Anyways... So I went to my local release party--wasted--mind you. And the moment I got my hands on the book I flipped to the last chapter and there was the Holy Hand Grenade of FAIL, NESSIE, and I wanted to die. In fact, I think I did, many times.

I also searched feverishly for the horror that is the imprint on Nessie Cullen, and, here it is, summarized and transcribed for you all to see.


So we leave Chapter 14 in Jacob's POV. It stays with him until after the imprint. Basically, what happens is Bella goes into labor, ladidadida. And the Baby being all made of super-human strength basically breaks Bella's body and spinal cord. Egh. Bella is this close(-) to dying.

Jacob's like "OMG! CPR!"

And Edward's like "OMG! GET THAT THING OUT!"

Jacob's too busy trying to keep Bella alive that he doesn't even see Nessie being removed from the deep.

And Bella's still dying. Edward injects Bella with his venom using a syringe. What a GREAT WAY TO GET PAST THE TREATY MEYER! "IT DOESN'T COUNT IF HE'S NOT ACTUALLY BITING HER LOLZ!!!1!!!"

Jacob's pissed because Bella's dying, but even more so because now she's dying eternally. So Jacob decides to kill the monster. He hunts down Rosalie because she's the one with the baby at the moment. Right as Jacob goes to kill the abomination, he imprints.

HIS EXACT WORDS: (caps and bold are mine)

Warm brown eyes, the color of milk chocolate--the EXACT SAME COLOR THAT BELLA'S HAD BEEN.

My shaking jerked to a stop; heat flooded through me, stronger than before, but it was a new king of heat--not a burning.

It was a glowing.

Everything inside me cam undone as I stared at the tiny porcelain face of the half-vampire, half-human baby. All the lines that held me to my life were sliced apart in swift cuts, like clipping the strings to a bunch of balloons. Everything that made me who I was--my love for the dead girl upstairs, my love for my father, my loyalty to my new pack, the love for my other brothers, my hatred for my enemies, my home, my name, my self--disconnected from me in the second--snip snip snip--and floated up into space.

I was not left drifting. A new string held me where I was.

Not one, but a million. Not strings, but steel cables. A million steel cables all tying me to one thing--the the very center of the universe.

I could see that now--how the universe swirled around this one point. I'd never seen the symmetry of the universe before, but now it was plain.

The gravity of the earth no longer ties me to the place where I stood.

It was the baby girl in the blond vampire's arms that held me here now.

RENESMEE.

From upstairs, there was a new sound. The only sound that could touch me in this endless instant.

A frantic pounding, a racing beat...

A changing heart.

[END BOOK II JACOB]


Anyone else want to puke? Because I do. :(