grateful recovering addicts
Aug. 25th, 2009
10:46 am - My message of recovery
Hey all.
I am a greatful recovering addict named Jupiter. I just wanted to introduce myself.
By thre grace of my Goddess on the 7th of next month I will have 11months which is the longest amount of continous clean time I have been able to have in the last 27 years I had used.
What is different about this time is that I am going to meetings and working a program of recovery. What I wish to convey is that this does work.
Little by little each day, I am losing the compulsion to use, and replacing it with a desire to live, and have found a life worth living.
It hasn't been all sunshine and roses. The last 10 and a half months have been full of hell and suffering, but the hell and suffering I have been through inside of the meetings hasn't been near as painful as it would have been outside.
I have finally discovered why people say to get involved and do service work, and reach out to others as well as form relationships outside of the rooms because if I hadn't, when the shit hit the fan, I definitely would have relapsed several times had I not had formed the tight knit support group that I have.
I cannot stress enough how vital that has been for my recovery. What works for me however, may not work for others, but I'm going to venture a guess and say if you're struggling that it just might.
I have found hope in NA that I never had, or knew existed. I'm no longer a lost soul wandering the streets looking for my next fix, and to tell you the truth, I don't even miss the hustle of the lifestyle much anymore, or the chaos that went with it.
The serenity I have and am finding in each moment is something I will not give up so easily again. This is a fight; one worthwhile, because today I have things I never dreamt I could have in a million years-A beautiful life, a beautiful family, and a new home I am moving into this week.
I've gone from being homeless, losing everything and having an unmanageable life, and being chaotic to serene, and getting my own house, and I'm even starting to look for employment-I've been on Social Security for two years because I've been unemployable, and next year I am returning to school.
I came in not believing in anything or anyone. Not even myself.
You see, in recovery, when you work a program , you can get things back, and there is hope-So don't ever give up-And don't use-No matter what!
Aug. 18th, 2009
10:37 pm - So its day three............
No one beside my girlfriend, ex-girlfriend, and my sponsor knows but, after 13 years clean and 2 years slacking, I relapsed on Percosets. I went through a few days of hell, puking and sweeting, of my bones being ripped out through my back, but survived ok.
Now it is back to the beginning..........sort of
It feels good to come clean........(no pun intended)
Thursday I will tell everyone else
and Saturday my home group will know
Ray
3 days clean
Jun. 22nd, 2009
08:32 am
Awhile back I went to the "doors to recovery" meeting in Rochester and I won a Limited Edition Basic Text in a raffle. It was someones anniversary and they had bought it for the group. In group conscience we decided to raffle it off and the proceeds would go to the area or whatever. Low and behold they drew my name from he hat and I won a brand new Basic Text.
I figured that since I won it I should at least read it and put it to its designed use. Having such a nice gift sit on a shelf in the office would be a crime, punishable by relapse. Its almost like God said, "Heres the payback for all the books you've given to newcomers over the years" kinda thing. I believe everything comes backa round at least once... everything.
I have been chipping away at the first ten chapters for about two weeks or so and I am now to the "stories" section of the book. The Sixth Edition, the one I have, is basically just the last edition with revised personal stories at the end of it. Its a better way for newcomers to identify with the program by reading something that is relativley recent and relevent to todays society. In the new edition they saved some excerpts from the previous stories and as I was reading them I had a flashback to early recovery.
When I was new, and I mean "new new" not "old new", I got this glimpse of me in my old apartment. I was dating/engaged to an addict who would not stop using, and we were living with my dad in Shelby Twp MI. I had an addict cousin who would come over and stay with us sometimes for the weekend and would then go back to KY, his homestate. The flashback was of my cousin and my dad in the living room watching a movie and my ex sleeping in bed with our T.V. on. It was night time and I wanted to read my original basic text, the fifth edition, you know the kind with everyother line highlighted and underlined. With nowhere to read being as my livingroom was in use, and my bedroom was dark, I went into my closet and turned the light on. Their I laid on my stomach somewhat and read "Fat Addict" , "Mid-pacific Serenity", etc. Here I am in this stupid closet, that probably still had drugs hidden away in it that I forgot about, reading NA literature. And I stayed clean. Today I read the Basic Text on my couch in my own living room. "And the loser now will be later to win, oh the times they are a changin'"
Jun. 12th, 2009
07:19 pm - Question about heroin withdrawals
Hi guys.
