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Pan narrans - the storytelling ape - Fic: Beginnings

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Fic: Beginnings
Title: Beginnings
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairings: Nine, Jack and Rose, with a hint of Doctor/Jack
Summary: Jack has a keen sense for beginnings and endings.
Warnings: None
Length: 1,099 words
Notes: No beta, but huge thanks go to [info]matsujo9, who rescued me from embarrassing myself!




It’s got the sense of a beginning, this thing. Jack knows beginnings well. They feel a lot like endings, in a way, but more energetic, more naïve. He’s seen a lot of both lately – so many beginnings, and far too many endings.

They move around each other in cautious, nervous circles. Him circling Rose circling the Doctor circling him, the three of them so different, so much the same. It’s been a long while since Jack trusted anyone this readily, but he knows, like a stone knows how to fall, that he needs to be here. That this is the beginning of the rest of his life.

The Doctor has started making time for Jack in the evenings – with time in the TARDIS defined by Rose’s sleep cycles. It’s taken a while, but there’s a beginning here too, the very start of something that will last lifetimes. The Doctor avoids his eyes, mainly, but they talk of meaningless things, galactic politics, old stories, bits of universal lore. Jack works up the courage, one night, to tell him how he could improve one of the ship’s systems, and earns himself a hard stare that almost makes him wet his pants before the Doctor grins and tells him to go ahead.

It’s the long, slow ritual dance of measuring each other up, working each other out. Trying to find the safe zone, the no-man’s land where neither of them lives, but they can both relax. And it’s so slow, and so careful, that on the rare occasions the Doctor catches his eye, the understanding passes between them; this is not a brief thing. This will not be easy, or painless. But it will be forever – or so close he won’t know the difference – whether they want forever or not.

Not that Jack can understand what he’s seeing, what he’s feeling. It feels like a thousand different things all at once, just standing here in the bright-lit room with the panels off the walls and the Doctor watching him, calm as autumn and just as unpredictable. It feels like a prologue, like the clearing of throats before a saga. It feels like home and like being misplaced all at once. It feels like falling without knowing what’s beneath you, or how far you’ve got to drop, only that there’s no other way but down.

And some nights, the Doctor’s grin is gone, but his eyes are softer, and the lights are dim, the air warmer. He lets Jack a bit closer – not enough, never enough, but Jack is thankful for every inch that closes between them, and he’s learning how much he can push, and when he should back away.

Daytime is for Rose. It’s adventures and aliens and sights she’s never seen before. Every street, every city, every world new to her, and yet this – this life, this journey at the Doctor’s side – is as much the mark of an ending for her as a beginning. She’s wide-eyed and beautiful, gazing at the universe with an awe Jack hasn’t felt in years, but he knows the difference well. She’s left something of herself somewhere, and won’t ever get it back.

He watches her, all the time. Part of him needs to keep her in sight, wants to protect her from all the bad things he knows are out there, but she… it isn’t that she doesn’t see them, or won’t acknowledge there’s evil in the universe, nevertheless she doesn’t let it upset her. Doesn’t let it win.

She’s the strongest person he’s ever met, and yet he can feel something unravelling when she’s close. He can’t quite put words around the feeling. It’s there, though. And it’s strong.

But it doesn’t matter, any of it. Beginnings and endings, aliens and suns and subtle glances in the dark. It doesn’t matter here, not now.

The air is warm, the gentle breeze flicking Rose’s hair across her face and blossom through the air. None of them are dressed in the long, alien robes and scarves – the Doctor and Rose have been merciless about Jack’s shorts – but they blend in, as always. She links arms with both of them, as the Doctor lectures about the local cultures and they pretend to listen, secretly trading grins behind his back. A couple of children run past them, laughing, as a baker opens his door, sending a delicious waft of warmth across them. Jack feels almost completely relaxed, all the secret, ever-alert parts of his mind charged down and resting.

