mr. monkeybottoms (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} mrmonkeybottoms) wrote in ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} summer_of_spike,@ 2005-08-02 02:13:00 |
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Fic: "The Necklace" (Spike/Buffy PG 13)
And here is my story. Read it, bitches!
DISCLAIMERS: Does anyone even care about that anymore? The show's been off the air for years now and...Joss, shut up, I'm trying to type. Yes, I know you made a Firefly movie...yes, and you're working on this Wonder Woman thing...Hey, what about your X-Men 3 script? Oh great, he's crying again. Sigh.
RATED: I'll say...PG 13, cause I use the word 'cock' like, once. Oh oh! Now my rating is PG 13! Here, let's just pretend that I'm talking about a rooster. "Spike stood up, showing off his impressive, buldging rooster." Wow, sexy!
THANKS:canadia_bit is the greatest beta ever. I want to have hot gay sex with her, and then I want to show her my rooster. If I had one, that is. Anyways, enjoy. Or don't. Whatever.
It was dark.
Funny. He’d always thought that Hell would be more...hellish. Fire and brimstone and extreme pain and all the usual blather that priests had liked to scream when he ate them. But so far all he’d experienced was extreme boredom.
Nothing to look at. Nothing to touch. He patted himself experimentally. All there, including the important bits. Well, there’s that then. Whatever he was standing on seemed solid enough, but he couldn’t move more than a foot before coming up against another something solid. The same went for back and side to side. Looked like he wasn’t going anywhere soon.
That meant nothing to eat, but come to think of it, he wasn’t hungry. He wasn’t hungry or tired or in pain. He wasn’t anything but bored. Too bored to even wank off.
Maybe this was hell.
*****
Willow yawned and snuggled closer to Kennedy, hands on her neck. “Hey.”
Kennedy opened her eyes. “Hmmm? Hey what?”
Willow touched around Kennedy’s neck. “Where is it?”
“What?” Kennedy reached up and felt.
“Your necklace! You took it off!”
“Oh...right.” Kennedy looked around guiltily.
Willow sat up in the bed, arms crossed in disapproval. “What happened?”
Kennedy thought of the ugly silver chain with the wiccan symbol on it. Now was the time to confess how much she hated it. Be honest. Willow admired honesty. “I...uh...it went down the drain when I was showering.” Who was she kidding? Telling Willow she thought the birthday gift she’d been so excited to give her was the fugliest thing she’d ever seen would not make Willow smile
.
“What!”
“No, really.” Kennedy put an arm over her eyes, ashamed to look at Willow. “I don’t know what happened, but I was in the shower and the clasp must have broken or something cause it just slipped off and slid down the drain before I even had a chance to grab at it. I called the superintendent but he said there was nothing he could do.” She winced, thinking of how she’d hidden it deep in the weapons chest Xander had given her. Now that was a present.
"Well, I’m going to get it back.” Willow marched out of bed and across the room.
Kennedy sat up, watching her paw through a bookcase. “Oh...good. I mean, great! How?”
“There’s a spell...” Willow picked up a small red book and flipped through it. “To make a temporal fold in the fabric of time. I did the spell one time in high school with...with Anya. She wanted to find her Mom‘s necklace.”
There was an uncomfortable silence.
“Oh.” Kennedy paused. “Did it work?”
“No.”
“No?” Kennedy walked over to her. “What do you mean ‘no’ Why are you going to do this spell if it didn‘t work last time?”
“Anya must have done something wrong. We didn’t get a necklace, we got a vampire me instead. Now that I think of it, I don’t think that was her Mom’s necklace at all! I mean, Anya was over a thousand years-”
“Wait. Stop.” Kennedy put a hand on the book Willow was reading. “A vampire you?”
“Oh well, there was this alternate universe where Xander and I were vamps and the Master ruled Sunnydale and stuff.” Willow pulled away and started reading again. “Here we are, ‘Eryishon the Endless One’. Perfect.” Willow disappeared out of the bedroom, reappearing moments later with a large wooden box and a large white plate. Opening the box, she pulled out the bottle of sand inside and looked at it. Sunnydale sand. When it was gone she could never get anymore. Sure it was just sand, she could get more sand from anywhere, but it still held sentimental value.
Kennedy sat down next to her. “Now what?”
“Now I set up the spell.” Willow pulled out her chalk and drew the necessary symbols on the floor, placing herbs inside and the plate on top. “Where did I put the chicken feet...? Ah, here we are.” The feet were laid at the bottom of the circle just so. “Now, I need to paint a picture of the necklace...” Willow traced a finger over the plate and an image of the missing necklace appeared on the surface.
“Nice,” Kennedy said, impressed.
Willow flushed. “Oh, that’s just a simple memory pull spell. Nothing to it really.”
Kennedy grinned. “Yeah, okay.”
“Sit across from me,” Willow instructed, serious again. “And hold your hands like mine, palms up, fingertips touching. Now, when I hold the bottle out to pour, hold it with me, and when I close my eyes you close yours. That’s all there is to it! This will only take a moment.”
Kennedy watched as Willow closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “ Eryishon. K'shala. Meh-uhn. Diprecht. Doh-tehenlo nu-Eryishon. The child to the mother. The river to the sea. Eryishon, hear my prayer.” When Willow picked up the bottle she reached over and poured it with her, spilling the sand onto the plate, covering the image completely. They closed their eyes and felt the rumbling as the energy flowed around them. Then it all stopped.
“Can I open my eyes?” Kennedy asked, frowning.
Willow opened hers. “Yes. The spell’s done,” she muttered, sifting through the disappearing sand. “And here’s your-!” She held up the necklace, confused.
“Um Willow? That’s not my necklace,” Kennedy said. The gaudy, gold necklace was even uglier than hers. It looked like something only an old lady would wear, or a very gay man would give to another man.
“Oh-oh.” Willow shook the necklace in her hands, getting the last of the sand off. As it hit the plate it melted away into thin air until only the plate, once again white and unmarked, was there.
“What happened?” Kennedy asked, worried.
“I have no idea.” Willow peered at the gold necklace, spinning it so the pendant twirled and sparkled. “Maybe my drawing wasn’t accurate enough.” She squinted. “There’s something engraved on the back but I can’t read it, I’ve never seen that language before. Well, I’ll show it to Giles.” She hung the necklace over a lamp on the end table and started packing up the magic supplies. Kennedy watched her reach across, enjoying how her shirt slid away from her chest, giving her a clear shot of breasts.
“How about a good morning...” she trailed off suggestively.
Willow smiled and turned to her, leaning in for a kiss.
*****
Hey. Something was happening.
He could feel movement. Shaking.
And suddenly, before it had barely began, it was over. Back to nothing.
Then there was light!
He could see! Finally! Hell was about to meet the Big Bad.
He blinked, the room was spinning slowly, he couldn’t recognize where he was...wait.
Willow? A giant Willow was looking at him. If Willow was here then he definitely wasn’t in Hell. Unless she’d killed someone again, that is.
He shouted but she didn’t hear.
Willow! Hey! Dammit, Willow!
He shouted again but she frowned and he was lifted in the air. Wait a minute. What was going on here? Why was Willow so big? Why was she carrying him? Why...oh, bloody hell.
Suddenly he knew what was happening.
He knew he was, somehow, inside something small. Spike frowned, thinking. Probably that dammed pendant Angel had dangled in front of Buffy. Spike scoffed, thinking of how the dolt had mooned over the Slayer before gifting her with that ugly thing. The ugly thing that burnt Spike into a crispy critter. Stupid poof probably planned the entire thing to get rid of him. Get rid of the competition. Move in and make with the nicey-nicey. Always thinking of himself, Angel was. Sure, yeah, so the pendant had done its mojo and had killed off all the Ubervamps and collapsed the Hellmouth forever and Spike got to be the big hero and...
Buffy.
Buffy had said...well, it didn’t matter right now what she’d said, or he’d said. First things first.
He must have been at the bottom of the pit in Sunnydale for a while, buried under all the rubble of the Hellmouth. And now he was...well, wherever this bloody well was, that’s where. Some bedroom somewhere, with Willow and her lover. And they were kissing-! Oh, she definitely didn’t know he was in here.
