Gun-totin', Chronic-smokin' Hearse Initiator ([info]ludickid) wrote in [info]seebelow,
@ 2007-02-07 10:48:00
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AtD07!
The holiday season is over, Kyle Richmond has paid off the massive carpet-cleaning bill on the Sanctum Sanctorum, and it's time to get back to business. Everybody's excited about the return of Lost tonight (especially Valkyrie, who hopes that Kate picks Sun over Jack and Sawyer), but the really big news is that it's time for the 2007 season of...



Your questions, please? Speak clearly into the mic.

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[info]bittercupojoe
2007-02-07 04:56 pm UTC (link)
So, it's February. How well have y'all been sticking to your New Year's resolutions?

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[info]calamityjon
2007-02-07 05:56 pm UTC (link)
Hulk: Let Hulk see. Um, Hulk resolve in 2007 to ... Smash. Okay, Hulk is smashing often. Hulk also resolve ... um, be strongest there is. Hulk strongest there is. Um. Lost five pounds. Hulk slimming ...

Hellcat: This is adorable, he's just looking the back of a Dora the Explorer playing card and pretending it says all this stuff.

The Angel: Well, I've been trying to lay off the sauce, but I'd dare you to go three days in this place without having a drink.

Spider-Man: You know, Warren, "having a drink" isn't the problem. "Leaving vomit and feathers all over the upstairs bathroom" is the problem.

Candy Southern: Please, my baby doesn't have a problem, does he? Oh, honey, we're out of checks, by the way ...

Tagak, The Leopard Lord: Well, I've been training to run a marathon this year. I'm feeling pretty confident about it, it's in May, so I still have a couple months. Thing is, my psychic seeing-eye leopard smokes two packs a day, and i don't think he'll be able to do the whole thing. I might have to invest in a helper monkey.

Dracula: Delicious! You know, I am usually havingk nothingk to do with the tinier primates, but there is just something about a helper monkey - so soft, supple, juicy ... I recommend sauteeing in butter with green onions.

Tagak, The Leopard Lord: I ... was actually thinking he could drive a little moped with a sidecar, for my leopard...

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[info]ludickid
2007-02-07 05:56 pm UTC (link)
DR. STRANGE: Having attained mystical perfection many years ago, I disdain the making of such celebratory resolutions. I have been resolute, however, in my close monitoring of my beloved Clea's resolution to stay out of the snack aisle.

ANDROMEDA: I feel like my resolution not to punch Dr. Strange in the back of the head isn't going to last much longer.

WASP: The Interloper made a resolution not to spend so much money on junk, but on January 3rd we got a Hammacher Schlemmer catalog at the Sanctum and within a week he'd bought three robot vacuum cleaners and a thing that makes dancing lights to go with your mp3 player. And, I mean, the guy eats stray dogs.

HELLCAT You know what Bill did, right?

WASP: What?

HELLCAT: He resolved to finally play that Space Invaders game all the kids are talking about. He really said it that way, he said, "That Space Invaders game all the kids are talking about."

CLOUD: We made a resolution to get involved with a support group for other polyandrous sentient nebulae in the New York City area, so we would not feel so isolated. It turned out that there aren't any, so we created one and placed it upon Meetup.com and the MySpace. Those who showed up for our first meeting were upsetting to me.

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[info]head58
2007-02-07 05:00 pm UTC (link)
What are the Defenders doing to commemorate Black History Month?

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[info]ludickid
2007-02-07 05:10 pm UTC (link)
POWER MAN: I 'spect it'll be the same way they do every year: by totally forgetting about it until February 27th or Patsy happens to see a P.S.A. while watching The Hugheleys, whichever comes first. Then one of them, probably Strange, will pat me on the shoulder and say "You're doing a good job, Lucas."

NIGHTHAWK: Last year, my counterpart from the Supreme Power alternate Earth showed up and berated me for half an hour for only having one black guy on my company's board of directors. That was lots of fun.

GARGOYLE: I'm going to read H.G. Wells' The Invisible Man. It's supposed to be a classic depiction of the African-American experience, although I have to say I'm about a third of the way through it and I don't get what it has to do with black history at all.

ICEMAN:: Wrong book, Isaac. Good try, though. I'm going to be taking a black history class at the local community college, for which I expect Hawkeye to call me a fag.

