RIP Clement Freud: Liberal, wit, and raconteur.

:(

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

This morning I are been mostly wondering whose bright idea it was to commission an extremely unfunny sitcom about arms dealing...

Quarter of a bloody hour on male pattern baldness? On WOMAN'S HOUR? FFS! Here is the text of my email:

Why on earth is Woman's Hour devoting a large part of its broadcast time to male baldness? It is, by definition, not going to be of direct interest to women. Even those women who find it of INDIRECT interest are going to need to persuade their men to listen to a bit of Woman's Hour.

I hate to come over all feministy here, but the vast majority of the broadcast media caters to the male point of view and things that men care about. Why are we letting them take over the one hour per day we women get? It's just not cricket.

I bet you a tenner that item was suggested by a male researcher.

Still, the item on women who do falconry is interesting...

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Still poorly, still off work, but better than I was.

I hashtag because I have been told off for not hashtagging enough, and so I am making myself hashtag. Have met many many lovely people, had lunch with LizW and DJM4, been given marvellous booze by po8crg, interviewed El Presidente, voted, exchanged amusing email with The First Lady while we both should have been paying attention to a debate (not the important votey one), had lots of training, been to my first ever glee club, not had much sleep, and been amazed to discover that Dr Pack isn't, as has been insinuated by others, an alien, but is a WOMAN!

Am now late. This is first proper internet access have had in two days. If you wish to ask any questions about any of the above please feel free to do so, and I will answer when I have some internetty time. Err... have fifteen minutes to get dressed and do a half hour walk. Arse. Still, listening to nannyo gleefully declaring Hurray for Vince! in the kitchen is a wonderful thing...

How does Twinkletoes Cable have time to look after BEES anyway? [/random radio-related interjection]

Some wag came up with the idea of organising a protest about the lack of swearing on the BBC today. The thing is, I don't want to complain about the lack of swearing on Desert Island Discs; I want to complain about the lack of swearing on Poetry, Please. There's no excuse for them not to broadcast a bit of Larkin on a Sunday afternoon:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.

Larkin was the head librarian at Hull uni when my dad attended, and it's thanks to him that it was such a magnificent and well-stocked building when I attended myself. Thanks, Phil.

1. Does anyone localish fancy dogsitting while we are at Spring Conference? This would be from the morning of the 6th of March to the evening of the 8th of March. We actually arranged a dogsitter for Conference well before Christmas, but due to a shotgun wedding in (I think) Suffolk it's all gone horribly awry. I reserve the right to reject volunteers out of hand, but the fact of volunteering will be much appreciated. Volunteer Obtained!


2. Does anyone else here feel sick to their stomachs about this? Because there seems to be a BIT of fuss being made, but not much. Our government is complicit in torture, people. TORTURE. Why are we not throwing these bastards out on their ears? I just don't get it.


3. Does anyone have a gateau from a chateau? Because, given the way the wax has run when it has dribbled, we now have a candle with a handle, and I can do a passable impression of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies by Van Klomp...

In other news, Mitch Benn has been musing about the age of Radio Four listeners. I think it's possible that the average age of radio four listeners is 55, but that the standard deviation is very big indeed. But still, straw poll is strawy:

Poll #1351338 Radio Four Listeners
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Do you listen to Radio Four?

If you answered yes, above, what age bracket do you fall into?

Have spent an informative and interesting morning on the streets of Brighouse Lib Demming with Mat and Hilary, which has resulted in at least one recruit and a nice letter to be sent to the local paper about Important Things (once Mat has proofread it).

I have just listened to Jo Swinson being awesome on Any Questions, and am wrapping Mat's anniversary present for tomorrow and hoping that it's not been built up into anything too huge in his head, because it's only a small cheap thing, given the state of our finances.

And then all I have to do is find time for food, and work an eight hour shift from four till midnight.

I am so glad Sunday is my Day off.

TwitterSheep is an appropriate web page for today, I think, given the number of people currently signing up for twitter.

Worryingly, the four biggest words in my tag cloud for entries (in order) are "JamesGraham" "going" "up" and "me". I'm quite proud that the tag cloud generated by my followers is a bunch of liberal writers, though. With a healthy dose of Who geekery, obvs.

Anyhoo, I now go to meet andrewhickey and minnesattva. Hope you lot all have a good day.

ETA: Oh Cthulhu, Ann Widdecombe is on Any Questions.

* runs to turn the radio off *

* with a small cheer for Greg Dyke and John Sergeant *

Listen to the segment on this morning's Woman's Hour about Nicaragua, where they outlawed abortion 2 years ago.

