Cold (But I'm Still Here)- Chapter Three- The Jig is Up

Title: Cold (but I’m still here)
Chapter Three: The Jig is Up
Rating: Mature/for later chapters
Characters: Jacob/Vamp!Bella, OCs
Timeline: Takes place right after the events of Eclipse.
Summary: After the tragic death of his wife leaves Jacob completely devastated, he is forced to return to La Push after being gone for over eight years. In tow is his four year -old son Ethan, whom Jacob hopes that, with a change of scenario and the help of family and old friends, both he and Ethan will find a way to make peace with the curveball that life has dealt them.
Disclaimer: All characters that belong to Stephenie Meyer belong to Stephenie Meyer, I’m just borrowing. Also, an Evans Blue fanatic has been hounding me on fanfiction.net so let me say that the title is named after their song, “Cold (But I’m Still Here)”. Like you didn’t already know that, right? :/
Dedication: First time doing this so… I dedicate this chapter to the_idiotgirl who loves Edward/Angela like me and for that “little nudge” Lol! I also dedicate this to have to nevaeh_v who I was apparently “killing” without an update. Sorry bb! I hope this makes you feel somewhat better. :D
Notes: Well… don’t have much to say about this chapter. I’m not really sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I guess this is the chapter that some have been waiting on. We’ll see how this goes. And as always thanks to itslikenature for being a great beta.
Previous Chapters: Prologue/One /Two

***

Chapter Three:

The Jig is Up

Jacob chewed on a mouthful of popcorn, holding up seven cards in his hands. His face was thoughtful as he straightened up on the couch before leaning forward.

“Do you have any threes?” he asked his clever opponent from across the coffee table.

Ethan grinned, shaking his full head of curly, black hair. “Go fish!” he said, downright gleeful and Jacob chuckled, doing as told. He withdrew a single card from the deck. It wasn’t one that he was looking for.

“Okay Dad, it’s your turn.” He looked over to Billy who sat parked in his wheelchair at the edge of the table. With furrowed brows, it was clear to see that the older man was confused.

“What am I suppose to be getting again?”

“Five cards of the same suit,” Jacob laughed. “Come on old man, we’re getting our butts handed to us by a four and a half year old at a game of Go fish here.”

“Well, that’s easy for you to say son, I’ve never played this game before,” he grinned, arranging his cards. “So I’d like to think that us losing says more about you than it does about me.”

“Touché,” Jacob smiled, eyes back on his hand.

Unless something else had changed in the past eight years, Billy never played a game such as this with him nor Rachael or Rebecca when they were kids. He preferred fishing and camping trips to board games like Clue and Monopoly, so it said a lot that he was making an effort to be in on he and Ethan’s guy’s night. He wasn’t surprised in the least, but it just felt good—the normalcy of it all—being with his family; smiling, laughing and just having a good time. He hoped for more days like this.

Ethan put his cards face down on the table, getting up off the floor. “It’s okay Grandpa, I’ll help you,” he offered, rushing over. His rested his hands on the arm of Billy’s chair, leaning over to look in his hand. He rose on his balls of his little feet, whispering into his ear while keeping a cautious eye on his dad.

Jacob actually found his son’s need to be secretive quite amusing considering that no matter how low he whispered, Jake could still hear everything due to his superior hearing. Billy knew this of course, but said nothing. The young wolf watched as Ethan smiled with satisfaction when done. He quickly plopped back down in his seat on the floor, picking up his cards.

“Thank you Ethan. I’m glad someone is willing to help out this old man,” Billy said indignantly, eyeing Jacob. “Do you have any nines?”

“Sure, sure,” he smirked, rolling his eyes. He handed over two of his cards and watched as Billy showed his set of nines before placing the completed book face down on the table.

“How ‘bout any threes?”

“Go fish,” Jacob said, and watched as Billy drew a card from the deck. It was already down pretty low and so far his son had the most books which meant that if the game ended now, he would be the winner. “E, it’s all on you little man.”

“Daddy, do you have any…,” he looked down at his cards just to make sure, “do you have any… sixeses?”

Jacob grinned, “Its pronounced sixes,” he corrected, “and no, I do not. Go fish.” He was prepared to ask Billy for his next card but when the older man spoke, his words were cut off.

"How’d it go today?”

He could only assume that Billy was referring to the meeting he had with Sam. Took him long enough, he thought, rearranging his cards.

He expected his father to bombard him with questions as soon as he got home, but that hadn’t been the case. “What, you don’t already know?” He figured that just as easily as Billy called Sam, informing the older wolf of his trouble phasing, another call was also made to Billy informing him of how the day went down. “Do you have any queens?”