HAWKEYE:: FAG!

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[info]brandawg
2007-02-07 05:01 pm UTC (link)
What should I do for my upcoming bachelor party? Two of my friends' wives have issues with strip clubs (in that they hate them) but I want to see naked ladies!

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[info]calamityjon
2007-02-07 05:23 pm UTC (link)
Dr.Strange: Brandon, young man, think very carefully upon the import of your actions. You are about to embark upon a ceremonial union of the utmost signifigance in the order of the universe, to unite your spirit-self in a state of divinity with another living, loving being. Would you choose to tamper with the sanctity of that ritual by demeaning yourself and others with a debasing in the charnel fleshpots of gross, material flesh?

Damien Hellstrom: Stephen is, of course, full of shit. For thousands of years, matrimonial ceremonies were the subsequent event following a ritualized indulgence of every fleshly desire. I tell you, my grand-dad's shown me woodcarvings of how things flew back in HIS day, and it made strip clubs look like as salacious and decadent as a fat retard reading the Pokey Little Puppy to his pet frog. You want my advice? Burn down the club, take their women, and if the other guys' wives complain? Stick 'em with a kitchen knife.

Dracula: Haha, whoa, slow down Conan!

Damien Hellstrom: Seriously, that's what I'D do.

Dracula: Sure, sure, Dracula is often seeingk you slay hordes with your demonic hellfire-pitchfork, and is not more likely Dracula see you too embarassed to tell waitress at Denny's that you asked for your eggs scrambled, not fried. BIG SHOT CONAN THE BARBARIANK, HAW HAW!

Dr.Strange: In any case, there's no need to use language like that. "Full of shit," indeed.

Hellcat: Crazy thing is, didn't you meet Clea at the Kitty Kat, back in '78 or something, Doc? Haha, I'm just shitting you ...

Clea:: I ...

Tagak, the Leopard Lord: Never mind your friends' wives, how do their psychic seeing-eye leopards feel about this?

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[info]ludickid
2007-02-07 05:24 pm UTC (link)
VALKYRIE: With, with what? What about naked ladies? I...I have to go.

SPIDER-MAN: When Luke got married, we...

POWER MAN: Uh, no you didn't.

SPIDER-MAN: What? That was a total blast! I still have the pictures from when She-Hulk put that barber pole between her...

POWER MAN: No, you don't either, unless you want Mary Jane to know about the you know what.

SPIDER-MAN: The you-know-what? With...with you-know-who?

POWER MAN: And her brother.

SPIDER-MAN: So, yeah, for Luke's bachelor party, we all sat around drinking herbal tea and talking about how much we respect Jennifer. I'm gonna go see what Valkyrie's up to...hey, Babs!

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[info]lurkerwithout
2007-02-07 05:08 pm UTC (link)
Watch much Heroes? Also, what did everyone think of Stan the Man on Who wants to be a super-hero?

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[info]ludickid
2007-02-07 05:16 pm UTC (link)
BEAST: We're, uh, we can't...the thing is, uh...

DR. STRANGE: We are legally enjoined from discussing the person who forms the subject of your second questions. We apologize for the inconvenience and cannot say anything further regarding this matter.

VALKYRIE: The last time we said something about it, there was this huge tear in the fabric of the t...

DR. STRANGE: The last time we said something about it, there was a very costly court decision involved. So we are done discussing that particular subject and Barbara may I see you in my office, please.

GHOST RIDER:: The we say,we saw this ONE GUY ON HEROES, these Chinese who time travels, I liek him he makes the world so jibble dyjibbledy I WANTE TO BE ASUPER CHEEERSLEADER! Where is Jack Danelis live

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[info]calamityjon
2007-02-07 05:45 pm UTC (link)
Spider-Man: Hell, that Stan Lee show is practically our recruitment drive for 2006.

Luke Cage: Glad we got Fat Momma's phone number off that thing, at least, I tell you that much for free.

Spider-Man: You swing weird, Luke.

Janet van Dyne, The Wasp: Oh, don't even talk to me about that show. We girls got together and entered Tagak the Leopard Lord as a contestant, and it was a nightmare from day one. Stan Lee kept trying to change his name to "Leopardman" or "The Leopard," and Tagak wasn't having any of it, because I guess Tagak is his grandfather's name or something. Anyway, then his cat freaked out at the craft table and whizzed on a platter of bagels ...

