So, I'm sitting in the kitchen, playing guitar/singing and minding my own beeswax, when these people from the party next store walk by. One of them stops at the window, gawks, and goes "Wait, that's really a GIRL?!"  and the other laughs and goes "SHUSH, IT CAN HEAR YOU!"

and then somebody else shouts "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?!" and they ran away.

I can't even wrap my mind around how incredibley rude people are. WHAT ASSHOLES! Like it's any of their fucking business anyway. And I can't even put into words how incredibley pissed I feel right now.

What's more- I hate that on the rare occasion that I pass my very female voice gives me away. Guh. I want to kick things. 

Current Mood: annoyed

So, I was going to write a rant or something about a couple of anti-trans* posts I read.
I decided not to as both posts are utter crap, but then I decided to anyway.

One's about how logical this cis*woman is and how us trans*folk are so illogical, we expect our feelings to be catered to, how our "irrational or magical thinking is the sign of an ignorant person," and how she's condescending to us because "that’s what always happens when adults speak to retards."
Oooo, nice ablism thrown in as a delicious cherry on top!

The other one was that same old !transgender reifies gender and/or gender roles! !Just be a feminine man or a masculine woman! BS.
And the comments are way worse.
There was crap about how all trans*women just luurve porn and hentai and how this "proves" that they just fetishize being women and/or degraded like a woman.
How sexist men luurve to go to trans*women prostitutes and trans*women luurve it because they are degraded and together "Sexist men look out for each other and will cooperate to control women’s bodies in any novel way they can think of."

Oh yeah, apparently folks who experience transsexuality as I do, being "inordinately focused on 'the parts'", simply have OCD. An OCD that only manifests as wanting to have different genitals and/or secondary sexual characteristics.
Umm, I trust that trans*folks who also have OCD can tell the difference and would speak out if there was none. Just like how trans*POC would speak out if there were any similarities between being trans* and black/whiteface.


I love how knowing one trans*person, or going to a couple of meetings where there were a few trans*women present, makes you an expert on trans*folks and you therefore have a lot of experience with trans*folk.
And how it's our bad if we decide not to answer your inane and/or bigoted 'questions' (interrogations) and therefore you can go around saying trans*folk will never answer your innocent questions.

**Doublethink is an Orwellian word; doublespeak is not.

x-posted to queer_rage and my blog.

Current Mood: pessimistic

( DIAF PLEASE bigots )

Current Mood: disappointed

So I was wanting to watch Jeopardy! today, and I accidentally turned on Dr. Phil instead. Then I couldn't tear my eyes away.

( Why do I do this to myself? )

Current Mood: annoyed

Hey guys,

I've raged on here before about my dad before. It's hard not to, especially since I'm stuck living with him and he's not exactly the most understanding person in the world. This will be the last time I rage about him. I promise.

Dear *****,

( This is probably the last you'll ever hear from me. I'm sick of arguing with you. )

Easter! There's no time of year quite like it. The time of year for miracles, or at least it is if you're the kind of person who goes for that sort of thing. My father is, hence why I was drawn out to Easter mass!

I should point out that it's been at least a year since I've been to church. The people there aren't really the sort of people I relate to, though most are nice enough. It's not the sort of place a trans person wants to go to though, especially when the general viewpoint can be described as 'conservative' at best.

Recently I've had the very good fortune of going fulltime way ahead of schedule. This fact alone was what made this morning a difficult thing. I no longer have the luxury of disguising myself to avoid hassle from people who know me, and usually I wouldn't have bothered, but my dear old dad put it to me that my reluctance to attend a sunday mass was proof that I'm secretly ashamed of who I (allegedly, according to him) am and "know that (I am) wrong" for living this way.

So I bit the bullet and I went to church. We were late. Everyone was seated and watching attentively when we walked in and, as expected, was leered at for the better part of an hour and a half.

There. I did it. I sat through mass. I made myself a target to prove a point. I tried my best to put on my best "fuck you" aura to any gawkers, to channel the spirits of dead punk rockers to give me strength, to remember the immortal words of Kurt Cobain: "I'd rather be hated for what I am than loved for what I'm not." Somehow I endured.

