Rabbit Breeding Community's Friends

ques_nova

Subject:	oh. my. fucking. god....
Time:	4:50 pm.

The Dark Knight, seriously, best movie I've seen in a really long time. Tons of really great lines that will be showing up in status messages soonish (I'll wait til the important people have seen it though so as not to spoil anything), beautifully filmed and oh my god, I was not disappointed with a single actor (except of course Bale, but hey- I don't like Batman.)
Yes, you read that right, I don't even like Batman and this was one of the best movies I've seen in a really long time. The reason I loved this movie so much was the same reason I would watch the other Batman movies and the shows: the villains. Yeah, I have often been known to have a soft spot for the evil characters, but only when they're done really well. I don't find interest in evil characters who are just doing it for money or the ones whose motivations are so superficial they're unbelievable.
( possible spoilers )

Okay, all done squeeing, since Ben is being stupid and killing my mood.

Other news, going for induction Monday morning. Brit got home in time to be there. This makes me quite happy. Been sleeping well, thanks to the Ambien. Torin is still trying to escape. Stephie's getting married. Kebin was joining the Marines but changed his mind. He's still dating the psycho bitch, but he gets that she is psychotic, he just fails at breaking up with anyone. I don't see them together much longer (thank god.)
Finished the first season of Heroes. Working on downloading season two. Sure there is more, but Ben won't shut up, so I'm going to wrap up now.
Later

Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

i_sell_fuuutons

Subject:	A brief update.
Time:	11:54 pm.

The end of another long, busy week (can you tell that I've only been posting on weekends and Mondays?). It was a good week, though, and we only have one left. My class is going well and the girls are kept busy. They told me today that they really like having me as their intern, so that was nice. Before lunch, I stopped in at Katzlab to talk to Jen. She had just finished sending me a text when I walked in, which I thought was pretty funny. We made plans to go to Amanouz for breakfast tomorrow. Granted, breakfast for us won't be until noon. I can't wait for some Mediterranean French toast and hazelnut coffee. Seriously, makes me drool.
Tonight we went to a play called "Rabbit Hole". This is the second play the program has attended, and apparently the first one was absolutely awful. I fortunately didn't have to go to that one because I had a night off. This play was actually really good, with great actors and a good (but rather sad) storyline. Quite enjoyable, I must say.
And now, some sleep.

Comments: Add Your Own.

daemonikk

Subject:	Happenings and SKYPE!
Time:	1:15 pm.
Music:	2 Sense, being rebroadcast throughout my Skype list.

Amber's birthday was so much fun. I made her a wolf tail to wear (photos upcoming) and Mum picked up a wolf toy for me to give to her, Mum also gave her a bottle of wine and an Egyptian-motif goblet. Dorian gave her a beautiful wolf-head pendent (which I accidentally knocked onto the ground, sorry, I'm a bit clumsy in shoes), and StickS got her a lovely dragon-cross-thing candleholder. We ate chicken I cooked (we were gonna have pork too, but I cooked it a bit late), drank to a small extent (liquor runs are fun), and watched Ross Noble till we had small piles of hilarity going all over our shoes.

What an amazing way to kill a wolf that would be.

I feel sad for Dorian's parents, driving all over the place at nearly 2am.

I just realised I bought diabetic ice cream and we forgot about it :(
We need to have ice cream next time. StickS! Get the lead out, man, we need more times of fun and gathering!

I got Skype. It is so much fun. I used it to talk to Hallward the fox for an hour and a half, while we broke our friend Kali with eye-wateringly beautiful furry art of a jackal assraping a black cougar.
I really don't understand how she can just have NO interest in porn. What is wrong with her? Is she even alive? Is she really a sexless zombie automaton?

My Skype name is Dandy.Jaguar so if you wanna talk, add me. I need to fill up my contacts!

Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.

beautifulwolf

Subject:	Yummy muffins! White Chocolate, Apricot, Ginger
Time:	12:04 am.

I'm not much of a baker, or even a candle stick maker, but I had a WONDERFUL muffin a while back at a coffee shop that I've been CRAVING, and I had to figure out making some for myself! The muffin was a white chocolate, apricot, ginger muffin. Mmmm! I'd made some last week, but they didn't turn out QUITE how I'd wanted, so I tried my hand at redoing the recipe to fit what I remembered tasting before.