I feel sick.

They talked about the micro-blogging site Twitter on Woman's Hour this morning. This is a sign that it's truly gone mainstream, yes? Also, Jeremy Clarkson is now a Twitterer. That, and the fact that the Daily Fail don't like it, are sure signs.

Twitter does, quite often, lead to surrealness. For instance, I have been told off by Will Carling this morning for having slashy thoughts about him and Robert Llewellyn - it's not my fault! They were saying slashy things to each other! - and of course, ubergeek Stephen Fry's swearfests are always worth watching. And there is also the profusion of NASA Twitter feeds that lead to geeks like me crying over bits of metal (LUFFS YOU PHOENIX!!!).

But you might think that the Fail has a point - Twitter is completely pointless, right? You can't get across anything meaningful in such a small space, surely?

Well, at the risk of being clichéd, there are only 10 characters in I love you. Meaningful does not HAVE to mean lengthy, and breaking news sometimes benefits from breadth over depth. Twitter gives you little snapshots of insight into someone else's thoughts without overwhelming you in the way that a long blogroll can. It is great for citizen journalism - especially if you combine it with twemes, so that you can see what everyone is saying on a particular subject - and it's great for keeping an eye on your mates, too.

However, if I haven't convinced you of the value of Twitter's frivolity, and you REALLY have a hankering for something in depth and serious this morning, Alex Foster is cross, and wants you to join in..

Happy birthday to one of my longest-standing and most thoughtful friends, veritasema (hope you get lots of snuggles from the young ones today); and also to our eternally youthful Youth and Equalities Spokesman Lynne Featherstone. I often look at the picture of Lynne on her blog and wonder what the portrait in the attic must look like...

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The Now Show was gigglesome indeed this week, and I share with Mitch the urge to prevent the X-Factor butchery getting the Christmas number one spot. If you want to join in on this, now is the time to join in the world's biggest RickRoll. Go forth and buy Rick Astley before the end of today. Fly, my brave f-list! Fly to iTunes!

ETA: as Mat points out in the comments, buying Jeff Buckley, as noble as that may seem, still contributes money to the Cowellmeister, because he owns the rights. Buy Rick! I have! You know it makes sense:

7DIGITAL
(Remember to click track#1 ONLY)
http://www.7digital.com/artists/rick-astley/whenever-you-need-somebody/
OR text TRACK to 78789. You will receive a 7digital voucher code - enter this in the voucher area below the basket on this page.


iTUNES
(you'll need iTunes installed on your computer - click BUY SONG on track#1)
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?i=255991760&id=255991758&s=143444


PLAY.COM
(tick track#1 in the orange section)
http://www.play.com/Music/MP3-Download-Album/4-/8065711/3-Originals/Product.html

TESCO DIGITAL
(Again, click on track#1)
http://www.tescodigital.com/Store/Pages/ProductDetail.aspx?mode=Albums&product=2%3a2900355

TUNETRIBE
(it's WMA but 49p - BE CAREFUL it's not the first track?)
http://www.tunetribe.com/product/index.html?id=245580

... is fantastic, and I urge you all to go and listen to it RIGHT NOW. I am very cheered by Mitch's pointing out of the fact that on a wet, cold, windy Yorkshire Tuesday, Huddersfield Town can pull in more punters than the entire membership of the BNP. Piratey people will be very pleased by it also, I feel.

Another thing which is incredibly cool is this (small: hat-tip gominokouhai):



* totally wants a Pizza of Rassilon now *

Because I know Mitch will dig it, I'll be tagging him on Facebook.

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Poll #1305902 Snacking
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Three bowls of Sugar Puffs is enough, really, isn't it?

It's the 23rd of November, people. Doctor Who is 45 years old! The above picture is by Lee Sullivan, who did the art for the fantastic Real Time, and you can see a bigger version of it here.

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And now, a meme! ( click to get a bunch of fives... )

Spent the morning in the town centre with Hilary (our local PPC) Janet (Lib Dem Council group leader) Jim (chair of our newly-formed local branch) and Mat, getting people to sign our petition and fill in our questionnaire about local issues.

We also had a bit of a moment of suppressed glee when we realised that the Brighouse war memorial service was taking place at the other side of the square (why was it not at the war memorial in the grounds of the library? And why was it not tomorrow? No idea) and all the local "dignitaries", Tories to a (wo)man (except for the independent who merely supports the Tories in everything they do) were standing opposite us, glatring at our enormous yellow Calderdale Liberal Democrats banner, and watching the public get engaged with us :D

There was quite a positive response, dignitaries nothwithstanding, to the fact that Brighouse now has it's own branch of the Lib Dems. There also seems to be very strong local support for devolution from Calderdale. YAY localism!