I've been a member of this community for some time now, am a recovering alcoholic, and will have six months next month! I think it's important to bring awareness to addiction issues, and while I'm not comfortable talking about my own issues on my main journal, I do write fiction. I have written several drug stories already, and it has actually helped me quite a bit in my own recovery.
I am working on a new one that deals with heroin addiction. I need to know what withdrawals are like and how bad they can get before going to the hospital is the only safe option. (I know you technically probably should go, but my character isn't and I'd prefer him not to.) Everything I've found online is so generic, but I am looking for more specific things, personal experiences or whatever you can share.
Thank you!
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/smile.gif){kind=small}
hopefulMar. 16th, 2009
08:59 am - Trauma
I'm really struggling right now after some recent trauma. Any help/encouragement would be nice. I keep everything in my personal journal so I can lock down if I ever need to, but everything is public right now. Thanks.
Feb. 14th, 2009
12:53 pm - Recovery
So I find myself one day from 11 years...
( Got long so I cut it for your convenience )
calmFeb. 7th, 2009
03:23 pm - Emotions Anonymous Podcast
Emotions Anonymous (EA) is a twelve-step fellowship for people with mental and emotional illness, such as: mood disorders, anxiety disorders, dissociative disorders, personality disorders, etc.
The Emotions Anonymous Podcast posts recordings of Emotions Anonymous speakers with news and updates about the fellowship.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/syndicated.gif){kind=small}
eapodcastCrossposted to
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small}
syn_promo, sober_freaks, rcvrng_addicts, overeaters_anon, emotionsanonymo, fightdepression, clean_n_sober, alanon, ala_not, acoaJan. 31st, 2009
12:11 am - The Horrors Of Addiction
I've known Brian for awhile. Then I got to know his girlfriend Krystal. Two great, fun, people. Both recovering addicts.
They got pregnant. Brian replapsed. He'd stay clean for bit and use again. Krystal gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a month or so ago. Brian continued to bounce in and out of the rooms.
Krystal finally had enough and said go to rehab or go. He went to detox and then to a 6 month treatment facility. He left treatment early a few days ago.
Today I got the call that everyone dreads. Brian is dead.
As it turns out, he called Krystal today and told her loves her and he's so sorry.
After he got off the phone with her, he slit his own throat.
I just want to scream at him how the fuck could just give up like that? What about your fucking son??
What about the woman who loves and who has stood by you?? Your friends? Your family?
Yet on the other hand, I all too well know the horrors of this disease. As you all do as well.....
The disease tells us to just give up. Some of us keep up the fight to keep the disease arrested. Others, like Brian, can't see past the despair.
Tonight, please say a prayer for my friends. Say a prayer, too, for the sick and suffering addicts out there. The one's who don't know they have choice and the one's who forget the have a choice.
Jan. 13th, 2009
Jan. 11th, 2009
03:03 pm
I'm looking for other people who are Christian and 12 steppers, NA in particular. It works for me. I don't have anything against other fellowships or ways of recovering. Friend me, message me, comment me, whatever, just don't start a debate over religion or any other crap. Thanks.
Dec. 14th, 2008
04:19 pm - Being there for a friend
One of my best friends in recovery relapsed this weekend. I thank whatever is out there that she didn't end up in the hospital or die. I'm so grateful that she decided to tell me. She said she knew she could tell me because of how close we are. I would never judge her. The only advice I could give to her is that she's gotta dust herself off and get back up again. That was what my dad told me when I relapsed last year. I'm glad she doesn't want to continue to use and is going to a meeting tonight. I'm going to meet her there. It makes me want to cry, but I know she's a strong person and will get through this.
I know many of you don't know who I mean, but can you please keep her in your thoughts for me? Say a prayer or whatever you like to do.
