The Council Will Now Meet In Private

teen_council @ 2006-01-27T14:16:00

2006-01-27T19:16:48Z

I'd like to put a stop to the Cuban Refugee look. Here are some items that people should stop wearing IMMEDIATELY. I even saw one of the castro hats at Target with the words "REBEL" on it. What kind of a bozo would wear that?

while we're at it, i think t-shirts need a little break from the graphic design overload thats been going on for the past few years. no one cares about the awesome design on your fucking TSHIRT. It's boring.

intricate layered patterns and decoupage collages of the floral/woodland/bird etc variety.

overly ornate line art

would you like to apply for a target visa, you'll save an extra ten percent. . .

2005-10-18T01:33:29Z

they sell DEVO halloween costumes at target now.

teen_council @ 2005-07-13T10:04:00

2005-07-13T14:06:10Z

spotted at work just now:

A UTILITY KILT

please discuss.

(and no, i don't work with chris howe.)

Momma-Ooo-Mow-Mow

2005-02-07T22:56:58Z

For jimmymontrose:

Get your act together 'fore you fall on yo face, mane.

2005-01-13T03:09:14Z

I just took this photo of a thuggish ruggish bone performing karaoke last weekend. Apparently sporting laceless sneaks is a new trend. Rabbit ear shoe tongues flappin' all over the place while you walk. The practicality + style are unparalleled.

teen_council @ 2004-12-21T12:34:00

2004-12-21T18:35:09Z

I'm working on my In-Out list for 2005. Here's the skinny thus far:

OUT: Barry Manilow
IN: Neely O'Hara

OUT: Kitty Dukakis
IN: Leona Helmsley

OUT: Necking
IN: Heavy Petting

OUT: Lotion Toilet Paper
IN: Deodorant Crystals

OUT: Metrosexual Ambiguity
IN: Obvious Sham Marriages

OUT: Non-Monogamy
IN: Swinging

OUT: The Robot
IN: The Bird

OUT: Hobbits
IN: The Lollipop Guild

OUT: Indie Pop
IN: Indie Film

OUT: Low Carb Diets
IN: Soul Vegetarian

OUT: Alexis Carrington
IN: Sue Ellen Ewing

OUT: The Polyphonic Spree
IN: The Manson Family

OUT: Arthur
IN: Foul Play

OUT: Web Sites
IN: Public Access Shows

OUT: Reality Shows
IN: Lifetime Movies For Women

If you know of anything I should add to this, just let me know...

Just play outside

2004-11-12T17:39:41Z

afda fs

This new toy sings "Let's Get Physical" to motivate little kids 3+ work out.

There's just something disturbing about that song being used for little kids. Then again, I could be over reacting.

What would the dreaded holidays be without...

2004-11-11T17:35:10Z

Pepsi Holiday Spice

wow, this just sounds gross.

Why cant soda just be soda anymore?

POOR!

2004-11-05T16:16:52Z

For my job I have to visit tons and tons of college websites. The webmaster's choice in stock photography always amuses me. Sometimes the blandness of their attempt to protray a multicultural atmosphere just slaps you across the face with its ugliness. They wind up turning everyone into retarded looking white kids who shop at Old Navy or possibly even Wal-Mart. Seriously, they look like the girls in those Wal-Mart commercials that are going on and on about how much fun they have shopping for clothes. Shopping for clothes at Wal-Mart. That commercial used to make me cry. Well laugh mostly, but I would cry late at night if I thought about it too much.

After you finish throwing up...
Discuss:

teen_council @ 2004-08-31T11:14:00

2004-08-31T15:19:44Z

thisaintnodisco pointed this out to me last night at The Cotton Club:

Last night, I saw a teenage girl out wearing a T-shirt which read, "THERE ARE 2 PEOPLE FUCKING ON THE BACK OF THIS SHIRT!!"
And on the back it read, "JUST KIDDING--BELIEVE IN JESUS."

Ballsy? Certainly. Meant to be ironic? Not so sure.

My question to the council is this:

Is this the new form of radical Christianity, wherein they throw caution to the wind on the whole cursing/vulgarity thing and really "speak to the kids on their level?" Are zealous Christian leaders sitting deep within bunkers with charts and graphs rubbing their palms together, saying, "Yes...this will get them!"