Spike grinned as the two girls pawed at each other right in front of him. Too bad he couldn’t hear them. Willow pulled at the other girl’s sweaty shirt and Spike grinned more. Well, at least he wouldn’t be bored anymore. He’d have something to keep himself entertained until he figured out how to get out of this prison. And what better entertainment was there then little red hot Willow and her lady lover?
The shirt was torn off...
Yes ladies! That’s right. Do it for Spike. Make with the hot girly action-
...and flung. It landed right on the lamp, covering the necklace. Spike was thrown into darkness once again.
No! He sighed in frustration.
Dammit.
*****
Buffy sighed. She was bored. She missed Sunnydale. Who would have thought she’d ever long for the days of Sunnydale? All that angst and death and worry and pressure. She sighed wistfully. Good times.
Cleveland was boring. Yeah sure, it had a bigger mall than Sunnydale and there was more than one coffee shop and it had its very own Hellmouth. But it wasn’t the same. Her Hellmouth was more interesting. This one just seemed to be full of coffee shops and Browns fans and really lame and overly stupid vampires. Plus that stupid Drew Carey theme song irked her.
“Yaaaaaaaargh!” A vampire chose this moment to come leaping out of the darkness, nasty teeth bared, bony face twisted with hatred. Buffy sighed.
“Die slayer!” The vamp screamed, running closer. Buffy waited patiently, checking her nails. She’d chipped one pulling on her boots. Well, that would have to be filed. Maybe she ought to change her nail polish, the Wicked Watermelon Pink looked more like plain pink and wasn’t all that wicked.
The vamp ran even closer. Buffy thought about what she’d had for dinner. It had been good; Dawn had made this rice dish with chicken and mushrooms and some kind of creamy sauce. Buffy wondered what it was. Come to think of it, it was a lot like canned mushroom soup. Hmmm. Could you make a sauce out of soup? How? Who had taught Dawn this cooking tip? Maybe Xander.
“I kill you!!” It had finally made it across the field, around the mausoleum and into the graveyard. “I kill you good!” the vamp screamed dramatically as it launched itself at her using the nearest gravestone. Unfortunately it miscalculated and bellyflopped well short of its target, landing on the ground a good two feet in front of Buffy.
She stepped closer and looked at the vampire on the ground before her. “Idiot,” Buffy muttered, bending over and staking it through the back.
“Ow!” The vamp rolled over quickly from the pain, but it had already started to dust. “Why’d you go and do that fo-”
And it was gone.
Buffy checked her watch. 8:15 pm. If she hurried home she could catch the new episode of The OC.
*****
Xander didn’t even notice when she came home. Buffy walked into the living room and found him with his back to her, sitting cross-legged on the couch and noisily chewing handfuls of popcorn from the bowl on his lap. She smiled, watching him watch TV and shovel the stuff down. Curious, she peered his shoulder over to see what was so enthralling.
“Oh. My. God.” Her voice startled him and he jumped. Popcorn spilled everywhere.
“Buffy!” Xander scrambled for the controller.
“What are you...are you watching...” Buffy could barely get the words out.
“Nothing! I...nothing!” Xander’s hands were frantic now, tearing at the cushions.
“...are you watching...” Buffy choked. “Doc?”
Xander found the remote and flung his arm up, pointing wildly at the TV. “What! No! Of course not! No one in their right mind would watch that. I was watching, uh...” His fingers pressed blindly at the buttons and the screen was suddenly full of writhing flesh and breathy moans.
“Porn?” Buffy asked.
“Porn...?” Xander looked at the naked sex on the TV. “Cool! Porn! Lesbian porn! That‘s the best porn of them all.”
“That’s not how lesbians do it,” Willow said from the front door, rolling her eyes. She carried a large basket of laundry.
“Yeah,” Kennedy added, closing the door behind them. “Willow and I almost never use dildos.”
Xander raised his eyebrows, interested.
“True,” Willow agreed. “But we always put on our stilettos and press-on nails.”
“But only if they’re bright red,” Buffy added. “Well, I assume, seeing as how I only have hetero sex. Well, I used to, anyways.”
“Wait, go back to the part with the dildos,” Xander said, dusting the spilled popcorn off of him. “That part was way more interesting than Buffy's lack of a social life.”
Buffy took Willow’s basket of dirty clothes and put it down for her. Something solid in the basket slid to the bottom, but she was too busy teasing Xander to pay attention. “Give it up, Xander, I’m so telling your dirty little secret. Willow. Kennedy. Xander watches Doc.”
Willow snorted. “The show with Billy Ray Cyrus?”
“Shut up.” Xander said. The back of his neck flushed.
“Is he a surgeon? Does he fix achy breaky hearts?” Buffy asked, giggling.
“Has he found the cure for the mullet?” Kennedy added, grinning.
“Yeah,” Willow said, “Did he...uh...” She looked at them and shrugged. “I can't think of any jokes to make.” This made them all laugh even harder, and it was Willow’s turn to blush.
Xander turned off the TV. “Ha ha ladies. I’d say people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. I know a few girls, I won’t say who but let’s just say they both used to live in Sunnydale, and their initials are W R and B S, and these girls used to watch 7th Heaven.”
Willow and Buffy gasped.
Kennedy snickered.
“Xander!” Willow said, outraged. She leaned over and punched him on the arm “You promised you wouldn’t tell!”
“Yeah!” Buffy punched him too.
“Ow!” Xander rubbed his arm. “No fair, Slayer punches hurt. And so do witch punches,” he added, seeing the look Willow was giving him. “Anyways, Buff, you’re home early. Willow, you’re here to mooch the washer and dryer early. All we need now is Dawn and Giles and it’s almost like old times again.” He trailed off, face suddenly blank.
Everyone looked away for a moment, feeling uncomfortable. Talk about buzz kill. No one wanted to spoil the mood any more by mentioning their losses, but no one was quite sure how to get back to the silliness they’d just had. Buffy considered punching Xander again, but he was still rubbing his shoulder from the first hit. Willow thought about magically turning the lesbian porn back on. Kennedy just thought about Willow’s ass.
Luckily, Giles chose this moment to walk in. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
“Ah, hello there everyone.” Giles hung his coat beside the others’. “I’m so glad to see you’re all on time for our meeting.”
The three looked at each other. Meeting?
“Right, meeting, yes,” Xander held out the half-empty bowl. “Popcorn?”
Giles frowned. “Maybe later, thank you.” He looked around. “Where’s Dawn?”
Buffy shrugged. “Date.”
“Mmm yes, and Andrew?”
“Erm, date.” Buffy said, feeling stupid. Even Andrew was getting dates. Not Buffy though, oh no, no way. She’d rather sit and sulk or hang out with Xander all the time. Granted he lived here but still. The two of them were mourning. She couldn’t admit that’s what she was doing, but she was doing it all the same.
“Didn’t you want to show Giles the necklace?” Kennedy asked Willow, who gasped.
“Oh, yes, I do! Giles, look, I found this.” Willow fished around in the laundry and pulled out the necklace.
Buffy’s breath caught.
*****
Spike waited. It wasn’t going to stay dark forever. Willow was smart. A genius, or so the Scoobies had said. She’d figure out how to get him out of this prison.
She would if she knew you were in here.
Right. Well, he’d just have to figure out some way to let her know. And he would do that. Just as soon as she uncovered him again. Yeah. Soon.
Very soon.
Any minute now.
It was going to happen in the next ten seconds.
Okay, the next, next ten seconds.
Bloody-!
Fine, the next twenty...oh, who was he kidding? They’d shagged like bunnies and gone to shower. Or to bed. Or who knows what.
Now he was bored again. So he waited. To entertain himself he imagined a hundred new insulting nicknames for Angel. Spike had gotten up to eighty-four (’Mange-el‘...it was getting to be slim pickings) when he could suddenly see again.
It was a different room, and it was slowly spinning again, giving him a panoramic view of everyone and everything inside it. A TV, a couch, uh huh...chair...wall...some stupid painting...Willow, who was obviously holding the pendant. Kennedy, by her side as usual, what a surprise there...Xander. Ugh. Still wearing the eyepatch like the nanciest pirate in town. There was Giles, looking like a simpleton as always with that ‘let’s solve a mystery’ expression he was always wearing. He probably called it his ‘thoughtful’ face, or his ‘pensive’ face or-
Buffy.