Much love.
gratefulNov. 5th, 2008
05:34 pm
I dont pick up drugs today because I dont believe the lie in my head. I dont believe what my disease tells me today. I dont pick up drugs because I see what it did to my family and my close friends. I dont pick up drugs today because I was granted a second try by God, and I dont know if his grace guarantees a third. I dont pick up drugs today because I want to live and grow old like normal people do. I have stood in front of a judge and been handed a sentence clean. I have gone to shows clean.I have gone through bitter relationships clean. I have lost my job, like so many others, clean. I have gotten married clean. I have sat on the edges of mountains. I have swam in the ocean. I have buried my best friend. I have done it all clean. Started school, quit smoking, moved twice, flown on airplanes,learned how to fix cars, and bikes...... clean. I have learned to talk to God. And I have learned to listen. All of this is a result of working the program of Narcotics Anonymous. They say that nobody works this program perfect. I have stayed clean for over two years, That sounds perfect to me.
Nov. 4th, 2008
11:18 am - Patience, Love and Tolerance
I haven't journaled in a while because I haven't really had anything to say or anything I necessarily felt very strongly about but when I know that other people in the rooms are hurting because of the actions of others, I get fired up. When I first got clean, I believed that once everybody got clean and started going to meetings that we were all there for recovery and to get better. BULLSHIT!!!! Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that not everyone is at a meeting for recovery. Hell, if I stop and count on two hands the people I know who have NEVER (in a few years of being around) worked all 12 steps. I mean I understand taking your time but come on. Do something different. However, just because I wanted to work the steps and continue working the steps and learn about who I am and how to change the things about me that I don't like, doesn't mean that the rest of the group does. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it is irritating to see people do the same thing over and over and over and over again and share about the same things constantly but yet when we offer suggestions, they go in one ear and out the other because some people just aren't ready to do anything different. Unfortunately, people get hurt. I trusted someone with my life in these rooms in the beginning and just assumed they were there for the same reasons I was (had some time but did nothing different from day one). I got hurt to the core. Thought about telling everybody in NA to go to hell. I figured everyone was gonna screw me over. Luckily I found out that is not true. For the one truly sick soul who obviously wants something different or they wouldn't keep coming back to the person who is at every meeting working steps diligently, we are all here for one common purpose....to stay clean just for today. Nobody said I had to get well and be perfect.
happyOct. 14th, 2008
08:41 am - Drama and Chaos....Never ever good for me...
I hate drama. I hate chaos. Though I do still participate in both on occassion it is usually for a very short period of time and then I start to feel sick to my stomach and stop that shit. However, when you sponsor women in recovery there is so much more drama and chaos to have to deal with. Not personally but I have to hear about alot and try to give suggestion to help deal with the drama and chaos. When more than one of them is in the middle of drama (I have 8...too many but it is what it is) I feel like I am out of control. Every phone call seems to be 911. I have one right now who is in the middle of a complete meltdown and it seems like everything she learned in over 7 years clean (she recently relapsed) is gone. The reality is she is a newcomer again and I have to remember that. I am just trying to talk about this before it begins to control my thoughts. I cannot do anything other than pray for her and offer suggestions. What she chooses to do from there is her decision.
![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/classic/sad.gif){kind=small}
drainedOct. 1st, 2008
09:26 am - Been far too long........
I have been online everyday and reading livejournal everyday but have not felt like updating my journal. Why? Not sure. I have just been in a weird place, very busy with sponsees and other people in recovery not to mention the people in my life that are not in recovery. I think I am exhausted. Hell, I know I am exhausted. Almost to the point of just not wanting to participate in recovery anymore which is a scary place for me to be but it is exactly where I have been. I have got to better with setting boundaries with sponsees and not feeling like I have to answer the phone everytime it rings. The damn thing rings off the hook. Don't get me wrong....I am unbelieveably grateful for those women. But sometimes I just want to say, "when do I get to fall apart?" I mean I have a sponsor but I am too busy sponsoring most of the time to take the time to call my sponsor. Which is my fault I know but it is the reality. Sometimes I guess I just want to say enough. I don't know the answer and can't help. But the truth is, I can. I can always help by listening. I don't have to have the answers. But I put so much pressure on myself to "live up to other people's expectations" that I wear myself out. So, basically this is all my shit. I guess my main point is I just needed to say whoa! for a minute and realize I am not superwoman/supersponsor and I have got to take the time to work on me. After all, nobody else can do that for me.
