| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2009|12:29 am] |
My ladybits smell IDENTICAL to uncooked ramen noodles right now.
Hopefully I am not the only one who has noticed uncooked ramen has a smell.
I had a bit of an itch, so I scratched it, and now I can't stop smelling my fingers. I knew it reminded me of something and couldn't figure it out until just now. Uncooked Ramen Noodles.
And no, there is no stray pasta downtown. |
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| Carpenter ants. |
[Dec. 6th, 2009|01:43 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Bell Hollow - Copper Crayon. | ] |
After a good shower on day, I bush my locks then sit down to watch a show I DVR'ed (Venture brothers =D) and most days If I have the time, I will run my hands through my hair to minimize the frizzy-ness I play host to evry day of my life. a good way into the show I run my left hand mindlessly through my hair and get the shock of my life, THERE IS SOMETHING THERE, and it is squirming on my hand (cue extremely scared yell, not the girly kind either, like a roar of supprise), I grab what ever is there and THROW it as hard as I can against the floor then shake my hair so hard I feel like I dislodged my brain. I bend to look what it was, A BIG ASS CARPENTER ANT. I felt sick and sat on the coffee table after I put a kleenex down over the ant and PUNCHED the floor, taking out all my anger and disgust on the bug, nobody fucks with my hair damnit. (this happened in the summer however,I just had to say something, its been BUGGING me (haha) the whole time after.)
mother fuckers...
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| explosive diarhhea |
[Dec. 6th, 2009|01:05 am] |
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Just now I came close to severely sharting myself. I was sitting here at the computer, typing an email when a fart came a'brewing. I let it go, it was rumbly. Then I got the realization that there was more there than just air. With my rectum clenched, I headed to the bathroom. Immediately upon sitting, the liquishit came shooting out. There was a lot too, and there really wasn't much solidity to it either, except for some pieces of corn. |
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| First post. |
[Dec. 5th, 2009|08:06 am] |
So I was eating spaghetti today. Shut up, I don't have pubes for it to get caught in. As I was munching away happily, I shoved too much food into my mouth. If I'm watching TV, I tend to get carried away with how fast/much I am eating. Now, funny enough, I have this weird thing about textures of stuff. If I have a whole bunch of something gummy -- like spaghetti -- in my mouth, I get nauseous. Very nauseous. I ended up vomiting everywhere. About half way through the process, something that was coming up stuck to my throat, and it tickled like a motherfucker, so I was coughing and vomiting at the same time -- not a fun experience, let me tell you. It just so happened that my nose was stuffed up from being sick after hours in the snow. At least, when I was just vomiting, I could pause just a second and breathe -- but not when those pauses were spent coughing. My only solution was to stop the coughing, by taking whatever was stuck in my throat out. So with my disgustingly long fingers, I reached as far into my mouth as I possibly could and all but scratched it out. Ladies and gents, it was a fucking piece of corn, and I swear to God, I have not had corn in about a year.
I ended up vomiting again, when I had to clean it all up. |
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| My first TMI post. |
[Dec. 4th, 2009|02:29 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Martial Canterel | ] |
I am a long time stalker of TMI (not so much stalker as my sister calling me over to see this crazy ass post) But I decided to remake a live journal and become involved. Here we go
I got home from school today at two fifty(December third actually) and I wanted candy; And I wanted it bad. I had not eaten anything that day except a bowl of Grape nuts (geetcho fibers) at four that morning; however, there was no candy except a package of Red Vines. I ATE the whole thing of that always fat free treat and drank a cup of tea, you can see where this is going. arround five, I feel the gut express Choo chooing and i vacate my comfortable couch spot quickly, because it is COMING and has no intention of waiting. I plop down on that toilet like I was playing musical chairs with a sumo wrestler and the fecal matter is spewing out of me, the consistency of grape nuts ( for thoes of you who have never eaten them) is a more friable rock basicly, that probably should be presoaked before consumption. The texture of the grape nuts in question was almost the same as it was going in as it was leaving me. The poop was VERY loose however and I could almost feel every peice of cerial pass my booty hole as It left. I was almost dissapointed by how short the poop was, and how little actually left me, bue upon looking in the toilet, I was taken by supprise! The whole top layer of the water was decorated with red shit pellets! it was not a deep red either, it was flourescent red. I felt almost sad to flush it, and only after the matter (being the noob I am) did I think, That crap really did warrent a picture!
