Sextips

Giving Pleasure? [13 Dec 2009|07:51pm]

lovinglimbs

Hey, I've made one other question post here before, and got a lot of helpful advice/tips, so I thought I'd ask another question :)
& I looked through the memories and I couldn't quite find what I was looking for, if I missed it, apologies!

To get to the point, my boyfriend isn't that fond of giving oral sex, he had never done it before me, and I was surprised he wanted to do it at all. He said early on in our relationship, that wasn't his thing, that he might do it if the girl asked, but he didn't really want to. Well, one evening he wanted too, and it went really great, for me that is.
I'm a really self-conscious person, and receiving oral can get uncomfortable for me, but the pleasure of it is enough for me to want it to happen.

But it's been about a month since that happened (we've been together 2 1/2 months), and he hasn't indicated it ever happening again. He said he has to be a specific mood for it, and he said these moods are rare.

Now, he gets about two blow jobs a day, for ever day I see him. Now I don't get to see him that often, since he goes to a university two hours away from where I'm at. But in our entire sex life, he receives more oral than we do anything else, at all. Blow jobs over PIV, fingering, very little attention towards me.

Now, he realizes the unequal sex life we have, and he said he was sorry, and he felt bad, and that I don't have to do all of this for him, if I want it a little bit more even.

But, I want it even, but not with me giving less head, because that will reduce our sex life, a TON. But I don't want him to do anything out of obligation. I want him to want to do it, I don't want him to do anything he's uncomfortable with or feeling forced to do.

Sorry, rambling!
I'm trying to change this. I'd like to even this out a little bit, to where I got more, but he'd be doing it more out of obligation than him truly wanting to do it, because if he wants to do something, he usually goes for it. I was wondering if anyone had any tips on ways to get a guy to enjoy giving pleasure a little bit more?
I realize to each their own, etc. But is their any general ideas anyone might have?

BTW. I'm not necessarily unhappy with the sex life I have with him, especially since he recognizes how unequal it is, but I really would like it to change.

Sorry for all of this rambling, I hope I got my point across. And thanks in advance everyone :)

19 comments post comment

First Time Switch? [12 Dec 2009|08:52pm]

accident__sex

So, yesterday was my partner's birthday, and in honor of that I think I'd like to do something that's completely out of the ordinary for us.

We have an informal but pretty much full-time D/s dynamic. I'm exclusively dominant-- I've never had any interest in subbing and the idea just doesn't get me off. My partner, however, is a switch, but for the course of our roughly year-and-some-change-long relationship, he has been submissive to me. We're poly and will occasionally play with friends, but he hasn't had another regular partner in over a year so he hasn't had much of a chance to express his toppy side. Because of all of this, I'd like to switch with him as a birthday present. We've talked about it a bit, and I know he's intrigued by the idea ("You mean, you'll let me do to you all of the horrible things you've done to me?!"), and his enthusiasm is infectious. Besides, I've never really seen him top before, and I want to know what his style is.

Obviously we'll be doing a lot of talking about the specifics before anything happens, but I'll be honest-- I need some general encouragement. What can I do drop the dom mindset for a few hours? Will adding some sort of role play dynamic make it easier? Part of me feels like being "someone else," like in a role play scene, will help me get away from seeing things the way I normally do. I have a bit of a masochistic streak, but usually when it surfaces, I want to go blow-for-blow-- I like play that's a battle. That's not what we're going for here, and I need to control my urge to not bite back.

I'm excited to try it and fairly certain that it'll be a great time, but in order for this to work, I really have to hand over the reins, something I've never done before. I'm happy to take the challenge, but I'm looking for suggestions for ways to shed my toppy inclinations and our usual dynamic for a few hours.

Switches, do you have any suggestions? Non-switches who have tried something like this before, how did it turn out? If you enjoyed it, what made it fun? What difficulties did you face?

