Friendly Competition, by siegeofangels [The Return challenge]
Title: Friendly Competition
Author: siegeofangels
Summary: Post-Return II crack fic; hugging.
Rating: PG
Note: There comes a time in every fangirl's life when she has to choose between writing a meaningful story with accurate characterization, and one where Ronon picks up Caldwell and swings him around in a big circle. Just . . . go with it.
Additional note: *facepalm* (4/28/07) I just realized that I inadvertantly lifted Teyla's "Damn. I mean . . ." line from zvi_likes_tv's A Woman of Athos. My deepest apologies; if I had realized at the time that that line was from someone else's story I would never have included it.

Friendly Competition

Rodney reached the top of the stairs as he said, "Elizabeth, where are the--" and then broke off, because even though he was behind Jack, he could still see the General's hands do a flaily Muppet thing as Elizabeth hugged him.

Ah, Rodney thought, the thank-you hug, with overtones of the thank-god-we're-alive hug. Elizabeth--she was a hugger. Who could blame her? The Pegasus galaxy would be enough to turn even a casual hugger into someone who indulged several times a week, and now was a time for hugs, if ever there was one.

So when Jack finally broke free--Elizabeth was wiry!--Rodney was waiting behind him.

"General," he said politely as Jack turned to leave.

"Doctor," Jack said, equally politely.

And Rodney swooped in, wrapping his arms around Jack, who was really just the right size for a hug, and who smelled slightly of seawater.

Shock kept Jack still for a moment, and then: "What is this, competitive hugging? Get off me!" he said, and shoved Rodney away.

"What?" Rodney said seriously. "Everybody hugs on Atlantis."

Elizabeth was heroically not giggling. "Yes, Rodney, I simply can't count the times I've seen you hug someone."

Jack held up one finger--wait--to each of them. "This is not a game," he said, and backed away slowly to disappear down a corridor and, probably, stake out personal quarters to establish as a hug-free zone.

They watched him go. "Well," Elizabeth said. "If it was, we'd be tied."

Rodney looked at her. She looked back, and raised an eyebrow.

"Double points for Daedalus personnel," he said, and ran down the stairs as Elizabeth took off in the direction of her office.

Okay, look, they deserved a little fun, all right?

***

The secret to the stealth hug, Rodney thought, was looking like you were doing something completely different until you were within range. Luckily, Rodney normally had no use for the concept of personal space, and so it was easy to--say, pick up an MRE and sit down next to John Sheppard in the mess hall, where said quarry was enjoying a meal of his own.

"Oh, hey," Rodney said, "can you pass the water?"

And then: "Thanks," he said, and twisted, curving his arm around, and achieved sideways-buddy-hug.

"The hell, McKay?" John said around a mouthful of pasta.

Rodney considered explaining. "It's a . . . we're hugging now."

"You don't say."

"Elizabeth started it, and then O'Neill said something about competitive hugging, and, well, there's nothing particularly pressing I need to be doing right at the moment, and I figured I may as well start with you," he said.

John actually looked interested, and nodded all the way through, and then, when Rodney had stopped for air, said pleasantly, "Still touching."

"Oh!" Rodney yanked his arm back and stood up. "Well. Thank you. It's one point for us and two for Daedalus personnel, incidentally, on the off chance you feel like playing. Do you have any idea where Teyla might be?"

"Last time I saw her she was talking to Beckett," John said, in his you're a crazy person! voice, and Rodney said, "Great," and set off toward the infirmary.


***

Rodney found Teyla not in the infirmary--Sheppard was such a liar, although Carson was easy enough to check off the list so it wasn't a wasted trip--but with John in one of the training rooms. They were warily circling one another like they were sparring, although neither of them held sticks.

"Oh, you're not even playing," Rodney said. He'd counted on John's allergy to human contact to outweigh his competitive streak, but apparently that was too much to hope for.

"This game is a much-welcomed diversion from the stress of the last few days," Teyla said, crossing her feet gracefully over each other as she passed in front of Rodney, her eyes never leaving John.

Which was kind of depressing; there was no way Rodney was going to win if she was playing. Although: at some point he was going to be forcefully hugged by Teyla, and if that didn't make up for pretty much everything else in the universe, he didn't know what would.

John shook his head, which looked like he was just flipping the hair off of his forehead, but could actually in fact be a signal to Rodney, and Rodney jumped forward and flung his arms around Teyla from behind.

She let out a shriek that turned to laughter as John leapt at the same time, encirling both of them and yelling "Two points!"

Teyla was still giggling. "When you leave you had better run faster than I can," she said ominously into John's shirt, and Rodney was about to volunteer to stay and take one for the team and that, of course, was when Caldwell poked his head through the door looking for General O'Neill.

Caldwell raised his eyebrows. "Am I interrupting something?" he said.

"No, sir," John said, letting go of Rodney and Teyla and executing the quickest back-thumping hug on the colonel Rodney had ever seen before running off down the corridor.

"Did he just--" Caldwell said.

"Damn," Teyla said. "I mean, it is merely that we are all grateful to you and the rest of the Daedalus' crew." She smoothly moved to him and drew him into an Athosian-style embrace. "We thank you," she said, and headed out the door, only pausing in the doorway long enough to mouth "Two points!" at Rodney.

Caldwell crossed his arms and glared at Rodney. "Doctor," he began.

Ah, what the hell. Rodney held out his arms and smiled beatifically. "Steven," he said.

***

Things got a little out of hand after that.

"YAAH!" Rodney yelled as he was ambushed--tackled by Ronon outside the jumper bay, and spun around and he really hoped clinging on for dear life counted as a hug. His feet weren't even touching the ground! He was airborne! He should totally never be airborne!

Ronon swung him around one last time and set him down. "My point," he said.

"That is so not fair," Rodney said a little woozily, eyeing Ronon, and trying to figure out if tagbacks were allowed. How would he even get past Ronon's arms? Maybe jump him from the stairs or something.

"You're just mad because I have twenty-six points and you have two," Ronon said over his shoulder as he started to lope down the hallway, presumably in search of someone else to assault.

Twenty-six? "Getting the same person twice doesn't count!" Rodney screamed after him. "Also, I have five points thank you very much!"

" . . . doesn't matter," the answer came floating back.

***

Some time later, Rodney collapsed into a chair next to where Elizabeth was leaning on her elbows on the railing of the gate-room balcony.

"Did Ronon find you?" she said, a little weakly.

Rodney nodded. "Satedan tilt-a-whirl, check. I think he wins. Unless Sheppard wins."

"Why did we let them play, again?" Elizabeth said.

He considered this. "Why were we even playing?"

She gave him a look, stood up straight, and was about to say something when the wormhole from Earth initialized ("Unscheduled offworld activation," Novak said from where she was playing gate tech; Rodney looked at his watch and said, "No, no, that one was scheduled").

"Everybody recovered from the insanity earlier?" Jack said as he reached the top of the stairs.

Rodney crossed his arms. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Didn't win, did you."

"Bite me, General."

Jack rubbed his hands together. "No," he said, "I believe I'll just beat you instead," and smoothly went down the stairs to meet the first person who plipped through the event horizon. It was Chuck.

"Welcome back," Jack said, and hugged him.