| Let's stop here |
[25 Feb 2006|12:03am] |
My nerves were pretty jangled this morning, but that all seems to be gone now.
I didn't know where I was going, I just had several things on my mind. I suppose I was just trying to get away from all the people and the noise. I keep losing focus, I feel so hungry but I don't know for what. And then there's this piece of jewelry I stole from a demon, and my nightmares which for slayers could mean something or absolutely nothing. Oh and this whole lame prom deal. It all freaking frustrates me and I want to shout or something. But then somehow I ended up here, by this creek, with Xander. I didn't say much along the way, and I'm pretty sure he probably said a few things, which I might have ignored or not heard. Guess I was walking ahead of him a bit.
"Well we're here"
here being, I have no idea but it seems nice enough a place to stop and maybe 'talk'.
"Oh, are you out of breath? I don't walk that fast do I?"
((open to Xander))
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| Can we talk? |
[16 Feb 2006|12:49pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
I walked back to school, not really knowing why I was going there in the first place since it was over and I so did not want to deal with Wesley, but I think? I think a part of me was hoping to find Will. Maybe even Xander, since I needed to tell someone about the Prom.
Mom wasn't going to be happy once she found out who I was going with, after all.
But, I saw Oz getting ready to leave campus and took a shot. Yeah, fine. He was Mister Quiet Guy, but I was desperate. I needed to spill my guts and maybe because he was so quiet? It would work in my favor. After all, he'd pretty much be forced to listen, right?
"Oz!!!" I ran up to him, with a huge smile on my face. "Ok, I missed school totally since I ditched, but maybe you could catch me up on everything and ANGEL IS TAKING ME TO PROM!!!"
It was one sentence. In one breath.
I must have sounded like an idiot. I honestly didn't care.
"So, um... you and Will going to Prom, right?"
See? I could think of other people besides just me. Sometimes.
((Open to Oz))
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| Not-So-Cookie Guilt |
[03 Nov 2005|02:07am] |
I think that I had developed a 'rep'.
That, or at least a very solid image of projected steadiness. Yes, this had for the most part always been there, but when your Study Hall teacher assumed that you have already done all your studying? Did I hang out with books too much? Or did everyone actually think that all of our time in the library was for -- school?
No, that couldn't be it, because I knew if several of our teachers were capable of giving Xander 'Triple Study Hall', they would. Buffy too. She had that thing. The one where teacher's don't like to give up on you thing. The principal was something else all together.
Which left me back, at having a 'rep'. I smiled just a little, after checking that no one was looking. Still, I was left with an entire free period before lunch, and then left after that, with the not being sure what to do with it. It left my mind with entirely too much freedon. Freedom, to do as it pleased. Freedom, to think. Freedom, to -- guilt.
I was back to thinking about Wesley.
That really hadn't been my best side the day before. And thus, the guilt. Not cookie baking guilt mind you. I had spelled that out, tripple letter score and all, for Buffy the night before. But my steps were slowing. Cookie guilt, no. Vending machine guilt, yes?
My friend, the vending machine. I pressed one plaintative hand to the glass. Could it helped ease what bothered me so? I was, for one, willing to believe. Pulling out some change, I made my selction and headed to the library.
Wesley was bound to be there right now.
I hoped that he liked Funions.
((open to Wesley))
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| Waking |
[19 Sep 2005|04:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pensive |
] |
I yawned and rubbed at my eyes a bit, then snuggled back into Angel's arms and...
Omigod. Crap.
Crap. Crap. Crap!
"Angel. Angel, wake up!" I pushed at his shoulder until he fell off his bed. Peering off the side, I winced inwardly for him. "Um... sorry?" I hopped off and then ran around the room, trying to find my shoes I'd taken off to get comfy. Finally finding them, I shoved them on my feet in a hurry, looking at my watch.
"Omigod, I wasn't supposed to stay here. As in stay here, I mean, I wanted to and it was so great that you did... I missed school!" My arms flailed uselessly in sheer panic-mode as I tried to get him to understand.
Ok, It had totally been my idea to ditch school for alone-time with Angel, but still.
I had missed school completely!
"Omigod, Angel, what am I going to do? I'm supposed to patrol, and then there's stupid Wesley I have to deal with, and Willow was supposed to talk to me later about everything with her and Oz, and..."
I paused to finally take a breath.
"Prom!"
I'd never gotten around to asking Angel, technically. We'd just started our making-out-session and fallen asleep. I bit my lip and looked at him nervously, hoping that due to the entire "I love yous" that we'd shared, he'd say yes. To going. To Prom.