Apricot, White Chocolate, Ginger Muffins

Here's the recipe:

White Chocolate, Apricot, Ginger Muffins

1 3/4 c. flour
1/2 c. sugar (Next time, I would add less actually, but I tend to not like things very sweet, and the preserves add enough sweet taste)
1 T. minced crystallized ginger (I quadrupled, or more on this... I looooooove ginger, and the ginger was the WHOLE point of these muffins for me! If you love ginger, go wild! It tastes REALLY good!)
1 1/2 t. baking powder
1/2 t. salt
2 oz. premium white baking chocolate, finely chopped (side-by-side, I tasted no difference between the baking white chocolate, and the chips... the chips were cheaper, so I'll just chop up chips in the future!)
3/4 c. low-fat milk (I used soy milk)
3 T. butter or stick margarine, melted
1 egg. lightly beaten
1/2 c. apricot preserves (I have a feeling that if I had cut out 1/4 a cup of sugar, and replaced it with 1/4 a cup more of preserves I would have liked them better. I'll try that next time!)

1. Preheat oven to 400.

2. Lightly spoon flour into dry measuring cups, level with a knife. Combine flour and the next 5 ingredients (flour thru chocolate) in a medium bowl, stir well with a whisk. Make a well in center of mixture. Combine milk, butter and egg; stir well with a whisk. Add to flour mixture, stirring just until moist. After those were mixed, I stirred in the apricot preserves.

3. Spoon batter into each of 12 muffins cups.

4. Bake at 400 for 22 minutes or until muffins spring back when touched lightly in center. Remove from pan. Cool completely on wire rack. Makes one dozen.

Then eat them, and don't let the muffin top stealing Covy dog get a hold of them ;)

I had one tonight, and will eat another in the morning before heading to the farm with our friend Morgan! :)

Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.

facelesstrails

Subject:	Ugly Ana
Time:	8:31 am.
Mood:	sad.

Once upon a time, there lived a little girl who fell in love.
She was so in love that nothing outside of her little bubble made sense or appealed to her anymore.
It was like a strange addiction, like she ate, breathed and slept him. Like he had become the blood coursing madly through her veins. If he stopped loving her back or decided to leave, this little girl would die.
The little girl grew up one day, and realized the love of her prince was not unconditional. It had never been. So she died a little more inside.

THE END.

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life. I felt like Adrian fucking Mole when he was thirteen.
I was with cousin Jenniffer at Far East Plaza, getting clothes for her fancy new job.
The phone company cut my line off because I owe them about $483. She managed to bargain with them to let me pay $200 first, and the remaining in monthly installments.
So I rushed to an ATM to draw money, only to discover I had about $150 left in my account. All those cab rides and those presents for the Significant Other last week had left me dry. I drew the entire $150 and headed to a 7-11 to pay my bill.
The 7-11 did not accept Singtel payments.
I remembered there was a SAM machine at the Tangs underpass. So slowly, and grudgingly, I made my way there, the entire time thinking about how I was going to ration my two sticks of cigarettes until I met B, feeling sorry for my sorry self.
And guess what I could absofuckinglutely not miss on my way there?
Staring right in my face, next to the Marriot, was a huge ass poster of acoustic guitar/violin duo, Zsa and Claire. They're playing at the fucking Marriott!! And they both looked gorgeous in the picture and those instruments they were holding were just to DIE for.
A HUGE ASS poster outside the Marriott.
If you're local and not from the Chinese, Malay or Tamil speaking community, and not part of the mainstream Singapore Idol talent pool, and you're a female acoustic singer-songwriter who's in your early 20s, oh GOD that is FUCKING huge.
My heart sank, lower and lower and lower until it went past my stupid feet and into the ground and I walked away and left it behind in front of that poster, for everyone to trample on.

So. I went to the SAM machine and queued up, only to find out they didn't accept cash, only nets. And there were two ATMs around, but no cash deposit machine.

