Zits, chunky menstrua, the runs....

Holy shit (literally)!

2008-10-07T04:00:04Z

I just dropped the most offensively, hideously, slam-the-door-and-turn-on-the-fan awful-smelling shit I have ever had the displeasure of smelling. It's one of the few times I can use the phrase 'eldritch stench' and be entirely accurate.
~puts up bio-hazard signs~

Suprise! Death poo

2008-10-06T16:43:14Z

I don't know what just happened.

I was sitting on the couch, watching TV. When I was hit with sudden awful cramps. I curled up for a few minutes, waiting for it to pass. Then the "hey gotta poo" feelings came on.

I'm glad I walked to my back bathroom, with the good toilet paper. The poo was baffeling. I felt so bad during the deed that I actually wished that it were possible to poo while laying down. It wasn't even a liqui-poo, which I was expecting from how horrible I was feeling. It was entirely unremarkable, smaller bits of poo, but the color was normal and everything. The smell, though. That was not normal. Thank god my apartment has fans.

I've been eating well lately and everything. *whimper* I hope there isn't another of those in store.

Seriously, I need a nap now. I've never been so glad to finish a poo before.

never rains, but it pours

2008-10-06T08:22:33Z

omg omg omg oooooooooooooooow!!

so i have a head cold. can not breathe.

and i have been using vicks vapour rub.

i spread some on my chest and dabbed some right under my noise

while this is happening, i'm watching greys anatomy. and the episode was very sad. so i started to cry.

and i couldn't see.

so then, as it was the obvious course of action, i wiped my eyes.

wiped my eyes with hands that were covered in vicks freaking vapour rub.

and then i had to flush them with water for 10 minutes before the stingy stopped.

they are still watery and impressivly red. the redness suggests that i am utterly stoned out of my tree.
sadly, i just can't breathe and am a MORON

What do you do in a public toilet?

2008-10-06T05:55:19Z

Just wondering. If I have to pee, I half-squat over the seat. If I have to shit, I sit. If I have to change my pad, I sit.

So what do you do?

My TMI boyfriend

2008-10-06T03:59:11Z

So, today my boyfriend comes back from the bathroom with this shit-faced (no pun intended) grin on his face. I ask him what's so funny, but since we're in mixed company at the time he declines to tell me until later. When we get back to my room, I ask him again. His response?

"Cotton candy (purchased at last night's football game, it was yummy!) equals blue shit!"

So it's not terribly TMI, but I found it hilarious for some reason.

tmi_chix @ 2008-10-05T21:09:00

2008-10-06T02:09:19Z

I've had my IUD for about a month and a half and my bleeding is finally letting up. However, I'm still getting these really gross strings of brown mucusy discharged. They are super sticky and cling to my fingers when I try to scoop them out. It's AWESOME.

Also, I just scraped a tonsil stone out of my throat and it smelled like ass.

Arrgh!

2008-10-06T02:08:24Z

One of the things I hate most about my period is that while it makes me incredibly gassy, for some reason, while menstruating, I am just about unable to fart! It's awful. I don't know if it's from unconsciously clenching to keep blood from gushing out everywhere or what, but oh my god, misery. If I really work at it, I can force it out, but I still look PREGNANT from the freaking bloat.