Spike’s breath caught.
*****
“Where did you find it?” Giles leaned in close, interested.
“It happened during a summoning spell,” Willow turned it over. “Look, something’s written here.”
Giles pulled a pen and paper from the nearby desk and jotted the short verse down. “Hmm, yes, I think I’ve seen that language before, I-” he broke off as Buffy snatched the necklace out of his hands.
“You summoned this?” Buffy’s face was white.
“No...not that, really. I was trying to summon something else using a spell that An...that I knew of,” Willow finished lamely, trying to look in Xander’s direction. “Do you know what it is, Buffy?”
Did she know what it is? She held it high and stared. Yes, she knew. It saved them all. It destroyed the Hellmouth. It proved that Spike was a champion. It burnt him to ash. She hated it for that.
“Angel gave it to me,” she whispered.
“Oh,” Xander said, making a face. “Angel.”
“Xander.” Willow made a face back at him and mouthed, not now.
Buffy stared at the necklace. It looked brand new, just the way it had looked when first given to her. No burn marks, no dents from being buried, not a scratch. The writing was new though. That hadn’t been there.
Her head hurt.
“Buff?’
She looked up at Willow. “Are you okay? Maybe you should lay down.”
“I have a headache.”
Xander pointed with the TV controller. “I have some Tylenol in the kitchen if you want.”
Buffy shook her head. “I need to relax. Think. I’m...I’m going for a bath,” she blurted and ran out of the room with the necklace in her hand, taking the stairs two at a time, slamming the bathroom door behind her.
“A bath?” Willow said. “That’s not...sudden.”
Giles cleared his throat. “Yes well, thank you Buffy, for running off with the amulet. I’m sure it’s not at all important and I certainly shouldn’t be studying it right now. I suppose I’m to figure everything out by translating the lines I barely managed to copy down before you ripped the thing right out of my hands. I need some tea.” He turned on his heel and walked out of the room to the kitchen.
Everyone was quiet for a moment. The TV turned back on and the room was filled with the sounds of furious rutting and ooh-ing.
“Sorry,” Xander raised the remote. “My finger slipped.”
*****
Buffy.
She looked shocked. Pale.
And what was that god-awful top she was wearing?
“You have the worst taste in clothes, Slayer,” he muttered, shaking his head.
Ah, but it was good to see her. A sight for sore eyes. Actually, maybe that shirt wasn’t so bad after all. From this angle he could see quite a bit of cleavage. Nice.
All at once the scene was shifting, Buffy was gone and everything was a blur, a dizzying blur that rocked back and forth and then became blackness, then white. Plain white.
“No!” Spike cried, pounding on the invisible barrier that held him. “Come on! Don‘t do this to...hold on.”
He could see Buffy again, glimpses of her. Naked glimpses of her. Flashes of her body as she moved in and out of his frame. Then suddenly he was lifted and settled and she was full frontal nudity for a moment, but that disappeared as she settled into something foamy.
“Ah,” Spike grinned. “Hello, Buffy.”
Buffy was having a bath. She’d obviously hung him on the tap, judging from the perfect view he was being treated to. She sank lower, hiding her perky breasts and he cursed. She rubbed her temples, revealing them again and he smirked. She was just as perfect as he’d remembered.
She was staring at him. He tried shouting to her, hitting the barrier as hard as he could but he may as well have been on Mars for all the good it did him. She didn’t even blink. Instead, she leaned in closer, staring harder. Spike stared back. Those smooth, soapy, glistening breasts were movie theatre size.
He didn’t feel so bored now.
In fact, he was feeling somewhat hard.
Not even thinking about it, he reached down and unzipped, staring at Buffy’s soapy body. Maybe this was Hell, forever teasing him with the look but don’t touch game.
*****
Buffy stared at the necklace hanging on the tub faucet. Why did it come back? What did it mean?
She rubbed her temples, groaning. She really did have a headache. Just thinking about Spike always made her...emotional. Usually that emotion was frustrated pent-up sexual energy, heavily mixed with a huge dose of regret and longing. She missed his sarcasm. He’d just been getting it back when he was-
Well. When he left. Saved them all.
Buffy sat up and thought. Maybe this was a gift, in a way. Something of Spike to have forever. Something to remind her...
Remind her of what? How he died? Buffy frowned at the necklace. She hated that thing. Stupid Spike, all going off and getting himself killed right when...and he’d been all ‘blah blah blah...’
She’d had to go on after they closed the Hellmouth, move to Cleveland and fight the stupid vamps here while all the other Slayers had positioned themselves around the world. Had to go on, knowing that Spike was gone. Gone gone gone. How was she supposed to get over that with this necklace showing up? How was she supposed to forget? Move on?
Like you can move on. Please give it up. You’ve been so Droopy Dog since it happened you’re making Giles look positively giddy. And you know what? He’s never coming back. He’s never, ever coming back and it’s all because of this. This. Necklace. Right. Here.
Buffy grabbed at the necklace, pulling the chain right off in her haste, gazing blankly at it. Good, she thought. Good! Break for all I care! I want you to break, you ugly, useless piece of crap...!
She squeezed it as hard as she could but it didn’t make a dent. She smashed it against the wall, making a nice pendant-shaped hole in her tiles, but no damage to the thing. Her hands were wet and they slipped, frustrating her in her efforts to ruin the thing that had taken Spike away from her. Grabbing the top, she twisted as hard as she could, fingers digging into the raised edging.
The top part of the amulet snapped and Spike suddenly fell from nowhere onto a messy heap on the bathroom floor, pants around his ankles, cock in his fist.
*****
They stared at each other, stunned.
Buffy looked at Spike splayed out, half naked, obviously aroused. And alive. Alive! “Spike! What...?” She noticed the impressive erection he was still clutching and her mouth fell open. “Eww! You are such a pervert!” Spike’s eyes slid over her naked form and she ducked low, letting the bathwater cover her.
“Sorry Slayer, couldn’t help myself. Caught a glimpse of those perfect...well...” he shrugged and started to pull his pants back up.
“You were spying on me?” Buffy gasped, mortified. This was turning out to be quite the reunion and nothing at all like the ones she’d imagined. In all of her fantasies she’d been clothed...but not for long.
Her face burned.
“Wouldn’t call it spying if I had no choice in the matter, being trapped and all.” Spike scoffed, sitting up. This wasn’t how he’d imagined their first moments together. A few punches, some tears, and lots of sex, but not him lying in an undignified pile on her bathroom floor looking like a chump.
“You could have...uh...” Buffy thought for a moment. “You could have closed your eyes! Sicko.” How could this be happening? Spike was alive. Alive, laying in her bathroom with a large...well, never mind that, she was the one covered in foamy soap bubbles and nothing else. He’d said she didn’t love him. Maybe he didn’t love her.
Spike looked at her, incredulous. “Closed my eyes? Are you serious?”
Buffy grabbed the foot towel off the floor and shielded herself as she stood up. “Yes! I am serious!”
Their eyes locked as they stared each other down, both trying to read the other’s thoughts.
“Christ Buffy...” Spike ground out. “Is that all you can say to me?”
“Spike,” she whispered back, stepping out of the tub and standing over him, dripping all over his duster, the tiny towel enhancing more than hiding her soapy body.
“Did you miss me?” he asked, suddenly vulnerable. He stood up, pants unbuttoned and half-hanging around his slim hips. Maybe she didn’t care about him. Maybe he was right when he’d told her she didn’t love him. Maybe she didn’t want him here. “Did you even-”
She threw herself on him, legs around his waist. He caught her and turned, pushing her onto the counter, pants already falling back down around his ankles. He slid into her, she slid onto him, mouths fused together, bubbles from the bath staining his duster.
It was the best welcome back ever.
*****
“Well, it‘s been quiet for a while now. Do you think she‘s finished?“ Willow asked, looking up to the ceiling. “That was a lot of noise.”