(x-posted to sextips & askthekinksters)

6 comments post comment

2 things... [12 Dec 2009|02:12am]

nutmeg_05

1] Does anyone else think it feels better with a condom? When my boyfriend and I first started, we used condoms, but then once I got on my birth control again he stopped using them, and I don't enjoy it as much. It's still good, but everything feels better with it on. :\

2] A lot of the time when I have sex, I get sharp pains. My boyfriend is bigger than anyone else I've ever been with, so I'm assuming that's why, but it doesn't happen all the time. And when it hurts, it hurts. I kind of don't want to tell him, though, because other than that the sex is absolutely amazing and I don't want to ruin anything... for me or for him.

Any help is much appreciated. :)

14 comments post comment

Sensitivity Question [11 Dec 2009|05:46pm]

namandra

What material should you shoot for when buying a dildo if you are sensitive to most anything in and around your vaginal region?

6 comments post comment

[04 Dec 2009|11:43am]

malesego

When a man like to wear pantiees and teddys on the bedroom but only wants to share this with a female,how do you about intoducing this

10 comments post comment

Looking to discuss [30 Nov 2009|10:24pm]

candorbox

http://www.alovelinksplus.com/advice/the_dating_wizard/emotion-of-sexual-attraction.htm

I am female and I think this is 90% true, at least for me, even if I hate admitting it.

What do you think?

43 comments post comment

[11 Dec 2009|01:38pm]

kkkketamine

mood- curious

My partner is frustrated because it's not necessarily that he doesn't want to have sex, it's just that he doesn't care if he does or not. And when we do have sex, he says it takes him forever to actually get off, if he even does at all.

He just started taking Zoloft about two and a half weeks ago.

For those of you with partners who are on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety pills, and have fallen victim to the whole, 'lack of sex drive' thing, how do you cope? Clearly there's masturbation, but it's not the same. How do you make sure that when you do end up having sexy time, it's especially meaningful (considering you're probably not going to get it again for a week or so)? How do you make sure as to not pester them with the huge difference in sex drives? Also, how does your partner feel/what are they going through? I don't know if that's too personal or not, if it is, disregaurd the last question.

Thanks everyone!

20 comments post comment

no sex...EVER. [10 Dec 2009|09:44pm]

yellow_marker

I check the memories and in the "lack of interest" it talks about people who had sex then stopped...

However, Ive been with my boyfriend for almost a year (11 months) and we have NEVER had sex. Neither of us are virgins. I'm 18 and he is 20. I have a very high sex drive but he just does not want to have sex but fails to give me a good reason. Ive asked him a lot of times and hes changed his reason about 3 times so i dont know what to believe. He does not have a problem getting it up or finishing because we constantly have foreplay but it never goes beyond that. One time, i wanted to spice up our foreplay (i might as well, right?) and i got him in a position where he thought I was asking him to put it in and he IMMEDIATELY went soft...He said it was because he didnt want to so it made him nervous and he lost his erection. I know hes sexually attracted to me because sometimes i cant keep his hands off of me. But honestly, im very bored at only getting boring foreplay and I have actually got to the point where ive lost sexual interest in him...

I just dont understand why he does not want to have sex. What gives?

26 comments post comment

Just not enjoying sex? [09 Dec 2009|04:17pm]

emptyprivate

I looked in the memories and found alot about painful sex, but nothing about my problem.

I lost my virginity two and a half years ago, and since then have had sex with 7 guys. I love hooking up with guys: I love kissing, hand jobs, blow jobs, etc, and I love the cuddling that happens after, but I really just have not been able to make myself enjoy sex. I always want to have sex, but then once we actually go at it, I just can't wait for it to be over. A few nights ago I was with my current hookup buddy, and we started having sex, but after a few minutes, I just had to stop. I felt really bad for stopping in the middle, especially since he was so concerned that he did something wrong.

Any advice to start liking sex more?

