The First Time by Isis (isiscolo) - Ray/Ray, NC17
Title: The First Time
Author: Isis (isiscolo)
Pairing: Ray/Ray
Rating: NC17
brooklinegirl gave me the prompt: solace. Thanks to malnpudl for overnight delivery beta. This is, appropriately enough, my first Ray/Ray. About 1850 words.

ETA: now also on my website: The First Time



The first time Kowalski walked into the station after coming back from Canada, he looked, frankly, like shit. Sure, he was clean-shaven, wearing what was probably his one decent shirt, but he had bags under his eyes like he hadn't slept for weeks, and his hair was showing dark at the roots, and his face was redder than could be accounted for by the chill December wind. He strutted in like he still belonged, even though Ray knew he was going in to Lieutenant Welsh to ask for his old job back. Which of course he couldn't get, being that Ray had his old job back, but the Lieu had said he was going to give him something, and had narrowed his eyes at the sound Ray had made, and said, "You got a problem with that, Vecchio?" and Ray had assured him that no, sir, there was no problem at all.

Still, Ray couldn't resist calling over to him as he threaded his way through the bullpen. "What's the matter, Benny kick you out?"

Kowalski looked at him with those tired, tired eyes, muttering, "Fuck you," but there was no heat in it, just weariness.

As Kowalski disappeared into Welsh's office, Jensen, the rookie Ray'd been partnered with when he came back from Florida, turned to him and said, "Benny his girlfriend or something?"

Jensen was an okay kid but he sure didn't know when to keep his mouth shut.

---

The first time Ray called Kowalski Stanley, the guy didn't even turn around.

"I'm talking to you, Stanley."

"I ain't talking to you." He finished scribbling whatever it was he was scribbling on the paper on his desk, then finally looked up, swiveled his chair around to look Ray in the face. "But if you want to get my attention, you might want to remember I go by Ray."

"I'm Ray."

"Yeah, well, I'm Ray too. Nice to meet you." He said it in that off-hand way that meant it wasn't really nice at all, and of course it wasn't exactly like they were meeting for the first time, but he stuck out his hand like they were, and Ray looked at it for a moment and then reached out for a handshake.

Which was what they were doing when the Lieu came up behind them unexpectedly and said, "If you're quite finished, gentlemen? Vecchio, I need you in my office."

"That's you," said Kowalski, grinning.

---

The first time Stella walked into the station when both of them were in the bullpen, the whole place went silent. You could hear the click-click of her heels, it was that quiet, and then Kowalski said, "Hey, Stell."

"Ray," she said, nodding her head as she went by.

Everyone - except Kowalski - was looking at him, so Ray said, "Hello, Stella."

"Ray," she said, and her nod was a fraction quicker, her tone a fraction icier, and he guessed it was because their bad times were closer in her memory. But he could get over it - he'd gotten over it - he'd bet she would. They could work together, if they had to.

She rapped on Welsh's door, and he opened it. "Good morning, Assistant State's Attorney Vecchio."

Behind him, Kowalski said, real quiet, so only Ray could hear him, "You son of a bitch."

"Actually, I've gone back to my maiden name," said Stella, and Welsh shut the door behind them.

---

The first time Kowalski got shot in the line of duty it was only a graze, really, but the way Elaine Besbriss was carrying on, you'd have thought he'd been nailed in the heart. "I am so sorry. I didn't mean - I let you down, Ray, I swear, I won't do that again."

"I'm all right, honest." Ray could see that he was shaken, though, and after the Trebbiano brothers had been cuffed and Mirandized and brought back to the station, and everyone had given their statements, and the lawyers had been called, and Jensen was doing the paperwork (because what good was a rookie for a partner if you couldn't make him do all the paperwork?) he stopped by Kowalski's desk.

"You want to go get a beer or something?"

Kowalski looked at Ray. Then he looked at the clock, then at the closed door of Welsh's office, then at Ray again. "Yeah, okay. Not like I'm getting much done here, huh?"

"That's what I figured," said Ray.

They met at Keegan's, and Kowalski looked at him funny when he said the first round was on him. "Should have taken Elaine out, don't you think? She's the one who's freaking out."

"She a decent partner?" said Ray. It was still a little odd to think of her as a cop, even though he'd always known she'd wanted to be more than just a civilian aid. Thank God Frannie had never gotten it in her head to go to the academy.

"She's okay. It wasn't her fault - I kept telling her that, but you know how it is. You keep going back over every little thing."

"Looked to me like you did it by the book," said Ray, taking a drink of his beer. "Even waited for backup, for a change." That being him and Jensen, who had arrived just in time to see Joe Trebbiano get off his wild shot.

