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The Emotional Problems Of Brendon Urie [07]
Title: The Emotional Problems Of Brendon Urie
Author: roflkopter
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Brendon/OMC
POV: 3rd - Brenny-centric
Summary: Brendon Urie is questioning his sexual orientation. He doesn't want to believe that he's different because he was just born that way. He'd rather lay the blame on his flamboyantly gay best friend, Ryan Ross. Follow his journal as he rides down the road to acceptance.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, okay? Stop making me say it!

Previous Chapters:
Denial
Repair
Redefinition
Avoidance
Regret
Acceptance



Four Years On

Brendon stared long and hard at the computer screen before him, a small, purple bouncy ball being thrown between his fingers absent-mindedly. His eyebrows knitted together.

“Although Jesse knew it was only the magpie looking at him through the kitchen window, his urges were now uncontrollable...” he murmured to himself, before pausing. Then he thought for a moment, “What does that even mean? His urges were uncontrollable? That just makes it sounds like some bestiality novel.” He muttered this under his breath as he leaned forward, highlighting and deleting the sentence from the Word document.

The cursor blinked back at him, mocking him, telling him to come up with a new sentence, equally as bad as the one before.

“Shut up,” Brendon whispered to it, before swivelling round in his computer chair and leaning his head back, a small sigh escaping his lips. He refused to let the blinking line beat him. He wouldn't take it.

He closed his eyes to stop himself from turning back to the document, humming a quiet tune to himself, wondering how he was going to get Jesse out of the mess he had been written into.

That was the only problem that came with being a writer; the blocks.

The storyline had seemed like such a good idea to Brendon at first, and he loved writing it for a while – but after twenty three chapters, everything was starting to get a bit ... exasperating? Uninteresting? Boring.

He wasn’t even sure if he liked Jesse all that much anymore. That guy could be such a whiner sometimes. Brendon rarely liked to admit this though - Jesse had, after all, been based primarily off ... well, Brendon himself.

He sighed again, throwing the little ball against the opposite wall and catching it easily. Jon would have got annoyed with him for doing that – but Jon wasn’t there. Jon was at work, earning a proper wage, just like Brendon should have been doing.

But he couldn’t imagine being tied down to such a steady job. He knew his boyfriend got quite a bit of money for being an I.T technician, but he worked in a high school. And he had to wear a suit. He was only twenty-three. It didn’t seem right.

Then again, Brendon wasn’t really in any place to judge, being an out-of-work writer – and by out-of-work, that meant no magazines had asked him to write any articles lately, and his first novel had already been rejected by the publishing company he’d sent it to. Too disturbing, apparently.

So now Brendon was writing about birds.

Jon was supportive of his aspirations at first, but Brendon knew his boyfriend was starting to get a little agitated with him moping around the apartment, watching Oprah and Jeopardy, and only leaving the building to go down to Mr Wan's corner store to pick up cider.

Brendon, however, pretended not to notice Jon's mood.

As he sat in his chair though, throwing the ball from one hand to another, he mused over the idea of a part-time job in a little shop somewhere - just to surprise Jon - until he got back on track with his writing. It wouldn’t be a boring shop. It would be something like a cool clothing store, or a coffee shop. Starbucks maybe, or Costa. They charged about five bucks for a coffee, didn't they? He'd be raking it in

Brendon, before he was able to continue his train of thought further, suddenly dropped the purple door as he heard the front door slam. He jolted upright in his chair, peering around the corner of the study door. At first he thought Jon might have been in a bad mood – he sometimes stormed around the apartment after work if he’d had a bad day with some particularly rude school children – but then his boyfriend came rushing in, a grin plastered to his pointed face.

“Hey, you!” he beamed, bending down and kissing Brendon right on the nose.

Brendon blinked back, his eyebrows raised.

“Uh. Hello,” he said carefully, watching Jon pant for breath, his lips still stretched into that smile.

“Guess what? I’m cooking tonight, baby!” he told him brightly, whipping his tie from around his neck and leaving the room. Brendon stared after him, dumbfounded, before getting up and following.

He watched the older man shrug off his jacket and throw it over the couch, before crossing the room to the open-space kitchenette.

“What would you like then, Bren?” he asked, rolling up his shirt sleeves, “I’m thinking pasta. Yeah?”

“I don’t think there is any,” Brendon started, too confused to even think about worrying how Jon was going to react to their apparent lack of pasta – he usually got annoyed when Brendon forgot to pick up the groceries, after all.

“You didn’t go shopping?” Jon asked him, turning on the faucet to wash his hands. Brendon tensed a little then, and shook his head, starting to apologize, but Jon cut him off, laughing, “No problem! I’ll do us rice or something, okay?”

He turned off the tap, looking around for the tea towel. Brendon started towards him.

“Jon?” he said, “You feeling okay?”

“I’m feeling great, Baby B," Jon told him in reply, grabbing the other boy by the waist and pulling him into a hug. Brendon didn't protest at the sound of the pet name, even though he'd never really liked the fact that he was younger and smaller.

Jon leaned back against the counter to look at him, a smile still on his face, before kissing him on the lips briefly.

“Um. I can cook for us,” Brendon told him when he pulled away, holding on to the hard counter-top to steady himself, just in case Jon decided to drop him in his sudden excitement.

