That I take air conditioning for granted. I will not from this day forth.

I don't know what I would do without the comfort and security that my unread books and Gilmore Girls DVDs provide me. I need to have them on the side lines for distraction when need be. I need my safey net.

I need more strength to get through this than I have…and I don’t know what to do about it...

…I never realized being truly in love with someone could hurt so much…and I know now more than ever that I loath being lied to.

I don't know where we go from here and it scares me to death...

cool whip is not sour cream.
it is in fact pretty much whipped cream in a bowl.

today i realized that people who generalize dramatically will probably never grow up or understand.

That boys,men ,males are lame. They never grow up and will never understand!!!!

I should of killed myself yesterday like I was going to.

- 65% of our kitchen fridge is filled with condiments.
- I love you like really love, love you and it's slowly killing me to be away from you for so long.
- You make me intensely happy probably without even knowing it. ♥

That I will be giving the ring back and this absolutely devastates me. I'm still in shock that it's not working out the way I saw it or hoped it would. I have no idea what's gonna happen after that. I really don't want to be an old maid in the future, but it sure as hell ain't looking so bright...

Today, I realized that I should have kissed him.

It shouldn't've really mattered that we were... mildly inebriated. Nor should I have cared that his best friend was lying asleep next to me.

I honestly don't know why it bothered me at the time. What I should have been thinking was, "Wow, I've liked this guy for over a year and a half and I have been in... well... love with him for quite some time. Aaaaand we are alone, and now his lips are three centimetres from your own and he is clearly wanting. JACKPOT." And I should have gone for it. Did I want tease him? Maybe a little. But not that much. I should've just DONE IT. Because apparently, he wasn't gonna.

Because now I'm left with the near crippling regret.

Not. Fun.
At. All.

Today I realized I should have gone with him.

And the doubt that we'll not end up back together scares and upsets me :(

And now all Captain Beefheart songs remind me of him.

that I'm not sure if I like being taken because now I can't flirt anymore.

that I'm not telling the truth when I say you are the cutest guy I've ever known.

that there are a lot of guys that are better looking and possibly more fun than you.

that I don't really care about all of that and I still want to marry you.

I don't identify as childfree because I hate children, I identify as childfree because I don't trust myself with children. I don't have the temperament to deal with them- I thought I was over my violent urges. I don't trust myself to not hurt a child if I'm annoyed- I'm sarcastic and cold and my initial reaction to anyone who pisses me off is to slap them around the back of the head.

I really really want kids. I don't know what made my biological clock start ticking so strongly, but... I- I want a family. I want to get over these fears and urges. I want to be as strong a woman as my mother was for raising me.

Today I realized
-Empire waists do not flatter my body at all. I look pregnant :(
-Its for the best we had to break up. It's better in the long run.

that I would like to meet. But, i have no plan to meet any of them at the moment.

Love and happiness wasn't made for people like me.

Love and happiness isn't for people like me.

that I would like to meet. But, i have no plan to meet any of them at the moment.

There is a pretty good chance I won't make it through this.

But I guess I had a good run.