Billy checked his hand. “Go fish,” he said absently. “I don’t know anything. Sam didn’t call—if that’s what you’re thinking—besides, I wanted to hear from you how it all went. Was he able to help you?”

“It’s your turn Dad.” This discussion really wasn’t something that he wanted to get into in front of Ethan. As expected, he looked to his son and sure enough the four year old was staring between the two in an effort to learn what they were going on about. Or maybe he just wanted Billy to go, so he could have his turn. Either way, this was a conversation he’d prefer they have later (out of earshot) rather than now.

Billy’s eyes followed Jacob’s and immediately he understood. He returned to the game. “Do you have any eights?” he asked Ethan.

The rest of the game was played half-heartedly by the two men, both preoccupied with his persistent dilemma. It was somewhat a relief when Ethan drew the last card on the table signaling the end of the game. He’d gathered the most suits so he’d also won. Each gave the little guy high fives and congratulations before Jacob looked up at the clock hanging on the adjacent wall.

“It’s getting late buddy, time for bed,” he gathered up the discarded cards and put them inside the box. “Go get your PJs and I’ll go run your bath in a second okay?”

“Okay,” he nodded already letting out a small yawn.

Jacob ran a hand through his hair as he passed. “Good game buddy.” He waited until Ethan padded away, down the hall before he spoke to Billy. “The meeting went okay Dad or…about as well as I expected it to.”

“So what do you plan to do now?”

He shrugged, “I figured that even though I’m not a part of the pack anymore, I could at least try to go on few patrols. Just get back into it all.”

“And what about Ethan?”

Jake frowned, shaking his head. “What do you mean?”

Ethan was one of the main reasons why he decided to accept phasing again. Since his body was so damn determined to fight against his own wills, he was more complied than ever to find a way to control himself. The very thought of hurting Ethan while—he could never survive that. Sam of all people knew the importance of finding that balance of control and aside from him being pack leader, Jacob was starting to believe that his father had another reason entirely for insisting that he get help from Sam. That maybe it had more to do with Sam’s incident with Emily…

Billy wheeled himself around the table to face Jacob. “Well, if you’re going to start running with the guys again, don’t you think Ethan is gonna start to wonder where you are at all times of the night when you’re not here? And what about your plans to move out, find your own house? I mean, who’s going to be with my grandson when you’re not?”

Those are valid questions, Jake thought and he had to admit he hadn’t really thought it all through.

The meeting with Sam had literally put a kibosh on the whole house hunting thing (he’d made his plans before he found out that Bella was in La Push and actually welcomed onto their land. It didn’t feel right to leave his father here alone no matter how much Sam told him differently) and he hadn’t really thought of who’d be here to take care of Ethan when he decided to patrol again. He kind of figured that Billy would be there to pick up the slack, but wasn’t that the reason he wanted to move out in the first place? So he could take back the reins of being a father to his son?

At the time, phasing with the pack was just an idea, but also the most plausible step. He’d moved back to a town where vampires were more than just a reality—they were an actual threat. He couldn’t afford not to be prepared or on alert for any danger that could come his way.

“Okay, I haven’t really thought about all that,” he admitted. “I guess I could hold off on looking for a new place to stay. In all honesty, I didn’t know how I was gonna break the news to Ethan anyway without him giving me those puppy dog eyes about leaving his grandpa all alone.”

Billy smiled.

Jacob rose to his feet. “Well, let me give Ethan his bath and then I’m taking a shower and heading to bed. You’re staying up?”

“Oh, no, too much fun for me in one day, I’m beat,” Billy grinned, shaking his head. He rolled from behind the table toward the hallway. “I’ll talk to you in the morning.”

“Goodnight Dad.” He looked around the messy living room and made a mental note to clean up before hitting the sack. He ran the bathwater, making sure that the temperature was okay before going into the bedroom. He found Ethan still rummaging through the dresser drawer in search of his pajamas.

“What’s the holdup pal?” he frowned, leaning against the doorframe. “They should be in the bottom drawer there; you need me to help you?” It never took him this long to grab his favorite Transformers sleepers.

He shook his head, grabbing a hold of the bundle. “No, thank you. I got it.” He stood in front of Jacob, staring up with a smile. “I’m ready Daddy.”

Jacob didn’t move.

Not a day went by that he didn’t see a bit of Lily in him, but those eyes…those eyes just clenched it. They conveyed such an overwhelming sense of warmth and kindness that left Jake breathless at times. It was moments like these when he realized that even though she was gone, he would always have a part of her, not only in his heart, but also in Ethan. He represented the best of the both of them and he was so grateful to have that.