Xander shrugged. “She said her head hurt. What better cure than yelling and hitting things? Besides, I told you it was a bad idea to put her punching bag upstairs instead of the basement but nooo. ‘Buffy needs a Zen environment’ you said. ‘Let Buffy have her training room where it’s light and airy. You don’t need sleep, Xander.‘” Willow threw a coaster at him and he ducked. “Besides, Buffy needs to get some emotions out. She’s been sulking around the place since we moved here. I just wish she’d kept the shouting down a little, I couldn’t hear the porn.” He turned the TV up. “I can’t believe that I didn’t know we had free porn for all these months.”
Kennedy folded a shirt and tossed it in the basket of now clean laundry. “She was ‘getting her emotions out’ for an hour. Am I the only one who thinks that’s unhealthy? Should someone really be that worked up? How long will she be freaking?”
“You’re a Slayer, you tell me,” Xander said. Kennedy shrugged. “I guess we’ll never know. And now, back to the porn.”
“She’s coming downstairs,” Willow whispered. “Act casual, like an hour-long tantrum is normal and not at all mentally unstable.”
“Guys...” Buffy said from behind them. No one turned around, hell bent on acting relaxed.
“Oh, hey Buff,” Xander said airily. “We’re just hanging out, eating some popcorn.” He flung an arm over the back of the chair and turned to talk to her. “Wanna join- holy mother of god!”
“Xander!” Willow hissed, “I said to act natural!”
Xander jumped up, yet again spilling popcorn everywhere. “What! Where! You’re...!”
Willow and Kennedy turned around, jaws dropping at the site of Buffy holding a somewhat damply dressed Spike by the hand.
“It’s Spike,” Buffy said, stating the obvious.
“Spike,” Xander mumbled, stunned enough to drop the remote. “It’s you.”
Spike titled his head at him. “Yes. It’s me.”
No one said anything, confused. Finally, Kennedy nudged Willow in the ribs, making her jump.
“Oh, right. Uh, Buffy...what happened? How did he get here?” she asked, watching closely for signs of evil. Spike just watched back, cool as a cucumber.
“He was in the necklace,” Buffy explained.
“Ohhhhh...” They all nodded.
“Is...” Xander swallowed hard. “Is Anya...?”
There was that silence again. “No,” Spike said, simply, and Xander nodded, trying to hide his disappointment.
“Ah well...” he shrugged and came over, holding his hand out. “I heard what you did, saving everyone.” Spike took his hand and they shook. “Doesn’t mean I like you much still.”
“Don’t worry Harris, I wasn’t about to run out and register us at Macy’s.”
Willow jumped over the couch and hugged him tight. “Welcome home, Spike.” She took a step back and stared at him. “Are you still...uh...you know...” she looked pointedly at his chest.
“Well, I don’t have the urge to snap Harris’ neck, so I guess the soul’s still there.” Willow smiled at this and gave him another quick squeeze before sitting back down. “I still think he’s a complete lightweight though,” Spike added. Xander sent him a look but he ignored it. “I mean look at him. Still wearing the stupid outfit...”
“Hey!” Xander looked down, brushing kernels off his ‘Hubba Bubba’ t-shirt.
“...still sporting the shaggy haircut...”
Xander pointed at Spike’s head in protest. “Wouldn’t talk. And weren‘t you all sad and mopey before the Undead Barbeque? What’s the deal with the insults? You’ve been alive for like what, ten minutes and already you’re starting with the mouth. I liked you better before you came back.”
“Yeah well I got my balls back.”
Buffy leaned in and whispered something naughty, making Spike smile like the cat who ate the canary. The cat who ate the canary till she screamed.
“Ugh,” Xander turned back to the TV porn, ignoring the living room porn that was threatening to break out at any moment....wait! “Hey! That banging...and yelling...”
“One can actually see the light bulb go on,” Spike told them.
Xander started looking for something woody, and Willow was getting her worried face on, so Kennedy thought she should get her hellos in now, before all hell broke loose.
“Welcome back, Spike,” Kennedy said, patting him awkwardly but strongly on the shoulder. Spike nodded at her and moved out of reach. His duster had taken enough of a beating for one night. “Uh...want to watch some sex with us?”
“Buffy!” They all turned to see a rather flustered Giles rush in from the kitchen, teacup in one hand, the paper with the inscription in the other.
“Giles,” Buffy began, but he cut her off.
“The inscription! I’ve translated it! Oh, hello there, Spike. It’s quite simple really, the language is a bastardization of Latin of all things, mixed with some Fyaral and...” He trailed off, staring. “Spike?”
Spike stared back.
“It’s him, Giles.” Buffy touched Spike’s hand and squeezed. “He was in the necklace.”
“Ah yes...well. I guess the translation won’t do you much good now then, will it?”
“What was it?” Willow asked, curious.
Giles sighed. “’To open, twist off top.’”
*****
“Cleveland rocks! Cleveland rocks! Cleveland rocks! Cleveland ro-ocks!”
“Stop it!” Buffy threw her stake at Xander, timing the rotation expertly so the blunt side knocked him smartly on the head. “You know how much I hate that song!”
Xander rubbed his head, grinning. “You do? I had no idea, Buff.” She grinned back at him. “Oh ho! And look, still with the non-stop smiling. I’d thought you’d forgotten how but it’s been two weeks now since he showed up, and I’m going to be honest with you here on this one, frankly, it’s getting a bit pathetic to see my best friend all moon eyed over a vampire who dyes his hair more than you.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Buffy said primly, crossing her legs and folding her hands smartly in her lap. The effect was ruined by the arrival of said vampire. “Ooh!” She jumped off the gravestone and ran up to him, leaning on tiptoes for a long kiss.
“Hello, luv,” Spike murmured when they finally parted. “How’s tonight’s patrol so far?”
“Perfect till now,” Xander muttered under his breath, pretending to cough.
“Vampire hearing,” Spike shot back, not even looking at him.
“Yeah? Do you hear this?” Xander made a rude gesture with his hands.
“Good one Harris. Know what this one means?” Spike sent a secret message back but instead of looking angry, Xander merely grinned.
“See you guys in the morning,” he said. “It’s Spike’s turn to make breakfast.”
“I don’t make...” Spike trailed off as Xander left the cemetery. He turned to Buffy. “I don’t make-” He paused. Forget Harris. He’d just wheedle Dawn into making it for him. She loved to make waffles. Mmm, waffles.
Buffy smiled at him. “What are you thinking about, you’re all quiet and pensive.”
“Waffles.”
“Waffles?” Buffy raised her brows.
Spike bit his lower lip suggestively. “Waffles all over your naked body.”
“That’s better,” Buffy started walking to a freshly dug grave and he followed.
“How many vamps have you gotten tonight?” he asked as they waited.
Buffy shrugged. “Only two. Shutting down the Sunnydale Hellmouth really seems to have made a difference in the other Hellmouths around the world. There’s a lot less evil, and they’re even stupider than before.”
“Hey!” Spike said, but she ignored him, watching instead as the earth began to rise as the newly made vampire woke from her grave. Covered in dirt and wearing a now-filthy fuchsia taffeta dress, the vampire blinked at them. Buffy held out her hand and helped her the rest of the way out.
“Thanks,” she said, brushing at her skirts. She paused and looked at them suspiciously. “Who are you?”
Buffy twirled her stake. “We’re the Welcoming Committee.” The vamp brightened.
“Awesome! Is that a gift?” Her face shifted and she smiled, fangs bright.
“You could say that.” Buffy staked her and she exploded into a million specks. Spike shook his head.
“Pathetic.”
“I know, that one made Harmony look like Stephen Hawking. It’s like that everywhere now, all the Slayers are reporting extreme cases of stupidity from all over the world.”
“Amazing, what with Angel being in L.A., how he can spread it...” Spike made an innocent face at Buffy’s look. “What? I’m kidding. I think the poof is wonderful and I love him to death for sending the tool that imploded the Hellmouth and burnt me into a charming pile of dust.”
Buffy stuck her tongue out at him, making him think dirty thoughts. “Angel sent the necklace and Willow managed to magic it back to us...”
“Yes, Willow did...”
She ignored him and continued her point. “...and the necklace brought you back here to me so that I could tell you that I do so love you, you big dolt. And now look. Everything is so much better.”
Spike grinned like an idiot and Buffy shot him a glance.
“All thanks to wonderful Angel!”
Spike grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder, making her shout. “Looks like I’m just going to have to prove myself to you yet again,” he leered, smacking her on the rear.