I made my way back to Far East Plaza, and sat outside and smoked my second-last cigarette. I could not call my cousin to find out where she was because, well, you know.
She called me fifteen minutes later. I followed her around and helped her pick out stuff which she spent nearly $400 on like it was $4.

Then we proceeded to have a late lunch.
THAT was not pleasant.
She started grilling me about why I'm with a guy who doesn't pay my bills.
I told her my phone bill was my own responsibility and she said so?
I told her he wanted me to learn on my own and she said so?
She likes my boyfriend. She does, a lot.
But when she probed a little and found out that we actually go Dutch sometimes, and that I owe him money, and that he leaves my bills unpaid, and (obviously) does not give me a few hundred a month as "spending money", she was very very unhappy.
She said it doesn't matter whether I'm working or not, he's supposed to take care of all this. But BECAUSE I'm not working, it's his responsibility to make sure I don't want for anything and am never left hanging.
And she said, you want to marry this guy?
I told her, that's different.
I'm not with the guy for the money, I told her.
I love him. He's a fantastic guy. A real sweetheart. We love each other for who we are, not for the material things.
He's not well-off. I don't blame him for not supporting me financially. I love him just for his heart.

So I went from Orchard all the way to Jurong to meet him after work, so that I could spend half an hour on the train with him. He proceeded to tell me directly that I am fat and unattractive, my hair is too thin, my ass needs work and my eyelids are uneven. I told him I'm perfectly fine with the way I am. Yes, I would like to lose a little weight, but which woman doesn't?

I don't know if he just said it because he was mad, but he said a lot of guys leave their girlfriends and wives because they become unattractive.

I cried all the way home. I cried in the shower. I cried before I went to sleep. I've never had a guy tell me I was unattractive before. In such detail. Especially someone who threatened to leave me because of it. Besides, I feel conscious dressing openly around him and I feel the need to cover up whenever I'm with him. I don't have much covered-up clothes, so it always boils down to the same few jeans and cardigans and long skirts.

Even if I'm not as hot or dressy as I used to be, I'm growing in faith and religion and gaining maturity. Aren't those things worth trading looks for?

It was really a fucking horrible day. I woke up this morning and I felt the same. The good thing is, I finished my article for SEVENTEEN.

I haven't felt this low since... Well... Ever.

I realize it. He doesn't love me for me.

Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

ozarque

Subject:	Verbal self-defense; two "hostile language" interaction questions...
Time:	8:40 am.

A while ago, in the context of a discussion of the negative communication patterns I call "hostile language"
[at http://ozarque.livejournal.com/533489.html ],

brynndragon commented:

"I am reminded of an instance where a comment meant to be inclusive was interpreted by a friend to exclude her, which resulted in significant hurt feelings. When she told me of this I apologized profusely -- attempting to tell her she was wrong about the meaning of my comment would do nothing to change that plain fact (ETA: that her feelings were hurt) and would certainly lead to even more pain. Intentions are all well and good, but when it comes to communication sometimes you will fail to accomplish them -- that's life without telepathy for ya. My question is, what should you do when you've discovered such a failure of intention? My response was the best I could do at the time, but I'm wondering if there's a better one."

And

babalon_it added:

"I wonder about this as well. Does it work to apologize and then ask: 'How could I have phrased it better, given my intention to be [helpful,inclusive, whatever]?' "

I wasn't there for the interaction between

brynndragon and the friend, which means that I have no idea about the tune the words were set to, the tone of voice, or any of the other body language. That's a problem, always, because the nonverbal communication can make a huge difference. That said, here's my opinion.

The best thing to do in a case like this is to simply say, as sincerely and warmly as possible, "I'm so sorry I hurt you." Period. As

brynndragon accurately points out, it's a mistake to say "That wasn't what I meant at all; you misunderstood me." For a listener already feeling under attack, that's going to carry a metamessage along the lines of, "I'm not in the wrong here, you are. You've made a mistake. You weren't capable of understanding what I said to you." The effect of that metamessage -- even if it's entirely in the listener's imagination and you mean nothing of the kind -- is to cancel your apology. Just say "I'm so sorry I hurt you" and wait for the listener's response before saying anything more.

babalon_it's question was:
"Does it work to apologize and then ask: 'How could I have phrased it better, given my intention to be [helpful,inclusive, whatever]?' "

The first problem with this tactic is that "given my intention to be X" presupposes that the listener has misunderstood, has made a mistake, and is wrong. Like "That wasn't what I meant at all; you misunderstood me," its real-world effect is to cancel your apology. The second problem is that it puts the listener on the spot, handing the listener an unexpected responsibility for improving the wording of whatever you said that was misinterpreted. The most likely response to that question is: "For crying out loud, how am I supposed to know what you should have said, when you didn't even know that yourself?"