Every second leading until twelve was like waiting for a bomb to go off. Soon the people would gather and talk, and I'd be confronted with a lot of awkward questions. Who knows, I might have been surprised by genuine understanding, but as expected it was all misinformed statements from people who didn't want their minds changed.

(FUN FACT: Did you know that not a single person who lives the homosexual/transgender lifestyle has been happier for it in the long term? Also, that Christians are a minority persecuted more than gays, lesbians, trans people and muslims put together? I certainly didn't!)

After hearing the manifesto chanted ad nauseum for the umpteenth time a rather aggressive member decided to approach and proclaim that I had no right to be in church because there were children present. As if I was going to do any harm to a child! What did this guy take me for!? What's more is that he didn't even say it to my face, he said it behind my back within earshot.

So I called back to him, "Hey cocksmoker! Go eat a bag of dicks!" (Not that I have anything against cocksmokers, just the ones that are complete hypocrites. Also, I did make sure there were no kids around before being naughty and making a contribution to my swear jar.)

Next thing I know a circle form around and demand that I leave, one of them being my father. At least he'll never ask me back again.

So from me to you, to all who deserve it (and you know who you are) here's a big old FUCK YOU from someone who so honestly prayed for a bit of tolerance.

Note: Randi Sparks has added over $20 to her swear jar today.

Just asking for lists of queer myths and how they make you feel---saw this on another group and had fun with it. myths such as:

You have to have a birth gender. (Ie male or female)

You can't be genderqueer if you're happy with a female body or desire to be completely female in body.

Intersexed people are hermaphrodites.

Intersexed means transgendered or transsexual(the hell you say)

There's something wrong with the intersexed and they will be happier with linear parts and a single gender.

As such an intersexed child should be surgically altered to make them one gender(best guess surgery)

Feminine tall women all used to be guys.

Femmes can't dress butch on occasion

You're a femme or a butch

There are only 2 gender identities: male and female

there are only 2 genders: male and female

It's ok to tell people a guy used to be a girl(or vice versa) without their explicit permission

The Rocky Horror subculture is accepting of lesbians and the gender variant

Full time transmen aren't allowed to look like a girl..ever; transmen aren't allowed to have girly moments

Butch girls aren't allowed to want to wear dresses on occasion.

transwomen are automatically femmes

gay transmen are severely confused straight women

Ok I'm done for now.

I'm Cai. I'm new to this community, and, along with thousands of other things that define me, I'm a pre-everything gay (with exceptions, also define as pan) trans man. I'm only partially out at school - I dress full-time as a guy, but still use my female name and pronouns. This fall will be my official coming out to admin and professors, and any students who don't know me personally.

However (this for my classmates at school) I am not:
- a lesbian
- butch
- a "dyke"
- dating my roommate
- interested in you/hitting on you
- a faghag
- in denial
- anti-feminist

I am
- aware of what I look like
- dressing this way on purpose
- interested in men
- friends with lesbians
- a member of the GSA

See how those things aren't the same?

(edited to fix formatting)

An introduction before my rage, perhaps?

My name is Torrin. I'm 18-years-old, I identify as a pre-everything transman.

I came to accept that I am not: a straight girl; a bisexual girl; a pansexual/omnisexual/ambisexual-femme-girl; a femme-lesbian-SOFFA-accidentally-passing-straight-girl, a butch-lesbian-woman; or anything but a proud, mostly-out, pre-everything, slightly-passing, masculine, scared, confused, questioning, raging, perhaps just plain queer, male-identified transman who adores feminine people what ever their gender may be and who may or may not choose to go stealth post-transition, as early as September of 2007. I was a tomboy at birth, and even at its most prevelant, my feminity was a poor, grossly miscalculated caricature of what I perceive as feminine. And, I've been reading rages from newest on back. I would have continued to the beginning, but, I had to stop, tears (yeah, tears) in my eyes, at the ideas in one rage. Because, those ideas are the very things preventing me from telling my parents they have a son now.

