Socially Anxious?

Do you ever feel like you got stuck in the wrong life?  I feel like things happened that were originally never meant to happen, it's a bizarre feeling. The real me is nothing like what anxiety turns me into, and I know that was meant to be that other personality. I want to do so much and I KNOW I'd be one of those carefree/happy go lucky people, but never in this world.

If you have ever seen "The Butterfly Effect", you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

Lately I can't even leave my house to get the mail beause I feel like people on the street are watching me. I live on a really busy street in the city with public parking outside my house. But still... that is so not normal that I have to wait until it is dark and look out the window first to make sure no one is outside before I can get the mail. UGH

 So, I have a boyfriend, and I stay at his house every weekend. I'm a summer researcher at my college, and I don't know anyone else there, and I'm an out of state student. So, it's really nice to be able to spend weekends with someone I love.
But, when I stay there, I always see his parents. And, well, they still scare the shit out of me. Even though I've been dating their son for more than a year now. 
Their family is quite affluent, and their home is gigantic and pristene. Every time I stay here, I feel like my "peasant" manners and my anxiety are painfully evident. It's physically painful to speak to them, and when I stay over, I am unreasonably concerned with everything I touch, lest I leave it in a somewhat dirtier condition than it was in before (this is also disturbing 'cause I have a history of OCD as well). 
For the past few weekends, this hasn't been TOO much of an issue. It's a big house, and his family communicates with each other very little. But, I'm here for the weekend, and he's taking classes from 6 AM to 5 PM... so, I've been alone with his parents. 
I've been staying here holed up in the guest bedroom the entire time. I ventured downstairs to talk to them once- it was very awkward, obviously, and as soon as they turned around I fled (I'm exaggerating a LITTLE about "fleeing", but still.. agh).
I feel so bad, because I keep thinking that they're interpreting my anxiety as me being a "cold fish", and his Dad keeps commenting that he "hasn't figured me out yet".

This actually only hit me a few days ago, when it should have hit me several months/a year ago.

Most people go throughout their lives very rarely encountering their worst fear, maybe three or four times, I don't know, whereas we, people with SA, encounter our fear EVERY DAMN DAY.

Now, correct me if i'm wrong, but I think that entitles us to call ourselves brave. How many people would think they could face their worst fear every day? Hardly any, but we have to, there's no negotiation about it.

We can't get away from the phone ringing, the door knocking or having to go out to get groceries or just general life events you just can't avoid. We have to face those things, and I don't know about anyone else, but I feel physically sick and dizzy before i've even set out my front door. Sometimes it seems the more I do the more I want to recluse.

But I can't. Life doesn't let me. Most people walk away from their worst fears but we can't. We physically can't no matter how much we wish for it.

I just think we all deserve a pat on the back for coping with it because it's a life changing horrible condition that most people have either never heard of or just think of it as "shyness".

I just wanted to post that, because I want you to feel good about yourself, because even though we have it, we have to cope with it, and that in itself is a really brave thing to do. 

Does anybody just feel like not doing anything with their life? I think of the things I'm gonna have to go through and I'd rather just not do any of it. But I don't want to waste my life, but at the same time, it's going to be so hard. I find it hard to answer the "what do you?" question since I don't really have a life.

I hate that I am not a big talker sometimes.

I get self conscious when talking around other people, I pause a lot and sometimes my tongue gets tied up, so I mispronounce words.

I feel like everyone is secretly making fun of me :(

I’m so stupid.

My boss has a thing for me. He’s been giving me this special attention and is constantly following me around at work. I had convinced myself that it’s because I’m a good employee, but then the other night he asked for my email address and I gave it to him (Big mistake, I know. I just can’t say no to people). And the next morning he emailed me his cell phone number and asked if he could contact me. Now I’m frustrated, because I don’t know how I’m going to handle this. I know I need to tell him I’m not interested (which I should have done from the very beginning), but I’m scared he’s going to get mad and try to fire me. And I need my job. I have so many bills; I can’t afford to lose my job.

I’m so angry with myself. This is my fault. I should have communicated better with him. It’s just that I’m so quiet and awkward around people that I try to make up for it by smiling and laughing at everyone’s jokes. It’s my way to showing people that I’m not trying to be rude or stuck up (If that makes any sense).  And I guess this came across as flirting to him. But I swear I never did it in a flirtatious way.