It's hard to just say "I'm so sorry I hurt you" when your personal conviction is that you're innocent, that you meant no harm, and that this person has twisted your words and distorted your meaning. But if the relationship matters to you, it's the wisest strategy.

Comments: Read 70 or Add Your Own.

bunvivant

Time:

12:29 am.

I thought Anya & I had come to an agreement on the litterbox issue... then I dumped the old litter & changed it for new Feline Pine, & now she's pooping/peeing on the floor, again. I scooted the litterbox over to where she was going to the bathroom, thinking that she might just want that to be the spot for her bathroom. Now she's pooping where the litterbox used to be.

She doesn't poop or pee anywhere outside of her cage, though, so I'll deal.

Today while she was running around the living room, I scooped her up & sat her on the couch next to me. She doesn't like being picked up, though she's not as concerned about it as Meat was. Once she was sitting on the couch & I was petting her, though, she relaxed & enjoyed the pets. Couch bunny! Sweet! When I stopped petting her, she explored the couch a bit, then crawled into my lap & nudged my hand for more pets. Lap bunny? Amazing!

This is the sort of bunny puddle she becomes when petting is involved:

She'll stay that way for quite awhile after the petting stops, & is pretty unconcerned about anything...like, say, things balanced on her head.

( more pix )

Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.

daemonikk

Subject:	Some updates, things and ponderings.
Time:	1:05 pm.

Mum's car insurance finally came through, FUCKING FINALLY. They'd been sending it to the wrong address for a month for some reason. The car payout came to $2000, JUST enough for a car Mum was looking at. We haven't bought it yet, but soon we will have a car again. Mum took me out to go get some more fur for Mecha's suit, and we came back with: Fur for Mecha's suit, fur for swatches to send to Rowdy for HIS suit design, some polysuede and lizardskin gauze for a toy for Firey's birthday, two pairs of new jeans, a new pair of LOVELY black suede and rabbitfur sleeve-ended gloves, a case of soda, some groceries, a BIG bag of stuffing for toys etc, and a Billy Connelly DVD. A wonderful day was had. Thank you, Mama Tornassuk. By the way, my mum is now a furry, her name is Tornassuk and she is a polar bear.

I sincerely love the name Louis. And, weirdly, Otis, and Daniel. I'm sure I'll answer to any of these.

I have some beef jerky. It is very, very good. My favorite snack ever. I want it all the time. I need to learn to make some.

Amber loved her presents. I made her a black wolf tail with elastic loops for the belt, and gave her a wolfie toy I saw somewhere. Mum gave her an Egyptian-style goblet and a bottle of red Fiddleback wine. She seemed happy with it.

I am looking forward to the party tonight very much. I like food and movie nights with my friends.

Ah.... I can't escape it, and I must embrace it. I am indeed a country boy at heart, and probably always will be. I should get some cowboy boots and a nice-looking cowboy hat. I do so love being a cowboy.

On that subject, I really miss horseriding, I wanna do it again but those fancy, prim-and-proper riding schools are too expensive and too stifling for someone who grew up learning to ride on farm ponies and ex-racing thoroughbreds. Essentially, I am too good and too reckless to wanna join some slow-going class full of city girls; I wanna get back to the things I used to enjoy most before I uprooted my whole life to come here. I miss taking the Welsh mountain pony out for a carreening run across the moors until we wind up somewhere 10km away and wander home; and I miss using that same pony for rabbit hunts and livestock herding. Those quietened-down children's ponies in the pricey horse-schools are nothing to someone who had to break in her pony every single time I took him out.

