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mood |
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that early morning mood |
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I found this picture of me from my 18th birthday.  Do you think there's a name for people who identify with hermaphrodites? I dress and act like neither man nor woman. I have masculine days and feminine days. I wear outfits that accentuate parts of my female body and obscure others. I wear pink cheesecloth and drink pints. I wanted to go to my year 13 prom in a tuxedo with a corset and stilettos. I don't care whether I fall in love with men or women. Ideally, I would like to love them all at once. My sexuality defines me more than my gender.
I think I'm an empathetic being. I am neither male nor female, neither hetero nor homosexual, I don't try to be what others are or what I'm told i should be. I have no interest in subculture, because I'd have to change it every day. I am as gender-ambiguous and as sexually open as I like to be, not because anyone else is, but because I am.
I study literature- the creation of other lives and the exploration of other consciousnesses. Though I'm not what anyone would call talented, I enjoy acting- the art of becoming someone else. When I sing, I think about my words and become the voice behind them. I want multiple lovers, because I couldn't choose just one until I'd loved them all.
I believe in the sacredness of all life, and every being ever created with a soul and potential. I support the plight of the minority who cannot help but be different from the norm, but I resent them when they try to obtain preferential treatment over those who cannot help but be different to the minority. I stand up for those who cannot speak, and listen to those who can. Stereotypes hold no weight with me- there is no gender, there is no race, there is no sexuality, there is no marital status, there is no age, there is no wealth- there is only the individual and the way the individual chooses to live.
Could it be that I am the embodiment of everyone? Someone who is at once totally unique, yet at the same time a composite of both sides of every choice it's possible to make? Am I like this for a reason? After all, not everyone believes in things so strongly. Not everyone can tell when to stick with what is truly right, and when to change their minds and admit they were wrong. Not everyone is so objective that even when they make a mistake and don't correct it, and do the worse thing on a principle of no importance, for pride or for spite, they are aware of choosing to be wrong. Not everyone can analyse themselves as though they were someone completely seperate. Not everyone can slip inside the mind of another, and understand them without becoming them. Not everyone is everyone.
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