Upside-down, Buffy smiled. Cleveland rocked.
And here is my story. Read it, bitches!
DISCLAIMERS: Does anyone even care about that anymore? The show's been off the air for years now and...Joss, shut up, I'm trying to type. Yes, I know you made a Firefly movie...yes, and you're working on this Wonder Woman thing...Hey, what about your X-Men 3 script? Oh great, he's crying again. Sigh.
RATED: I'll say...PG 13, cause I use the word 'cock' like, once. Oh oh! Now my rating is PG 13! Here, let's just pretend that I'm talking about a rooster. "Spike stood up, showing off his impressive, buldging rooster." Wow, sexy!
THANKS:
canadia_bit is the greatest beta ever. I want to have hot gay sex with her, and then I want to show her my rooster. If I had one, that is. Anyways, enjoy. Or don't. Whatever.It was dark.
Funny. He’d always thought that Hell would be more...hellish. Fire and brimstone and extreme pain and all the usual blather that priests had liked to scream when he ate them. But so far all he’d experienced was extreme boredom.
Nothing to look at. Nothing to touch. He patted himself experimentally. All there, including the important bits. Well, there’s that then. Whatever he was standing on seemed solid enough, but he couldn’t move more than a foot before coming up against another something solid. The same went for back and side to side. Looked like he wasn’t going anywhere soon.
That meant nothing to eat, but come to think of it, he wasn’t hungry. He wasn’t hungry or tired or in pain. He wasn’t anything but bored. Too bored to even wank off.
Maybe this was hell.
*****
Willow yawned and snuggled closer to Kennedy, hands on her neck. “Hey.”
Kennedy opened her eyes. “Hmmm? Hey what?”
Willow touched around Kennedy’s neck. “Where is it?”
“What?” Kennedy reached up and felt.
“Your necklace! You took it off!”
“Oh...right.” Kennedy looked around guiltily.
Willow sat up in the bed, arms crossed in disapproval. “What happened?”
Kennedy thought of the ugly silver chain with the wiccan symbol on it. Now was the time to confess how much she hated it. Be honest. Willow admired honesty. “I...uh...it went down the drain when I was showering.” Who was she kidding? Telling Willow she thought the birthday gift she’d been so excited to give her was the fugliest thing she’d ever seen would not make Willow smile
.
“What!”
“No, really.” Kennedy put an arm over her eyes, ashamed to look at Willow. “I don’t know what happened, but I was in the shower and the clasp must have broken or something cause it just slipped off and slid down the drain before I even had a chance to grab at it. I called the superintendent but he said there was nothing he could do.” She winced, thinking of how she’d hidden it deep in the weapons chest Xander had given her. Now that was a present.
"Well, I’m going to get it back.” Willow marched out of bed and across the room.
Kennedy sat up, watching her paw through a bookcase. “Oh...good. I mean, great! How?”
“There’s a spell...” Willow picked up a small red book and flipped through it. “To make a temporal fold in the fabric of time. I did the spell one time in high school with...with Anya. She wanted to find her Mom‘s necklace.”
There was an uncomfortable silence.
“Oh.” Kennedy paused. “Did it work?”
“No.”
“No?” Kennedy walked over to her. “What do you mean ‘no’ Why are you going to do this spell if it didn‘t work last time?”
“Anya must have done something wrong. We didn’t get a necklace, we got a vampire me instead. Now that I think of it, I don’t think that was her Mom’s necklace at all! I mean, Anya was over a thousand years-”
“Wait. Stop.” Kennedy put a hand on the book Willow was reading. “A vampire you?”
“Oh well, there was this alternate universe where Xander and I were vamps and the Master ruled Sunnydale and stuff.” Willow pulled away and started reading again. “Here we are, ‘Eryishon the Endless One’. Perfect.” Willow disappeared out of the bedroom, reappearing moments later with a large wooden box and a large white plate. Opening the box, she pulled out the bottle of sand inside and looked at it. Sunnydale sand. When it was gone she could never get anymore. Sure it was just sand, she could get more sand from anywhere, but it still held sentimental value.
Kennedy sat down next to her. “Now what?”
“Now I set up the spell.” Willow pulled out her chalk and drew the necessary symbols on the floor, placing herbs inside and the plate on top. “Where did I put the chicken feet...? Ah, here we are.” The feet were laid at the bottom of the circle just so. “Now, I need to paint a picture of the necklace...” Willow traced a finger over the plate and an image of the missing necklace appeared on the surface.
“Nice,” Kennedy said, impressed.
Willow flushed. “Oh, that’s just a simple memory pull spell. Nothing to it really.”
Kennedy grinned. “Yeah, okay.”
“Sit across from me,” Willow instructed, serious again. “And hold your hands like mine, palms up, fingertips touching. Now, when I hold the bottle out to pour, hold it with me, and when I close my eyes you close yours. That’s all there is to it! This will only take a moment.”
Kennedy watched as Willow closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “ Eryishon. K'shala. Meh-uhn. Diprecht. Doh-tehenlo nu-Eryishon. The child to the mother. The river to the sea. Eryishon, hear my prayer.” When Willow picked up the bottle she reached over and poured it with her, spilling the sand onto the plate, covering the image completely. They closed their eyes and felt the rumbling as the energy flowed around them. Then it all stopped.
“Can I open my eyes?” Kennedy asked, frowning.
Willow opened hers. “Yes. The spell’s done,” she muttered, sifting through the disappearing sand. “And here’s your-!” She held up the necklace, confused.
“Um Willow? That’s not my necklace,” Kennedy said. The gaudy, gold necklace was even uglier than hers. It looked like something only an old lady would wear, or a very gay man would give to another man.
“Oh-oh.” Willow shook the necklace in her hands, getting the last of the sand off. As it hit the plate it melted away into thin air until only the plate, once again white and unmarked, was there.
“What happened?” Kennedy asked, worried.
“I have no idea.” Willow peered at the gold necklace, spinning it so the pendant twirled and sparkled. “Maybe my drawing wasn’t accurate enough.” She squinted. “There’s something engraved on the back but I can’t read it, I’ve never seen that language before. Well, I’ll show it to Giles.” She hung the necklace over a lamp on the end table and started packing up the magic supplies. Kennedy watched her reach across, enjoying how her shirt slid away from her chest, giving her a clear shot of breasts.
“How about a good morning...” she trailed off suggestively.
Willow smiled and turned to her, leaning in for a kiss.
*****
Hey. Something was happening.
He could feel movement. Shaking.
And suddenly, before it had barely began, it was over. Back to nothing.
Then there was light!
He could see! Finally! Hell was about to meet the Big Bad.
He blinked, the room was spinning slowly, he couldn’t recognize where he was...wait.
Willow? A giant Willow was looking at him. If Willow was here then he definitely wasn’t in Hell. Unless she’d killed someone again, that is.
He shouted but she didn’t hear.
Willow! Hey! Dammit, Willow!
He shouted again but she frowned and he was lifted in the air. Wait a minute. What was going on here? Why was Willow so big? Why was she carrying him? Why...oh, bloody hell.
Suddenly he knew what was happening.
He knew he was, somehow, inside something small. Spike frowned, thinking. Probably that dammed pendant Angel had dangled in front of Buffy. Spike scoffed, thinking of how the dolt had mooned over the Slayer before gifting her with that ugly thing. The ugly thing that burnt Spike into a crispy critter. Stupid poof probably planned the entire thing to get rid of him. Get rid of the competition. Move in and make with the nicey-nicey. Always thinking of himself, Angel was. Sure, yeah, so the pendant had done its mojo and had killed off all the Ubervamps and collapsed the Hellmouth forever and Spike got to be the big hero and...
Buffy.
Buffy had said...well, it didn’t matter right now what she’d said, or he’d said. First things first.
He must have been at the bottom of the pit in Sunnydale for a while, buried under all the rubble of the Hellmouth. And now he was...well, wherever this bloody well was, that’s where. Some bedroom somewhere, with Willow and her lover. And they were kissing-! Oh, she definitely didn’t know he was in here.