I suppose the city, while I love it, does get stifling every now and then. Once in a while, I start to yearn for the scrub and moors again, for the plains. I miss the feel of real dirt under my nails, the real silence around you when there's no cars or powerlines humming. I miss sitting up in a tree at dusk for hours and watching the foxes play. I miss fishing for yabbies and carp. I suppose I miss a lot of things, and I don't wanna dwell on it too much or I'll get all lonesome and such.

I will post photographs of Amber's tail and Firey's dragon plushie soon.

Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.

ozarque

Subject:	Writing science fiction; a proposed thought experiment...
Time:	7:38 am.

dteleki has proposed a thought experiment -- a discussion of a science fictional version of aging that would involve a very different definition of the phrase "fit and vigorous." His discussion of the meaning of that phrase is at
http://ozarque.livejournal.com/536213.html?thread=11162517 ...

and his description of the fictional aging scenario is at
http://ozarque.livejournal.com/536213.html?thread=11162773 .

Here's the opening paragraph of

dteleki's scenario, as a sample:

"Human lifespan is expanded from about 80 years to about 200 years. The body grows and develops exactly as it does now, from birth to age 30. It is stabilized at a physical age of 30 for about 160 years (from chronological age 30 to 190). The physical aging process that formerly took place from age 30 to age 80, a 50-year period, now takes place from age 190 to age 200, a 10-year period. Childhood and youth and young adulthood thus take place on the same schedule as they always did, but are a far smaller portion of the entire lifespan than before; aging is compressed into a tiny portion of the end of life. The raising of children to adulthood also occupies a far smaller portion of the entire lifespan than before, and is pretty much wound up by age 50, which is now fairly early in life in this scenario, instead of more than half-way through as it was formerly. There is no need or justification to raise more than 2 or 3 children during this entire expanded 200-year lifetime."

Over to you...

Comments: Read 16 or Add Your Own.

bunvivant

Time:	3:18 am.
Mood:	surprised.

Recently (like, about the time we moved into this house), I realized that my biological clock was ticking.

Not in the way most women mean when they say that... I don't have the slightest urge to have babies. What I crave is "grown up" furniture.

I don't necessarily want super fancy, expensive furniture, but I would *really* like to have something that I actually *chose* & spent a couple hundred dollars on at Target or Ikea or off Craigslist, rather than whatever our friends/family were getting rid of, or whatever was cheapest at the local thrift store. I would like, for once, to look like I kindof planned the decor in our house, rather than having it look like we just fished stuff out of the dumpsters near the University of Central Florida at the end of the semester.

Then Anya came to live here.

She's not the most destructive of buns, but she does like to "try" new things with her teeth. I'm sure this will mellow out a bit once she & I come to an understanding of what things are hers to toy with and what things are not... but she's likely to always have this urge to nibble... just a bit. Just tonight, while I was watching her like a hawk, she managed to put a couple of dents in our coffee table.

Our coffee table which our family was getting rid of several years ago, which was therefore free, which is therefore not that big of a deal if it's got a few bunny dents in it.

::sigh::

I know when I'm beat. I already told Squeezums to tell his mom to buy us a new couch if she finds a good deal on one at a thrift store.

Bunny > Nice Furniture

Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

ozarque

Subject:	Personal note; status report...
Time:	1:28 pm.

Where I am....

Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense, Second Edition

I am blessed with a spectacularly good editor for this project, in the Maxwell Perkins tradition. That's a rare and special blessing, and I'm grateful. But I must tell you that her questions and suggestions are so deep, and so complex, and so thorough, that they are a serious challenge; I am struggling. This despite the fact that I'm one of those writers whose manuscripts have to be ripped away from them by force because they always want to do just one more draft! I don't think I've ever struggled so hard with any revision, not even for a scholarly paper. Not even for my ghastly linguistics graduate program "comprehensive" exams. Which of course means that I am learning, and that thanks to this editor I will be a better writer when it's over.

But oh my .... I am struggling. Like Flaubert -- grateful when I can get a satisfactory paragraph done in a day.

The good news is that the August 1st deadline for finishing the revision, which had me so terrified, is no longer in force. Thank you, Providence. And thank you, Barnes & Noble.