8 comments post comment

quick question..... [09 Dec 2009|08:22am]

monique146

mood- creative

alright, my boyfriend and i have GREAT sex!! we really do, but latley he has "forgotten" about paying attention to me. i always give him head, and pay attention to his needs, wants and desires, but its like im servicing him and getting nothing in return. it never used to be this programed. its like the same things every night. do i just deal with it? or how do i get him to pay more attention to me with out being rude or "demanding? "

15 comments post comment

dry spells [08 Dec 2009|08:48pm]

dolledupdolly

mood- horny
music- David Rush | Shooting Star (Party Rock Remix)

In the middle of eating dinner tonight, I realised I was eating because I was horny and couldn't have sex. Ahahaha. Then I thought about it some more, and realised that I've been oversleeping, eating more than usual, moping, and generally feeling yucky because I'm sexually frustrated. I haven't had sex in three months (it was the best. sex. EVER.) and I can usually deal with the frustration if I don't have sex for a while (there were two seperate years where I didn't have any kind of sexual intimacy with anyone - not even a kiss) but lately I've wanted to tear my bed sheets to smithereens.

How long can you go without sex for before you feel like shriveling up and dying?

What are your coping methods (aside from wanking) when you're single/away from your SO/you don't know how long it will be before you have sex again?

56 comments post comment

[07 Dec 2009|09:50pm]

memoirsofsunny

Hi, so my boyfriend and I are running out of ideas for sexual play.

We've tried:
-anal
-rape fantasy
-him controlling me [slapping, spanking, dirty talk, etc]
-me being a stripper
-etc

We're really looking for a really new kink to try out. I think we're eventually going to try a threesome, and public sex. But we won't be trying anything in his back door. I looked in the mammaries [heh] but I didn't really see anything helpful.

Any ideas?

49 comments post comment

MORNING SEX. [06 Dec 2009|03:21pm]

67riot

mood- giggly

So I would think that most of you agree with the fact that a.m. sexy time ROCKS.
Lately though(past few months), thats ALL the bf wants to do. If I get sex at all, its always right when i'm waking up, which is usually reaaally early. I've had sex at night/afternoon mabye once or twice in the past month and i'm not happy about it! We used to do it every single night. I love morning sex dont get me wrong, but its usually really passive and each of us have 1 goal: getting ourselves off. No foreplay, no kissing, just straight up p in vagEEE! I miss getting frisky at night. I'm almost ALWAYS horny right before going to sleep. I mean were both half naked snuggled up to eachother how can i not??? I miss all the drawn-out foreplay and sex toys and just getting more INTO it, yknow?

So i'm just wondering, how can i get him to be in the mood at night again?
I come onto him and hint that I want it, but he either doesnt get it or is ignoring me. I would just like some advice to spice up the nightime again. Has this happened to anyone else?

and i know i know, i should TALK to him about it. I just feel like talking about it makes the actual sex afterward really awkward...

thxx

27 comments post comment

preparing for sex [03 Dec 2009|09:55pm]

kristin20q

hey sextips, i'm in need of some advice.

basically, i am a female virgin in my early 20s and i am ready for sex. i haven't done it yet because i haven't had any real boyfriends and i didn't want to lose it so just anyone. while i don't have a bf at the moment, i've been meeting a lot of great guys and could potentially turn into something serious. which brings me to my question:

how can a virgin prepare for sex?

1. someone recommended i get on birth control. i think this is a good idea because i don't want to have kids any time soon and i don't want to be anxious about the condom breaking during sex.

2. someone else suggested that i "practice" with a vibrator. i also like this idea, although i have to admit that im very nervous about this because i've never had anything inside of me larger thank a couple of fingers or a tampon. sooo, if i were to buy a vibrator what kind? size? etc should i get? also where can I buy one online that ships in a discrete plain box?

i would love to hear any other thoughts or suggestions you might have too. i'm sure I will have a lot more questions also, so hopefully this community can help me with those as well :)

20 comments post comment

Recommendations [04 Dec 2009|11:26pm]

bangteenagers

I'm in a fairly long-distance relationship whilst I'm in uni.
However, I'll be going home for Christmas soon. Out of curiosity..

1. What is something sexually fun you've newly discovered with your partner?

2. What is your fail-safe, always exciting act/position/game/tip?

Just curious, so I can have some new suggestions to possibly try out with boy.
Thanks!