Am now listening to Ros Scott being awesome on Any Questions and pondering a bath before work.

ETA: result of presidential election is apparently due at 3. I'm really nervous. The thing is, if I'M really nervous, how the hell must Chandila and Lembit and Ros be feeling? I hope the polls are right.

* bites nails *

So, flicking through the blogs I find news of Palin's hypocrisy (although I could be charitable and call it mere arse-bleeding stupidity) and the even more sickening hypocrisy of the tabloid newspapers, and I'm getting kind of pissed off.

And then I saw this.

Next time I am defending the British legal system, and saying that actually it works quite well, and that the system of precedent and case law means that even if there is a freak miscarriage of justice it'll be sorted out on appeal... Just remind me of this, will you? Even reducing the sentence of ONE of those amoral little fucktards is an insult. THEY KICKED SOMEONE TO DEATH FOR BEING CIVIL TO THEM, FFS!!!! AND THEY THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY!!!

* is not a happy SB today *

Thanks to the suggestions of the lovely Mr Quist, the internet appears to be behaving itself.

Unfortunately, my body has taken a nosedive. Lunch in the pub was lovely, but I couldn't even manage a half of beer, and now I am sat in bed, rolled up in the duvet, headachy and shivering and incapable.

Thank heavens for radio four, which is reassuring me that I am still alive by being reassuringly radio four. It's like an aural blankie.

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Some links:

• It's legally impossible to commit adultery if you're in a gay marriage.
• lizw is one of those people who remind me that actually quite a lot of normal, sensible, reasonable people are Christians and not all Christians are crazy fundies who want to restrict all our freedoms. For that, I thank her. See this for an example.
• An article in the Times on sex addiction. Which made me think: most of these people's problem is not what they are doing, but how they are going about it, and how they feel about it. There is nothing wrong with shagging lots of people several times a day if that is what you want to do; what IS wrong is deceiving other people to do it, and giving yourself guilt trips and getting "treatment" for perfectly normal and natural urges. The problem here is society. Why do we have to have this rigidly enforced image of a hetereosexual, monogamous couple, which everybody who doesn't conform to is condemned? Some people are happy on their own. Some people want to live as couples. Some people love in larger groups. Why is only one of those sets acceptable to the mainstream?
• Turn your name into a face. I quite like Jennie, although she looks a bit eager, but Miss S B is a bit scary. This is possibly as it should be.

For Will: the blogging discussion on the Today programme, which is hilarious in its illumination of John Humphries as a technophobic dinosaur, bless him.

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burkesworks? I saw this and thought of you. Ten Very Good reasons to grow a beard. I am almost tempted to try...

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Can this be true? Are they finally going to make proper sex education compulsory? I am astounded that there are people who think that kids should not be taught about contraception till they are at least 13 though. I had lost my virginity by then, and I wasn't the first in my class either. Teenage pregnancies are better than talking to children about condoms, are they? I mean, we all know abstinence education doesn't work - largely for parallel reasons to those Mitch Benn talks about with regard to smoking today:

the greatest trick the tobacco corporations ever pulled was convincing parents to tell their kids not to smoke. That made sure that smoking became identified with rebellion and independence for ever.

The more adults tell teenagers not to do something, the more they are going to want to do it. What you have to do is present them with evidence of what the consequences will be and let them make their own choice - but make sure they know they will be living with the consequences - Mitch again:

"Hi kid, here's the plan. You give me a regular cash donation of a few pounds each day, and in return I will make you smell bad, slowly destroy your skin, reduce your fitness, turn your teeth and fingers brown and fill your whole system with toxins. In return for this, you will think you look a bit cool. Except you won't really. Oh, and I reserve the right, at some point in the future, to kill you. Maybe I won't and maybe I will. You'll never know until it's too late. It might be swift and unexpected, it might take months of agonising pain. Do we have a deal?"

I'm hoping that if I put it like that and tell my kids that if they still want to smoke, it's up to them, they'll steer clear of it.

Giving kids an informed choice doesn't ALWAYS work, but it for damn sure works better than being an authoritarian arsehole and just making them want to rebel.

Actually, our dear government could do with bearing that in mind, too...

Anyway, I know (and am happy) that there is some form of sex education going on at Shrubby's school, because the other day she told me that she knew about how babies happen. She said that I have to do something with Mat (she was hazy about this bit) and then I'll get really fat, and then I'll burst, and she will have a baby sister. This baby sister will either be called Ellie-Mae 2 (after her friend Ellie-Mae) or Mona, she hasn't decided. I, apparently, do not get a say.