Huge Emergency-Rush Project

Ah yes, the HERP. Where are we? If only I knew. Changes are still being made; I am still plugging away at those awful files, line by line and word by word and punctuation mark by punctuation mark. But it hasn't gotten any worse.

Newslettering

As you already know, starting in January 2009 I'll be switching from three e-mail newsletters to just one, and calling it The Lonesome Node. I have a schedule for it now. Like this:

The January/February and July/August issues will have linguistics and science fiction as their primary focus; the March/April and November/December issues will focus on religious language; and the May/June and September/October issues will focus on verbal self-defense. Plus, each issue will have update sections on the two topics that aren't its focus. Plus, might could be I'll chat a bit more than I've allowed myself to do these past eight years.

I toyed briefly with the idea of raising the price, and decided against it. The Lonesome Node will be $5.00 a year, to PO Box 1137, Huntsville, AR 72740-1137.

There. That's where I am.

==================
Nonfiction online: "How Verbal Self-Defense Works" at http://people.howstuffworks.com/vsd.htm ; "Why Are Old Women Older Than Old Men And How Can We Fix That?" at http://www.seniorwomen.com/articles/articlesElginOld.html ; Religious Language Newsletter archive at http://www.forlovingkindness.org ; Fiction online: "We Have Always Spoken Panglish" at http://www.sfwa.org/members/elgin/Story-Panglish.html ; "What The EPA Don't Know Won't Hurt Them" at http://www.infinityplus.co.uk/stories/epa.htm ; "Weather Bulletin" at http://www.sfwa.org/members/elgin/Weather.html ; "A Quorum Of Grandmothers" at http://www.sfwa.org/members/elgin/QuorumOfGrandmothers.html ; The Communipaths at http://www.jackiepowers.com/SuzetteHadenElgin/TheCommunipaths.html . More stuff at http://www.sfwa.org/members/elgin/SiteMap.html ; LiveJournal blog index at http://www.livejournal.com/tools/memories.bml?user=ozarque ; Art Gallery at
http://www.bysuzettehadenelgin.com .

Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.

i_sell_fuuutons

Subject:	Another SSEP update. Sheesh, I'm busy.
Time:	7:35 pm.

So. Life. I've been rather busy lately, what with work and all. I haven't had much time recently to go online and update, but I have the night off tonight. Commence recap.
Last Friday my Biodiversity class gave their final presentation. They set it up as a skit-like thing, where a couple of aliens landed and were shown around to the various locations we visited during the class. The girls talked in pairs about the different habitats and such. They used PowerPoint to have giant images of everywhere we went in the background. I set up the slide show so that the first slide was a field on Smith campus and when the hit the button, some whirring sounds started and a UFO flew in. There was a matching slide for the end, when the UFO departed. It was pretty sweet. We got a really great reaction from the crowd. The other participants loved the aliens (one of them was especially funny; used a funny voice and body gestures). There were also a lot of "Awww!"s for the animal pictures we had, especially the ones of us holding the tiny owls. The presentation ended with a slide show I put together for them that had pictures of themselves and the song "Waiting on the World to Change". It ended up being perfectly timed, so I was quite proud of my tech skills. We went as a big group to Herrell's (the awesome ice cream place in town) on Saturday as a celebration. A lot of the girls kept telling me how much they'd miss the class and how they didn't think their next classes would be anywhere near as good. How touching.
On Saturday, Katie and I stayed up until 2:30 am (I guess that is technically Sunday, then) watching Titanic. It'd been years since either of us had seen it. That was fun, but it also meant I got less sleep, even though I slept until 11:30. Tonight I will *hopefully* get myself to bed early.
Today was my first day of genetics class. In the lab part of it, the girls had to prick themselves with a Unistick to get a small blood sample to use under the microscope. One of my girls fainted. I have the worst luck sometimes - losing girls on mountains, having them faint in class... hopefully that will be the worst of it. A few other were feeling queasy and had to keep stepping out. Overall it went well, though. Bob, who is lecturing, is going really fast and over the heads of some of the girls, but I was able to do a review session with my group of girls (Sam and I split the class in half) after we finished with lab work, and that definitely helped a good number of them. We're going to have to keep 'office hours' in our rooms to help the girls out, most likely. Still, it should be fun and I think they'll all enjoy themselves.
And now I leave you with this:

Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.

facelesstrails

Subject:	Cheer up, Emo Kid.
Time:	1:10 am.
Mood:	amused.