And that he knew what the heck I was even talking about.
((Open to Angel))
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| It was just a dream |
[08 Jul 2005|12:10am] |
I’ve been having really strange dreams for the past few nights. They feel so real too. In this last one I was walking down an alley at night, the lights were green though, then a red cat jumped out and hissed at me, I hissed back and tried to catch it, I wanted to strangle it since it scared me a little. It got away. Then I was in a restaurant with someone, I was laughing and smiling, and eating vanilla ice cream making a big mess, but that quickly ended when the floor broke in half, everything on that other side fell down deep into this huge hole, including my date. I was crying because I knew that he was gone just like everything else. I was standing before this hole, and almost lost my balance when a large white dove person grabbed my arm and kept me from falling in. I held onto their hand real tight, then I heard someone screaming “No!” and when I wrapped my arms around this thing, the cry grew louder. It made me laugh I could made this voice so angry, and when I had let go of the creature it flew away. I was now back in that alley, but there were a lot of people there this time, I was trying to see if I could find anyone I knew, but I couldn’t, and the crowd just kept getting bigger, it was hard for me to make my way through them. I finally made my way across all of them, but I was facing a fence, on the other side there was everyone I knew, I yelled out, but they couldn’t hear me and walked off. And when I turned around someone stabbed me, I couldn’t see who it was since there were so many people, and I couldn’t fight back because I was so weak. Then I fell to the ground and bled to death, and no one cared.
That’s when I woke up from that one. I just don’t get it, like poems they don’t make sense sometimes. Well, what do you think?
I think you should have a decent weapon that you can whip out and fight back at any given moment. I think that’s what your problem was in this one, said the mayor. He handed me a blade, it was really cool, and it was the first time in a long time anyone had given me a gift. I like it more because of that.
Wait a sec, what are you doing in my motel room? I asked. He didn’t say anything he just smiled.
Okay, I woke up for real and was wide awake this time. That last dream, with the mayor, what the shit? Well, now it seemed kind of silly, thinking about it now. Yeah, it was silly. Why would I just go out and tell someone about my dreams. Whatever. I scrounged up a bunch of change that I had lying around and decided to go for a walk.
The other dream I was still a little upset about. I felt I now had to always be on watch, the feeling of a knife in my gut wasn’t so great. I couldn’t let it happen. Ever.
Walking down this all too familiar street, I went into this coffee place, that had no walls. And asked for the most caffeine filled coffee they had.
((Open to Xander))
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| Looking for an Angel |
[27 Jun 2005|12:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stressed |
] |
Willow and Oz were perfect. Well, not perfect, perfect, but pretty darn close. When he came to pick her up and I waved good-bye, lying was something I hadn't really counted on. But, I'd done it and therefore I was most decidedly not perfect. I couldn't even blame the fact that my boyfriend - was he my boyfriend? - was all supernatural or anything since Oz was furry once a month.
But they'd even gone through a rough patch and came out ok. Couldn't I do the same? I'd only, oh, sent Angel to hell and we couldn't ever have sex again... ever. I was pretty sure. Ugh, I HATED feeling like this!
Which, of course, was why I was ditching school to go spend time with Angel today at the mansion. Well, that and the fact that I'd totally chickened out on the whole Prom-deal, so I'd have to fix that.
I ran over to the mansion and, as I figured, Angel was awake (did he ever sleep?) and reading a book. One of those kinda books that if I tried to read it, I'd feel dumb. Or else wouldn't be able to since it was in French or Latin or something. I closed the drape behind me and stepped inside slowly, putting my hair into place before waving.
"Hey."
Awkward much?
"Um, thanks. For helping me out the other night with those... um, just thanks." I smiled and looked around, trying to find a place to sit and not really seeing any - so I walked up to him and he had to look up at me for a change. Which totally made me nervous, but what else could I do? Options were limited.
"You look good." Ugh, just ask, Buffy! Say it! Or, at least say something!
"Are we going out? Like, dating? Boyfriend/girlfriend... or... not? I mean, are we friends or - ok, we'll always be friends - but... is that all we are?"
((Open to Angel))
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| Home is where the Willow is. |
[17 Jun 2005|09:50pm] |
I’d gotten back into town the night before and had briefly thought about giving Willow a call, but it’d been past eleven and she had school the next morning so odds were that she was in bed. I waited, going to my place to unpack and grab some sleep.
The next morning I called Will’s house. Her mom picked up, sounding none too pleased with such an early morning call for her daughter, but I was finally able to get her to tell me Will was at Buffy’s.
