Your Cruise Director ([info]cruisedirector) wrote in [info]snape100,
@ 2004-12-30 16:34:00
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Catalogue of Failure
Title: Catalogue of Failure
Author: [info]cruisedirector
Word Count: 100
Characters: Snape et al
Challenge: #53, Snape's New Year's Resolutions


1991: Reapply for Defense Against the Dark Arts post. With Malfoy's son arriving in the fall, this would be the perfect year to replace that stuttering fool.

1992: Keep a close eye on Quirrell until he reveals his true loyalties.

1993: Find the Chamber of Secrets before that idiot Lockhart does.

1994: Catch Black faster than Lupin can hide him. Turn them both over to the Dementors.

1995: Ignore the Mark. Avoid Karkaroff. Figure out why Moody is acting so oddly even for Moody.

1996: Make a sincere effort to teach the little brat Occlumency before he gets someone killed.

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[info]karasu_hime
2004-12-30 09:40 pm UTC (link)
Oh, I don't know what to say-so sad!

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[info]cruisedirector
2004-12-31 03:20 pm UTC (link)
Isn't it though? The poor guy really has not had a fun past half-decade.

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[info]bethbethbeth
2004-12-30 09:41 pm UTC (link)
Oh god...talk about *always* choosing the one impossible resolution.

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[info]cruisedirector
2004-12-31 03:21 pm UTC (link)
No wonder he's always in such a rotten mood.

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[info]maidengurl
2004-12-30 09:47 pm UTC (link)
*Hah* Perfect. Poor Snape.

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[info]cruisedirector
2004-12-31 03:22 pm UTC (link)
Thanks -- I was thinking of Sirius' quote from the movie about how once again he'd put his keen and penetrating mind to the problem and come up with the wrong conclusion...

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[info]finmagik
2004-12-30 10:14 pm UTC (link)
Nice Very nice

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[info]cruisedirector
2004-12-31 03:22 pm UTC (link)
Thanks! I love your icon!

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[info]woelfle
2004-12-30 10:25 pm UTC (link)
Bloody brilliant! Thanks. And now my standard for this community: Poor, poor snape. :-D

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[info]cruisedirector
2004-12-31 03:23 pm UTC (link)
Thank you! It's really all swiped from Rowling -- she hasn't given the man much of a break!

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[info]dphearson
2004-12-30 10:45 pm UTC (link)
*laughs*

Poor, poor Severus! He does mean well, after all! At least he does not resolve to diet!

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[info]cruisedirector
2004-12-31 03:27 pm UTC (link)
1997: Stop stealing chocolates from Lupin, biscuits from McGonagall, soggy sandwiches from the Weasleys and those dreadful lemon things from the Headmaster. Eat more vegetables.

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[info]musigneus
2004-12-30 11:12 pm UTC (link)
Heh. Ouch! Poor Snape.

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[info]cruisedirector
2004-12-31 03:28 pm UTC (link)
I know! It's been a rough few years for him there. At least he did get to knock Lockhart flat on his arse (I love that...)

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[info]violet_quill
2004-12-30 11:22 pm UTC (link)
Hee! Nice. :-D

1997: Ignore growing fascination with Lupin. Will not be attracted to idiot werewolf.

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[info]cruisedirector
2004-12-31 03:29 pm UTC (link)
Hahaha, as if! He's probably made that resolution several times! *g*

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[info]snapes_mistress
2004-12-31 12:54 am UTC (link)
*shakes head in amusement and sympathy...*

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[info]cruisedirector
2004-12-31 03:30 pm UTC (link)
Me too. The poor guy, and The Brat always gets everywhere first...

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[info]sapphiretragedy
2004-12-31 03:42 am UTC (link)
I loved it! This was funny.

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[info]cruisedirector
2004-12-31 03:30 pm UTC (link)
Thanks so much! I was feeling sorry for Snape.

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[info]betareject
2004-12-31 06:50 am UTC (link)
LOL aww this is too cute! Especially the last line about the "little brat" *Snickers*

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[info]cruisedirector
2004-12-31 03:35 pm UTC (link)
"Brat" is probably too polite a term for how Snape thinks of Harry in the privacy of his own mind. Thanks!

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[info]rosedemon
2004-12-31 05:55 pm UTC (link)
It shows our man Snape never does give up. His nature just won't let him.

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[info]cruisedirector
2005-01-01 11:27 pm UTC (link)
Nope. I really want him to do something heroic in book six or seven; he gets such a bum deal!

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[info]xochiquetzl
2004-12-31 07:06 pm UTC (link)
Oh, poor thing!

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[info]cruisedirector
2005-01-01 11:27 pm UTC (link)
The poor man really deserves a break. Or a naked werewolf.

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[info]bluejeanphoenix
2005-01-02 07:36 am UTC (link)
Poor Severus! You know, he really does try quite hard.

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[info]cruisedirector
2005-01-03 04:10 pm UTC (link)
I know, and he's been unlucky so often...thanks!

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[info]istalksnape
2005-01-06 04:07 am UTC (link)
squee. i had to comment. not only does it make me sort of go sad for severus, with all that weight on his shoulders, but it is like a quiknotes of his brain over the last five years. bwahahaha. <3

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[info]cruisedirector
2005-01-07 01:20 am UTC (link)
The poor man hasn't gotten one thing that was really important to him to go his way, has he? *pets him, surreptitiously so he can't hex me*

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[info]gothikmaus
2005-01-07 04:17 pm UTC (link)
Should I feel bad for poor old Snape? Because, man, this was hysterical. XD

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[info]cruisedirector
2005-01-07 09:31 pm UTC (link)
Thank you! But of course you should feel badly for Snape! *pets him, then regains senses and slinks away*

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[info]christev
2008-10-25 11:25 pm UTC (link)
1998: Remember to keep anti-venon on person at all times...
*sniff*

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[info]cruisedirector
2008-10-26 11:49 pm UTC (link)
My personal belief is that he did -- we never saw a body or a funeral, let alone a portrait, so Snape is not dead!

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