My anxiety is just really bad right now. I don’t know how I’m going to react when I see him again.

hi. i'm new. i don't mean to be negative, but i'm in a few other communities & i tend to think that it's all bullshit. i honestly don't think that anyone really cares at all about anyone else in the communities. the whole thing is just a platform to bitch & moan about yourself, but no one ever really cares. one of the communities that i'm a part o actually had a girl who had cut herself (apparently) blogging about WHAT she should do! hello? cry for help?  

the whole this makes someone who IS socially anxious feel even worse bc it's hard for me to share about myself & then, it's just heartbreaking to have it ignored!!!!

it's ridiculous.

anyone have any thoughts? 


the point is that NO ONE EVER CARES ABOUT THIS ONE HERE, IT'S ALWAYS ME CARING FOR EVERYONE ELSE WITH NOTHING IN RETURN, EVER... & you think i'm being dramatic, but no... when you've cleaned up as much SHIT as i have w/o asking for anything in return, you'd flip out to when you finally ACTUALLY GROW THE COURAGE TO ASK & YOU GET DENIED

& my point has been made... thank you. 

Well, I have another problem, which is driving.
I got my license about three months ago and I basically stopped driving, because I didn't have a car  (I do now) and because I had to study a lot for my final exam. Now that I graduated from high school and I have my mum's old car, I have loads of time to do it but I'm actually scared of driving. I always feel like horrible accidents are going to happen, I feel like I forgot everything about driving, even if that's not true, because I went driving a couple of times and, even if my mum's car is old and different from the one I used to drive during my lessons, I was able to do it.
Now that school's over, my mother says I should start driving again, and she wants me to take the car after lunch (it's 12.40 pm now and I'm having lunch in an hour or so). Can you imagine how scared I am? I don't even know why. I guess I fear that everybody's gonna laugh at me, or that I won't be able to drive or park, or that I'll smash the car or something.
I just don't know how to solve this problem. Maybe I should take some other lessons, but I really don't want to waste time and money anymore. 
I mean, I got my license, so I cant' be that bad, can I?
I wish I weren't so bloody paranoid, or anxious. 

There's this guy that I know. Well, actually, I don't really know him, just know of him. Recently, he's taken to talking to me on MySpace. Because of this, he found out that I'm a big Star Wars fan (and he is too), so he wants to hang out one weekend and watch the movies.
Problem is that he's really really outgoing. He has tons of friends and all of the things that I wish I had in my life. So I'm nervous about hanging out with him. I think he's an amazingly cool guy and I want to be able to spend some time with him, but I'm afraid that I'll go bizarre on him. And because I'm so nervous, I've started to ignore him and not talk back to him and if I keep that up, he's going to stop trying altogether.
So question is: if you were in my situation, what would you do? Would you just be upfront with him and tell him why you're slightly reluctant?
I don't want him to give up on me!

 I recently graduated from high school and, since the university I want to attend is in a different city, quite distant from mine, I'll have to leave home, my parents, my usual routine. Even if I've been spending this last year of school waiting for it to end, this thing kind of scares me. 

I was wondering if clothes shopping is a problem for anyone else and not just me? I really enjoy shopping and getting new clothes and putting together outfits...but whenever I go shopping I can't actually pick anything out, even if I see loads of clothes I like! I even feel weird looking at the clothes!  Which is ridiculous because looking at clothes is a big part of shopping!  -_-

Does anybody else have this problem? And if so, what do you do about it? Because I'm going to have to start wearing trash bags if I don't buy some clothes soon. :P

NINJA EDIT: Um, sorry I hadn't meant for this to turn out this way. But It was really therapeutic for me... I know I'm really erratic in my writing. I'm not even really sure what I was trying to say. I'm probably coming across as a giant nutcase. Ahh...Sorry... This is really embarrassing... (And I haven't even posted this yet! >.<)