Spike grinned as the two girls pawed at each other right in front of him. Too bad he couldn’t hear them. Willow pulled at the other girl’s sweaty shirt and Spike grinned more. Well, at least he wouldn’t be bored anymore. He’d have something to keep himself entertained until he figured out how to get out of this prison. And what better entertainment was there then little red hot Willow and her lady lover?
The shirt was torn off...
Yes ladies! That’s right. Do it for Spike. Make with the hot girly action-
...and flung. It landed right on the lamp, covering the necklace. Spike was thrown into darkness once again.
No! He sighed in frustration.
Dammit.
*****
Buffy sighed. She was bored. She missed Sunnydale. Who would have thought she’d ever long for the days of Sunnydale? All that angst and death and worry and pressure. She sighed wistfully. Good times.
Cleveland was boring. Yeah sure, it had a bigger mall than Sunnydale and there was more than one coffee shop and it had its very own Hellmouth. But it wasn’t the same. Her Hellmouth was more interesting. This one just seemed to be full of coffee shops and Browns fans and really lame and overly stupid vampires. Plus that stupid Drew Carey theme song irked her.
“Yaaaaaaaargh!” A vampire chose this moment to come leaping out of the darkness, nasty teeth bared, bony face twisted with hatred. Buffy sighed.
“Die slayer!” The vamp screamed, running closer. Buffy waited patiently, checking her nails. She’d chipped one pulling on her boots. Well, that would have to be filed. Maybe she ought to change her nail polish, the Wicked Watermelon Pink looked more like plain pink and wasn’t all that wicked.
The vamp ran even closer. Buffy thought about what she’d had for dinner. It had been good; Dawn had made this rice dish with chicken and mushrooms and some kind of creamy sauce. Buffy wondered what it was. Come to think of it, it was a lot like canned mushroom soup. Hmmm. Could you make a sauce out of soup? How? Who had taught Dawn this cooking tip? Maybe Xander.
“I kill you!!” It had finally made it across the field, around the mausoleum and into the graveyard. “I kill you good!” the vamp screamed dramatically as it launched itself at her using the nearest gravestone. Unfortunately it miscalculated and bellyflopped well short of its target, landing on the ground a good two feet in front of Buffy.
She stepped closer and looked at the vampire on the ground before her. “Idiot,” Buffy muttered, bending over and staking it through the back.
“Ow!” The vamp rolled over quickly from the pain, but it had already started to dust. “Why’d you go and do that fo-”
And it was gone.
Buffy checked her watch. 8:15 pm. If she hurried home she could catch the new episode of The OC.
*****
Xander didn’t even notice when she came home. Buffy walked into the living room and found him with his back to her, sitting cross-legged on the couch and noisily chewing handfuls of popcorn from the bowl on his lap. She smiled, watching him watch TV and shovel the stuff down. Curious, she peered his shoulder over to see what was so enthralling.
“Oh. My. God.” Her voice startled him and he jumped. Popcorn spilled everywhere.
“Buffy!” Xander scrambled for the controller.
“What are you...are you watching...” Buffy could barely get the words out.
“Nothing! I...nothing!” Xander’s hands were frantic now, tearing at the cushions.
“...are you watching...” Buffy choked. “Doc?”
Xander found the remote and flung his arm up, pointing wildly at the TV. “What! No! Of course not! No one in their right mind would watch that. I was watching, uh...” His fingers pressed blindly at the buttons and the screen was suddenly full of writhing flesh and breathy moans.
“Porn?” Buffy asked.
“Porn...?” Xander looked at the naked sex on the TV. “Cool! Porn! Lesbian porn! That‘s the best porn of them all.”
“That’s not how lesbians do it,” Willow said from the front door, rolling her eyes. She carried a large basket of laundry.
“Yeah,” Kennedy added, closing the door behind them. “Willow and I almost never use dildos.”
Xander raised his eyebrows, interested.
“True,” Willow agreed. “But we always put on our stilettos and press-on nails.”
“But only if they’re bright red,” Buffy added. “Well, I assume, seeing as how I only have hetero sex. Well, I used to, anyways.”
“Wait, go back to the part with the dildos,” Xander said, dusting the spilled popcorn off of him. “That part was way more interesting than Buffy's lack of a social life.”
Buffy took Willow’s basket of dirty clothes and put it down for her. Something solid in the basket slid to the bottom, but she was too busy teasing Xander to pay attention. “Give it up, Xander, I’m so telling your dirty little secret. Willow. Kennedy. Xander watches Doc.”
Willow snorted. “The show with Billy Ray Cyrus?”
“Shut up.” Xander said. The back of his neck flushed.
“Is he a surgeon? Does he fix achy breaky hearts?” Buffy asked, giggling.
“Has he found the cure for the mullet?” Kennedy added, grinning.
“Yeah,” Willow said, “Did he...uh...” She looked at them and shrugged. “I can't think of any jokes to make.” This made them all laugh even harder, and it was Willow’s turn to blush.
Xander turned off the TV. “Ha ha ladies. I’d say people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. I know a few girls, I won’t say who but let’s just say they both used to live in Sunnydale, and their initials are W R and B S, and these girls used to watch 7th Heaven.”
Willow and Buffy gasped.
Kennedy snickered.
“Xander!” Willow said, outraged. She leaned over and punched him on the arm “You promised you wouldn’t tell!”
“Yeah!” Buffy punched him too.
“Ow!” Xander rubbed his arm. “No fair, Slayer punches hurt. And so do witch punches,” he added, seeing the look Willow was giving him. “Anyways, Buff, you’re home early. Willow, you’re here to mooch the washer and dryer early. All we need now is Dawn and Giles and it’s almost like old times again.” He trailed off, face suddenly blank.
Everyone looked away for a moment, feeling uncomfortable. Talk about buzz kill. No one wanted to spoil the mood any more by mentioning their losses, but no one was quite sure how to get back to the silliness they’d just had. Buffy considered punching Xander again, but he was still rubbing his shoulder from the first hit. Willow thought about magically turning the lesbian porn back on. Kennedy just thought about Willow’s ass.
Luckily, Giles chose this moment to walk in. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
“Ah, hello there everyone.” Giles hung his coat beside the others’. “I’m so glad to see you’re all on time for our meeting.”
The three looked at each other. Meeting?
“Right, meeting, yes,” Xander held out the half-empty bowl. “Popcorn?”
Giles frowned. “Maybe later, thank you.” He looked around. “Where’s Dawn?”
Buffy shrugged. “Date.”
“Mmm yes, and Andrew?”
“Erm, date.” Buffy said, feeling stupid. Even Andrew was getting dates. Not Buffy though, oh no, no way. She’d rather sit and sulk or hang out with Xander all the time. Granted he lived here but still. The two of them were mourning. She couldn’t admit that’s what she was doing, but she was doing it all the same.
“Didn’t you want to show Giles the necklace?” Kennedy asked Willow, who gasped.
“Oh, yes, I do! Giles, look, I found this.” Willow fished around in the laundry and pulled out the necklace.
Buffy’s breath caught.
*****
Spike waited. It wasn’t going to stay dark forever. Willow was smart. A genius, or so the Scoobies had said. She’d figure out how to get him out of this prison.
She would if she knew you were in here.
Right. Well, he’d just have to figure out some way to let her know. And he would do that. Just as soon as she uncovered him again. Yeah. Soon.
Very soon.
Any minute now.
It was going to happen in the next ten seconds.
Okay, the next, next ten seconds.
Bloody-!
Fine, the next twenty...oh, who was he kidding? They’d shagged like bunnies and gone to shower. Or to bed. Or who knows what.
Now he was bored again. So he waited. To entertain himself he imagined a hundred new insulting nicknames for Angel. Spike had gotten up to eighty-four (’Mange-el‘...it was getting to be slim pickings) when he could suddenly see again.
It was a different room, and it was slowly spinning again, giving him a panoramic view of everyone and everything inside it. A TV, a couch, uh huh...chair...wall...some stupid painting...Willow, who was obviously holding the pendant. Kennedy, by her side as usual, what a surprise there...Xander. Ugh. Still wearing the eyepatch like the nanciest pirate in town. There was Giles, looking like a simpleton as always with that ‘let’s solve a mystery’ expression he was always wearing. He probably called it his ‘thoughtful’ face, or his ‘pensive’ face or-
Buffy.