Not human TMI, but gross all the same, I have a pet mouse that lives in a large glass tank, she has a wheel to run in obviously. Persephone (being a mouse) voids her bowles AS she is running, now, one of three things will happen to the small frequent poop balls,
1. They will fall into the bedding below (which creates a humerous effect of a brown streak on the bedding where she has pooped over and over haha.
2. They will become trapped in the criss cross metal of the wheel (which is a bitch to clean)
3. OR, My favorite, she will be running at such a velocity, the poop leaves her ass at mach 5 and slams against the glass of the cage.
If that sounds hilarious, let me tell you, IT IS. the wall of the cage is always decorated with brown splats.
That is it for my virgin post. more will inevitably follow! |
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| Had my wisdom teeth taken out today!!!!! |
[Dec. 3rd, 2009|09:35 pm] |
It wasn't bad at all. They put a mask on me with oxygen or whatever and I started freaking out and saying I was getting dizzy and panicking and then I just passed the fuck out. I woke up in the recovery room with my sister talking to me, she video'd some of it on her phone and I went back and looked at it when the drugs wore off. At one point I told her that I renamed the doctor and nurse "Dr. Feelgood" and "Nurse Monsterpussy". (Good thing they weren't in the room when I said that). I don't remember any of this. There's another part where a nurse came in to fix my icepack when it fell off my head and I gave her and the other nurse high fives. I was pretty loopy. It wore off by the time I got home and I ate ice cream popped Vicodin blah blah. I'm getting a little swollen but nothing is really hurting. The only thing that sucks is I keep shoving the gauze pads in my mouth because this shit WON'T STOP BLEEDING. I've been doing it all day. It's not really alot of blood at all each time, but this last time I pulled them out and there was a lil blood along with a nasty gum-booger thing. yum. Oh yeah, I also cant lay down flat for 24 hours, I have to be propped up on pillows, something tells me I won't sleep tonight.
They let me keep my teeth even though they said they usually dont do it!!! They're huge and the surgeon washed them with some special cleaner stuff but they are still all bloody and gunky! Pics coming soon! |
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| my first tmi post :D |
[Dec. 2nd, 2009|07:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
Hey all, I've been lurking for a while and thought it was high time I contributed. Sorry if its a little lame, but oh well.
I recently got a menstrual cup, and my period started last night. When I have my period i get pretty epic poops. I'd been holding one in all afternoon as I had a friend round, and the moment she left I knew I had to be on the toilet right then... so i go there as fast as I could. Now, I've been removing my cup every time I have a BM. However, I knew this wasnt going to give me the time. I didnt want to shoot it into the toilet, not with what i knew was going to be in there soon. So I put my hand down and tried to hold my cup in while I did my thing.
Only thing was, I needed to pee. badly. So with all that stuff going on down there, I'm sure you can guess what happened. Yup, peed all over my hand. at least I didn't drop my cup into the crap-infested waters of peril below.
Also, I recently had a massive sinus/throat/ear infection. every day for a week in a row I pulled nearly solid lumps of mucous out my nose. They felt like giving birth to oversized slugs outta my nose. It was wierd and time consuming trying not to break them, but strangely satisfying at the same time. I wish now I had pictures of my slug family.
hope this satisfies for my first post here :D |
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| Let me hear some........... |
[Dec. 2nd, 2009|01:26 am] |
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TMI wisdom tooth stories? Infections and abscesses and nastiness? I'm getting all four of mine out Thursday morning. Do you think they'll let me keep the teeth? That would be rad. |
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| A TMI Question |
[Dec. 1st, 2009|10:49 pm] |
I have a strange and nasty problem. Almost every time I have to wake up early, I get diarrhea. It's quite distressing to me, since there's never anything actually wrong with me that would be causing it. It can also be quite violent. I remember this one time when I had to get up at 4:00 AM to leave for a trip --- I was on the toilet for like an hour and the cramping made me shake uncontrollably. I now take anti-diarrhea pills the minute I wake up whenever I have to get up early. I know it's not healthy, but at least I don't get messed up anymore. I should add that I enjoy having diarrhea about as much as an emetophobe enjoys throwing up, so I'll do anything to avoid it!