I have less than no money. Several of my friends are having crises (special hugs for theoldcatlady and missdiane). And lets not forget that we're all doomed and the world is going to hell in a handcart. And yet...

This morning I feel incredibly peaceful, happy, and contented. I had a really good time last night; I had a good night's sleep; I have a wonderful fiancé; and I am lounging naked in bed with my laptop and a bowl of cereal, listening to the awesome Sandi Toksvig on the news quiz. Life really doesn't get much better than moments like this.

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Various people have been talking about the fact that Andrew Neil is being rumoured as a replacement for Dimbledore on Question Time. My personal feeling is that Neil's style is better suited to the more informal format of the stuff he already does, and he wouldn't fit with QT. Neil is irreverent, but rambly. This is grand on This Week, when you're winding down from QT, but I don't think QT needs Blue Nun jokes. QT needs someone with the presence to control an unruly panel and a frequently unruly crowd, as well as a quick, sharp wit.

* eyes radio *

Hmm, I wonder...

Poll #1280876 Question Time
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Who would make the best Question Time Presenter?

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Via andrewducker, Rape Crisis Scotland has an excellent series of adverts aimed at the very things several of us have been discussing of late: This is not an Invitation to Rape Me. More adverts like this, please, and less of the victim-blamey kind.

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Via mooism, it's not often someone who uses racist language warms my heart, but this little gem from 538 made me smile:

So a canvasser goes to a woman's door in Washington, Pennsylvania. Knocks. Woman answers. Knocker asks who she's planning to vote for. She isn't sure, has to ask her husband who she's voting for. Husband is off in another room watching some game. Canvasser hears him yell back, "We're votin' for the n***er!"

Woman turns back to canvasser, and says brightly and matter of factly: "We're voting for the n***er."

Bless 'em.

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The Torygraph is continuing its Vince is better than George meme. They say it like they are trying to jolly George along, mind, but the fact that they are saying it at all, is interesting to say the least.

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The government is continuing it's stupid anti-immigration schtick, despite the fact that immigration is a net benefit and all the studies show it. Why do they have to PANDER to Paul Dacre and all his little minions, instead of showing them they are wrong? Fuckwits.

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Hilarious article on Con Hom about how to beat Lib Dems in elections. Among the dirty tricks we stand accused of engaging in are being seen as working hard for their neighbours, joining residents associations and other community groups and being honest - people know what they are getting when they vote Lib Dem - oh NOES!!

There ARE some useful campaign tips for any politician in there, though. So here's another dirty trick - read those Tory tips, inwardly digest, and use, my Lib Dem brethren and sistren ;)

I'm listening to Feedback on Radio 4. They just played Evan Davies' finest hour again, in full, and two nice long comments from listeners about how awesome it was to hear George Osbourne skewered like that.

Win, radio 4. Epic win.

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Speaking of Epic Win, Stephen Gillan has posted an Ambitious Aquatic Analogy of British Politics on Lib Dem Voice. It's awesome. All together now? We all live in a yellow submarine...

* cackle *

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arvindn has a great post about why LJ is awesome, and why it has so far failed...

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I made the Golden Dozen again. Go me!

Today's Nemi is oddly fitting for the way my brain is going today:



Patronising blokes telling women not just what they are allowed to do, but what they are allowed to WANT to do don't half wind me up. For instance, via confusiontempst and dmatthewman comes the news that David Willets thinks that women ought to stop having aspirations to getting decent jobs and get back in the kitchen and make men some pie, preferably while giving birth...

Unlike David Willets, I actually LIKE the fact that women are allowed to use their intelligence these days. It makes for a more interesting world. Hell, it makes for more interesting drama, as anyone who watched yesterday's fab episode of Sarah-Jane Adventures could tell you. Also, radio Four was dull this morning so we put the CD of OHG series 6 on. Annette Crosbie is AWESOME. The character she plays is full of sharp wit, and gets one up on Satan quite regularly. Intelligent and pro-active women RULE.

Conservatives on the other side of the Atlantic seem to be having difficulty with this idea, too. OMG THE WOMAN MADE IT ALL GO WRONG!!

Hey, I have an idea! Instead of trying to push women as a whole back into the kitchen so that the poor mens can get back to the halcyon days of the 1950s, why don't we just let people make their own decisions about how they want to lead their lives, and point out to all humans that they aren't entitled to ANY sort of relationship without behaving like reasonable people and EARNING someone else's love? Oh yeah, sorry, that would be SENSIBLE, wouldn't it?

* headdesk *