Or is it just some post-everything, Urban Outfitters, "Jesus Is My Homeboy," thing I just haven't heard of yet?

Nu Shooz - I Can't Wait

2004-08-30T18:04:07Z

Yesterday, despite my fever, I went out to the mall in search of a new pair of white Bass buck shoes. A very classic, standard style. Or so I thought. They were no where to be found. A little further digging on the world wide weez proved to be even more frustrating. The only thing close to what I'm looking for on the G.H. Bass web site is this:

Close, but no cigar. I want a pair that has brown/tan patches around the laces and around the back. Like saddle oxfords or whatev. I already have a pair of solid white shoes, so I want a pair with some brown. I desperately need this pair of shoes to pull off the Former Radical Political Activist that Now Teaches Math or English at a Local Community College Because He Has a Criminal Record Which Makes it Difficult to Find Real Work look that I'm tring to achieve this Fall - complete with beard and elbow patched blazers, etc. If I can't find the coveted white pair of shoes described above, what do you think about option B: the Hush Puppie boot?

I mean, if they're good enough for Ash in Evil Dead, then they're good enough for me. But do you guys think I should get the charcoal (pictured above) or the tan (below). I usually wear more browns, but I like the charcoal a lot.

Uh, this was mostly just an attempt to get some activity started on the Teen Council...

uh?

2004-07-24T05:51:11Z

these totally weird me out
people needa just carry toothbrushes

Muja-hotties

2004-05-27T15:39:38Z

I hate to monopolize the t_c's output, put I had to break the story on the new sensation set to blow up from here to Istanbul (Not Constantinople)... Clerique! For months, we've heard about the scary old Muslim clerics that run the show up in the Irazzy. They sure seem to convey a sense of fanatical, wide-eyed murderous authority, don't they? Want a taste? Sure you do! Everybody wants the juice, baby. Whether it be the power to interpret the Qa'ran in such a way that it now reads, "Kill Whitey", or the courageous initiative to subjugate women to jaw-droppingly low societal standing, you're sassy and independent with Clerique. Here's the essence of the look:

What despot from Qaddafi to El Sadr would be complete without some shades? Gotta protect those peepers for IED-makin'.

Furthermore, old-fashioned buttons are so done. It's time to snap, snap, snap it shut with the Turbanator (patent pending)! (Especially when you have a hook-arm).

Confidence is CRUCIAL! Look at Marah Al-Bajadin Muhammed Al Frajah Dun-Qarrah here - "Hey, there's my motherfucker!"

Don't fret, ladies. Although it's frowned upon for you to make eye contact with a man or address him directly, you can always remind him that dinner's ready with a fun, breathable mouth wrap.

The bird is the most popular finger.

2004-05-23T21:57:57Z

'Eff what you heard. Act like you know. Although not directly related to the fashion spectrum, I would like to bring to the council's attention the fact that there is a fetish centering around tiny little women. Known as "shrinking women", these lil' firecrackers are the fantasy of many glassy-eyed custodians worldwide. Why is this fetish newsworthy? Because with it comes the requisite "fan art". Time to get speechless:

"Better get the tape measure out here... Yep, you're tiny."

I'm not sure if de-legging is part of it, or if it falls under a separate sub-category of troubling masturbatory fodder.

"Let me check my 56 copies of Catcher in the Rye"

I love the mechanic-from-Alabama-looking-at-a-Ferrari headscratch in this one.

Her posture kinda throws me, but I'll assume that's a tail.

celebrity wives t-shirts and other accesories

2004-05-19T23:09:29Z

DISCUSS

i am really sick of seeing these on the backs of peoples cars

2004-05-11T11:31:22Z

Ladies 'n Gents, Meet the New Impractical Flip-Flop.

2004-05-03T03:26:47Z

Nothing about this shoe makes any sense, but somehow this trend has spread rapidly like the plague!

Slap a heel on a thong and do that dang thang!

"BLANK called" insults

2004-04-19T19:40:48Z

I am very fond of the insult construction of:

BLANK called and wants his/her BLANK back.

