The Martyr: "Look, you're engaged to a guy who clearly doesn't give two shits about you, but I'm not going to cross that line. Instead, I'll just make puppy dog eyes at you all day, flirt with you incessantly, and book a trip overseas on the date of your wedding, even though we're supposedly BFFs and I should, in theory, be there to see you on what is supposed to be the happiest day of your life.

And let's say I do cross that line, and you don't automatically jump into my arms and declare your love for me. At that point, I'll move away, only to return with a girlfriend who is not you, even though I'm still completely in love with you and you've called off your wedding which is pretty much a sign that you're in love with me, too. After essentially using my new girlfriend for a few months, you'll finally declare your love for me, and I'll rush in to sweep you off your feet. After your art school dreams die, we'll get married and have a baby and I'll buy my parents house without asking you, because I know you'll love it.

We've got it all, baby! And all the two of us had to do was suppress our feelings for years and continue in adult relationships with people we didn't actually care for until we were finally ready to grow the fuck up and say something."