( Rage Against the Individual )
edited for a typo. I knew "qeer" looked wrong. XP

Current Mood: introspective

 Dear Idiot At The Trans Group:

Why is it that every time I go to a group that is supposed to be open to both trans and gender variant folk and non-trans folk I get disrespected? There is a reason why, at the beginning of the group, we went around and said our name and pronouns. There is also a reason why this group is called 'Trans Spirituality'. I'm sorry you didn't realize what group you were going to, but you are expected to respect other people in the group regardless. Also, when the group facilitator announces that its called 'Trans Spirituality' it is NOT okay to go, "Oh, no, I'm not a trans. I don't want to be a trans."

Also, when I finally decide to speak despite your stupid presence, it is NOT okay to ask me "what I am." Further, when I tell you that I'm a boy, it is NOT AT ALL okay to say "Are you a real boy?" When I answer again, asshole, it is not okay to say, "Well, I thought you was a girl when you started talking. Were you born a girl?" You then proceed to say, "Oh, so you're not a real boy." Newsflash, dumbass! Me not having a penis has nothing to do with me being a 'real boy'. I'm sorry you are so close minded. [And yet we were at an LGBT center.] I'm also sorry that you then proceeded to have a side conversation about how gender is decided by what genitalia that you have. It also frustrates me that you then started bashing transpeople, saying there was no point in trying to act like "another gender" when we don't look like the gender we are presenting as. You then started bashing a woman I know, calling her 'he' and saying she should just act like the man she is. You had this frustrating conversation for quite some time, and the facilitator did nothing to shut you up. 

In short, fuck you, dude, and I hope I never have to run into you again. 

A huge fuck you,
Liam

Dear Citi Financial.

Thank you so much for the second time failing to process my name change.

You asked for a government of Canada name change certificate. (Newsflash, name registry is under the provinces, and I sent you that).
You asked for my account number (It was on the letter I sent you, the remittance slip, and probably the cheque I sent you that you so eagerly cashed.)
You asked for the name as it appears on my account (remittance slip and name change document)
You asked for the new name. (Look at the cheque and the letter I sent you)
You asked for the new signature (again, cheque and the letter I sent you).
You asked for my old signature (when we spoke last, you did not ask for it).

In short, a happy fuck you.

Mina.

Hello everyone,

This is my first post even though I have bee a member for quite a while. I joined this community originally because I was a pissed TS, but really had no desire to post angry rants as a TS. But I can see that this community is more than that and really has more of a protest to what others see of us as ts's. Some of you may have seen me around and at times probably hated me, because there was a time when I was unsympathetic to everyone including other ts's.

I have quite the story to tell as a TS and now, I feel no need to keep my past hidden because it may help other ts's whom have been in a similar situation.

Originally I was in a band known as Vaselina and the Frilly panties in Los Angeles. Which was nothing beyond a "short lived" experiment. Due to feuding musical paths, we eventually split up and never saw the light of day again.

When I was 15 and beginning transition, I often visited Los Angeles and met my first fiancee and we became engaged. It was doomed from the start with his last name being Medina and my first name being Lina. Lina Medina? I think not! And his age at the time was 35. Anyway, I would often go back and forth between LA and my home town just to see him. Eventually I found out that he was married, after stumbling in on him having intercourse with her in his apartment. As much as it hurt and still being so angry about the situation, we eventually got back together. One day I had come back to LA after he had called me to come, and I found him and his wife inside.

That day they both beat the living crap out of me and he forced me to do sexual acts with her against my will. During the whole incident he said things like "taste a REAL woman" and "Eat, what you'll never have" It got worse than just that. But I was eventually able to escape. My friend at the time pleaded for me to go to the cops. But what did I do? I was an idiot and I left for home only to return to LA to sing.

The hardest part was keeping this from my therapists whom would eventually help me to finally get my DL 328 form signed by an MD. The whole situation had eaten me alive for quite a while and I desperately wanted to open up about it at my counseling sessions to try and combat the situation at hand. However, I am glad I didn't. They would have only seen me as someone whom was trying to become the REAL WOMAN that my fiancee had humiliated me with saying while I was being raped by him and his wife.

It wasn't until 07 that I finally decided to share this story and got the proper counseling for the situation. Only after my gender read "F" on my drivers license.

