Community Info

I am a student of nonviolent communication. In this community I want to document my thoughts, confusion and learnings about the process of nvc. Anyone can join the community, but it would meet my needs for clarity and learning if all posts are largely nvc related.

Thank you.

:-)

Nonviolent communication (NVC) is a process developed by Marshall Rosenberg which people use to communicate with greater compassion and clarity. It focuses on two things: empathy — listening with deep compassion, and honest self-expression — exposing what matters to oneself in a way that's likely to inspire compassion in others. Formal NVC self-expression includes four elements: observations (distinguished from interpretations/evaluations), feelings (emotions separate from thoughts), needs (deep motives) and requests (clear, present, doable and without demand).

Those who use Nonviolent Communication (also called "Compassionate Communication") describe all actions as motivated by an attempt to get human needs met. However, in meeting those needs, they seek to avoid the use of fear, guilt, shame, blame, coercion or threats. The ideal of NVC is to get one's own needs met while also meeting others' needs. A key principle of Nonviolent Communication that supports this is the capacity to express oneself without use of good/bad, right/wrong judgment, hence the emphasis on expressing feelings and needs, instead of criticisms or judgments.

In NVC, priority is given to creating a high quality of connection between people, and to oneself. It is observed that without connection, effective communication cannot occur.

Focus of nvc

Maintaining a focus on needs is a central premise. Needs, as the term is used in NVC, are underlying motivations that are universal, in that we all experience the same needs, even if at different times and to different degrees. Thus, needs serve as a basis for understanding each other's motivations at a level at which it is easy to be sympathetic to those motivations. Needs are distinguished from strategies, which are specific plans to try to meet needs. If people interact only with an awareness of strategies, it is easy for people's strategies to come into conflict. Operating from an awareness of needs increases flexibility, insofar as there are typically many strategies that could lead to a given need being met. NVC practitioners also tend to find that it can be deeply satisfying to be aware of needs; perhaps this is because needs offer meaning.

Ultimately, the various processes and attitudes suggested by NVC are strategies designed to "serve life" — to increase the joy and well-being of all. Quality connections and a focus on meeting everyone's needs serve these ends.