Sleeptalk Stories

jaxraven talks in her sleep.

She was in the midst of telling me a story about something that had happened at her house a week before. We were both lying curled into a large blanket on her bed, since we hadn't gotten much sleep the night before (Miyazaki's Spirited Away and popcorn had distracted us). Gradually, her narrative devolved into a half-formed mumble.

Alarmed, I sat up and looked at her. Her eyes were slitted and her face held no particular expression, but she reached over and firmly took hold of my waist with one hand, as if she were afraid I would vanish.

"What's the matter?"

"You keep hiding your arguments under all this bacon."

"What?"

"I keep looking under the bacon, and looking under the bacon, and looking under more layers of BACON, but I can't find your arguments."

"...I'm sorry?"

"'s not FAIR."

"Are you asleep?"

More mumbling.

I lay back down. "You know if you don't remember this later I'm going to post it on the Internet, right?"

"Okay. Sfmumpf if I frmbl."

We both lay there for a few more quiet minutes, until I decided to roll onto my side. She clutched my shoulder.

"It's a hand!"

"Jax, are you okay?"

"Why is it not a hand?"

"I just need to roll over. It's okay."

"Smwemflumph."

Sure enough, later she did not remember anything she had said. Sleeping with her eyes open certainly fooled me.

Why has it been so long since anyone posted in here? Anyway, I have a three short stories get the ball rolling, each involving my best friend (we'll call her F), a prolific sleep-talker.
The first is between her and her mother and makes me giggle every time.

Mum: F, it's time to get up
F: SSSSHH noooo! You'll ruin it.
Mum: Come on, it's time to get up!
F: Go away. You're ruining the salad that he's wearing!
--
The last two are between her and I, and are perfect examples of how mean she becomes when she's asleep!

Me: Can I have a pillow please? You have three and I have none.
F: I have no pillows.
Me: Yes you do, you have three, can I please have one?
*she vaguely opens her eyes and looks down at the three pillows under her head*
F: Oh these pillows? No, they dont count.

I never got the pillow.
--
Me: Can I have something to sleep in please?
F: Yeah of course I'll get you something.
*I watch and wait, but there is no movement from F*
Me: Ok, well can I have something to sleep in then?
F: *inccreasingly irritated* Urgh, yes fine I'm doing it!
*still no movement from F*
Me: F, you need to give me something to sleep in!
F: I'M DOING IT. *is clearly not doing it*
Me: Well, actually you're not.
F: YES I AM, I'M DOING IT.

This went on for far longer than I care to remember.

Overheard by the lovely girl who sleeps in my cage occasionally. Apparently last night I was mumbling just loud enough to wake her up in time for this rather confusing conversation - I don't remember it at all, though I do recall dreaming about some sort of farm.

Me: ...mumble mumble mumble... Safe. Gotta make sure everything is safe... then we can go get the potato!

Her: Jax... Jax, are you awake?

Me: No... no, no, not at all, it's the grapevine!

Her: Grapevine? What grapevine?

Me: The one with all the tiny heads... *trails off into mumbles again*

Her: *can't fall asleep for an hour, creeped out by the idea of tiny heads dangling from vines*

I just remembered a story that I haven't shared here yet! This happened quite a few years ago, I had just gotten home from school and was starving. My mom was in her recliner taking a nap. I asked her right when I walked through the door, not realizing that she was asleep, if I could have some chips. She yelled "CALIFORNIA HIGHWAY PATROL!" I busted up laughing and woke her up. Now it’s a bit of a joke with my family that someone always yells that when we talk about chips XD

I used to sleepwalk when I was a child. No idea why I don't anymore. (Or perhaps I do, and no one has informed me of it yet, since the only person sharing my sleeping accommodations is a black cat who's even harder to wake unexpectedly than I am.)

Anyway, I was about eight or nine, and had regained enough of a sliver of consciousness to stumble into my parents' room and wake my dad.

"Daddy, you've got to turn it off," I sobbed.

"Turn what off?" He scrabbled for his glasses.

"The machine - it's making so much noise."

"What machine, honey?"

"The machine. You have to turn it off."

He stared at me for a few minutes before realizing that I was not quite awake. He walked me back into my room, deciding to apply logic to my phantoms. "Show me the machine, and I'll turn it off for you."

I pointed, indignant that he apparently didn't believe me. "That machine."

"...sweetheart, that's a wall."

"Oh," I said.

My dad put me back to bed. He still likes to tell the story to unsuspecting relatives.

It's really not sleeptalking..
But does anyone else get this weird thing where, they're ALMOST ALMOST asleep, but just as you're about to drop off, something insane and strange pops into your head and it makes you laugh so much you wake up again..?!

I get it aaall the time :S

Examples: [i write them down as soon as they happen lol]

''Damn you to hell, Bruce Willis!''

''Yeah but it's so corrosive, it falls off your face at like a hundred miles an hour!''