Spike’s breath caught.
*****
“Where did you find it?” Giles leaned in close, interested.
“It happened during a summoning spell,” Willow turned it over. “Look, something’s written here.”
Giles pulled a pen and paper from the nearby desk and jotted the short verse down. “Hmm, yes, I think I’ve seen that language before, I-” he broke off as Buffy snatched the necklace out of his hands.
“You summoned this?” Buffy’s face was white.
“No...not that, really. I was trying to summon something else using a spell that An...that I knew of,” Willow finished lamely, trying to look in Xander’s direction. “Do you know what it is, Buffy?”
Did she know what it is? She held it high and stared. Yes, she knew. It saved them all. It destroyed the Hellmouth. It proved that Spike was a champion. It burnt him to ash. She hated it for that.
“Angel gave it to me,” she whispered.
“Oh,” Xander said, making a face. “Angel.”
“Xander.” Willow made a face back at him and mouthed, not now.
Buffy stared at the necklace. It looked brand new, just the way it had looked when first given to her. No burn marks, no dents from being buried, not a scratch. The writing was new though. That hadn’t been there.
Her head hurt.
“Buff?’
She looked up at Willow. “Are you okay? Maybe you should lay down.”
“I have a headache.”
Xander pointed with the TV controller. “I have some Tylenol in the kitchen if you want.”
Buffy shook her head. “I need to relax. Think. I’m...I’m going for a bath,” she blurted and ran out of the room with the necklace in her hand, taking the stairs two at a time, slamming the bathroom door behind her.
“A bath?” Willow said. “That’s not...sudden.”
Giles cleared his throat. “Yes well, thank you Buffy, for running off with the amulet. I’m sure it’s not at all important and I certainly shouldn’t be studying it right now. I suppose I’m to figure everything out by translating the lines I barely managed to copy down before you ripped the thing right out of my hands. I need some tea.” He turned on his heel and walked out of the room to the kitchen.
Everyone was quiet for a moment. The TV turned back on and the room was filled with the sounds of furious rutting and ooh-ing.
“Sorry,” Xander raised the remote. “My finger slipped.”
*****
Buffy.
She looked shocked. Pale.
And what was that god-awful top she was wearing?
“You have the worst taste in clothes, Slayer,” he muttered, shaking his head.
Ah, but it was good to see her. A sight for sore eyes. Actually, maybe that shirt wasn’t so bad after all. From this angle he could see quite a bit of cleavage. Nice.
All at once the scene was shifting, Buffy was gone and everything was a blur, a dizzying blur that rocked back and forth and then became blackness, then white. Plain white.
“No!” Spike cried, pounding on the invisible barrier that held him. “Come on! Don‘t do this to...hold on.”
He could see Buffy again, glimpses of her. Naked glimpses of her. Flashes of her body as she moved in and out of his frame. Then suddenly he was lifted and settled and she was full frontal nudity for a moment, but that disappeared as she settled into something foamy.
“Ah,” Spike grinned. “Hello, Buffy.”
Buffy was having a bath. She’d obviously hung him on the tap, judging from the perfect view he was being treated to. She sank lower, hiding her perky breasts and he cursed. She rubbed her temples, revealing them again and he smirked. She was just as perfect as he’d remembered.
She was staring at him. He tried shouting to her, hitting the barrier as hard as he could but he may as well have been on Mars for all the good it did him. She didn’t even blink. Instead, she leaned in closer, staring harder. Spike stared back. Those smooth, soapy, glistening breasts were movie theatre size.
He didn’t feel so bored now.
In fact, he was feeling somewhat hard.
Not even thinking about it, he reached down and unzipped, staring at Buffy’s soapy body. Maybe this was Hell, forever teasing him with the look but don’t touch game.
*****
Buffy stared at the necklace hanging on the tub faucet. Why did it come back? What did it mean?
She rubbed her temples, groaning. She really did have a headache. Just thinking about Spike always made her...emotional. Usually that emotion was frustrated pent-up sexual energy, heavily mixed with a huge dose of regret and longing. She missed his sarcasm. He’d just been getting it back when he was-
Well. When he left. Saved them all.
Buffy sat up and thought. Maybe this was a gift, in a way. Something of Spike to have forever. Something to remind her...
Remind her of what? How he died? Buffy frowned at the necklace. She hated that thing. Stupid Spike, all going off and getting himself killed right when...and he’d been all ‘blah blah blah...’
She’d had to go on after they closed the Hellmouth, move to Cleveland and fight the stupid vamps here while all the other Slayers had positioned themselves around the world. Had to go on, knowing that Spike was gone. Gone gone gone. How was she supposed to get over that with this necklace showing up? How was she supposed to forget? Move on?
Like you can move on. Please give it up. You’ve been so Droopy Dog since it happened you’re making Giles look positively giddy. And you know what? He’s never coming back. He’s never, ever coming back and it’s all because of this. This. Necklace. Right. Here.
Buffy grabbed at the necklace, pulling the chain right off in her haste, gazing blankly at it. Good, she thought. Good! Break for all I care! I want you to break, you ugly, useless piece of crap...!
She squeezed it as hard as she could but it didn’t make a dent. She smashed it against the wall, making a nice pendant-shaped hole in her tiles, but no damage to the thing. Her hands were wet and they slipped, frustrating her in her efforts to ruin the thing that had taken Spike away from her. Grabbing the top, she twisted as hard as she could, fingers digging into the raised edging.
The top part of the amulet snapped and Spike suddenly fell from nowhere onto a messy heap on the bathroom floor, pants around his ankles, cock in his fist.
*****
They stared at each other, stunned.
Buffy looked at Spike splayed out, half naked, obviously aroused. And alive. Alive! “Spike! What...?” She noticed the impressive erection he was still clutching and her mouth fell open. “Eww! You are such a pervert!” Spike’s eyes slid over her naked form and she ducked low, letting the bathwater cover her.
“Sorry Slayer, couldn’t help myself. Caught a glimpse of those perfect...well...” he shrugged and started to pull his pants back up.
“You were spying on me?” Buffy gasped, mortified. This was turning out to be quite the reunion and nothing at all like the ones she’d imagined. In all of her fantasies she’d been clothed...but not for long.
Her face burned.
“Wouldn’t call it spying if I had no choice in the matter, being trapped and all.” Spike scoffed, sitting up. This wasn’t how he’d imagined their first moments together. A few punches, some tears, and lots of sex, but not him lying in an undignified pile on her bathroom floor looking like a chump.
“You could have...uh...” Buffy thought for a moment. “You could have closed your eyes! Sicko.” How could this be happening? Spike was alive. Alive, laying in her bathroom with a large...well, never mind that, she was the one covered in foamy soap bubbles and nothing else. He’d said she didn’t love him. Maybe he didn’t love her.
Spike looked at her, incredulous. “Closed my eyes? Are you serious?”
Buffy grabbed the foot towel off the floor and shielded herself as she stood up. “Yes! I am serious!”
Their eyes locked as they stared each other down, both trying to read the other’s thoughts.
“Christ Buffy...” Spike ground out. “Is that all you can say to me?”
“Spike,” she whispered back, stepping out of the tub and standing over him, dripping all over his duster, the tiny towel enhancing more than hiding her soapy body.
“Did you miss me?” he asked, suddenly vulnerable. He stood up, pants unbuttoned and half-hanging around his slim hips. Maybe she didn’t care about him. Maybe he was right when he’d told her she didn’t love him. Maybe she didn’t want him here. “Did you even-”
She threw herself on him, legs around his waist. He caught her and turned, pushing her onto the counter, pants already falling back down around his ankles. He slid into her, she slid onto him, mouths fused together, bubbles from the bath staining his duster.
It was the best welcome back ever.
*****
“Well, it‘s been quiet for a while now. Do you think she‘s finished?“ Willow asked, looking up to the ceiling. “That was a lot of noise.”
Xander shrugged. “She said her head hurt. What better cure than yelling and hitting things? Besides, I told you it was a bad idea to put her punching bag upstairs instead of the basement but nooo. ‘Buffy needs a Zen environment’ you said. ‘Let Buffy have her training room where it’s light and airy. You don’t need sleep, Xander.‘” Willow threw a coaster at him and he ducked. “Besides, Buffy needs to get some emotions out. She’s been sulking around the place since we moved here. I just wish she’d kept the shouting down a little, I couldn’t hear the porn.” He turned the TV up. “I can’t believe that I didn’t know we had free porn for all these months.”