"In a city of infinite options, there's no better feeling than knowing you only have one." - Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Everything I am about or write about is apparently divulged in some way from a book, movie or magazine. I took it as an insult at first but I had to admit, once the initial outrage (that I effectively managed to suppress, twice) was taken over by a gentle wave of I-understand-your-need-to-lash-out-and-hurt-someone-when-you-feel-crappy-yourself-so-I'm-going-to-pretend-you've -already-apologized-and-said-you-didn't-mean-it, I realized it was actually a pretty interesting thought.

Aren't we all little toy people? Products of the subtle propaganda of the mass media? We spend most of our lives subconsciously trying to impress people we don't even really know and much less even care about, and pretending to be somebody we're not. I mean, come on, face it. The way we dress, the colours we like, the way we hold our cigarettes or light them or take them out of the pack, the way we sip our drinks, the way we walk, the places we've been and want to go, the way we stand out by acting like we're not interested in standing out in a crowded place, the way we enunciate our speech or shake someone's hand... They didn't just spring up out of nowhere. It is impossible for the human mind, having adapted to the age of the world, to think up something completely new that has never been done before. Every single step we take has been adapted, and changed to suit our own patterns, from a subconscious impression that could have been made on us from an age as early as our first conscious memory.

Perhaps what I should do right now is erase every text I ever sent, every song I've ever written, and everything I've ever said in the name of love. They have made me so vulnerable, and despite the run-of-the-mill product of the mass media I may be, I always thought I got the inspiration for those things from the deepest corners of my heart. If the person I wanted them to reach in their purest form (whatever the medium I chose to transport them) never actually got the message, or got the message but interpreted it in a way that I definitely did not intend or expect, then those texts, words, and songs might as well have never seen daylight.

Perhaps I'm such an evil person that I simply cannot perform a nice gesture without there being an underlying motivation. Spontaneous hand gestures are empty words?

Perhaps my actions breed hate.

But hey, cheer up, emo kid. You know you'll be just fine.

The castle may be in your head, but you're still the princess. You're still the princess with the beautiful ocean in front of her feet and the sea breeze in her hair, and the prince who sweeps her off her feet with every word he says, who makes her eyes shine with happiness because he looks at her even when he doesn't have to, and touches her hand or face constantly to let her know he's there. And he comes every day on his stallion, he pulls her up in front of him, and rides off with her into the sunset. He teaches her with his patience and gentleness how to be good, and she loves him like she's never loved anyone before. Adores him. You're still the princess and your heart is still a gem, your body is still a temple. You deserve a happily-ever-after just like every other princess.

Maybe mom read me too many fairy-tales when I was little...... Not.
If there's one thing I could impart to my child when I have her or him, it is to never stop believing.

Especially in fairy-tales.

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bunvivant

Subject:	Holy crap, I've got a snugglebunny!
Time:	7:44 pm.
Mood:	happy.

Anya loves headpets. Headpets will immediately reduce her to a big, smooshy bunny puddle -- often w/ her hind feet sprawled out behind her & her forelegs sprawled out beside -- where she'll stay until you stop petting her. She doesn't even mind being touched places other than her head... I was fondling her all over, & the only thing she didn't like was my touching her hind feet. Even then, though, she just twitched them out of the way but didn't bother getting up. I brushed her, too, & she just laid there & happily took it.

I'm so used to brushing being a big, traumatic ordeal that I'm really kinda nonplussed by this behaviour. A bunny that actually likes to be brushed? Who'da thunkit?