If you hear of any good ones, post them here.

obvious

2004-04-18T23:51:19Z

Today I was making a left-hand turn en route to my father's house for Sunday dinner when out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a flash of white in the driver's seat of an adjacent car. Twisting around to get a better view, I confirmed my suspicions. "NECK BRACE!", I cried out. What better way to get mentally ready for the upcoming work week than with such a positive omen? Yes, my friends, neck braces truly are the comical prop of the past century for the discriminating man or woman. Let's explore a few different looks.

Here, we have "The Professor". Tasteful and refined, TP's only flair is its attractive corkscrew texture.

This next neckbrace could save your life. See how this woman is impervious to the strangulation attempt coming at her from the back seat? Yes, even the "fireman" will assume she's already dead and leave her be thanks to "The Decoy"!

Sometimes, we crackers need to differentiate ourselves from the crowd. What better way to distance yourself from the pack than with a Ron Scarpa Signature Model? Get ready to laugh at all those OTHER goddamn motherfuckers with their Plain Jane neckwear!

In Tokyo, businessmen are often so eager to catch a few hours of shut-eye that they stay the night in roll-out cubbyholes not much larger than the "corpse drawers" at morgues. Here in America, however, we know that taking a well deserved nap (before your second shift at Bouncers) doesn't have to be such a chore. Thank you, "Sleepyhead".

This next model is a favorite in the haute couture environment of the Paris elite. Sure to "turn heads" everywhere you go, Sparco's "Blue Devil" is hugely popular: perhaps not for function, but certainly for form... and fun!

Nowadays, it seems like neckbrace designers are just too darn concerned with comfort. They forget what's fun about 'em in the first place - CURVES! When you're ready to step up to a fast-look, no nonsense 'brace in your face, "The Stormtrooper" is ready. Zooooooooom!

Why shouldn't you demand more out of your neckbrace? Sick of the same old models your grandparents wore? Of course you are! Well, meet "The Genius". Although not detectable in this photograph, The Genius utilizes innovative technology to scroll the day's up-to-the-minute news, sports, and financial data right across the sweet spot on your neck. Be prepared to make some new friends, though. Strangers are sure to be glued to your neck wherever you go!

Girl Pants Show Off My Figure Better

2004-04-15T20:47:27Z

Girl Pants are where it's at, apparently.

Maybe the_automatik can do some field research on the LSU campus sometime and give us a full report on these hardcore kids.

SPRING IS HERE

2004-04-07T03:20:05Z

It's time to bring out your lovely friend Box, the trusty evil freezy robot from Logan's run.

The laddy's got spring fever, so just give him a little hig.

there's a yellow rose in rotterdam...

2004-04-03T17:41:00Z

come correct on your fashion game this season with the latest look sweeping catwalks from milan to new york: jaundice.

some say jaundice is back in style. i say it never went out. whether you acquired it from eating dirty ass in the bathroom of the cock, from the turkey artichoke panini at panera, or from an attention-grabbing tylenol overdose, the saffron glow of jaundice tells all your admirers that even though your body’s ability to remove toxins and alcohol from your bloodstream may be severely compromised, your firm command of chic most certainly is not.

jaundice: try it on. it’s very you.

Real or not?

2004-04-02T18:34:51Z

I'm not clear if these are for real or if this is a clever April Fool's Joke. I give you:
Dadas Spree Supreme Shoes When you step on the heel, it causes the chrome center wheels to spin around (backwards I would assume). They haven't attracted quite as much ebay attention as I would have expected.

Update They are for real. Several internet shoe stores sell them. The come in black too.

Spring has Sprung

2004-03-28T16:05:15Z

So pull out those tank tops and show off your gay puerto rican memorial tats!

I approach the Council with a humble request...

2004-03-27T22:52:04Z

I recently discovered an irreparable rent in the side of my circa 1999 messenger bag from Manhattan Portage Co. It's time for a new bag, but I have no idea what kind to get.

Members of the Council, could you please recommend a bag that has the right combination of street and sophistication and does not smack of man-purseness? I have been rocking a Martin Margiela total-look this season, so it would be nice (but not absolutely necessary) if my bag complimented that. I would be most grateful.