http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/view/603463/

Yeah, I know, this was the most convoluted way I could have done this. Whatever.

After I read this.



“Levi Johnston,” Kyle announced. “He has these rugged, pretty-boy looks, you know?”

“Is ‘rugged pretty-boy’ not a contradiction?” Kenny asked.

“Kyle,” Stan chided. “You know he’s, like, 18.”

“Well, holla!” Kenny cried. “That’s legal.”

“Just because it’s legal doesn’t make it not sketchy,” Stan said.

“Oooh, but he has that timeless look,” Butters said. “He could be 16, or he could be 30. How would you know?”

“Uh, you would know because him knocking up his girlfriend was national news last year,” Stan said. “Indeed it is why he is famous.”

“Well, I think that was a good choice. Good choice, Kyle. I think Levi Johnston is mighty fine.”

“Thanks, Butters.”

“Aw, no problem, I think you got good taste.”

“You guys are all fags,” Cartman groaned. “Seriously.”

I sent this to Sekrit a million years ago. I'll never finish it. It's so cheesy you could box it and deliver it to a frat party. I'm really into the idea of Gregory as a secret agent (I typed, of course, "sekrit agent") but someone else could execute it better. THIS WAS ONLY MEANT TO BE PORN, but, like a fifteen-year-old's erection, it was lost in the build-up.

Bad French. Check. Lame fight scene. Check. Ike- name-dropping. Check. Sneaky Star Trek references--wait!!

( GregoryxChristophe )

Shortly thereafter, they reconcile and have hot steamy sex, which I did not write.

Oh, Jesus, we can't get to the end of the month without contributing something to sekritstamp, can we? I think I wrote this for imaginaaation and I think I told her that I wasn't going to post this.

I am writing a paper and it's terrible and I want it to end.


( Read more... )

I KNOW IT'S NOT FUNNY OKAY

Ode to my Penis Wound
By Craig Tucker

Rocky the Cocky,
i apologize for injuring you during my fuckery.
it wasn’t like I wanted to hurt you,
but that tiny pickle jar was tight,
and you are a little thicker than i remembered.

you develop like that, you know:
softly while i am asleep,
so as not to disturb me with your gargantuan growth,
as if one day you’ll be the whole pillar of my being.
i will be sooo happy when you are who i am:
all thirteen inches of me,
all man,
the first wonder of a small-dicked world.

i’m going to need a larger pickle jar.

Booyeah, time for my monthly deposit of seminal fluid into the womb that is sekritstamp.

( South Park/Big Love xxxxxover. )

( Happy birthday, Emzy! )

( Happy birthday, Bianca! )

Happy birthday, you guys! Don't do anything we wouldn't do! ... Penis.

I am never going to finis this, and it's been like a month since I put something on this journal, so here you go.

Oh, by the way, the SP website doesn't spell Mephesto/Mephisto consistently, which pisses me off.

( Mephisto/Craig. Yes, really. )

( Where this was going. )

Fabulous. It's awesome that I didn't finish this.

sekrit_omg: The problem is that this isn't a story. I just ... ech, whatever. I always just think you'll be disappointed, because there's more dialogue than I would like, but if someone's going to tea, you know, they're gonna have a conversation.
imaginaaation: I think the whole thing is thematic enough to be cohesive even without a solid plot.  Pffft, I'm never disappointed!  Wait, how much dialogue is there so far?  I haven't seen a lot of it.
sekrit_omg: I'm on page ... 20. I mean, there's some dialogue, it's not like, "I was eating some food, and Kyle said he was hungry and I encouraged him to eat a potato. Hereafter he acquired a potato and complained about the texture, whilst I admonished him for being a picky potato eater. He told me where I could go and what I could do with myself before running off sobbing to the bathroom to compulsively vomit his potato lest he become fat because of it."
imaginaaation: OH MY GOD HAHAHAHA
sekrit_omg: I know, right? That damn bulimic Kyle.
imaginaaation: God, can you post that paragraph in Sekritstamp? 
sekrit_omg: Yeah sure.