40 reasons why

2008-10-05T20:34:49Z

men fail in bed

i just stumbled this and thought it was brilliant, enjoy

1. Not kissing first: Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you’re paying by the hour, and trying to get your money’s worth by cutting out nonessentials. A properly passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.
2. Blowing too hard in her ear: Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there’s a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you’re trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake.
3. Not shaving: You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner’s face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it’s not passion it’s avoidance.
4. Squeezing her breast: Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and soothe them.
5. Biting her nipples: Why do men fasten onto a woman’s nipples, and then clamp down like they’re trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can’t stand up to chewing, so lick and suck them gently - Flicking your tongue across them is good - Pretending they’re a doggie toy isn’t.
6. Twiddling her nipples: Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between fingers and thumb like you’re trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.
7. Ignoring the other parts of her body: A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you’ve ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.
8. Getting your hand trapped: Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you’re going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.
9. Leaving her a little present: Condom disposal is the man’s responsibility. You wore it, you store it.
10. Attacking the clitoris: Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.
11. Stopping for a break: Women, unlike men, don’t pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she’s not there, keep going at all costs - numb jaw or not.
12. Undressing her awkwardly: Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid’s toy.
13. Giving her a wedgie during foreplay: Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.
14. Being obsessed with the vagina: Although most men can find the clitoris without a map, they still believe that the vagina is where it’s all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you’re trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you’re not careful, it can hurt - so don’t get carried away. It’s best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.
15. Massaging too roughly: You’re attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.
16. Undressing prematurely: Don’t force the issue by stripping before she’s at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it’s just undoing a couple of buttons.
17. Taking your pants off first: A man in socks and underpants is a man at his worst - Lose the socks first.
18. Going too fast: When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she’ll soon feel lie an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
19. Going too hard: If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
20. Coming too soon: Every man’s fear. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.
21. Not coming soon enough: It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it’s more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you’re playing Marathon Man.
22. Asking if she has come: You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don’t know, don’t ask.
23. Performing oral sex too gently: Don’t act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.
24. Nudging her head down: Men persist in doing this until she’s eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It’s about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.
25. Not warning her before you climax: Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she’s performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what’s necessary.
26. Moving around during fellatio: Don’t thrust. She’ll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don’t grab her head.
27. Taking etiquette advice from porn movies: In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.
28. Making her ride on top for ages: Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn’t feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.
29. Attempting anal sex and pretending it was an accident: This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don’t think that being drunk is an excuse.
30. Taking pictures: When a man says, “Can I take a photo of you?” she’ll hear the words “__to show my buddies.” At least let her have custody of them.
31. Not being imaginative enough: Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no-no.
32. Slapping your stomach against hers: There is no less erotic noise. It’s as sexy as a belching contest.
33. Arranging her in stupid poses: If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she’s a Romanian gymnast, don’t get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.
34. Looking for her prostate: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate - women don’t.
35. Giving love bites: It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.
36. Barking instructions: Don’t shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It’s not a big turn-on.
37. Talking dirty: It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling an 0898 line. If she likes nasty talk, she’ll let you know.
38. Not caring whether she comes: You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.
39. Squashing her: Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lay on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.
40. Not thanking her: Don’t forget that you’re lucky to have that goddess in your life. Be sure to thank her with both words and actions.

tmi_chix @ 2008-10-05T14:53:00

2008-10-05T19:58:17Z

So I've yet to try out what you folks suggested for masturbation.(I'm a horrible person @: < )

But today I decided to give another go.
And ended up randomly taking it to my ass.

Damn, that right there is a good sensation. I liked it C:
It's still not "OMGSOAWESOME" but it's quite enjoyable, more so than my vajeener.

Next time I really want to try it, I think I will ah...clean myself before I do it. Blech >_

tmi_chix @ 2008-10-05T14:36:00

2008-10-05T19:39:09Z

I've been blowing snot out so hard for the past hour...that now I can't hear out of my right ear. And I still can't breathe out of my nose!

Time to get moar medicine I guess :(

Yeast iinfection.

2008-10-05T19:12:22Z

I think I've a yeast infection, my first one thanks to antobiotics for a nasty sinus infection. So, I'm going to the doctor (gp) on monday or tuesday, but I'm scared.

What's going to happen?
Pee test? Will I have to drop the pants???

oh and is there anything I can do to help with the pain/itchiness?

oh my...

2008-10-05T09:45:09Z

A recent post about IBS made me remember what happened to me a couple weeks ago. I babysit my God kids a lot. My Godson is 2 yrs old and my Goddaughter is 8 months old. I was out shopping with them at target ( I wanted to get out of the house, but in Arizona it's too damn hot even right now to take them to the park). So I'm wandering the store with them, my Goddaughter is sleeping peacfully in her carseat after a bottle and my Godson is being a good boy like usual and walking right next to me while I look at clothes to buy them. (I buy stuff for those kids like they were mine. I love them!) ANYWAY! I'm looking at a totally cute dress with strawberries all over it when I get this pain in my guts and realise, I GOTTA SHIT NAOW! Now, normally I would just run to the bathroom, grab the body spray I keep in my purse, the bottle of water and my emergency immodium and let go in the bathroom wherever I'm at. This is not so easily done when you have 2 kids with you plus merchendise you haven't bought yet. SO! I pick up my Godson, put him in the cart, go flying to the bathroom, leave my cart with an attendant asking for them to watch it, while mumbling something about changing a diaper, grab my Godson and Goddaughter out an go running to the bathroom. Mercifully, she stayed asleep, but my Godson was looking at me like, WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!?!?!? So I used my body spray to dilute the stench, downed a couple of immodium and held on for dear life while laughing at the look on his face. Thank God he's only 2 and it's still acceptable for him to be in the stall with me. That's the last time I grab starbucks on the way to shop with them.

IBS Help

2008-10-04T03:45:07Z

Hey there everyone... well, at least those of you who suffer the horrible, constant, relentless (or not at all), painful shitting disease of IBS.

I was wondering if any IBS sufferers (and I know there are IBS sufferers in this community LOL I've read your posts!) have any tips on how to maybe kind of prevent the IBS for a short period of time WITHOUT the use of medications?