18 comments post comment

skin softness after sex? [04 Dec 2009|03:04pm]

internet_ink

I checked the memories and didn't find anything about skin. My s/o and I had really great sex last night, but I didn't quite finish. After the fact, we noticed that my skin was noticeably softer and smoother than it was before, and it lasted for several hours. I doubt there's anything wrong, but has anyone experienced this before, or know why it happens? I'm really curious, mostly because I wish it'd stick around, lol.

Thanks in advance!

9 comments post comment

Say it and Share it! [03 Dec 2009|11:18am]

lang_ea

Question: What's your favorite time period that you find really sexy? The Iron Age era? Roman era? The Middle Ages? The Rennaissance? Or even the era of musketeers, wimmin of giant wigs and panniers, or men in top hats?

36 comments post comment

We Vibe [02 Dec 2009|08:37pm]

dotcomartguy

( You are about to view content that may not be appropriate for minors. )

8 comments post comment

the ticklish penis, and what to do about it. [01 Dec 2009|10:00am]

natane

the guy i am currently with has a ticklish penis/groin area. in the sense that during oral, he's likely to start giggling randomly and grab my head and pull me off. PIV isn't a problem, but i can tickle him with my hand too sometimes. i've tried rougher touches/licks/sucking, but he enjoys the gentle ones (which then make him giggle and pull my head off/grab my hand).

it's definitely ticklish, as opposed to over-sensation, if that makes sense. he's ticklish there before orgasm, after, hard, soft, through underwear, etc. this is, in fact, the only part of his body that he can always be tickled on, leaving me (ticklish all over) at a severe disadvantage.

i actually don't mind it, so i guess i'm not really posting with a problem. just looking for similar stories/opinions.

4 comments post comment

Question [01 Dec 2009|03:00pm]

kinky_carter

Looking for some tips. First off does anyone know where I can find a catholic school girl uniform, you know those guys that love 'em. And where can I find a aphrodisiac that actually works? I tried this Spanish fly that I ordered from Amazon.com and it did nothing for me.

11 comments post comment

enemas [30 Nov 2009|06:50pm]

lisaownsall

I know that a lot of people use enemas prior to having anal sex to remove feces.
I have never used one before but plan on having anal sex (for my 3rd time) soon, and wanted to use one.

My question is; how long prior to having anal sex are you supposed to use one?
an hour before?
a few hours before?
a day before?

i want to clean myself out so it will be less messy, please help!

thank you :)

16 comments post comment

Relationship/Sex advice? [30 Nov 2009|12:57am]

leedlekay

Hi there, I looked through the memories a bit and couldn't really find anything that could explain what I'm going through so...here goes.
I've been dating my boyfriend for about 2 and half years and we've been sexually active with each other for 2 years. We are very close and our sex life is great--up until recent. When we first started having sex we were both virgins and he had difficulty staying hard 100% of the time, which was okay because he was new to it. After a while we got over that bridge and started learning how to please one another. We finally got the hang of it and sex was amazing. In the past five months, we found the right position for us to both orgasm during PIV sex, so that is what we have been doing a lot of.
Now, my question: Two nights ago, his parents were out of town and we had the house to ourselves. I made no insinuations to have sex but figured we would probably end up doing it. He then came onto me and we had sex for less than 3 minutes until he became soft like he used to when we first started dating. He got embarrassed and told me that he felt pressured by me to have sex with him. I assume this is because I have a higher sex drive than he does. I like to have sex about 4-5 times a week with him. I let it go and tried to forget about. Well the next night we got into foreplay (which I need a lot of to really get into it) and he could not get an erection. He was hard up until I started giving him a BJ and then he just lost it and tried to force having sex with me. He pretty much blamed it on the fact that I need a lot of foreplay.
As he was driving me home he told me he didn't want to have sex with me until he 'was ready.'

I feel almost hurt because I want to please my boyfriend and obviously what I'm doing is not working. Do you think maybe something could be up? Like he's not interested? A couple months ago he started flirting with another girl and I found out...could that have something to do with it? I just simply don't understand because we've had two awesome years of sex and all of a sudden he thinks our sex is 'too boring' and that he's 'not ready.' Does that make any sense to any of you? I would like to figure this out and any advice is greatly appreciated!