So, TMI Community, does anyone else share this problem? If you do, how have you dealt with it? Any guesses about what causes the phenomenon? I asked a doctor once, but she'd never heard of it and suggested I have minor IBS (I don't doubt this). |
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| A question for all!! |
[Dec. 1st, 2009|08:17 pm] |
First off, I take a medication that gives me the shits....a lot. Especially if I eat something that doesn't agree with the medication...which can be lots of things! and NO this isn't that Alli shit lol. This is for a medical condition lol.
Also, I have Colitis flare ups. So all in all....I get lots of liquid shits/ass pee. Sometimes explosive lol.
Before I ask my question...I want to bring one thing up. You know when you have the bubble gut feeling and you know you will be having the shits...and then you might have to hold it a little until you get to a bathroom and then when you get there you get that cork of firm shit that explodes out THEN its followed by ass pee? I know other people have had this experience but am I the only one that gets a satisfied feeling from it? Its like uncorking the bottle after its been under pressure for so long. I guess you have a normal bowel movement in the cockpit ready for take off...and then your gut decides to express deliver some liquid shit behind it...so you get that build up of liquid shit behind the normal shit that sends it flying out of your ass. Because we all know how hard it is to keep liquid shits in for long....so they for sure pack a punch in their exit maneuvers.
OK...so here is my question:
What do you guys do to disguise an explosive ass pee episode? For example: You are in a public restroom and you find out you are not alone in the restroom. Do you just aim and shoot your shit or do you do anything to help cover the sound? If you do try to cover it...what is it that you do? What about at home or if you HAVE to go at someones house?
I personally...at home....will either start talking to my dog loudly in the bathroom if he is in there or turn the faucet on. The best thing is if you are about to take a shower anyways...that way you can warm up the shower and shit your brains out in peace. In public: I sometimes wait for other people to flush their toilets first...and then I seriously let go with gusto so that I can get it out fast before the toilet stops flushing. A couple of times....if it was really really bad...I would flush mine and then shit real fast. Sometimes I move the toilet paper roll in the dispenser loudly. Make noise with my purse or shopping bag.
When I was younger and I was first starting my periods.....I was soooooo embarrassed by the sound of unwrapping pads that I would do all sorts of things. Like cough, clear my throat, fake sneeze, and just about anything else to mask the sound lol. 14 years ago...they hadn't perfected the silent wrapper all that much.
So yeah....what do you do? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 1st, 2009|06:22 pm] |
God DAMN coffee shits feel GREAT after you've been constipated for a week |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 1st, 2009|12:22 am] |
A request for TMI advice.
Im not getting any younger, and my nostrils seem to agree. My nose hair seems to be heading down that slippery slope of becoming more noticeable. So I went to walgreens to see about one of those devices that are good at trimming nose hair.
What I got was some battery-powered device that involves a little black plastic propeller, which spins with minimal torque inside a slotted metal cylinder. a piece of utterly pointless fucktardery. It does nothing.
I also have a pair of medical scissors, (party favor from a doctor's visit) which are small enough to go in there and precisely snip away whatever I want, except for the fact that it tickles and makes me snort and I can never actually trim what I need to. I'm also afraid I will stab my brain somehow.
Does anyone have any suggestions on the best method for trimming nose hair? Is there any such device that I can simply jam up there and it bbBBbrRrzzZZZzzzt's the fuck out of everything with extreme prejudice? (Unlike the walgreens plastic propellor of nothing.) |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2009|10:17 pm] |
Has your pet ever visited you in the bathroom to just go at it with your panties? "Just saying HELLO to panties! (SNIFF DEEP) These are awesome!"