Hi, I'm 15 years old, turning 16 in 3 weeks. This is my first time posting here. I almost feel bad joining because I feel like my social anxiety is um...I dunno...as much as a problem for me as it is for other people? I can talk to people if they come up to me and stuff... I literally had no idea I had social anxiety plus Dysthymic disorder (Mood disorder thingy.) until I got diagnosed with it last year. I thought everything that I had been going though was just me being an awkward, insecure, angsty teenager. It made more sense as they explained it to me. I never thought it was odd that I assumed that everyone around me didn't want to speak with me because I was a loser, so why should I bother trying to start a conversation? I never thought that thinking I was a horrible and ugly person was odd. I figured I had been told this throughout elementary and middle school by my peers, meant that it was true. I never even thought that suicidal thoughts and being close to acting them out was dangerous behavior. I never told anyone any of this, I just assumed it was something every person went through. This to me was all normal, rational behavior that I would grow out of. I never told anyone or tipped them off to this, I figured it was normal. It wasn't until a teacher caught me sitting outside last year, bawling my eyes out over letting down another student in a project, did I find out that this was in fact, not normal. It's kind of a blur after that, I remember speaking to tons of adults. Them all asking me questions and asking me to write down my thoughts, since I continually said I didn't feel comfortable vocalizing them. After one particular note I wrote while I was angry with myself, they decided that I should get into counseling and also see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist asked me tons of questions, asked me about my past...Had my parents ever been abusive, sexually, mentally, physically? No. Had anyone in my family, at school or others wise hurt me in any way like that? I mentioned the bullying I endured during my elementary/middle school years. I never really told her everything that I went through. I still haven't really told anyone. None of the other students really physically hurt me. Other that a few stray highlighters/pens/pencils that had been thrown at me. It was mostly just verbal threats, abuse or suggestions. (The one that really stands out is the numerous times I was told "Why don't you kill yourself? No one likes you anyway." by my peers.) I was also shunned by essentially everyone, except for the 2 friends I had. The psychiatrist asked me plenty of other questions, but I don't really remember them. A few weeks (days? I don't remember, sorry...) later I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety & Dysthymic disorder.


I have been getting tons of support now though, I've improved in how I view myself at least a little bit. Really, my biggest problem other than parties (I always end up crying in a corner somewhere because I feel like a total freak. This is not going to be fun with my birthday coming up...) is talking over the internet. I always end up writing incoherently, blathering on about nothing and generally doing what I'm doing RIGHT NOW. >____> Ah, I'm sorry. I've completely lost sight of what I was trying to write about.

But, um, basically... I still have low self-esteem which causes my interactions with people to be...awkward? I just assume that they think I'm a creep or something. (But, it's gotten slightly better.) Sorry, this is all over the place isn't it? Often in my journal-y writing-ness I end up blathering on about different stuff... and coming across as crazy. >_< Argghhh, I'm sorry. Um, um...Um... Yeah, so if you'd like to inquire and make more sense of what I've just puked onto this page go ahead...(Sorry!)

I was thinking of picking up a self help book to read to help me with my SA, or would it be better to see a counseling? My university offers free counseling to registered students. I'm just wondering because my SA seems to be getting worse.
Have any of your guys read any Self help books to help with dealing with SA? Have they helped at all? and what books would you recommend?

 Do you get people who stare, say something, follow you, block your path (cutting/waiting in line, walking, driving etc.), or get picked on just because they sense you have S.A. or some issue being comfortable in public?

Morning everyone. I just have to say:

Taking public transporation is the most excruciating thing in the world. Especially when the train you use has the seats facing towards each other, you anxiously watch people get on the bus and look at you (even for just a moment) and people have no where else to look except at you. Is anyone else fearful of public transportation?

If it weren't for the paycheck, I wouldn't even bother with a job. I can tell my Mom is either worried/frustrated, and I wish I could just stop it. But I can't.

i'm ashamed, disappointed, embarassed, and confused by how bad a student i've become. i don't know, i guess i'm really letting it get to me that i wont graduate with a 3.0...i really fucked up the opportunities of undergrad in every conceivable way.

sometimes i hear a whisper that it's ok, that i still get some A's and lots of B's and increasingly common C's and erm, Fuck.

i really, really feel that i would have done much better as a student if i didn't have to go to class. if i had the lecture notes, homework, tests, essays emailed...i might have stayed straight A all the way through.

Just for clarification, because I don't want to seem like a fool, when a hairdresser has their name and then (Mobile) afterwards, that means they're a Mobile Hairdresser, right? As in, come to your house and cut your hair there?

It's just I want my hair cut [haven't had it cut since I was about 11, and i'm 20 now] and I think it might be easier if a haidresser came to me, rather than me going to a salon.