Kowalski shrugged. "Yeah." But a shadow crossed his eyes, and Ray knew what it was: Elaine was okay, but she wasn't Benny.

Ray had had the time in Vegas to get used to it, to not having Fraser there, reading his mind, jumping through windows, taking crazy risks that always paid off in unexpected ways. It was a pain in the ass, having to baby-sit Jensen, but it was better than being the Bookman, better than expecting a bullet in the back of the skull every time he turned around. But Kowalski, he'd gone straight from being Fraser's partner to being - well, Fraser's partner, or so the rumor was, and maybe that had spoiled him for normal cop work with a normal partner.

Because if Fraser had still been his partner, they wouldn't have waited for backup.

But if Fraser had still been his partner, he wouldn't have been shot.

---

The first time he and Kowalski had sex was about ten minutes after they left Keegan's. Neither of them was quite ready to drive, yet, and they knew if they stayed in the bar they'd just keep drinking, so instead they stumbled into Kowalski's GTO, which was in the back corner of Keegan's lot, started up the engine and turned the heat on, and just sat there, staring out the windshield at the brick wall of the next building over. The streetlight by the lot entrance was dim and weak, so the neon light from the bar window was providing most of the illumination. It turned Kowalski's messy hair an unflattering orange and highlighted the dark circles under his eyes.

"You sure you're going to be okay?" said Ray.

"Yeah," said Kowalski, more a gusty exhalation than a word; and then suddenly he was sliding across the front seat and practically in Ray's lap, his hand unerringly finding Ray's crotch, his lips hot on Ray's neck.

"Kowalski," said Ray warningly, pushing him away. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

"You wanna?"

"What, in the front seat of your car?"

Kowalski grinned at him. "Yeah, you're right. Back seat's more comfortable." He got out of the car and slid smoothly into the back seat. "You coming?"

"I'm getting out of here and getting into my own car." And Ray had intended to, opening the door and lurching unsteadily to his feet. But he was still not sober enough to drive, and he hadn't gotten laid since before he left Florida, and Kowalski was still grinning at him, catlike in the neon darkness; so after a few seconds of indecision he muttered "Fuck it," and crawled into the back seat.

Kowalski was all hands and mouth, unbuttoning and unsnapping and licking at whatever he uncovered. It didn't take long before they were both panting, hands on each other's dicks, the windows steaming up with their harsh breathing.

"Don't come on my trousers," said Ray.

"Don't come on the upholstery," said Kowalski.

They both came all over Ray's trousers and the GTO's upholstery, but by then it didn't seem to matter.

---

The first time he fucked Kowalski was after they'd been doing it (whatever it was they were doing, which Ray was not entirely sure of) for almost a month. A couple of times a week, when the Lieu had been in a particularly bad mood, or Records had lost one of their folders, or Jensen had done something really stupid, one or the other of them would look over and say, "Keegan's after work?" and the other would (usually) say, "Yeah," and they'd go out for a few drinks and end up giving each other handjobs in the back seat of the GTO.

But that evening was colder than usual, bitter wind swirling at their backs as they left the bar. "Pretty damn stupid, sitting in the backseat in the middle of winter," said Ray, pulling his coat more tightly around himself.

Kowalski shrugged. "We could go to my apartment."

And that was an even stupider idea, thought Ray, because doing it in the backseat was appropriately seedy and embarrassing, but doing it in an apartment, in a bed - that would be like admitting they were doing it. That would be premeditated. But he still followed the GTO to the apartment building, still followed Kowalski up to his place and into his bedroom.

His bed was bigger than his back seat, anyway. The room was warm enough for them to take all their clothing off, and the sight of Kowalski sprawled nude across his disheveled bedspread made it seem even warmer. "C'mon, Vecchio, do me," came the husky whisper from the bed, and that was all Ray needed to hear.

He found slick stuff in the nightstand and a condom in his wallet. Kowalski was so hot he was nearly feverish, wriggling onto Ray's fingers, twisting into his touch. "Take it easy," Ray murmured, draping himself across Kowalski's back, slippery with sweat. Kowalski gave a little sigh and pushed back against him, and he slid all the way in.

That did it, sent his own advice flying out the window; he forgot all about taking it easy, forgot about everything but losing himself in Kowalski's heat until they were both sweaty and gasping and slumped on the bed.

"Don't you leave me hanging," panted a voice in his ear.

That was the first time he ever gave Kowalski a blowjob.

That was also the last time they ever went to Keegan's.

---

The first time Ray told Kowalski he loved him - well, he hasn't actually said it yet. Neither of them has. But looking at the man curled next to him in bed, hair rumpled and arm wrapped around a pillow, Ray figures it's just a matter of time.

---

Tagging lordessrenegade! Your prompt: "You do that one more time, and I swear I'm gonna..."