''And then he put the lasagne on the plate and DRANK IT''

''Man, crabsticks are ANGRY''

''Mummy, mummy, I just accidentally brushed my hair with an egg-market!''

''Hey Moses, is that a small lizard in your back pocket or are you just happy to see me!?''


Weird...

Oohkay it's not actually a sleeptalking thing... But last week sometime, I woke myself up laughing, because I was dreaming that my friend had an inflatable one-man-band** strapped onto them.. :S  

It was pretty cool : D


**Like the one Bert has in Mary Poppins, but inflatable!

My boyfriend, last night:

"I would definitely eat the butt muscles."

That is all.

I've had several incidents of hearing other people say nonsensical things in their sleep, and several times people have relayed things I've apparently said, but yesterday morning I got to actually experience myself doing it.

I was still asleep while my husband and his daughter were up and watching TV. He came into the bedroom for something and I sat up, half awake, and indignantly asked "What IS it with you people and the letter B?!"

Him: "...what?!"

I sighed and rolled my eyes, since to my half-asleep-but-slowly-waking brain it was such an OBVIOUS question. "What IS IT. With YOU PEOPLE. And the letter... uh... what the hell am I talking about?"

Him: "Why are you asking ME? What on earth were you dreaming?"

Me: "I have absolutely NO idea."

I've just spent the last few hours reading all the entries, and giggling like a maniac : D

I only have a few stories, and I'm afraid they're not as interesting as some of the ones here.. But here goes xD

~~~~~~

* This must have been when I was like.. maybe 11, and my sister was 7. We were on holiday, and sharing a room. At one point in the middle of the night, she got up, stood on top of her bed, and started pointing and screaming frantically at the door. I woke up, terrified, and had nooo idea what was going on.. I asked her what she was doing and she just looked at me, nodded firmly, and got back into her bed..

~~~~~~

* Another sister story xD Sharing a room again.. Can't remember where we were though. I woke up and saw her standing at the side of her bed..

Me: Steph, what's up? You okay?
Steph: *blinks* But I'm just not doing anything.. Except.. *dramatically* FALLING OVER!
Steph: *falls face first onto her bed*
Me: *sighs, gets up, puts Steph back under the covers, and goes back to bed*

~~~~~~

*This was also a few years back.. Think I was around 13/14? I was staying at a friend's house, and was stressed out because I had a French test the following week and I just COULDN'T remember all the forms of the verb ''etre''.. Or so I thought.

Me: *sits up* Je suis..
Lizzy: *wakes up*.. hggnuh?
Me: *lies back* TU ES.
Lizzy: .....
Me: *points at ceiling* IL est, ELLE est!
Lizzy: Okay, what??
Me: Nous sommes. We are, NOUS SOMMES.
Lizzy: Are you awake?
Me: Vous etes. Fnumblegherr. Vous.
Lizzy: o.0

~~~~~~

*This is the most recent! Staying at another friend's house.. She was awake on the couch, and I was asleep on a mattress on the floor next to her. I have absolutely no recollection of this, but apparently this is what I said..

Me: *rolls over* No Tamson I do NOT want any more sausages. You know why?Because I'm a FUCKING vegetarian!
Tamson: ........Fair enough??


-xo
 

So, I'm back at school again, and it's the second night with the new roommates. I'm not feeling well to start with, so it's unsurprising that I wake up when I hear what sounds line someone beating on the wall full-force. I start to sit up to see what's what when I hear one of my roommates yelling in time to the wall beating.

"TOUCH! TOUCH! TOUCH! TOUCH TOUCH!"

then silence. she's stopped yelling, the wall beating is over. I start to settle back down to sleep when she loudly pipes up again.

"Who ELSE wants to touch..." she pauses, seemingly for dramatic effect. "the WAAAAAAAAAALL?"

More silence.

"Me! I do!" I reply, hoping for more, but apparently I'm on my own if I want to do any wall-touching.

Once again, the Giant Bed has provided me with the chance to witness some great sleeptalking. It's early in the morning and I was already half-awake and laying in bed trying to convince myself to either get up or fall asleep. There's thrashing from the other half of the bed where K and M are snuggling, and I look over in time to see M start nudging K.

K: Wha... hmm?
M: Get up! Get up!
K: *whining* Why?
M: You gotta get them off. Get the slugs off me!
K: ...you're asleep.
M: No! The slugs are going to make me into stew...
K: *rolls over* Go'sleep.
M: *muttering fades out into very faint singing as he curls up again* Stew for meeee... stew for yoooouuuu...

I love my packmates, I do, I do.

This morning when my mum woke up, she said she'd gotten up quite early briefly to use the bathroom (which you pass my room to get to), and I had apparently been mumbling a song I identified as Nightrain by Guns N' Roses. XD Oops. A few years ago, too, when I was quite young, my mum, stepdad, best friend at the time and I were on holiday in Spain and we'd seen an easter parade that evening. Apparently when I hit my pillow face-down and had been half-asleep for a while, I started humming the hymns they had been singing throughout the parade.