For those who don't know, my SA is extremely severe - I can't leave my flat alone and I haven't since 2007. 

I have many concerns with having my hair cut - i'm worried about it going wrong, which is why I haven't in so many years, and my hair is so long [it's down to my bum] that it feels quite sad to get rid of it, and i'm very sentimental.

I was thinking shoulder length, you see, my fiance and I want engagement photos taken, and I thought if I had it cut it would signal a new era for me. Plus it'd be easier to take care of.

Having a mobile haidresser would mean that my fiance would be right next to me, as opposed to sitting at the opposite end of the salon, and it might be easier to explain to the woman what I want.

My fiance says there is a flip side, as I might feel my home is being invaded, which is an issue for me and takes me days to get over and comfortable in my flat again. But then there will be lots of other people in the salon and it's a strange place, and my fiance wouldn't be right there...

Has anyone else had a mobile haidresser over a salon? Do you think it would be easier for my SA?

Hey everyone, I just joined this community :)

After about a year of going through the motions, I decided to find a community on here that could possibly allow me to interact with others who have/are going through the same things. I guess I should introduce myself: My name is Sarah, I'm 20 years old, and for the past year or so I've developed not only a strong case of paranoia, but low self worth overall. I feel horrible, because I know it upsets my Mom (who I finally told last night that I think I may have Social Anxiety Disorder). This came on the same day that I have a panic attack at work. I was at my desk, worried, losing control of my breathing, dizzy, etc. I've begun to cancel hang outs with friends (the few that I have) because I don't want to risk going outdoors, by myself, and possibly being mocked by strangers. And as I type that sentence, I realize how sad I seem. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't leave the house and assume people are all thinking me ugly, gross, butch, etc. This may stem from being called ugly back in my early years of high school. I thought I was over that, but going to University has only brought those feelings to the surface. No matter where I go, I feel like people are pointing, staring, and grossed out at my appearance. And despite what my Mom or my friends tell me, I continue to pursue the negative, I always feel like I'm hearing people talk about me, etc.

This as a result has prevented me from meeting others in my classes, and the few friends I do have I always fear they'll leave me. The last time anyone expressed interest in me was at least three years ago. I'm too panicked to go to parties, and the thought of a club/bar just terrifies me. I still live at home, and the older I get, the more scared I feel. I know my Grandmother had similar emotions throughout the course of her life, and towards the end she barely left the house. At the moment I'm trying to find a Doctor/Counsellor I can talk to, because at the end of the day, all I really feel like doing is crying.

Thanks for listening, and it's nice to know that there's such a supportive community on LJ.

Sarah.

Hi guys

Got something kind of embarrasing to speak about today but this community I know are full of understanding people! And hey, if I speak about it maybe it will help someone else who didn't want to say something but they feel the same.

Well I am soon to be 20, so well above the legal age for sex. But there's something that just doesn't feel right about the whole thing. I mean what with being Christian and everything, I am waiting for marriage but even the thoughts fill me anxiety. I just think what is wrong with just holding hands and hugging and kissing. I am beginning to wonder whether it's just that I am not old enough yet? Or maybe I am just anxious about the whole thing because I have had only a very small amount of close relationships with people in my life. I am not used to that kind of intimacy and people in general make me feel uncomfortable so of course a situation with close contact and nowhere to escape to is going to make me feel less than great.

In case this makes a difference (and I haven't told this to anyone untill now) I've had a bad sexual experience in the past that has haunted me since. It's not something I want to talk about but do you think this could be the reason I feel this way?

I am not sure whether it's the actual act that fills me with these feelings or the build up  :S Ohh I sound silly! Please if anyone feels this way too, say so, it might make me feel like less of a freak


EDIT: And now I feel all horrible for writing this and am worried about what people will think of me and arghh! I hate social anxiety!! 

Lately I've been beginning to feel like shit about the fact that I have no social skills. I was doing fine a couple weeks ago. I mean, I don't LOVE my anxiety, but as long as I was alone, I was happy. I felt more comfortable being alone, so I avoided the company of others. Simple as that. Whatever makes you happy, right? 
I'm on an all girl's slo pitch team this summer. This is my fifth year playing, so it's not like I'm a newbie. I live in a small town where gossip flies, so I've heard of most of the girls on my team this year. It makes me feel inadequate when I watch all the people on my team joke around and converse with eachother as if they've been buddies for years. Granted, some of them have been but I know that others aren't.
I know I joined to play baseball and not much else, but I feel inferior to everyone else socializing with eachother and I feel really.. stupid, quite frankly.