“No no no. Not tonight. We’re celebrating, so I think I can handle a little domesticality.” Jon let go of him, and Brendon didn’t even try to point out that ‘domesticality’ wasn’t a word. He didn’t want to put a damper on his boyfriend’s good mood.

“What are we celebrating?” he asked instead, going to lean against a different part of the counter. He watched Jon search in the top cupboards.

“Is there not any champagne in here?” he asked, apparently not having heard Brendon. Either that or he was just ignoring him.

“No. I didn’t think we’d have much to celebrate around this time,” the younger boy told him, trying to bring back up the topic of what the celebration actually was.

“Ah. Well,” Jon grinned, closing the cupboards and stepping a little towards Brendon, “It was rather unexpected."

The younger boy raised his eyebrows questioningly, arms crossed, trying to appear cool and calm, though his body felt like it was buzzing and butterflies were fluttering madly in his stomach. Because what if Jon was going to tell him that he was now a devoted – and happy - serial killer? Or what if he was going to tell him something even worse like ... his parents were coming over for dinner? What then?

“I was gonna wait till later to tell you, but you might as well know now.”

By now, Brendon though he might explode with anticipation, but then thankfully, Jon suddenly went on.

“Brendon. I got a new job!”

Brendon at first said nothing, and simply stared at the older man for a moment, his lips parted. He suddenly realized they felt dry, and his tongue dashed out, wetting them before he spoke again,

“A ... new job?”

“Yes!” Jon laughed, coming up to him completely and taking hold of him again, “Isn’t it awesome? They’re making me the head of the computer department at a new school!”

“But you’re ... twenty three.” Brendon’s brow furrowed, not being able to understand how Jon could land such a high job at such a young age. He'd only been working in the I.T department for a couple of years. Now he was being promoted? Brendon had never even had a proper job.

“Brendon, it’s not like they have a lot of Tech teachers,” Jon replied in a very matter-of-fact manner. It was obvious he was trying to mask his smug attitude, but it was starting to drip out through his words, “Apparently there’s gonna be me and two other guys, one of whom is practically on the brink of retirement. But think about the opportunities this could present!"

Brendon tried to smile and nod, though he didn’t see how it would benefit them in any way other than perhaps bringing in a few more bucks. He noticed Jon didn't list any of the supposed opportunities either.

But he was happy for Jon. Because Jon was happy. And as long as Jon was happy, Brendon was happy. That was, after all, how it had always worked.

He looked up; meeting his boyfriend’s excited eyes.

“Congratulations, baby,” he said, smiling properly at last. Jon laughed again, and learned forward, their noses touching.

“Thank you,” he said softly, and their faces were so close Brendon could see the hole in Jon’s lip where his ring usually was, an almost saddening reminder that he was no longer the ‘rebel’ he once claimed to be, and was now, in fact, a working adult.

“So what’s the name of the new school?” Brendon asked, pulling away, trying to sound excited, “Arbor View?”

Jon hesitated a little now, and turned back towards the sink. He pretended to look for the rice, though it was blatantly obvious he was more interested in trying not to show Brendon his sudden discomfort.

“Well, actually ... I have some more exciting news for you, Bren.” He didn't turn around.

Brendon didn’t say anything, just waited. He felt sure that Jon was going to say his parents were coming over for dinner now.

Jon took a deep breath, flicking his fringe out of his eyes. This time, he did turn.

“Brendon,” he started.

“Yes?”

Jon shuffled forward a few steps and took hold of the younger boy. He looked down at him and the tiniest of smiles quirked his lips.

“Brendon.”

“Yes?” This time Brendon couldn’t help but giggle a little, though he was surprised by the nervousness in his own voice.

“Brendon. I ... need to move in order to pursue this new job.” Jon smiled down at him again, his arms draping themselves around Brendon’s neck. When his boyfriend said nothing in response, he went on, “And naturally, you’d be moving with me, but ... the new school’s quite a way away, Bren. It’s called Gage Park.” He paused dramatically, before slowly adding, “It’s in Chicago.”

A/N

FINITO!

Yes. The story is finished ... for now 8) Pretty saddening. Well, for me at least xD

Uh ... So yeah. I don't really have all that much to say, unlike my last chapter which was just like a damn essay for my A/N.

Except if anyone was wondering, Brendon is twenty one here. But I didn't really imagine him having the whole *longish hair* thing he had.

I'M KIND OF WEIRD ABOUT THINGS LIKE THAT. So when I figure out how the linking works or whatever, I'm going to post a few pictures with the sequel of how I imagine the main characters to look cause I'm not one to go into seriously detailed description in the actual story - I think it kinda ruins it doint that (but you can imagine the characters however you like).

Another thing I just wanted to say,

Thank you all to the lovely readers and commenters :D You make each day a brighter day. I'm sorry I couldn't reply to you all, but I want you to know that every comment was really awesome and really encouraging.

I hope this ending wasn't too much of a disappointment. But look out for the sequel (: In the meantime, I'm going to post some one-shots I wrote at some point, but I probably won't start posting the sequel until I have quite a few chapters done. I'm not sure when that will be yet.

But yeah. Thank you very very very much, you guys (:

And that's all I really had to say.

Over and / or out.