...gross little fuckers.
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2009|08:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
I have an awesome manager. Today my left tonsil had another stone. Tried to dislodge it before I went to work, wasn't moving.
Tried to ignore it, couldn't. Finally broke down and asked the pharmacy peeps if they had any q-tips. Got a few and was telling manager o'win about my tonsil woes and he gave me the most wonderous device.
He took a large paper clip, straightened it out save one loop and sprayed it down with alcohol. Using the loop to pull out the stones was genius. I got three pretty good sized stones out, all from the same pit. No gagging, no coughing, no pain! From now on I'm carrying a paper clip with me at all times. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|11:42 pm] |
My fiance has had this spot on the bottom of his foot for years. Does it look like a planters wart?
( click here ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|10:13 pm] |
I've been putting off posting these for a while, but here goes nothing.
In August, I had two moles removed--one on the back of my neck, the other on my hip. I'm a big girl (see also: fat ass), and the mole on my hip was on a spot of flab that rubbed against another piece of skin constantly. It took a long time to heal, and it went through some glorious moments as far as discharge goes.
( 22 pictures; not for the weak stomached ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|10:12 pm] |
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I have exciting news that'll make all of you hate me-today, for the 3rd time EVER in my life, I popped a pimple that was my own-and my first on my face! Oh, and I'm 21... |
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| thanksgiving poop diaries |
[Nov. 29th, 2009|06:39 pm] |
I spent thanksgiving upstate with my fiancee and her family. It's a nice, comfortable house, been there a few times before, so I feel at ease.
We had a huge dinner... 20lb turkey, which still isnt completely finished, as well as pies, some sort of taco casserole thing last night for a change of pace, plus two batches of cookies that my fiancee and I made. So I was definitely full of food, and all of us have been eating continuously for four days.
I have never had good luck with the toilets there. For one thing, the john that is good for pooping is in my in-laws' bedroom, so I can only use that one during daytime hours. I have NO problem using the other one. However, it seems to have a problem with me. Between the house having no pressure so I have to wait for 30 minutes for the toilet tank to fill back up (while I had some sort of low-grade food poisoning, that was lovely. I had to get up every hour, and it took me an hour just to flush the toilet twice), to the pressure dying altogether so I needed to hold my shit overnight. (no bucket to flush, plus, my fiancee clogged it right before the house stopped getting water. So I was a little self-conscious about leaving a bowl full of my guano for someone else to discover.)
However, the pressure situation has since been fixed. Despite the fact that it's wimpy, it's absolutely fine. The tank fills up with no problem, and there's a plunger right there in case it clogs. So it bears repeating that I have no issues using either toilet.
But I just could NOT shit. I tried a few times, and one time was just a series of magnificent farts, which were quite enjoyable, but there was no substance to them. The other time I pooped a little bit, but it was mostly liquid. I had no abdominal pain or bloating, and the thing that pissed me off the most was the few times that I actually felt the urge to shit, then I would sit down, (trying both toilets), and only fire blanks or squirts. Where the fuck did the food go?
I just got home today, not five minutes in the door, I start crowning. I go to my toilet and proceed to shit out about five fucking pounds of crap. It was amazing.
I know that people on here have complained about feeling self-conscious and holding their shits at their S.O.'s house for several days, but I can't even shit despite the fact that I want to and am comfortable doing it. Of course, the times I WAS able to shit, there was something wrong with the plumbing.
So either the plumbing is fine and I can't shit, or the plumbing is fucked and Im about to piss a water slide out of my ass. My fiancee says that she experienes the same thing coming to visit me. She has no problem shitting at my house, we piss in front of each other, I've helped her plunge out one of her clogs one time, and she is totally fine with my toilet, but for some reason, her body revolts and holds back shit.
Anyone else here experience this? It's frustrating as all hell. I guess it's SAS. (shy ass syndrome) |
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