On a lighter note, my very first telepsychiatrist appointment is in two weeks. I made a post about it maybe a month ago. Telepsychiatry is basically used for people in smaller towns where they can't meet with a psychiatrist, so they're hooked up via webcam/television thing in a room and you chat with a psychiatrist in a larger city. I'm incredibly nervous about this, though I'm hoping it'll be a chance for a new beginning, and maybe the diagnosis I've been waiting for. I've never had any kind of therapy before, but I was referred to this telepsychiatrist.
Again, does anyone have any experience with them? x_x I have so many mixed emotions it's not even funny. Most of all, I guess I'm just anxious. I hope I get my point across and manage to sound somewhat convincing in.. whatever we happen to talk about.
 

I hate it when workmates/or complete strangers ask if your married, or dating someone or have kids.
Why do people have to ask so many questions?

I work with these two stupid philipina woman, who constantly ask me if I have a boyfriend.
....

I can barely make friends let alone date.
I have workmates but we never hang out ...

I actually work weekends because I lack a social life anyways ... I'd rather work weekends than be doing nothing.

What is the best way for a SA sufferer to meet people ...???or date for that matter.

Hey, I'm just posting because I feel really down right now.
There is so much I want to do with my life but it just seems like I am always getting in the way of myself. I wish I was prettier, thinner, more photogenic, and more than anything I just wish I had more friends. I have a hard time making friends with people; it's very rare that I find people who "get" me but when I do, I'm a very good friend. Still though, I always feel like there is a barrier that gets in between me getting close to people. I think it's just my self esteem is so fucked up, it's hard to make friends when you think you're beneath everyone. Anyway, I just wanted to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening. Or reading, whatever. Blah

So I'm filling out a learning styles thing for this class I'm taking and one of the questions is "You enjoy learning in classroom style surroundings wiht other people. you enjoy the contact and it helps you learning." I wonder... do I really like it or am I answering it with a 0 because of social anxiety? How can I answer that honestly if I don't even know myself? (just realized that had a double meaning there)

Do any of you live alone?
How well do you get by?
I am moving out next year, out of state so I won't have any family nearby.
I want to get my own place cause I don't deal with roommates well(due to my SA, not cause I'm mean or anything haha!)
I'm nervous about being so far from everyone I know, and completely on my own.
Right now the only people I really interact with on a daily basis are my mom and sister, so when I don't even have them I'm afraid I'll become this crazy spinster cat lady that all the little kids are afraid of haha.

I'm about to go on an 8 hour bus trip and i am not friends with one of the 60 other people who are going. The two people that i am actually friends with haven't arrived. We are going away for 6 days for an arts festival. Luckily i do know one person who lives in the place we're going to, but... I haven't felt this fucking lonely/anxious/awkward in years. I just want to jump out the bus and die.

Does anyone have 'side effects' that occur when you experience anxiety like dizziness/blurred  vision, hyperventilation eyc.. I've never experienced these till recently. I'm not sure if it's serious enough for treatment. (I've only hyperventilated because of  a depressive episode).

So get this.

My little sister is in a relationship.  [it IS ending, but she can get anyone she wants.]
My little brother is in a relationship.
My other little sister is in her first relationship.  [and she doesn't even shower! sorry but it's true.]
My other little brother is only 12.

Me... the oldest sibling... has no one.  I'm sitting here alone at home.  Everyone else is out, living their lives with their significant others.  I can't help but get depressed.  It's like I want to cry, but for some reason I can't.  Maybe it's the meds.  I know me being boyfriendless has everything to do with my SA.  I'm not hideous, I take care of myself... showever every day, shave my legs, pluck my eyebrows, keep my hair nice, occasionally wear some make-up, wear decent clothes and deoderant... and yet somehow I can't get anyone.  And it's because every single guy that talks to me is scared away by my ridiculously awkward (or non-existent) social skills.

Edit:

Please recommend a good dating site.  I'm not just going to sit here and mope.