25 comments post comment

[27 Nov 2009|11:54pm]

tiamarie33

I'm in a sexual relationship with a guy with whom I have phenomenal sexual chemistry with. He is very giving and always satisfies me. He pulls my hair when I ask him too, and always asks me what I want. I would like for him to hold me down sometimes, and slap me in the face a little, but I am terrified he might think that it's strange or a turnoff. Do you think I should just ask him to? How would I go about this??

15 comments post comment

[27 Nov 2009|08:29am]

goodeyessniper

Are there any tips or tricks to not having cum just..leak out of my vagina when my boyfriend comes in me? It always gets on the bed or I end up queefing or something equally unsexy.

36 comments post comment

Guidance during sex?!? [24 Nov 2009|01:08am]

a_strange_boy

Okay so I have a couple of questions (that goes unanswered by the FAQs) probably more applicable to people who aren't in a LTR, however if you are and you have something to contribute, then obviously feel-free! :-)

If you're sleeping someone for the first time, would you find it to be a turn off if they asked for guidance in any way?! And by "guidance" I mean questions like "Do you like that?" or "What do you want me to do?" or "How do you want me to get you off?" or "Would you like me to suck harder?" etc.

Do you automatically give some form of guidance when you're sleeping with someone new?! For instance, my penis is extremely insensitive, so I like a bit of teeth when someone goes down on me...now a far as I'm aware teeth is generally considered a big NO NO in sex. So I'd always tell a guy when he's sucking me off "Use some teeth!" Also, I'm fairly noisy in bed, so I always make some agreeable sound when he does something I like. What do you do, if anything, to give guidance?! What do you find to be the most subtle, but effective, way of getting someone to help you get whatcha want?!

Any information/opinions on this would be helpful. I'm focusing mostly on the beginning of a sexual relationship, however it would be interesting to know about people who've spent a long time with the one person!? Do you just come right out and say whatever you're thinking....or do you, as a couple, come up with your own signals?!

Thanks in advance!

19 comments post comment

[23 Nov 2009|02:06pm]

crispyrounds

So, i've been dating this man for 5 months. he's terrific. first of all, i'm a 20 year old woman, he's 40. alright so here goes, there's two parts.

side note: he's naturally less affectionate than i am. this had been hurting me because it made me feel undesirable, unloved, etc. i finally told him about it, and he was great and understanding, and changed his behavior in a matter of minutes. he just hadn't realized that it was as important to me as it was because i never communicated it to him until this past weekend. communication rocks, and he certainly met me more than halfway with this issue right away.

part one-
he tends to cum early and often cums before he's even inside of me. when we have sex he often stops in the middle many times to stop himself from cumming and try to pace himself. i asked him if he still enjoys sex with me because of this problem and he said "yes and no." he likes having sex with me, but it frustrates him to not just go with the flow and be in the moment because hes constantly trying to stop himself from cumming early.

part two-
he has a lower sex drive than i do. i'm guessing because of his age and also because of a medical condition he has that requires him to take a lot of medication and also makes him tired often. i expressed this to him, that i wished we had more sex. he told me he'd do whatever i wanted him to do, perhaps take supplements, to increase his libido or even go to a sex therapist to figure something out.

so, questions:

1) what has worked out the best for you guys that have had problems with premature ejaculation? is it even fixable? -sigh-

2) is there anything that can increase male sex drive (such as supplements or anything else you can think of)? i know viagra isn't good for you, but does it increase horniness or does it only help with erectile dysfunction? because he doesnt have problems with getting it up.

any other general suggestions? thanks :)

8 comments post comment

Partner's turn ons [23 Nov 2009|12:48pm]

ecoutez_merci

So....

What turns your partner on in bed?

Just a personal thing, I'm curious.

The more detailed, the better.

:)

24 comments post comment

Agressive persona? [22 Nov 2009|01:11pm]

hearts4sale

So this person and I have been together on and off for almost two years now. Not “exclusive” at the moment, and I’m not sure why that’s relevant in any way, but I’m a little uncertain with the way to conduct these “questions”.

