Current mood:	Christmas-mood
Current music:	Birds Chattering and me singing Cristmas Carols

Slade/Robin Christmas Present: Lost Innocence
Title: Lost Innocence
Chapter: one-shot
Author: raven_kerry
Genre: Angst/Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for the idea for this story. All the characters and places belong to DC and Warner Bros.
Rating: PG-13 Slash
Story Synopsis: Set right after the Apprentice Episodes. Robin goes to see his parents and tell them what's been going on.
Authors Notes: The story doesn't really have anything to do with Christmas, but I wanted to give you guys a Christmas present. I was too busy to write a new one so I used one that I wrote once and never got around to revising. So I revised it for you guys. ^^ Merry Christmas and have a happy New Year. I'll be gone from tomorrow 'til the 9th of January on a trip. ^^

Lost Innocence

Dick Grayson knelt down by his parents’ final resting place. “Hey, mom and dad. It’s been a while since we’ve talked. So much has happened in the meantime. I think I told you about Bruce firing me as Robin after I got shot. Well, after that I left and floundered around for a while until this girl called Raven found me. She convinced me to restart the Teen Titans to fight against her father Trigon. He still hasn’t showed up, but we’ll be ready when he does. So I along with an alien called Koriand’r, aka Starfire, Raven, Cyborg and Beast Boy are the Teen Titans now.

“In the beginning everything was a lot of fun and we didn’t have anyone really dangerous to fight against, just common criminals. We built our base in Jump City where we have a big T-shaped tower. I never did understand why it couldn’t be something understated though. Having a big building like that is just begging for some enemy to come and attack you. But anyway, I’m getting off subject here. We didn’t have any really dangerous villains until Slade showed up.

“The name Slade still makes shivers go up and down my spine. And the thing is that I’m not really certain if they’re good or bad. It started out by him sending trouble our way in the form of some H.I.V.E. graduates. We defeated every criminal he sent out except for him. I started obsessing over him. When Starfire was almost killed in one of the fights with his droids, I think it just sent me over the edge. I went undercover as a criminal. I called myself Red X.

“Thinking back I can’t believe I was so stupid. I played right into Slade’s hands, did exactly what he wanted. He told me to be patient and that caused the exact opposite reaction in me. Bruce always told me to keep my emotions in check, that they were a weakness. He was right. He always is.

“I was so involved with being Red X that I almost got Beast Boy run over by a train. And I’m supposed to be the leader. The others should be able to look up to me and see a flawless example. But every flaw I have became more and more obvious instead of becoming invisible. I got so caught up in catching Slade that I forgot everyone around me. I grew to be so much like Bruce that it scares me. I forgot everything around me except for my work, I didn’t even eat or sleep that much.

“I think that it’s then that the admiration started. Slade eluded us every time and was a big mystery to me. One that I had to solve. I wondered what was behind his mask, who he really was, and how he managed to always be a step ahead of us. I admired him for his cunning and ingenuity. And I think that I might have come to love the mystery he is to me.

“Recently though, it came to a new head, he tricked me. He made me become his apprentice to save my friends’ lives. And because he had his hand on the thing that would cause my friends’ deaths I couldn’t resist him. He made me sleep with him and kissed me. I still feel dirty for letting myself be used like that. The people close to me were my weakness, just like they are for Bruce. That’s why he tries to avoid becoming too attached to someone.

“The worst thing though, is that my body reacted in pleasure. I couldn’t stop it. My body enjoyed it, even if my mind couldn’t. It reacted which lead him to think that I liked it too. I’m so confused. And he actually had that guts to say that he might become something like a father to me. Dad, you’re the only father I’ll ever have. If anyone could even come close it would be Bruce. But never Slade. My body enjoyed stealing for him too, even though it was revolting to the rest of me. Why does my body betray me? Do I actually like him on some level and my body was reacting to that? Oh, why can’t anything ever be easy?

“At the same time though, it was a wonderful experience. To think that he chose me out of all the Titans. He could have chosen one that had superpowers and yet he chose me. But I’m supposed to hate him. He’s the enemy. How dare I enjoy it? I shouldn’t, yet I do. How do I do the right thing? What’s right? Where has my black and white view of the world vanished to? I still can’t believe that even physically I could have enjoyed having sex with him. And yet, it was almost as if someone wanted me again. Wanted me for everything that I was. But that was probably an illusion I created to deal with the pain. I wanted so badly for someone to need me and want me. I’m certain that if I had been thinking correctly I would have managed to find a way out. I should have.

“I can’t think of anyone else to talk to about this either. I can’t tell my teammates because they’d just worry more about me. I can’t confront Bruce about the things I’ve done. I know he’d hate me. I betrayed our ideals, I let myself be manipulated. I was acting stupid and brash again. He always warned me that something like this would happen if I didn’t calm down. But I lived on the adrenaline of the fight.

“Oh mom and dad, I wish you were here now. I wish you had never died. I wish that we were still traveling around with Pop Haly, The Flying Graysons. If you hadn’t died I’d have never gotten into the superhero business. But on the other hand I wouldn’t have ever met Bruce, Clark or any of the Teen Titans that way. Still, I’d give anything in the world to have you back again. I love you.”

Just then he heard a rustle in the bushes and Bruce stepped out. Dick’s eyes flew open wide, how much had his mentor heard? He hadn’t meant for Bruce to hear his confession. The pained look in his eyes though was enough to show that he had heard everything though. He walked over to Dick and silently apologized to him. Dick silently answered that it wasn’t his fault at all.

On a sudden impulse Bruce ruffled Dick’s hair and hugged him. At first he went rigid out of shock but soon relaxed and started crying. He sobbed for what seemed like hours until he didn’t have any tears left, left with dry coughs and hiccups. Bruce, not really knowing what to do, did what Alfred had always done; he gently rubbed his Ward’s back in a calming way.

Finally he apologized, “I’m sorry that I wasn’t there when you needed me most.”

Dick answered, “There’s no need to apologize. I didn’t contact you. You didn’t even know what was going on.” Then his sarcastic nature came back, signifying that he was starting to feel a little better again. “I can’t believe that The Batman is actually apologized to me for something. The press will have a field day. I can see it on the title page: Batman apologizes to Robin.”

Bruce gave him his small smile and answered, “If you’re going to act like that I might as well tell Alfred to forget your cocoa.”

Dick’s eyes grew wide. “Alfred’s making cocoa? Well what are we waiting for then? Let’s get back! I can practically taste it already!” He picked up his motorcycle and after he loaded it onto the car, drove off with Bruce to the manor. For the time being he could leave his problems behind him. Alfred’s hot chocolate left no room for negative thoughts. But it was only a temporary relief. He would have to face them and solve them. But for now he was content.

-Raven