Am I the only one that gets really ill whenever i'm really anxious?

My SA is so severe I can't leave the flat alone, and last week when me and my fiance when to his gran's 80th, I had a migraine three days straight and I was sick 10 TIMES. No joke :\

And today, his parents came over and I had a really bad migraine, really nauseaus and was sick.

It makes me feel like I let everyone down and I feel so bad about it, especially because I have heavy paranoia that people don't believe me, so I was worried they'd think I was faking it :\ 

Have any of you ever tried online dating? Would you recommend it?
I'm not really looking for a boyfriend, I'd just like to get out more and meet new people. Plus, I'm 24 and I've never been on a date.

(I'm not sure if me posting this is okay; if it isn't, please delete it. I just thought it was relevant.)

A few friends and I have set up a community called cradlesongs, whereby members are able to anonymously post those kind of agony aunt letters (I've been told they're also referred to as "Dear Abby letters" in parts of the world) you'd find in a magazine, and then give and receive advice to and from other members. I thought that since people here are often seeking advice, some might want to be able to do that anonymously. See the profile for further information if you're interested.

How many of you are in relationships? and how many of you are single?


I was just wondering, because I was lurking peoples entries and it seems like many of you ARE in relationships.. Does your social anxiety allow you to open up to another person?


<3

Hi everyone. I am Tess, I'm 17 and I have a really improbable and pathetic problem and I wondered if anyone had any advice about it.
Like nearly everyone here, I suppose, I was very badly bullied at school. One particular instance was that a gang of 10 girls in my middle school (I was 9 to 10 years old and they were about 13). They exploited the fact that I was autistic and didn't understand the norms of social behaviour by making me do stupid things like sing songs from Mary Poppins, getting really vicious if I didn't, and pretending to be my friends when I did. Afterwards I was really ashamed, because they still went around thinking of me as "that freak who used to sing stuff", and one girl has kept reminding me about it whenever I meet her in the town where we live and giggling about it. This is the stupid and improbable bit:
I am applying to Oxford university, which is separated into colleges, where you live, eat and attend lessons, and they are made up of 200 to 400 students. This girl is currently at the same Oxford college that I want to go to next year. The odds against this happening are phenomenal!
If I get accepted we will have either one or two years in this small space together.
My parents say she will have grown out of it and be ashamed, but she still wasn't when I saw her 2 months ago. I am so scared of her that I am seriously thinking about applying to a different college, but I have wanted it so badly. I'm almost certain she will tell everyone all this horrible stuff about me if I get into the college, because she always thought it was so funny and told my friends around the town. What can I do?? If I get in, should I ignore her completely; threaten to tell everyone that she's a bully if she says anything about it; be nice to her; risk having her blab about it, or what?
My only bit of leverage is very unpleasant - I attempted suicide when I was 13 because of how badly bullied I had been and was taken out of the school. I really don't want to make this public, but it's the only way I have of explaining what a serious problem her behaviour was.
OK, I'm sorry to make so much of this infantile problem, but I am really worried. Any advice?
Tess xxx

Has anyone in this community ever asked someone out? If so, what happened? How did you do it? Was it completely terrifying, or is it one of those things you don't mind so much, in spite of the SA?

It's something I've never really even considered - which is bad, because it means I'll always be left wondering "What if...?"