Anyways! To put it in blatant terms, we have a very strong love/hate relationship. He is the most influential person I have ever met but/and (I feel if I use but it implies the following is a problem) we are very, very different in our perspectives which has caused a lot of tension in our relationship before. However, we acknowledge there is some undeniable bond that keeps bringing us back together in some way. Yeahyeahyeah… during sex he is usually (and I use this term loosely) dominate and I submissive. I enjoy being strangled during intercourse (har har) and he was uneasy about the idea at first but loves it now. I know for a fact this goes beyond sexual pleasure, in the sense he probably thinks sometimes, “damn, I wish I was strangling her”. Okay, so that’s not what I think he is word for word thinking, but what I mean to say it’s a good way for him to vent his anger. He is a very aggressive person outside of the bedroom and I’m fully aware of this. (No, he’s not abusive towards me in any way). Recently he said he wants to tie me up and have me squirm around while he does things to me. Now I’m all for this, I’m practically ready to forget about my thesis and drive over right now.

FUNDAMENTAL QUESTION: Is it unusual to participate in sexual scenarios knowing the person is vicariously living through the act of that sexual persona to act out what they would probably like to do to you in real life at times? Most wordy question ever, I realize, but I’m sure you guys could pose it better and then answer.

Personally, I could care less. I’m just interested in what other people have to say

14 comments post comment

Question and something funny [16 Nov 2009|10:37am]

go_ask_her

I've been watching this community for a bit. little intro. im 20 and i'm in a 7month relationship with the love of my life. sex is great except when we are busy and cant do it haha

1. Question, i'm very active, i do rowing yoga and pilates so i dont really get tired or out of breath but my bf smokes and not long ago his job went from construction to maintenance. Hes not like getting fat or anything, hes actually getting thinner and losing muscle... He's a country boy and isn't really into going to the gym, he went once with me but i think its the first and last time he will. Plus he doesnt really have time. i dont wanna just tell him he's getting too thin and should work out..but since i met him i think he lost about 10lbs. he weighs the same as me and im 5'6 and hes 6'2 i dont really know how to go about telling him that i would want him to start at least doing weight and maybe a bit of cardio since he gets out of breath really easily

just something funny
2. i remember one time i was on top and my boyfriend was moving too and he started moving in a circular motion and i noticed that his mouth and chin were moving in a circular motion too and it was so funny and i just started laughing. but i stopped myself. he still does it but i try not to laugh. its just cute

UPDATE:
I convinced him to come to rowing practice tomorrow for weight training :)

17 comments post comment

[18 Nov 2009|08:28am]

67riot

mood- sad

Heyyy hopefully you guys remember me (and my first post) because things are still not working out. I need more advice..
Recap of my problem: My sex drive is apparently way higher than my boyfriend's in recent times and I'm starting to feel like he doesn't
want me anymore...its really hurting my self-esteem. He always tells me i'm soo beautiful/smokin hot and makes sexual remarks etc. throughout the day but we DONT HAVE SEX !! Its been a year and a half and we have sex about 2-3 times a week usually in the morning and its completely passive and lasts 3 minutes. I cant keep doing this I feel rejected all the time.
So in my previous post I made a decision from all of the feedback that i was going to TALK to him about it. Welll......
Turns out i'm really bad at bringing things up and/or talking about issues like this. I'm just to afraid of what will happen. I don't want to talk to him about it and then have him "faking" that hes interested in sex or just doing it to make me happy. I want him to CRAVE me naturally y'know?
I would like some advice regarding how to go about this "talk" <OR> what else I can do to get his attention (mentally and physically) and start having more sex again. Mabye my problem is that I always try to initiate sex at night when we're in bed/winding down? But we are apart for most of the day so what else can i do? Pull him into the bedroom after we walk in the door at 6pm?

Note: He's been working really hard at his job lately..longer hours and doing classes/tests in order to move up and get a raise etc. so I feel bad trying to "force" him into having sex with me if hes really that exhausted @ the end of the day. WHAT TO DO?!???

-helplessly horny

16 comments post comment

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