Current music:	mercuryneedle playing ze bass
Entry tags:	fanfic, ff7, prompt, reno, rude, shin-ra, un_love_you

Title: Please Disappear
Characters: Reno, Rude
Pairing: N/A
Rating: Apparently 2 swears is R?
Warnings: None
Word Count: 779
Summary: Reno is pissed off and somehow he feels alone, even with his partner right by his side.
Prompt: un_love_you, #16 I want to Break You
Note: I don't often write in first person, especially not with fanfiction, but I'm quite pleased with how this turned out. This isn't set in a specific time or place, I had one in mind when I was writing it, but that's not important at all.
One of many songs that helped motivate me to write this was, MUCC-Zetsubou, download and enjoy if you would so like.



There he is again, he looks over his glasses at me. Curiously. Eyes full of worry. His big, stupid head glistening in the sun, shiny with sweat from this fucking wasteland. Like the sweat making my goggles chafe and my hair plaster to my head, my face. Only this sweat is mine and that sweat is his. He takes a pull on the cigarette in his hand and passes it back to me; this is relevant because he says he doesn’t smoke, but he does. Only mine, though. Never buys his own, never takes when someone else offers. He says it’s because only I buy the ones he likes, but I know it’s because he trusts me like he can’t trust anyone else. Even the others in the company, he can trust them with his life, his secrets. We both can. I’ve never been sure how his smoking my cigarettes means he trusts me, but I know it does. I’ve known ever since I managed to figure out what’s happening in that big, bald head of his.

I look up at him when I can feel him stop watching me, just to my right. He’s not much taller than me, but somehow he seems massive. He has that kind of imposing presence that can fill a whole room. He’s scary in a much more immediate way, you look at him and you know straight off the bat that he could tear you limb from limb. It makes me snort, because he’s one of those ‘gentle souls.’ The type of person who’s loyal and caring and sticks by your side even when you’re being an absolute cunt. Which I am today, and have been for a while now.

We keep trudging the way to our destination, nothing bothers us much. Bandits see the suits and keep moving, whatever creatures hang around out here are keeping away thanks to the newest materia from the science department. Still, it feels like we’ve been walking for ages, we probably have. Our GPS is on, both of ours, just in case we need a pickup, but we agreed to keep on foot unless we really need a pickup, otherwise we might just blow the whole mission because we’re too arse-lazy to walk.

He offers me some water when I cough. Flippantly, I tell him I don’t need it. He’s hurt, but doesn’t say anything, tries not to show it. That drives me fucking insane, I need him to get angry. To snap. Hit me, even. Just something to let me know that he’s pissed off too. Not just with me for being a jerk, but with everything. I need to know that he’s feeling something too, that I’m not alone in being on edge and pissed off and terrified. If he has to break my face to show it, I don’t mind.

Materia can fix the body, but it can’t fix the mind.

The nightmare is, I understand him, but I don’t think he understands me. He knows me, far to fucking well for my own comfort sometimes. But either he can’t tell how much I need him to snap, to not immediately repair a chink in his armour on this one thing, or he’s choosing not to. Either way, I’m pissed off with him, and it’s showing. I know it is, because he does that silent apology thing. When he pays for my drink at the bar when he’d usually be telling me that I’ve had enough, or he only takes one or two quick puffs of my smoke instead of smoking half the damn stick at his own leisurely pace.

Gods, I’m so pissed off right now. With him, with everything. My shoulders roll the way they do when I need to hit something and he tenses, I can tell without looking. Not because he thinks I’ll hit him, but because he knows how angry I am and he doesn’t know what to do. My jaw clenches and my neck throbs, it’s a funny reaction, but I’m not really thinking about that right now. I keep walking, strides long and purposeful. I’m screaming on the inside and he’s still being his caring, old self. The person who always has other people’s interests at heart instead of his own and he’s waiting, waiting, for me to tell him what’s wrong with me, and all I can do is keep pushing. I just need him to snap, just this once. I’m beginning to think that it’s not just him I’m worried about. I think, maybe, my sanity is riding on this.

I don’t need a rock for a partner, I need my friend.