Kennedy folded a shirt and tossed it in the basket of now clean laundry. “She was ‘getting her emotions out’ for an hour. Am I the only one who thinks that’s unhealthy? Should someone really be that worked up? How long will she be freaking?”
“You’re a Slayer, you tell me,” Xander said. Kennedy shrugged. “I guess we’ll never know. And now, back to the porn.”
“She’s coming downstairs,” Willow whispered. “Act casual, like an hour-long tantrum is normal and not at all mentally unstable.”
“Guys...” Buffy said from behind them. No one turned around, hell bent on acting relaxed.
“Oh, hey Buff,” Xander said airily. “We’re just hanging out, eating some popcorn.” He flung an arm over the back of the chair and turned to talk to her. “Wanna join- holy mother of god!”
“Xander!” Willow hissed, “I said to act natural!”
Xander jumped up, yet again spilling popcorn everywhere. “What! Where! You’re...!”
Willow and Kennedy turned around, jaws dropping at the site of Buffy holding a somewhat damply dressed Spike by the hand.
“It’s Spike,” Buffy said, stating the obvious.
“Spike,” Xander mumbled, stunned enough to drop the remote. “It’s you.”
Spike titled his head at him. “Yes. It’s me.”
No one said anything, confused. Finally, Kennedy nudged Willow in the ribs, making her jump.
“Oh, right. Uh, Buffy...what happened? How did he get here?” she asked, watching closely for signs of evil. Spike just watched back, cool as a cucumber.
“He was in the necklace,” Buffy explained.
“Ohhhhh...” They all nodded.
“Is...” Xander swallowed hard. “Is Anya...?”
There was that silence again. “No,” Spike said, simply, and Xander nodded, trying to hide his disappointment.
“Ah well...” he shrugged and came over, holding his hand out. “I heard what you did, saving everyone.” Spike took his hand and they shook. “Doesn’t mean I like you much still.”
“Don’t worry Harris, I wasn’t about to run out and register us at Macy’s.”
Willow jumped over the couch and hugged him tight. “Welcome home, Spike.” She took a step back and stared at him. “Are you still...uh...you know...” she looked pointedly at his chest.
“Well, I don’t have the urge to snap Harris’ neck, so I guess the soul’s still there.” Willow smiled at this and gave him another quick squeeze before sitting back down. “I still think he’s a complete lightweight though,” Spike added. Xander sent him a look but he ignored it. “I mean look at him. Still wearing the stupid outfit...”
“Hey!” Xander looked down, brushing kernels off his ‘Hubba Bubba’ t-shirt.
“...still sporting the shaggy haircut...”
Xander pointed at Spike’s head in protest. “Wouldn’t talk. And weren‘t you all sad and mopey before the Undead Barbeque? What’s the deal with the insults? You’ve been alive for like what, ten minutes and already you’re starting with the mouth. I liked you better before you came back.”
“Yeah well I got my balls back.”
Buffy leaned in and whispered something naughty, making Spike smile like the cat who ate the canary. The cat who ate the canary till she screamed.
“Ugh,” Xander turned back to the TV porn, ignoring the living room porn that was threatening to break out at any moment....wait! “Hey! That banging...and yelling...”
“One can actually see the light bulb go on,” Spike told them.
Xander started looking for something woody, and Willow was getting her worried face on, so Kennedy thought she should get her hellos in now, before all hell broke loose.
“Welcome back, Spike,” Kennedy said, patting him awkwardly but strongly on the shoulder. Spike nodded at her and moved out of reach. His duster had taken enough of a beating for one night. “Uh...want to watch some sex with us?”
“Buffy!” They all turned to see a rather flustered Giles rush in from the kitchen, teacup in one hand, the paper with the inscription in the other.
“Giles,” Buffy began, but he cut her off.
“The inscription! I’ve translated it! Oh, hello there, Spike. It’s quite simple really, the language is a bastardization of Latin of all things, mixed with some Fyaral and...” He trailed off, staring. “Spike?”
Spike stared back.
“It’s him, Giles.” Buffy touched Spike’s hand and squeezed. “He was in the necklace.”
“Ah yes...well. I guess the translation won’t do you much good now then, will it?”
“What was it?” Willow asked, curious.
Giles sighed. “’To open, twist off top.’”
*****
“Cleveland rocks! Cleveland rocks! Cleveland rocks! Cleveland ro-ocks!”
“Stop it!” Buffy threw her stake at Xander, timing the rotation expertly so the blunt side knocked him smartly on the head. “You know how much I hate that song!”
Xander rubbed his head, grinning. “You do? I had no idea, Buff.” She grinned back at him. “Oh ho! And look, still with the non-stop smiling. I’d thought you’d forgotten how but it’s been two weeks now since he showed up, and I’m going to be honest with you here on this one, frankly, it’s getting a bit pathetic to see my best friend all moon eyed over a vampire who dyes his hair more than you.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Buffy said primly, crossing her legs and folding her hands smartly in her lap. The effect was ruined by the arrival of said vampire. “Ooh!” She jumped off the gravestone and ran up to him, leaning on tiptoes for a long kiss.
“Hello, luv,” Spike murmured when they finally parted. “How’s tonight’s patrol so far?”
“Perfect till now,” Xander muttered under his breath, pretending to cough.
“Vampire hearing,” Spike shot back, not even looking at him.
“Yeah? Do you hear this?” Xander made a rude gesture with his hands.
“Good one Harris. Know what this one means?” Spike sent a secret message back but instead of looking angry, Xander merely grinned.
“See you guys in the morning,” he said. “It’s Spike’s turn to make breakfast.”
“I don’t make...” Spike trailed off as Xander left the cemetery. He turned to Buffy. “I don’t make-” He paused. Forget Harris. He’d just wheedle Dawn into making it for him. She loved to make waffles. Mmm, waffles.
Buffy smiled at him. “What are you thinking about, you’re all quiet and pensive.”
“Waffles.”
“Waffles?” Buffy raised her brows.
Spike bit his lower lip suggestively. “Waffles all over your naked body.”
“That’s better,” Buffy started walking to a freshly dug grave and he followed.
“How many vamps have you gotten tonight?” he asked as they waited.
Buffy shrugged. “Only two. Shutting down the Sunnydale Hellmouth really seems to have made a difference in the other Hellmouths around the world. There’s a lot less evil, and they’re even stupider than before.”
“Hey!” Spike said, but she ignored him, watching instead as the earth began to rise as the newly made vampire woke from her grave. Covered in dirt and wearing a now-filthy fuchsia taffeta dress, the vampire blinked at them. Buffy held out her hand and helped her the rest of the way out.
“Thanks,” she said, brushing at her skirts. She paused and looked at them suspiciously. “Who are you?”
Buffy twirled her stake. “We’re the Welcoming Committee.” The vamp brightened.
“Awesome! Is that a gift?” Her face shifted and she smiled, fangs bright.
“You could say that.” Buffy staked her and she exploded into a million specks. Spike shook his head.
“Pathetic.”
“I know, that one made Harmony look like Stephen Hawking. It’s like that everywhere now, all the Slayers are reporting extreme cases of stupidity from all over the world.”
“Amazing, what with Angel being in L.A., how he can spread it...” Spike made an innocent face at Buffy’s look. “What? I’m kidding. I think the poof is wonderful and I love him to death for sending the tool that imploded the Hellmouth and burnt me into a charming pile of dust.”
Buffy stuck her tongue out at him, making him think dirty thoughts. “Angel sent the necklace and Willow managed to magic it back to us...”
“Yes, Willow did...”
She ignored him and continued her point. “...and the necklace brought you back here to me so that I could tell you that I do so love you, you big dolt. And now look. Everything is so much better.”
Spike grinned like an idiot and Buffy shot him a glance.
“All thanks to wonderful Angel!”
Spike grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder, making her shout. “Looks like I’m just going to have to prove myself to you yet again,” he leered, smacking her on the rear.
Upside-down, Buffy smiled. Cleveland rocked.