I was in a new relationship with a very cruel man. When I told him the story his response was "WOW! So you have eaten pussy" the statement left me mortified and unaware of what I should do. Should I stay? Or should I go? Throughout the relationship he only allowed me to have my pants so far down while we had intercourse, as not to reveal my genetalia (Which I had no desire to modify) He said so many other things that I don't have enough time to type out, but trust me, it got worse. One night he got overly forceful with me during intercourse and threw me back into the hell of age 15 and 16, where I was balling all the time and cutting myself.

Life however did improve with my current relationship, and instead of consulting a therapist I found a new Lease on life. One where I was ready to share my story, and let others in on the fact that it is hard at times to be a TS. But it's nothing I am going to apologize for. I wouldn't have chosen to be born any other way, cause with all that has happened, I have more KNOWLEDGE about people than any other person I know. The best thing to have "current day" is knowledge of people and "street smarts" I think without these things, we, as ts's have a very hard fight ahead of us.

Dear School Staff,

Stop talking about me.

I understand that the professors who were helping me get school policy gender-identity-inclusive (in accordance with DC law) sent out an email informing all the school staff that I existed and was to be called MR. X, not MS. X, that while none of my records could be changed yet, I was to be treated as male in interactions and in reference whenever possible. I wasn't wholly wild about that memo being sent in the first place, but sent it was and it is nice to not have to explain to every professor on the first day of every semestre.

HOWEVER, that does NOT give you the right to share that information with others.

It DEFINITELY doesn't give you the right to out me to my boss, who is NOT an employee of the school. I don't care that you've known him for decades. I don't care that our school has a clinical programme through his nonprofit organization. I don't care that he's an alum of our school. You DO NOT get to share that information with him.

Because that led to an incredibly odd conversation yesterday that began with my boss asking out of nowhere(and in a wholly conversational tone), "So are you and your sweetie both getting sex change operations?"

Now, this conversation implicated two different people at school...because the staff member my boss said he talked to has never met my boyfriend, doesn't know I HAVE a boyfriend, and certainly doesn't know that my boyfriend is also trans. There are exactly four people at school who have met my boyfriend/know he's trans (we're both in that 'androgynous/pre-pass' stage), and three of them are good friends who wouldn't be talking about either of us behind our backs. Which leaves the head of the SBA, who talks frequently to the particular staff member who told my boss.

Which means that you, dear School Staff as a whole, have been talking about my personal life quite a bit. Please knock it the fuck off.

Do you KNOW how awkward it is to have someone you work with, whose respect you currently have and want to keep, suddenly ask you what operation you might have on parts he's never going to see?

(Followed by an even MORE awkward conversation about how his "sweetie" frequently says she wishes she could borrow his for a weekend - "that'd be a FUN weekend!" he said. Which gave me visuals of this guy I really didn't need.)

Now, my particular boss is eccentric and cool so it's a purely violation-of-privacy issue for me. But not every boss is that cool, and not everyone lives in DC where it's a protected class. What if I worked across the river, where your conversation could've gotten me fired?

Learn some fucking respect,

Kasey
A rather pissed-off Executive!Transsexual

(edited to fix a typo)

Dear mental health intake worker,

HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING ABUSIVE TO MY PARTNER BY TRYING TO FORCE HIM TO ACCEPT ME AS A MALE, AND TO ACCEPT MY MALE TERMS EVEN THOUGH MY BODY IS FEMALE! NO, I AM NOT CONFUSED OR JUST GOING THROUGH A PHASE! I WILL NOT START THINKING 'CORRECTLY' AFTER GETTING PROPER THERAPY! THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY THINKING, BUT I HIGHLY BELIEVE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR THINKING! YOU ARE JUST AN INTAKE WORKER, AND I'M SO GLAD THAT YOU WILL NOT BE MY THERAPIST OR ELSE YOU'D BE SEEING ME WALK RIGHT OUT THAT DOOR AND SLAMMING IT AS HARD AS I CAN BEHIND ME! YOU REALLY NEED TO CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE OPENING YOUR MAW AND LETTING THE STUPID FALL OUT OF IT.