Tagak the Leopard Lord: I wish you people would stop signing me up for all these self-improvement shows. Remember when "What Not To Wear" tried to get me to trade in my leopard for a capybara and a pair of chinchillas, because they were "slimming?" I don't even know how to talk to people like that.

Tagak, the Leopard Lord:

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[info]rjwhite
2007-02-07 05:14 pm UTC (link)
I've been playing quite a bit of Marvel: Ultimate Alliance lately. I was just wondering how some of you feel about your portrayal in the game?

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[info]calamityjon
2007-02-07 06:01 pm UTC (link)
Nighthawl: You know, I've been playing that thing for days, and I STILL can't unlock the secret Nighthawk level.

Hellcat: Yeah, me too.

Valkyrie: Seriously, I've been playing a team of Doctor Strange, Iceman, Luke Cage and the Silver Surfer, for the Defenders bonus, but still haven't gotten to the unlockable Valkyrie

Dr.Strange: I didn't authorize this!

Luke Cage, Power Man: Ha, um, yeah, you guys keep playing, I'm sure you just about got yourselves unlocked ...

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[info]ludickid
2007-02-07 06:06 pm UTC (link)
POWER MAN: They could have done a better job on my package, man.

DAREDEVIL: I wouldn't know, because I'm blind.

POWER MAN: That was your excuse when I whaled on your ass at Madden '07, too. When you were leading 21-7 you weren't so blind.

INTERLOPER: The glorious Eternal race has long evolved beyond the need for such third-rate entertainments! Look ye, o mortal one, and tremble before the reflected majesty of...Nintendo Sports Golfing for the Wii! Behold you that I am the Mii wearing a gimme cap that says "INTERLOPER"! For surely did Bobby Drake hack it thus!

HULK: WHY HULK NOT IN GAME? WHY? WHY NOT EVEN AS UNLOCKABLE BONUS CHARACTER? IT MAKE HULK SO ANGRY!!!!!

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[info]jackfear
2007-02-07 05:20 pm UTC (link)
Any thoughts re: the astronaut-on-astronaut-on-astronaut love-and-attempted-kill triangle that is so enlivening the news cycle?

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[info]calamityjon
2007-02-07 05:32 pm UTC (link)
Red Guardian: Is amateur hour bullshit! When we in old Sowiet Union space programski is wanting to kill rival for affections, is putting on diapers and chasing across state lines? No! Is becoming girl Friday to omnipotent space-bereaucrat who is using psychic powers to enslave all rivals friends and coworkers. Then fellow astronaut become some sort mutant with power to wield darkforce, there is big fight, couple cities is destroyed maybe, everyone hug and cry, then we drink and dancing and no grudges is held. Much better, the Russian way.

Ghost Rider: I don't even like MAN DIAPERS? Why didn't I think of that?? ?Like, I been doing it in a Gatorade bottle and fucking threeee-owing it, all, fuckin' at COPS and SHIT!

Luke Cage, Power Man Yeah, to be perfectly honest, that shit freaks me out a little. Because crazy astronaut bitches ain't got NOTHING on crazy SUPERHERO bitches, and I got WAY more than two on my junk since back in the day. That could come back hard on Mrs.Cage's favorite boy, you know?

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[info]spinooti
2007-02-07 05:25 pm UTC (link)
So I enjoy my job, and have amazing and supportive co-workers who have genuinely become my very good friends... but the pay is beans, and will forever be beans, and I am no good at living on beans. What should I do?

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[info]ludickid
2007-02-07 05:39 pm UTC (link)
HULK: Hulk like beans. What wrong with beans? Why lady no like beans? Like beans!

BEAST: Boy, do you, big fella. You like beans so much that there are often huge divots taken out of neighboring buildings.

ICEMAN: Unfortunately, Anne, you're asking the wrong bunch for career advice. Half of this group -- I'm talking Wasp, Strange, Kyle, Patsy and Daimon, and a bunch of others -- are billionaires for whom "living within their means" means only buying one Lexus a week. The other half are people like Ghost Rider, Hulk, Interloper, Hawkeye...you know, guys who eat whatever they find in the garbage that doesn't have mouse teeth in it.