complacentSep. 29th, 2008
03:36 am - Bill Says: A Blog About Recovery
A blog with some thoughts on recovery from an EA members. Take what you like and leave the rest.
wrhsaysCrossposted to:
ala_not, alanon, bigbookspirit, clean_n_sober, fightdepression, joyousfreedom, overeaters_anon, rcvrng_addicts, sober_freaks, syn_promoAug. 20th, 2008
08:29 pm - fuck it
i am back. i have taken 50mgg of xanex. just another maryter for this disease.
Aug. 18th, 2008
03:43 pm - Looking at me.....no thanks....
I was in my homegroup meeting last night and someone shared something that was so profound to me at that moment, I can't believe I didn't high five him in the meeting. He was talking about not coming to many meetings. He said , "Ya know...sometimes it's just easier to sit at the house than to have to face the truth about yourself." Holy shit! I have been going through this phase where I am having to make myself go to meetings. Why? Couldn't tell you. Sick of the same old stuff on one hand. That same ole stuff that is comforting to me sometimes. Basically, nothing is wrong with anyone in the meetings or the meetings themselves. I have some truth about me I need to look at and I don't want to. I feel the truth about to bust out of me in a meeting and I guess I am afraid of what people will think. I make myself crazy!
boredAug. 10th, 2008
09:12 pm - Rock!
I finally finished my First Step this afternoon. I was going to finish it before I got to my year clean, but my lazy ass didn't make it. Well, better late than never. Hopefully, I'll be able to share it this Wednesday.
Jul. 11th, 2008
12:51 pm - Being happy is and has always been my choice....
Sometimes I forget the very basic things that kept me clean in the beginning. Things such as Keep it simple...take it easy...it's the first drug that gets you...it is and always will be my choice to be happy. I have been in a very negative place for quite some time now. Basically because I wasn't getting what "I" wanted when "I" wanted it. So, I just decided that being negative and unhappy was comfortable and that is where I have stayed. It is officially uncomfortable now. I am sick and tired of being negative and unhappy. These are things I had just told my mom and my husband. I chaired my homegroup meeting last night and we read the meditation for July 10 (which follows my post) and it was like somebody (my Higher Power maybe?) slapped me upside the head. I choose to be negative and unhappy when the easier way to live this life I have learned in recovery is to make the choice to be happy and live in a positve way. I just wanted to share the good news of my getting to a better place. I have shared enough negative.
“That old nest of negativism followed me everywhere I went.”
Basic Text, p. 135
––––=––––
A negative attitude is the trademark of active addiction. Everything that occurred in our lives was someone or something else’s fault. We had blaming others for our shortcomings down to a fine science. In recovery, one of the first things we strive to develop is a new attitude. We find that life goes a lot easier when we replace our negative thinking with positive principles.
While a negative attitude dogged us in our active addiction, all too often it can follow us into the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. How can we begin to adjust our attitudes? By altering our actions. It isn’t easy, but it can be done.
We can start by listening to the way we talk. Before we open our mouths, we ask ourselves some simple questions: Does what I’m going to say speak to the problem, or the solution? Is what I’m going to say framed in a kind manner? Is what I have to say important, or would everyone be just as well off if I kept my mouth shut? Am I talking just to hear myself talk, or is there some purpose to my “words of wisdom”?
Our attitudes are expressed in our actions. Often, it’s not what we say, but the way we say it, that really matters. As we learn to speak in a more positive manner, we will notice our attitudes improving as well.
––––=––––
Just for today: I want to be free of negativity. Today, I will speak and act positively.
happyNavigate: (Previous 20 Entries)