Driving over to the house on Revello Drive, I let my mind wander over our relationship. I’d pretty much gotten over the whole finding her and Xander kissing in the warehouse when we’d charged in to rescue them thing, but I couldn’t help feel that they would always share a much deeper bond than Will and I ever could because they’d known each other so long.
Don’t get me wrong, I completely believe that Willow loves me and is sorry for what she did… but there’ll always be a part of me that wonders if she regrets not being with Xander. I try to keep those thoughts somewhere in the back of my brain under lock and key.
I pulled up in front of Buffy’s and all those past hurts faded away as I saw Willow coming out the front door.
It’s good to be back in Sunnydale.
I got out of the van and went around and up the walkway to meet her.
“Hey,” I said, smiling.
|
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| Going home...or not. |
[28 May 2005|02:29pm] |
Willow took off for Buffy's for a sleepover, so I headed home. I always felt a little left-out when the two of them had their "girl time," but I knew there was just some things that couldn't include a guy. Girl talk, a.k.a. The Truth. Man just wasn't meant to hear such things. It could drastically change the status quo if guys knew what girls really thought.
So yeah, that part I understood, but still felt cheated out of being able to witness the girls in their respective sleepwear.
Lost in thoughts of lingerie that my rational mind knew neither of my best friends would ever wear, I suddenly found myself coming up on my house. The lights were on and as I got closer I could hear Mom and Dad. Well, mostly Dad. He was yelling. What a shocker.
I veered away from the front door and headed around the side of the house. I climbed the drain-pipe to my bedroom window and crawled inside. Turning on the lamp next to my bed I surveyed the disaster that was my sleeping quarters. After a few minutes, I finally found the bag of chips that would serve as my dinner. I sat down on my bed and turned on the radio, keeping it low so I didn't alert them to my presence.
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| Pulling Myself Together |
[16 May 2005|10:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
frustrated |
] |
With a heavy sigh, I shut off the taps in the boys' washroom sink and looked up into the mirror. Though I'd managed to stop sniffling, my eyes were still a touch red-rimmed and moist, and at this point, I wasn't sure if there were anything to be done about it. Thankfully, I'd at least restored myself to an un-disheveled state, presentable enough to face the empty, all-but-deserted school.
Father's voice, which unfailingly accompanied pathetic situations such as this, had gone silent, and a part of me was glad of not having to listen to the imagined diatribe any longer, particularly after so long of it already. The rest of me understood, though, that the real Roger Wyndam-Pryce would have long ago dismissed and, embarassed, abandoned me to my distraught display.
Why in the world had I let those two teenagers do this to me? I asked myself for the fourty-second time. I knew my own authority, I knew my own abilities and intellect and pedigree. The Watchers' Council had tasked me-- me-- to oversee Buffy and Faith's training, and I would not be swayed from that mission by a dressing down administered by a pair of underaged civilians.
Taking another deep breath and mentally willing the figure in the mirror to display some backbone, I exited the washroom and walked back, head high and back straight to the library. Which I found empty. Shoulders slumping just a touch, I gathered up my things and locked up, sure that wherever Xander and Willow were now, they were enjoying themselves a great deal.
I was walking across the lot to my car when I spotted a familiar burgundy shape only a few stalls down from my own small vehicle. A tall, dark-haired form stood beside the car, apparently speaking quite animatedly into a cell phone.
"Cordelia?" I asked as I reached the cars. "Is something wrong?"
((Open to Cordelia))
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| Slumber Party! |
[16 May 2005|09:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
I walked home, stifling a yawn, and opened the door to see Mom waiting up for me. Smiling, I nodded at her. "It's ok, Mom. I'm safe and sound. You can go to sleep now... uh, is Will here yet?" After she shook her head 'no', I sighed, hoping everything had gone ok at the library but... it had been WESLEY. So who knew.
I changed into my cow jammies, popped some popcorn, and got out a videotape I'd rented of "Pretty Woman" since we'd both decided romantic-comedy was in order. After all, our love-lives right now weren't exactly normal - what with me dating a vamp (I think?) and Will dating a werewolf.
Plus the whole Slayer and witchy-thing?
Yeah, we needed a nice girls' night of something resembling normal right now.
I was eating some of the popcorn and licking the fake butter off my fingers, sipping some Mt. Dew every now and then, as the doorbell rang. Finally! I scrambled and tugged Willow inside, shutting the door behind her with a big grin on my face.
"You made it! You're here!" I hugged her, deciding we should talk about research and her life since mine at the moment? Not so much with the happy.