I'm moving from Florida to Indiana in a few weeks, and while I was sitting on the toilet yesterday morning with hot, burning, Mexican ass-pee spewing into the toilet as my intestines felt as though a knife was ripping them apart, I thought to myself, "oh... oh God!!! No! What if I have an IBS flare in the CAR?"

It's a 17-1/2 hour trip from Florida to Indiana and we are NOT stopping and getting a hotel halfway. Which is fine, I'd rather get the drive done and over with anyways. I'm just so scared that I'll have an IBS flare and be in excrutiating pain in the car and not be able to stop at a gas station and unleash my ass-wrath into an unsuspecting toilet bowl. To make things worse, a caravan of my relatives are driving down to help us load everything into the U-Haul, so it'll be even harder to organize emergency rest stops!

Maybe I just won't eat. No, I'm also hypoglycemic and I don't want my blood sugar to drop. Hmm... which is worse? Shakey, nausea, dizzy, cranky from low blood sugar or horrible excrutiating pains from diarrhea? Thing is, I don't know what my triggers are, except for my period and anxiety... but my IBS flares can come at *any* time without warning. I am just now ending a bout of IBS, so hopefully that's all for a month. I rarely get an IBS flare (which lasts about 2-4 days) more than once a month. Sometimes I can even go three months without a flare, and then have a flare every month for the next five months, etc. It's unpredictable.

So, any tips?

Any TMI chickies in Indiana here? :D Not that I want to meet up, I'm mostly antisocial and not a creepy internet stalker. Just curious. lol

tmi_chix @ 2008-10-03T20:00:00

2008-10-04T03:05:33Z

So, my last two cycles have been weird, at first a week of very light to light-moderate brownish stuff, then a normal moderate period with hardly any pain (except what I can only describe as phantom cramps), and about four weeks in between.

Now, normally my period is pretty liquidy, sometimes blobs of it will slid out when I'm on the toilet, but I've never had a really clotty period. My shower has a removable head, that I use to rinse off any blood that clings to my thighs and pubes, normally its just a splash of bloody water. When I did it tonight? Clot bout the size of my pinky fell out. I picked it up eagerly, it was all stretchy, and sticky, but when I dropped it, I realized that it was too thick to fit easily through the holes. Make things more fun, I haven't cleared my hair from the drain in a while, so I spent a good three minutes clearing the drain of wet hair clotted with sticky period blood.

tmi_chix @ 2008-10-03T07:21:00

2008-10-03T12:25:57Z

So the boy doesn't really care about the state of my trimming, but yesterday I went in for a wax because he has a new hot tub, and at least some of that time will be spent in a suit. I'm lazy about this stuff, but I'm certainly not a n00b.

OW OW TOO ROUGH OW

It's not horrible, but I can't help but be worried that the sight of my red and irritated inner left thigh will be more disturbing to my bf than any escaped bush ever would.

Le sigh.

Drip, Drip

2008-10-02T23:52:37Z

Monday, while getting ready for the Rosh Hashanah dinner I was hosting, my eye started feeling sticky. I figured, it was allergies, and went on with my day. Woke up Tuesday morning with sticky, crusty, red eye, and oozy discharge. Not a pretty site. I dropped some breastmilk in it (natural antibiotic) and headed over to the clinic to get some antibiotics. NP mentions there's a sinus thing going around that's showing up with pinkeye, and checks my ears and nose out. After quite a headache finding something that the NP was comfortable prescribing for someone who is nursing, I'm sent on my way, assured that it's just pinkeye and to use the antibiotic for a few days and I'll be fine.

My ear starts hurting on Tuesday afternoon, and by Wednesday morning, I'm in full blown sinus infection mode...no oozing from the ears, but I'm now oozing from my eyes, nose and mouth. Head back to clinic, see new NP, new headache to find something okay for nursing Mom and I'm still dripping. Can't take a decongestant either cause that dries up breastmilk. At least she prescribed me a Diflucan in case I need it.

I'm quite a sight right now.

tmi_chix @ 2008-10-02T18:41:00

2008-10-02T23:46:11Z

I still can't masturbate, for some reason I can NEVER masturbate.

Well I can do it...but it's not enjoyable. It's always "hey...fingers rubbing clit, fingers in vajeener. Oh well" I've tried so many methods, all so very futile.

Very frustrated with this whole thing, I'm horny and I just want to release it, damn you!

Anyone have any suggestions? *SADFACE*

tmi_chix @ 2008-10-02T12:40:00

2008-10-02T17:41:06Z

Lately I've been bleeding from two orifices, and my mouth isn't one of them.
I need fiber and chocolate.

This is tame, but I usually lurk.

2008-10-02T16:37:46Z

I enjoy the TMI you ladies post. It's entertaining AND it makes me feel less weird.

So here we go:
I sometimes sprout a thick hair from the underside of my chin, which I let grow a bit so I can enjoy plucking it out. For some reason, the feeling of the root of the hair being pulled out is enjoyable to me.