Here's a scrap of a story I won't be finishing. In a way, it's great this journal exists, because it's a neat place to post scraps that would otherwise just never see the light of day. I remember a long time ago something called "WIP Amnesty Week" happened in the LOTR fandom, and that was fun. I mean, I didn't write, but I got to read chunks of unfinished work from other people. What was I talking about? Oh, right, some unfinished fic.

I don't happen to think it's particularly good or anything, but hey, it's like barely 1/10 done, complete with my notes for where it was going and everything.

( This is basically about Kyle's penis. )

sekrit_omg: What are you gonna do?
imaginaaation: It totally depends on whether I'm doing anime things or creepy pseudo-realism.
sekrit_omg: Just draw like Kenny and Butters kissing with Kenny wearing a Santa hat and Butters holding mistletoe above their heads. Don't even try. Four minutes. Done. Or like draw Ike holding a menorah. That'll take about 9 seconds.
imaginaaation: No, that's a huge commitment. Perhaps as many as twelve seconds.
sekrit_omg:

imaginaaation: OH MY GOD
sekrit_omg: Yeah, I'm pretty impressed with myself.

Oops, I pulled a Sekrit; this went in my personal journal the first time.

( Kyle is gay. )

imaginaaation: I hope Stan and Kyle enjoy a very active sex life and make their kids stay at Uncle Kenny's while they bang each other.

sekrit_omg: OH MY GOD, fic idea: Stan and Kyle send their little Chinese/intersex children to Uncle Kenny's house while they make more horrible deformed children. Uncle Kenny invites over Uncle Eric and Uncle Butters and they play poker. Uncle Kenny is poor and has no money but he has a flush so he wagers little Chinese and Intersex Broflovski-Marsh. Unfortunately, Uncle Eric has a full house. OOPS. Hilarity ensues when Stan and Kyle try to get their kids back without having to suck anyone's balls.

Does it make you happy? You're so straaaaaaange.

This is for emzyme. I was all going to excuse it and shit, but fuck it. Enjoy. Or don't.

( I always accidentally post things prematurely, kind of like this baby isn't. )

I just found this in my folder. There are two more fragmented parts, but they aren't worth sharing--I mean, even less so than these bits!--so here's half of a shitty death story. ( This was called 'Bridges!' )

So remember when we were like, oh, it's a great idea to use this stupid journal no one's reading for various plot ideas we won't write? No? You must be on drugs.

So, I came up with this idea while I was watching football: Stan is a quarterback for some NFL football team, probably the Broncos, even though that's not how football works. Because this is fan porn, Stan is also gay, and he and Kyle are together, even though one figures someone good enough to play quarterback for a professional football team could get someone way hotter than Kyle, or probably a different way-hotter-than Kyle guy every night of the week, although what can I say, Stan has some pretty low standards.

So Stan is a gay football player, and Kyle encourages him to come out, because that's the sort of highly moral/ethical and yet completely idotic thing Kyle would want Stan to do. So he does, and almost immediately Kyle is hounded by paparazzi. Which, needless to say, he is immediately disgusted by, because he can't go about his important life as a (insert something lamely erudite here) without someone trying to take a picture of him eating banana Yoplait on his lunch break.

I feel woozy.

So imaginaaation mentioned that I sent her part of a proto-deathfic once, and since I have nothing else to put on this fucking thing I might as well just post it here, even though we a) have no watchers, and b) she's already read it.

Note: This is rough, I mean really, and I abandoned it pretty early on to go work on an entirely different deathfic. And when I say SARS, I mean bird flu. I think. I don't know anymore. Oh well.


( Read more... )

Remember how we were going to do a deathfic exchange, and you showed me what you wrote, but I never showed you what I wrote? Here's part of it. It sucks really, really bad. I kind of want to continue because I like what Stan is going to be in it. You won't be able to tell from this, but Stan's supposed to have realized how average he is, and is overcompensating with extracurricular activites because he's afraid everyone will forget him in a few years. Too bad this probably won't come off at all in the story.

Oh well, here's what I have.

( P.S. It's lung cancer. )

This is the best picture I ever drew. It's Stan climbing onto Kyle's roof and realizing that his pants are falling off but he can't pull them up because he'll fall.

hi foodstamp!

test test test

i fucked up our journal!