Yeah, let's not even get into Faith screwing things up or me chickening out on the entire Angel-deal.
"So, tell me everything... what happened?"
((Open to Willow))
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|
| Working the Research |
[04 Apr 2005|11:41pm] |
"Willow, I hope you're up for some more 'hacking' into city records," I said, trying to lighten the mood at least a bit. "We need to dig up any information we can about the Mayor, particularly if we're not dealing with a human."
"Oh Wesley," I answered back. "You make that sound positively underhanded." I settled down at the the library's computer, pulling and tugging at the chair until I was good and comfy. I cast a quick look to see if Buffy was proud of my comeback, but she was already gone. I felt my mouth tilt a bit. "I figure if they want to be so kind as to have such poorly devised security systems that I can find an unlocked backdoor or two? Then they really must want me there in the first place."
I logged in and played with the keybord for a bit, trying not to think too hard about Buffy and Faith spending another night together. I couldn't remember the last time I hd spent time with my best friend post sunset. I don't know why the idea of Faith hurt more than Angel, but I couldn't help it.
So.
Then.
Oz. Yes, Oz was always the inducer of good thoughts. I focused on him, continuing to scroll through page after page on the monitor.
"Well," I announced after a while. "Anywhere specific you wanted me to go, cause the net? Kind of a big place, even just the City Records side of it."
((open to Wesley and whoever else is a card carrying member of the research gang!))
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| Night Out |
[04 Apr 2005|03:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
I almost squealed with delight when I read Willow's paper with the big YES on it. Ok, now she and I had to totally go shopping for dresses together! Of course, I had to talk to Angel, first. Tonight, at patrol. I mean, it wasn't like he was gonna say no or anything.
"All right, while Buffy and Faith patrol, the rest of us will remain here for research purposes."
I grabbed my bag and did my best to ignore Cordelia, as I motioned for Faith to follow me. "C'mon, lemme drop this off at home, grab a snack, and then we can head out like our, uh... boss says," I added with a snicker, hoping that Wesley caught it before the two of us headed out.
I made sure to grab plenty of chocolate for Faith, since I was figuring she hadn't eaten much today anyways, and gave her some after I'd given Mom a kiss on the cheek and promised we'd be back before 10-ish.
I threw my stake up in the air, caught it, then threw it up again. "God, what are we gonna do with Giles gone and Wesley in charge?" I asked Faith as we wandered from one cemetery to the next. "I mean, really," I sighed, catching my stake again as I sighed, looking for Angel.
He said he'd meet me... err, us - sometime tonight. I took a bite of some of the chocolate, wondering exactly what Faith was thinking, then finally just asked.
"So, how're you doing anyways? Fitting in ok?" I knew Willow didn't really seem all that keen on her, and I couldn't figure out why, but Xander seemed ok enough with her from what I could tell.
((Open to Faith & Angel))
|
|
| Study Time |
[26 Mar 2005|12:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bored |
] |
Oh. My. God.
Could Algebra have been any more boring? Ugh. I think I kept looking over at Willow tons of times trying to figure out how she knew the answers to everything, and snickering with Xander everytime she would raise her hand and totally get brownie points with the teacher.
Thank God it was the last class, though, and as soon as the bell rang, I ran out of there. Getting to my locker, I opened it, grabbed whatever books I figured I'd need to have Willow help tutor me with, and ran over to the library. I'd promised Giles, after all, that I'd be there for our pow-wow on the Mayor and everything.
"So, what's up, cuz I need to totally go slay something before I--"
I stopped and dropped my books on a table as I saw that Giles was leaving us alone with Wesley. Ugh, Mr. Stick-shoved-up-my-butt. I so wanted to just walk over there, pull his dorky glasses off, and smash them on the ground a few times.
Sighing into a seat, I grabbed one of the books Giles had left out with a note that said READ ME. "What is this, Alice in Wonderland?" I pouted, then opened it up and decided I'd been wrong. Algebra wasn't boring.
This was.
"So, what's the sitch? Willow and Xand should be here soon." Whether or not Faith - which, ok, I had to admit it was sorta cool that there was another Slayer again so we could be freaks together - or Cordelia would show up, though? No clue.
And Angel. Mmm... ok, stop. Thinking. Right. Now. It wasn't even night yet! He was probably sleeping the sleep of the undead or something.
"Sorry, my mind wandered for a sec... anyhoo, anything new on the Mayor?"
((Open to Wesley, Willow, Xander, Faith, and Cordy!))
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