My favourite, though... I had stayed up all night being stupid on the computer, something I tend to do most Fridays, and had gone to bed at ten the next morning. I set an alarm on my phone and asked my mum to wake me up at seven, or something. Turns out my phone alarm was going off loudly, and she came in, tried to wake me up- nothing. My phone is a T-Mobile Sidekick 3, which matters here: to turn the alarm off, I have to flip it open, put my security lock in, and click the alarm off. Eventually my stepdad came in, too, and apparently I sat up, mumbling something, grabbed my phone and opened it, put in my code, turned the lock off, put my phone back and went straight back to sleep.

When this story was told to me, I had absolutely no idea of it. I'm such a geek, even when asleep. XD

So my dad was taking a nap on a chair in our living room the other day.

I was talking about theatre games with my brother because I needed to think of some for work this summer, and my brother said, "I have some books about Stanislavski."

To which my snoring twitching father replied, "I like his coleslaw."

Usually my father is quite the punster, and I didn't know he was asleep, so I tried to figure out the pun...but I didn't get it. Later I asked him about it, and we decided that he had heard the "slaw" in "StaniSLAvski" and made a very sleepy pun out of it.

Not the most lollertastic, but I still immediately thought: "I NEED TO POST THIS ON THE_COLOR_WHEEL" :)

If it's possible to do while sleeping, I've probably done it. Sleep talking and walking at the same time seems to be my favorite pastime. Anyway, here are some favorites.

Time: Last week
Setting: Living room (it is important to note that our TV is in the basement... not the living room)

Cousin: Jam? What are you doing?
Me: Watching TV.
Cousin: Jam, that's the window.
Me: Shh! This is the best part!
Cousin: Jam are you asleep?
Me: Damnit! You made me miss the zombie ninja!
Cousin: ... Okay then.


Time: About 3 years ago
Setting: Kitchen (old house)

Mom: Jam? Hey, Jam, are you awake?
Me: Of course I am. I'm completely awake. *walks into pantry door*
Mom: Are you sure?
Me: zzzzzz

In this last one it wasn't me sleep talking for once. Nope, all credit for this one goes to my darling friend.

Time: Summer 2 years ago
Setting: Camping trip with two close friends.

Me: Oshie, you asleep?
Oshie: Hey Kris, if we get Jam to hitchhike we'll have an extra sleeping bag.
Me: What?!
Oshie: (sits up and stares right at me) We should get Jam to hitchhike home. We'd have an extra sleeping bag.
Me: Oshie, I'm Jam.
Oshie: Oh. Then you heard nothing! zzzz

Okay, It's 5:55 here and just 10 minutes ago I jumped in to the closet door in my sleep, talking about yellow lobsters ruining my mothers watermelons.

When I say jumped, I mean I cleared my boyfriend and FLEW in to his closet door, FACE FIRST.


...OW. OW. OW.

Oh, ow. I hurt from laughing from the first few entries of this comm I've read.

A story from my boarding school days. At my school was a child names James Brown. One night he rose bolt upright in his bed and declared:

"No more chocolate cake! No more chocolate cake! I'll join the Federation!"

A friend who stays over fairly often reported this one:

She (we'll call her T) and I were sharing the Big Bed (we've got one now that sleeps six, it's awesome) with K and M, and at one point during the night she woke up. Hearing mumbled words and movement, she looked over and saw me thrashing around a bit and talking- err, sort of. It wasn't in English and it wasn't very clear. Anyway, she leaned over.

T: Jax?
Me: *muttermutter* Huh?
T: Wha'cha doing?
Me: *silence, and suddenly I'm sleeping quite peacefully, it seems*

She lays back down. Ten minutes later, there's more movement and more mumbling.

T: Jax?
Me: ....ghuh?
T: Wha'cha doing?
Me, firmly: Plums.

I'm a night owl, which means I'm usually up looooong after my annoyingly perky in the morning BF is asleep. He snores, and mumbles, rarely can I make anything out. One night however...

BF: *rolls over to me* Turtle S#%T!
Me: What?
BF *repeats, more clearly* Turtle S#%T!
Me: *tries not to wake him with my giggling*

He's from Guam, so once in a while he spouts Chammorro (language of Guam) in his sleep. Oddly, he's much more fluent in his sleep...

So my boyfriend seems to take his WoW experiences into the realm of dreams...

The other day he went to nap and when I woke him up we had the following conversation.

Me: Wakey wakey.

Him: ...is it silver yet?

Me: Pardon?

Him: My character... he has to turn silver... did he turn silver yet?

Me: ...o____O what.

Him: Okay did he turn SILVER YET!? *irritated now*

Me: I dunno what you're talking about, I'm sorry ;_;

Him: Okay he has to be silver before...wait. Uh. What was I saying?

It was pretty hilarious. Apparently in his dream his character had to turn into a silver node so he could mine... or something. XD