HAWKEYE: Hey! I got a good job!

ICEMAN: You're a circus performer.

HAWKEYE: I get free peanuts. Do you get free peanuts at whatever your job is, loser?

BEAST: Anyway, this will sound trite, but stay in school if you possibly can, develop a network of like-minded professionals, learn to budget, and try and make yourself essential to your employers. And always "marry up" in the job market.

SILVER SURFER: On glorious Zenn-La, forgotten jewel of the infinite skies, perfect crystalline expression of universal expression, I found that if you stayed late to do extra work and didn't ask for more money, your employer would really appreciate it.

MOONDRAGON: So it wasn't just Galactus. You're really some kind of Platonic ideal of the cosmic suck-up.

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[info]jtron
2007-02-07 06:13 pm UTC (link)
So, what are y'all doing for Valentine's Day?

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[info]ludickid
2007-02-07 07:58 pm UTC (link)
INTERLOPER: Okay, listen. I might not be the most romantic guy in the world. My plans usually revolve around strangling someone and leaving their corpse posed to look like whatever my favorite letter of the alphabet is that day. But you want to get put off romance for the rest of your born days? Hang around the Sanctum Sanctorum on February 14th. First of all, the Hulk will be in the back garden, pulling the blooms off of sunflowers and asking a bug why Betty not love Hulk no more. If he's in town, Namor will inevitably ask for "one of your surface dweller's measuring tapes" so he can calculate exactly how far is the 100 yards the restraining order requires him to stay away from Sue Storm. Then the Surfer will ask everyone if they want to hear the latest eight-billion-word poem he wrote about Shalla Bal. Oh, and of course, Patsy and Daimon will do whatever godawful thing they do that makes them both come out bloody and smelling like a wet otter the next morning, while Valkryie stands outside their door and mutters "Why? Why?" all night. The Vision and the Scarlet Witch will come back late and brag about how their dinner out at Red Lobster followed by whatever piece-of-shit Hal Hartley movie is in town was way better than anything the rest of us might have done, oh! And, let's not forget, Cloud will make out with itself, which is a treat for the eyes that makes a body feel suicidal all over. You should come by!

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[info]rjwhite
2007-02-07 06:22 pm UTC (link)
Were there any friendly wagers on this year's Super Bowl?

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[info]rjwhite
2007-02-07 06:55 pm UTC (link)
Classy.

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[info]ludickid
2007-02-07 07:11 pm UTC (link)
POWER MAN: Man, that even grosses me out. Don't we have security in here?

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[info]ludickid
2007-02-07 07:35 pm UTC (link)
MOONDRAGON: The "boys" won't let me play with them anymore, because they're afraid that losing their money to a woman will make their already-shriveled testicles withdraw into their oil-fattened bodies to keep company with their likewise-hidden courage, decency and sense of justice.

HAWKEYE: Yeah, that plus you can tell the future. I lost a wad on the Super Bowl, to be honest with you, because I thought that Grossman's adjusted yards-per-carry ratio would improve on a weekend game in a rainy climate. It's like Neyer said in his StatHound column last week: if you use weighted averages, you're only...

BEAST: This is all fascinating, Clint, be a dear and go ice up our lemonades, won't you, there's a sport.

NIGHTHAWK: I think Wanda was actually the big winner this year. Which of course had nothing to do with her ability to alter reality on a whim. The Bears probably really won by like 27 points and she just flipped it so she could clean up.

SCARLET WITCH: I just had a good feeling about Indometrapolis!

HULK: HULK BET FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS ON CHOCOLATE.

WASP: We let him do it, because his money is made out of old cheeseburger wrappers.

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[info]thebitterguy
2007-02-07 06:39 pm UTC (link)
Now that Ghost Rider and Spider-Man have movies on the way this year, are any of the other Defenders planning on making the move to the Silver Screen?

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[info]ludickid
2007-02-07 07:26 pm UTC (link)
ICEMAN: There was already a movie about Candy.

BEAST: HA HA HA, man, that thing stunk!

CANDY SOUTHERN: Shut up, you jerks, that wasn't about me at all. WARREN! Tell them to shut up and that they're jerks.