“I’m starving,” Rose cuts across the Doctor’s monologue on the strangely parallel evolution of architecture in this arm of the spiral galaxy. Jack grins. She’s always starving when they visit somewhere strange to her. He’s never met anyone with such an enthusiasm for the new and un-tested, especially when it comes to food.

She lets go of Jack and tugs the Doctor over the road, where a covered stall is selling something apparently edible, but pretty off-putting to Jack. He follows a couple of paces behind them, hands tucked in his pockets, basking in the unsubtle glances of a group of young lizard-like aliens. The Doctor rolls his eyes, and Jack knows he’s getting bored. He smiles. When the Doctor gets bored, things tend to get very interesting very quickly.

They both watch as Rose gulps down something blue and blobby as happily as if they were a portion of chips. The Doctor stuffs his hands in his pockets, glances back the way the came, where the TARDIS sits unnoticed in an alleyway. Jack gets the strange sensation that, beneath the greater beginning, something else, something smaller but an integral part of it, is beginning to end.

“Ever been to Japan?” the Doctor says.

Rose’s eyes light up. “No! Can we go?”

“Well, I dunno. Who’ll pay for the flights and look after the cat?”

She laughs, and Jack grins.

“Of course we can go. Captain, you’ve got to see Kyoto in 3036. You’ll both like it. I love it!” He grabs another box of the blue stuff for Rose, and they begin to head back to the alley. “Robots everywhere, wandering around some of the most ancient buildings in the world… fantastic!”

Jack catches Rose’s eye. “Ten pounds says we land more than a hundred years off.”

She laughs at the Doctor’s sudden scowl. “I’ll take that bet!”

Jack is last through the door. He takes a glance behind him, at the milling people, the shouting salesmen, the lizard-aliens and the blue-green sky. He looks, and he will remember, but he closes the door behind him.

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Comments
ausmac From: [info]ausmac Date: 17th April 2008 22:37 (UTC) (Link)
You are the queen of the beautiful introspective, the missing moments, the thoughtful pauses and the characterisation to die for. When I grow up, I want to write as well as you. *bliss*
smithy161 From: [info]smithy161 Date: 17th April 2008 23:58 (UTC) (Link)
Wow, thanks! Really, really glad you like it.
honorh From: [info]honorh Date: 17th April 2008 22:39 (UTC) (Link)
That was lovely. I love the look at the Doctor and Rose through Jack's eyes. You've woven such wonderful tension among them, that little anything-could-happen that we saw on the show. Beautiful!
smithy161 From: [info]smithy161 Date: 17th April 2008 23:59 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! I'm glad the dynamic works.

Icon love, by the way!
shinodabear From: [info]shinodabear Date: 17th April 2008 22:47 (UTC) (Link)
This is beautifully written. It certainly warrants a re-read or two. :)
smithy161 From: [info]smithy161 Date: 18th April 2008 00:00 (UTC) (Link)
Glad you enjoyed it - thanks for reading!
_medley_ From: [info]_medley_ Date: 17th April 2008 23:37 (UTC) (Link)
Beautiful and bittersweet, with perfect characterization.
smithy161 From: [info]smithy161 Date: 18th April 2008 00:00 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
nightrider101 From: [info]nightrider101 Date: 17th April 2008 23:39 (UTC) (Link)
This was incredible! As mentioned above, you have a real gift for introspection.

Jack is last through the door. He takes a glance behind him, at the milling people, the shouting salesmen, the lizard-aliens and the blue-green sky. He looks, and he will remember, but he closes the door behind him.

It's heart breaking, but hopeful at the same time. :) Thank you for sharing!
smithy161 From: [info]smithy161 Date: 18th April 2008 00:01 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you for reading! Glad you liked the ending - took about two hours of tweaking to get it right *g*
kb_twilight From: [info]kb_twilight Date: 18th April 2008 02:17 (UTC) (Link)
Beautiful
smithy161 From: [info]smithy161 Date: 21st April 2008 21:06 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
unfeathered From: [info]unfeathered Date: 18th April 2008 07:49 (UTC) (Link)
Oh, gosh. That's absolutely gorgeous. Really, really beautiful. So much going on there, all the little threads of thought and feeling, and it all fees so real.

