide a space for trans folk to share and learn skills (ie: DJ, sound/tech stuff, make a flier)

*trans is used as an umbrella term meant to encompass all those who self-identify as transsexual, transgender, transvestite, trans, genderqueer, gender non-conforming, gender-variant, agender, crossdresser, non-cisgendered, non-cissexual, drag king, drag queen, drag, MTF, FTM and/or some combination of the above identities.

**I Want Your Sex Too! recognizes that for most trans people, "trans" is only one aspect of their day-to-day world. I Want Your Sex Too! also understands that many trans folk belong to numerous marginalized communities simultaneously. Thus, I Want Your Sex Too! encourages artwork/submissions from trans people of colour, trans sex workers, sero-positive trans people, trans people living with disabilities, poor trans people, and many other trans folk that experience intersecting forms of oppression.

***Unless noted otherwise, people of any (or no) gender are free to attend all events organized by I Want Your sex Too!***

( to read about the first event... )</div>

My work found out that I'm trans. Now they say that I can't use either the women's or the men's bathroom but instead have to clock out, walk to another store in the complex, use their bathroom then come back and clock in. So instead of taking 30 seconds to pee, it takes me almost 10 minutes.

Can they legally do this? I live in Washington State.

UPDATE: Telling my manager that I had a lawyer and was preparing an anti-discrimination suit against the company because of the decision of my regional manager made him quite upset at me. The next day, yesterday, he called me into the office much changed and had a process for me to follow. I guess he must have got a talking to from HR or someone. At least this is resolved and I can pee in peace. Hooray!

Just to help you to avoid some typical illusions about living 'full time'.

I live in the UK & have been 'full time MtF' for about 4 years now. I work as an adult model & escort, among other things.

No matter how 'passable' you are, people will still find out & pass that knowledge around, so if you live in the same place for long enough, you will still have a 'tranny' label permanently attached to your image no matter what. Tits, hormones, SRS, it won't matter.

*Especially* if you are confident, attractive & successful.

This infuriates the plebs even more, that you are not hiding & are more pretty than their girlfriends.

They *will* use any chance to give you a hard time the moment you position yourself socially like any other 'normal' girl of your age. The prettier you are, the more hassles you will get.

Like today, I went to the Lansdowne in Leicester. A group of drunken yobs asked me to pose for a photograph with them. When I declined, they tried to force me. I pushed them back, they started shouting abuse (you have all heard in before: 'Fucking tranny', 'You are not a fucking woman' etc etc etc)

I call the security guy, he reluctantly mumbles to the group 'Leave HIM alone', on purpose. I say to him: 'I am not a HE', he says: 'I did not say anything about your SEX LIFE, MATE' - I say 'No you called me 'HE' while I am a 'SHE'' - he now addresses the group: 'Hey guys, did I call him HE?' etc etc etc.

This is 'normal', in inverted commas.

So my advice to anyone who is transitioning is to get very thick skinned, you'll need a lot of that skin every day.

And *never* feel victimised, even when you ARE being victimised.

Don't be afraid to do what a 'real' girl would do: slap them in the face, because they *know* they are pushing it.

Do this till you run out of slaps :) then get some more for tomorrow.