ANGEL: Uh, shut up, jerks.

SPIDER-MAN: Hey, Eric, tell them about your pitch! Your movie, what's it called?

DEVIL-SLAYER: To Slay a Devil?

SPIDER-MAN: Yeah! Tell them about To Slay a Devil!

DEVIL-SLAYER: Well, it's an original treatment I came up with about a kindly, decent Vietnam veteran who wins a trip on a big cruise ship, right? Because he's hardworking and honest and he can't afford to go on the trip himself. And along the way, he falls in love with a princess, who is like way out of his league, but she loves him anyway because he is so good. Then the ship is attacked by demons, who hit it with a magical iceberg...

SPIDER-MAN: Which is called what?

DEVIL-SLAYER: A "hell-berg".

SPIDER-MAN: Awesome. Please continue.

DEVIL-SLAYER: Anyway, it turns out at the last moment that the vet has a magical cloak he can pull weapons from, and through the power of his goodness and love, he saves the ship and kills all the demons and melts the hell-berg, and the princess marries him and he becomes King of France. I think it's got blockbuster appeal, but it's been 11 years and I can't seem to interest anyone in the script.

SPIDER-MAN: Amazing.

WASP: Hey, Surfer, you're in the next Fantastic Four movie, right?

MR. FANTASTIC: He's got a featured role, Jan.

SILVER SURFER: Well, yes, but...

NIGHTHAWK: Oh, here we go.

NAMORITA: Fa reals, brah. You always straight trippin about how shit was so tight back on ya homes worl, how all the air be like perfume and the Big Macs come wid extra special sauce and how dog shit made roses spring out the sidewalk, but ya shiny ass ain't gone tell me that they ever made a movie about you back then, are you?

SILVER SURFER: ...the popcorn was better on Zenn-La.

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[info]head58
2007-02-07 07:46 pm UTC (link)
You know, from the first half of Devil-Slayer's pitch, I thought he was talking about The Fifth Element. Actually, except for the King of France part, it's pretty spot-on.

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[info]randymonki
2007-02-07 06:46 pm UTC (link)
How does this whole Civil War thing affect your guy's meetings?

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[info]ludickid
2007-02-07 07:47 pm UTC (link)
BEAST: You know what? It hasn't really come up that often. I mean, we're a pretty informal outfit as it is, so it's not like we had a lot of meetings and decided for it or against it. We just don't let it get in the way of, of...

SCARLET WITCH: Of whatever it is we do around here.

BEAST: Exactly.

ICEMAN: I mean, if you want to get right down to it, most of us are anti-reg -- the X-Men are officially neutral, so that's me and Warren and Hank, as is Doc Strange; Cage, Moon Knight, DD, Namor, Vision, and Falcon are all anti-reg, and of course Cap is a Defender. Ghost Rider and Hulk are both unregistered, although that has more to do with their level of brain function than any kind of ethical stance.

GARGOYLE: I think the only ones of us who have made a pro-reg stand are Black Widow and Nighthawk, and I'm pretty sure when Kyle signed up he thought it was to register his car.

WASP: Patsy and I just joined because your registration card gets you 15% off at Filene's Basement.

BEAST: Oh, and of course, Mr. Fantastic is a Defender, but it's pretty well established that he thinks we're some kind of Catholic children's charity.

ICEMAN: I tell you one thing, though.

ANGEL: What?

ICEMAN: It's given Pete a whole new big thing to feel angsty about.

ANGEL: MAN, TRUE.

SPIDER-MAN: I'm conflicted, dudes!

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[info]ezrael
2007-02-07 08:26 pm UTC (link)
Why did you guys say no to the Defenders crossing over with the Justice League or the New Gods? I really don't get why the Defenders don't do more cross-company team ups. I was all set for Defenders/Legion of Super Heroes and then it didn't happen. Are you guys just opposed to team ups?

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[info]blake_reitz
2007-02-08 06:44 pm UTC (link)
When Doctor Doom or Magneto or Ruby Tuesday or whoever finally decides to make an Anti-Defenders team, who is going to be your thematic counterpart in it? Or is it a moot point?

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Bi Curious
[info]psylocke_0
2008-06-16 01:30 pm UTC (link)
Do Ms. Marvel or Valkyrie ever slut it up?

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