And so poignant, with the knowledge of what's to come.

I love this paragraph particularly: It’s the long, slow ritual dance of measuring each other up, working each other out. Trying to find the safe zone, the no-man’s land where neither of them lives, but they can both relax. And it’s so slow, and so careful, that on the rare occasions the Doctor catches his eye, the understanding passes between them; this is not a brief thing. This will not be easy, or painless. But it will be forever – or so close he won’t know the difference – whether they want forever or not.

Hmmm. *sighs happily*
smithy161 From: [info]smithy161 Date: 21st April 2008 21:11 (UTC) (Link)
*g* glad you like it! I wasn't sure about that paragraph you quoted, so it's good to know that it works.
jadesfire2808 From: [info]jadesfire2808 Date: 18th April 2008 08:51 (UTC) (Link)
Oh wow. This is gorgeous. I love the flow of it, the tiny signals that mean so much to Jack, and the gentle, teasing mood when the three of them are together. The wistfulness and patience of it are just right, and the humour sets it all of so well. Beautiful.
smithy161 From: [info]smithy161 Date: 21st April 2008 21:12 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks! Really glad you liked it.
nina_ds From: [info]nina_ds Date: 19th April 2008 01:02 (UTC) (Link)
“Ever been to Japan?” the Doctor says.

Noooooooo! Don't go!!!

I'm amazed how much I hated seeing that line, but it's inevitable. I love the way you've woven the various threads in here. Lovely.
smithy161 From: [info]smithy161 Date: 21st April 2008 21:14 (UTC) (Link)
*Grins* good reaction! Thank you for reading!
oursoliloquies From: [info]oursoliloquies Date: 19th April 2008 06:18 (UTC) (Link)
This is absolutely beautiful. I love the perspective you've given Jack here, and how, really, almost anything can be defined by time. Those first few paragraphs are amazing.
smithy161 From: [info]smithy161 Date: 21st April 2008 21:27 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you!
bobbingboyz From: [info]bobbingboyz Date: 19th April 2008 20:34 (UTC) (Link)
This is wonderful, as always. I want to grab hold of every wisp and thread, and follow them. I love the internal Jack here, the way he looks and waits and accepts what is growing will be worth it.

"Jack gets the strange sensation that, beneath the greater beginning, something else, something smaller but an integral part of it, is beginning to end."
Opens so many questions for me.
I'm so pleased you have found your muse again.
smithy161 From: [info]smithy161 Date: 21st April 2008 21:35 (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! I'm very glad you like it.
slyreflection From: [info]slyreflection Date: 21st April 2008 20:58 (UTC) (Link)
Just wanted to tell you how beautiful this is, how Jack's thoughts and feelings are all so perfect.
This line here, just slays me, moves me so much:
"And it’s so slow, and so careful, that on the rare occasions the Doctor catches his eye, the understanding passes between them; this is not a brief thing. This will not be easy, or painless. But it will be forever – or so close he won’t know the difference – whether they want forever or not."
You are a GENIUS of a writer. Thanking you for creating some of the best- if not the best- Jack/Doctor and DW fandom fic that I've ever seen.
smithy161 From: [info]smithy161 Date: 21st April 2008 21:44 (UTC) (Link)
I'm sure I don't deserve praise like that, but thank you so much! I'm really, really glad you enjoyed this. Thank you for taking the time to read it!
mad_jaks From: [info]mad_jaks Date: 25th April 2008 13:10 (UTC) (Link)
the understanding passes between them; this is not a brief thing. This will not be easy, or painless. But it will be forever – or so close he won’t know the difference – whether they want forever or not.

I had to quote it all it's just such an awesome piece of writing...
rustydog From: [info]rustydog Date: 19th May 2008 05:16 (UTC) (Link)
Here by way of [info]jadesfire2808's podfic - this is wonderful! Intense, thoughtful, streaked with humor. It makes me ache for Jack. :)
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