I made like THE longest fart this morning. Seriously, it was like 30 seconds long. I was alone and 75% through it I started laughing at myself. Thanks, me. Thanks, butt. I am quite amused.

Lets see, what else...
I've been doing the gym again after a long time of not doing the gym. I forgot that exercise makes me feel pretty horny afterward. I'll bet it's something to do with improved blood-flow.
So not only am I going to lose some weight, but I have those crack-like endorphins getting me high as a kite and a very happy boyfriend.
Win!

tmi_chix @ 2008-10-01T23:09:00

2008-10-02T04:12:14Z

This has got to be my oddest period ever. My bleeding is fairly light, instead of the waterfall is usually is for the first few days. No cramps, when I usually get horrid ones. And my crotch smells like barbecue sauce.
I kind of want barbecue now.

Rancid gas

2008-10-02T02:14:12Z

Ever fart loud enough to impress yourself? I was just doing that. Then I were engulfed in the stench. Oh my god, the stank was horrible. Then I had a nice long stream of really LOUD and really rancid smelling farts.

As I was about to post this, I had to run to the bathroom to piss out of my ass. Awesome, the gas was a sign of more to come. That's always nice.

The only thing I'm upset about is that I'm home alone right now. My roommate so should have been here to experience that. Normally he's playing WOW and I'm bothering him and the gas would have been perfect. Oh well, maybe next time.

mmm wheat

2008-10-01T16:27:23Z

The shredded wheat for lunch diet strikes again.

I poop huge and easy, save money, and I lost 5 pounds.

probably lost 5 pounda cuz it keeps me full enough to skip/nibble for dinner.

That and the asshole men are making me sad :(

yum!

2008-09-30T20:36:42Z

Yesterday, my 18-year-old sister asked our 4-year-old sister why she eats her boogers. Her reply: "Because I like them. I like boogers." When the 18-year-old made up a story about how I used to eat my boogers and got worms, the 4-year-old said "But I LIKE them!"

I have never heard of kids putting it this way, but I guess that IS the reason they do it. Where do they get this idea in the first place?

TMI Family

2008-09-30T18:34:51Z

My dad goes on the exercise bike when he comes in from work, shirtless. He does it for like ten mins while dinner is cooking, then comes off dripping with sweat, and gets my mum to wipe off all his sweat with kitchen paper. In the kitchen. While dinner is cooking. Nice.

Today after he was all wiped up and sat in his chair, one of our kitties decides she wants to sit on him. Nothing unusual there. When I head upstairs after dinner, she follows me (again nothing unusual, my cats luff me) and comes and sits on my desk, in the way of my keyboard/mouse/anything-I-could-possibly-want-or-use-on-the-desk. I notice a faint smell... And realise that it's my dad's body sweat smell, wiped all over her. Nice.

Also, I don't know if anybody else's cats do this or if ours are just tards, but they drool. A lot. When they're up cuddling (Isis loves to sit right up on your neck. ohaicat) and purring and aww its dead cute, and then this splooge of drool will just be hanging, like 2 or 3 inches long, and if you go to wipe it kind of just sticks to their fur. I have taken to wiping around their mouths with a bit of tissue, a la babies. If I don't, the splooges of drool inevitably annoy them and they shake their head and it gets spattered all over me. Mmm cat drool.

I got my period today, FINALLY, after period-trailers for IDEK how long. I should be annoyed because I had to wait for so long, but my period only came back a couple of months ago from it's extended (10 month) holiday where I didn't know where the fuck it was or why it was gone, so I'm pretty happy to see it back and hope my body is functioning normally again.
But yes, I think the period-trailers lasted at least 2 and a half weeks, probably more 3. Sore boobs for 3 weeks is not nice, especially when you love nipple play and servicing yourself and don't really want to do either. I had the liquishits like a week and a half ago, and they normally come only a day or 2 before the blood (the BLOOOOOOOD) so I was a bit "wtf" over it all this month. And the junkfooding started a week ago too. I'm trying to eat well godammit! But huzzah it's here and I felt like my belly was going to burst out my new, still-too-tight jeans all afternoon at work. And when I got home from work I did the awesome 3 P (pee, poo, period) at the same time. All that was missing was the puke (and thank god because I would cry).

But now I am skipping my one night a week evening class at college, wrapped up in a fleecy kitty blanket with Thorntons brownies, custard creams, Dairy Milk and passionfruit juice. Wearing my new cowboy boots. Because I feel like it. I only wish I had a laptop so I could post this from bed =(

ETA: Cat has gone but the smell lingers in my room :(

hahahaha

2008-09-30T15:35:33Z

i took a shit earlier and it was so long one end was above water.

i was so excited i wanted to tell someone.

so of course i'm posting it here :D