He picked up his son and planted a big, nosy kiss on his forehead that caused the little man to giggle. “Daddy!” he protested and Jacob planted another. “I just love you kid. Do you know that? Do you have any idea how much Daddy just loves you? ” He said, making his way down the hall into the bathroom. “Did you have fun tonight?”

“Oh so much!” he exclaimed. “It was so fun havin’ grandpa play with us. He’s so cool, Dad!”

Jake grinned. “Well, he feels the same way about you bud. I’m glad you had a good time.”

He washed Ethan up and put him down for bed. Once his head hit the pillow, he was pretty much down for the count. Jacob took care of the mess in the living room as well. He put away all the leftover food and tossed out the trash before he took a shower. The clock on the wall read 11:30 p.m. when he padded down the hall into his bedroom to get some sleep.

“Hey Jake.”

The scent hit him like a slap to the face, making it hard to breathe, let alone think. He grabbed a hold of the door frame, trying to steady himself and immediately felt the wood splinter underneath his grip. After all the cat and mouse games; all the sneaking in and out of his place, she was here.

She was here, in his room, seated on the edge of his bed with her gaze on his son.

He started to shake.

“Please don’t,” Bella said, shaking her head. She looked to him, then back down at Ethan. “At least not here.”

He nodded subtly, trying to control himself. It wasn’t for her sake at all, but he doubted that this room could take a throw down between a vampire and a werewolf, let alone those void of superhuman strength and the ability to heal quickly. He looked at Ethan sleeping soundly and as always, felt himself relaxing a little.

“What are you doing here?” He asked when he regained the ability to speak. Jacob knew for a fact that there was a reason why Bella chose to show herself to him. She’d been so elusive all this time, why change that now unless she wanted to make her presence known.

She took an unnecessary breathe before she stood. “I wanted to see you,” she stated simply. “I would have…you know, sooner but I thought it was best to wait a while.”

Jacob scoffed, “you thought right.”

She gestured her head to the open window. “Why don’t we got outside and talk?” Bella suggested and Jacob shook his head.

“I don’t think so,” he folded his arms across his bare chest. “Right now my son is the only thing stopping me from phasing and tearing you apart. Since Sam and the others seem to have grown…attached to you.”

She smirked a little, “I’m not as fragile as I use to be Jake.” She joked and he narrowed his eyes. Her shoulders dropped as she sighed. “Please?”

He didn’t object for a second time so she took that to mean a yes. She exited just like she had entered, slipping easily out the window.

Jacob preferred using the front door. He pulled down the white t-shirt he’d grabbed leaving the house as he met her at the edge of the clearing. The closer he got, the more he allowed himself to actually look at her underneath the moonlight.

She looked exactly the same, though not the same at all. Dressed in a light blue, flannel t-shirt and dark blue jeans; she didn’t look much like a powerful vampire. Hell, she’d always been so alarmingly pale that it had never been much of a stretch to lump her in with the Cullens to that regard but now, there was no mistaking the fact that blood no longer flowed through her veins. Her eyes were no longer a dull brown, but shined with an ocher brilliance that for years screamed enemy to him.

He stopped just a few feet in front of her and she offered him a smile.

He waited, face unchanging.

“Your son is beautiful Jacob,” she said. “You must be so proud. I always knew you’d make a wonderful father.”

He ran a hand impatiently over his brow and sighed. “You didn’t call me out here to talk about my son and just for future reference, any mention of my son that comes out of your mouth isn’t really a good conversation starter for you. Just so we’re clear.”

Bella looked down as she nodded and Jacob knew he’d hurt her feelings.

God, her mannerism are exactly the same, he noted as her arms wrapped around her middle. She only did it when she was trying to put on a brave face, trying to hold herself together. He didn’t really understand the point of it now since she was pretty much unbreakable these days.

“Um, so, how…how are you doing?” She asked.

His brow rose. “Are you serious? It’s 12 a.m. and you sneak into my house and invite me out here to what—to chat? Why are you even here Bella?”

“I told you,” she said, looking him dead on. “I wanted to see you. I needed to see you.” She considered that everything that came out of her mouth at this point could be misconstrued so surely a simple question couldn’t be offensive?

“Yeah, I heard you the first time.” He spoke dryly, unfazed. “I meant, why are you here? Hanging around La Push? Where’s Prince Sparkles? You remember him, right? He’s the leech that you couldn’t stand to live without. He’s the one you gave up your life to be with!”

Bella ran a hand through her hair, taking a breath. She fought to find the right words. “Look Jake, I know that you’re not happy to see me okay…”

He shook his head, laughing mirthlessly. “Oh, I’m “not happy” when Seth drags his ass over just to eat up all my food. No, the word you’re looking for right now is pissed!”