VERY MUCH NO LOVE,
ME

Current Mood: pissed off

I was taking the bus home. It was crowded, as usual. This lady sitting across from me is saying the most vulgar things, about body parts and stuff, that I won't get into. She's on a cellphone, which is apparently license to be a total asshole.

Then I pick the word "transgender" out of her stream of gobbledegook. "God didn't make you that way," she says to nobody in particular. "That's Satan taking you over... Fucking faggots..." and I won't type out the rest, I'm sure you get the idea just how stupid, rude, and disrespectful she was being. I look straight at her, she won't even look at me. I'm trans, not deaf, you fucking nutjob. I should've said that out loud.

I give her a serious WTF look, and then my stop comes. She's still at it, for like five minutes now.

"You need help, lady," I say to her loudly as I get off the bus.

I can't believe that people still talk like that, in this day and age. WTF. HI, I'M RIGHT HERE. AND YOU DON'T KNOW JACK SHIT ABOUT ME. What gives you the right to say that kind of shit to me? You don't know a damn thing about me, or my body. YOU FUCKING INSECURE NUTJOB OF A LOSER.

You're so ticked you decided to take the bus instead of driving. WELL GUESS WHAT, LADY? NEXT TIME? DRIVE. NOBODY WILL MISS YOU.

Current Mood: angry

Not freaking play "intervention", this was just posted to my private LJ and I've known the poster for seven years so that's why it stung me.

Bolded text is comments from my friend everything else is my response. Sorry to mix anyone up. 

Current Mood: grumpy

1) Why is it any thread on any issue remotely related to trans*ism gets turned into Trans 101?

2) Any time someone on a feminist forum or blog brings up transphobia/cissexism folks must cry about how silenced t3h p00r wittle bigots are--how afraid of t3h m33n trannys we is making them.
Of course shit like "so-called "transwomen" do not share the same experiences that womyn do, and cannot understand what it is to be a womyn, whether they call themselves one or not. they are meerly men trying to invade what little place in the patriarchal society we have carved out for ourselves" (mis-spellings are theirs; not mine) are cited as critiquing politics or we are told that they r33lly only mean "those misogynist trans*women".
Gah, at least this time cis*women feminists are calling it out too. And this thread is mostly supportive of trans*folks so far.
I commented on how I knew one trans*woman who left the forum because she literally felt attacked and there were others who, after hearing of the few threads on trans*ism that have already gone down in flames, have kept far away from the forum. After that, I got PMs from some of the mods thanking me for continuing to participate and expressing sorrow that the board didn't feel safe for trans*folk.
Of course, none of them are saying anything on the thread--I guess it's easier to send a few PMs than to make a comment against anti-trans* rhetoric disguised as feminist critique.

Current Mood: moody

Dear Craig Ferguson.
You and your show writers have no right to use the s-word* on national television, even if you think its cute and it happens to fit into the rhyme of your song. It has nothing to do with the content of the song, and it is very very very upsetting and disrespectful.you have already lost a fan, but PICK ANOTHER WORD NEXT TIME. kthxbai.

((clarification. this is in reference to their use of a word that is commonly used in porn to refer to somebody with both boobs and a penis. the song went something like "there is always time for email, for a boy of girl or s******" and it was followed up within a minute with another dumbass comment about "im scottish and american now, its a bit like being bicurious" SERIOUSLY. WTF?!?!))

I resent the fact that I have to come out just to be the person I always was.

Why am I responsible for everyone else's assumptions?

Dr. House.  Fuck you.
I started viewing this show for a class project on counting instances of sexual harrassement on primetime tv, so I was already set to dislike the show, but ended up being a little hooked and now have seen about 8 episodes. I was thinking I could actually enjoy this show- not too misogynistic (the harassment goes both ways!) and good dialogue.

That is, until last night.
The patient, a 15 year old female beauty pageant winner.  After she spends 40 minutes near death, House figures out that she's actually intersexed and has testicular cancer.  And beings calling her "he." She freaks out, insists she's a girl, and he keeps forcing masculine pronouns on her, and when he's talking to another dr he repeatedly says "she slash he" even when the other dr tells him not to.

So, House, fuck you.  And I understand you're not real.  But your fandom watches your actions and you just sent them some really fucked up messages.

No love,
not a fan,
R