Im somewhat new to this community, I joined the other day...
Im having a lot of trouble getting my friends and family to understand that I have SA. Its really hard for me to bring up my personal problems with my friends or family. I feel pathetic when I attempt to. My parents already know that I suffer from depression, they even made me go to the doctor and get diagnosed, which was horrible. I really dont want to take the medication the dr recommeded for me. I havent been back since. Since know I'm fifteen going to be sixteen pretty soom and im going into my sophomore year I want it to be different from my freshmen. Geez what a horrible year that was. I really want my parents to know about my social anxiety I would like to get everything all cleared up with them, but I really dont know how. 
     I want to tell them about it before they make me go to the doctor again like last time. It was horrible when I went to my dr about depression, since i wasnt the one that wanted to go. I tried to convince them that I wasnt depressed, but they could see through my lies. So this time I want to tell them before they take me again, but I dont know how. Every time I try to confront them with it, they always give me a wierd look and tell me that I shouldnt have any of these problems since I live in a stable home or they tell me try to be happy and see the world in a different light. A person just cant change thier emotions like that. That makes me always feel worse. I just dont know what to do.....
     I also want my friends to know about my SA, so they can understand when I tell them that I dont want to go to parties and so they stop making fun of me about me being "shy". Only one of my friends know about my SA, but he just thinks I'm BSing. He always want to make his life worse than mine like its a game. I told him about SA and how I think I have it and how it affects me. He then tells me that he has it too, which is BS since he is VERY social and loud. I told him that I wasnt joking and he tells me that he isnt either and that he just doesnt complain about it. He says the same thing about having low self esteem and being depressed. Which he isnt depressed atleast Im pretty sure, because he always makes fun of me when ever I'm feeling down and he is always making fun of ppl with depression or ppl who commit suicide or have suicidal thoughts. He also has VERY high self esteem, i know that because he always tells me why should I hate myself if I can love my self. Then he turns the tables on me and says that I bring him down. Later on he will tell me that he HATES himself, which he just saying bc I try to confide in him about my low self esteem. I dont know what to do, he thinks I just want to have something wrong with me, which he said those exact words to me. That made me want to burst out in tears...geez im pathetic.
So please if anyone has some advice I would like to hear it.

(sorry for rambling on)

so with social anxiety i dont like to "go out". and im just a bit upset becuase a friend just called me a "F*&%ing loser" because i didnt want to go out to the bar with him. this "friend" is also upsetting me because he constantly makes fun of my shyness.  hes the kind of guy who likes to hook up with alot of girls and does not like having a girlfriend ..(he just likes one night stands).... he recently told me that the only reason i have a girlfriend is because im to shy to be a "player" like he is...this is really upsetting me because i really like my new girlfriend....i hate how everynight i get the phone call asking me to go to the bar and everynight i say no and he calls be a "F**%ing fag" and hangs up on me.

I know a lot of us have problems with worrying about how others are judging us, or what others are thinking about us.

But I had a different type of experience last week.

I went skydiving.  And I bought a video with it.  So basically the cameraman asks you questions at the beginning, films the skydive, and then gets your reaction after you land.  Then they edit the video and it's ready within a half hour.  I was the last one of my group to go, and everyone before me watched their video there just to make sure it was okay.  Well I told my aunt that they could watch it, but I wasn't going to.  I hate hate haaaate watching myself on camera.  It's almost as bad as making a speech.  Except when it came time to watch it, they wouldn't play it unless I was there.

So we were all standing around watching it... me, my aunt, my cousin, several friends, and then about 20 random people who were there.  As it was playing, I realized that I didn't care in the least bit if all these people were watching me.  It was ME who was judging MYSELF.  I hated watching myself, not other people watching me.

It made me realize that I need to work on being okay with myself, and then maybe I can be a little bit happier.

 

This may be a strange question, but does your social anxiety ever appear on the internet? I don't mean lurking or anything like that, but when you do comment etc., do your words ever come out totally wrong/do you say the wrong thing, or do you not get what someone else is saying/has said?

I feel like this has been happened to me lately. A lot. I feel so eager to socialize online, make some connection, or try to be funny that I end up saying things I really, really don't mean. I try way too hard and it ends up blowing up in my face and I just sound like an idiot afterward.

I'm more confident online, but sometimes I just can't function correctly.

How do you go about telling doctors you want pills for anxiety? I really don't want pills but I just want to get it over. I have this career certificate class I'm being forced into and I only went for a short computer thing for it and felt like running out in the first 5 minutes. Anything nonprescription that I should look into too? I tried Mood Plus SAM-E pills but they did absolutely NOTHING... in fact one time I accidentally took an expired one and couldn't even tell. I am supposed to be on Atenolol for something my doctor THINKS I have but has no real conclusion... further supported by not taking them for months and he said everything looked in order. Those were supposed to be slightly good for anxiety too at one point but do nothing either.

So, my girlfriend is out of town for the weekend and she is pretty much my only friend. so I was bored out of my mind tonight and decided id try going to a movie. well lets just say it wasnt a good time, i was so anxious being around all the people and i felt that they where all looking at me thinking "who goes to a movie by themself". I sat in my seat praying for the movie to start and the lights to go off so i didnt have to see all the people...... needless to say i felt like crap the whole time.. Oh and the movie sucked.