“Fine!” she shrugged, “you’re pissed at me. You don’t want me here. I get it okay, but I just wanted to let you know I’m not leaving so like it or not, you’re going to have to get use to seeing me around.

“Oh, your absence can be arranged.” He threatened, taking a step forward.

Bella scoffed. “I’d like to see you try,” she said just as evenly, unaffected by his attempt to intimidate her.

They were silent, each staring the each other—well in the case of Jacob, staring down since he towered her. She had some nerve, he’d give her that. Bella had always been stubborn and it shocked him a little to see that even though she’d been turned, there were instances where he did in fact see that girl he’d known all those years ago.

He didn’t like knowing this.

It meant that maybe; just maybe, his friend was still in there somewhere, amidst the awful smell, inside that marble casing. And he just wasn’t ready to accept such a thing. It was easier to stew and with everything else going on, he really didn’t like the prospect of Bella inserting herself back into his life. Things were less complicated that way.

“I think we’re done here,” he said.

“Well, I don’t want you to go. Please Jake.”

Jacob shook his head. “That didn’t work when you were still breathing,” he acknowledged, remembering that afternoon in the tent before the newborn attack—a lifetime ago. “It has just about as much affect on me now as it did back then.”

“So is this how it’s gonna be for us?” she wondered, shaking her head. “After everything that we meant to each other?”

“Looks like it,” he said, turning to leave. “Do us both a favor Bella—don’t come back here again.”

“Jake!” she called, but he kept walking. “I’m sorry okay! I’m sorry that I didn’t pick you. Is that what you want to hear?”

Jacob stopped in his tracks.

Some nerve indeed.

Basically she’d been telling him to get over his hang ups because she was here to stay. He understood that, but he also wondered which specifics hang ups she was referring to—was it the fact that she was a leech now or the fact that she didn’t choose to be with him?

Now, he knew.

“Bella,” he started. He wanted to choose his words carefully if only to keep his temper in check. “You made your choice—it wasn’t me—and … I can honestly say that that’s okay,” he said. “It took me a while to get that. You can’t help who you love and even when you love someone, maybe’s it’s just not enough. It took me a long time to get that, but I got it.”

“Jake—”

“But I really should be thanking you Bella.”

She frowned. “I don’t understand…”

“Because you said no, and then I met this girl who said yes,” he smiled before shaking his head. “And I… god, I didn’t make it easy for her, but she took me, Bella. She took all of me. Now I have a beautiful son because of it, so I’m really not inclined to think about the “what could have been” with you. The present is far from perfect, but I’ll take it any day rather than go back down that road with you.”

More than ever, he was convinced that nothing good could come from their reunion. It was better to just let sleeping dogs lie.

Bella’s face sank. “So you’re saying that we can’t even be friends now?”

“Honestly, that’s not what I getting from you,” he argued. “It’s like, it’s like you’ve come back here to claim or recapture something.”

He wasn’t trying to be malicious or to issue some form of payback. He actually felt a twinge of guilt because he knew that his words were hurting her. He hadn’t forgotten the promise he’d made. Some things were just harder to shake than others.

“Jacob,” she looked down. “I just need…”

This number he knew by heart.

She was asking him to make this okay for her; to make it okay for her to come back into his life, but he just wasn’t that guy anymore. It wasn’t his job to fix her; to make things alright for her. He’d retired that hat—actually he’d burned it to ash—and he had no intention of replacing it with a new one.

“And just so we’re clear. Sam and the others have pretty much let you have a go of this place. They think you’re harmless, and even though I disagree, they seem hell bent on keeping you around.”

“Jacob, you I know that would never hurt anybody. You know that,” she stressed.

He shook his head. “I really don’t Bella, but that’s not the point. You can do whatever you like, that much is obvious, but my kid is off limits,” he stated looking her dead on. “This is non-negotiable. I do not want you near my son and if I ever catch you at his bedside like I did tonight…nothing will stop me from tearing you apart and burning the pieces.”

At the look on her face, Jacob fully understood what Sam meant about if Bella was capable of actually crying. She looked heartbroken, but no tears spilled from her eyes as they would have in the past.

Solemnly, she nodded before she replaced her arms around her middle. “I never wanted it be like this Jake,” she said.

He turned and headed back to the house. “Always about you Bella, some things just never change,” he replied, never looking back.

***

Note2: Not my best, I know. Some of you are probably disappointed in the Bella/Jacob reunion and I’m ready for it. I’ll just say that Jacob’s won this round, but Bella isn’t done yet. Jake might even go a little easier on her once he finds out the actual story behind Sam and the guys trusting her. That will be in the next chapter.