She's also incredibly non food-driven. I mean, she likes food, but it's not her favourite thing, ever. She doesn't eat her pellets right away when I give them to her, & she ignores treats about as often as she takes them. I was sitting on the floor w/ a bag of spring mix, & although she was interested & took some greens from me, she lost interest quickly & went elsewhere to explore. Meat would have been trying to climb into the bag until she'd either eaten everything or it was taken away from her. The only thing that really worries me about Anya's lackadaisical attitude toward food is that she's not a great hay eater. She nibbles at it, but doesn't eat nearly as much as she should. So far her favourite seems to be oat hay, so I may just have to start ordering a whole crapload of that.

We're still in litterbox negotiations. She'd been pooping & peeing in a pile right in the middle of her pen rather than the cat carrier filled w/ newspaper & hay that I'd intended as her litterbox. So, I gave her a regular litterbox filled w/ Feline Pine & some of her poop that I'd picked off the floor, which she proceeded to ignore completely while continuing to poop on the floor. At one point I picked her up & put her in the litterbox, where she sniffed her old poop & then peed. Hooray! Later on I saw her hop in the box to poop, & I thought we'd come to an understanding, but she's still pooping on the floor, too. I'm hoping that this is just an adjustment period/marking new territory thing that's going to resolve itself shortly. Everybody I talked to at the rescue said Anya has impeccable litter habits. Ah, well... at least the floor is easily cleaned tile.

I really want to post pix, but I can't get my camera to talk to my computer. Very frustrating.

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scarletwildfire

Subject:	with a wing and a prayer
Time:	5:48 pm.

Other than working an insane amount yesterday, I've spent the day before and the day after on the phone and attached to the computer. The computer is nothing new, but damn... I haven't used it for anything recreational at all!

So, after the back and forths between the people at OSU and me over the last few days I found out:

-The soonest I can go is Spring Quarter - application to Fisher School of Business due Dec 1st.
-I need to cram TWO math courses in before I can get accepted for Spring.
-I need to make absolutely certain my Math and English courses will transfer and apply correctly (calls to the heads of two departments have taken place.)
-I need to make sure my ENTIRE school career GPA is at 3.0.

If I fail at any one of those I sink the whole ship 'til next Fall. Quite frankly, that will set my graduation schedule back too far and I don't really want to go through with it then. (There's other ramifications too, but that's enough.)

If you have bells and whistles going off about how to complete two math courses by December 1st, you aren't the only one and that's where most of my work has been concentrated the last couple of days.

For a minute or two I thought I was going to have to cancel Camp and attend summer school instead. I called to make sure they would accept my first math course - check. Nice lady in the math department gulped when I told her I didn't have time to re-take it after a 13 year break from Math before jumping into a Calc course. I checked at Kent to see if if they offered Calc in Summer III - check. Back to the lady at OSU: I find out, Kent doesn't have an equivalent third course! You sunk my battleship! Plan C. What colleges in the area DO offer the 3rd class that you would accept? after about a half an hour of my rattling off local colleges and her telling me 'no - try another' we find a winner. And she went from thinking I am one insane person to "COOL you'll love this!" It seems that Youngstown State offers a Math class there that will give me credit for BOTH the second and third math courses in one. Hallejulah! (spelling notwithstanding)

Next on the list? Call YSU. Yes they offer the class in the fall. Yes I can get transient status from Kent and even attend Kent the same semester. Fill out all this paperwork and give us some money.

Meanwhile, phone calls to Akron U, Kent State, and more to OSU ensued. I have now applied to YSU, and OSU. I have requested transcripts from Akron and Kent. I am in the process of completely killing my KSU schedule and re-doing it based on what will transfer correctly to OSU, cover my pre-reqs, and make sure I will get my GPA to 3.0. See, my GPS at Kent is 3.0 and that's great. Problem is they will still figure in that one semester from '94 where I attended (and tried to fail out) at Akron. So, while I don't have to have a 4.0 for Fall semester I do still have to finagle my GPA higher. I think I have a plan on how to make that a little bit easier - since I sure as hell don't expect an A in the Math Class of Doom.

To DO (priority, before camp, lmao... we leave on Monday and I work the rest of the weekend):
-Finish Fall's KSU schedule and sign-up before anymore classes fill up
-Grab a College Algebra for Dummies book from the library to take to camp
-Monday, check in with the English Department again for the English credit transfers (if I can't get them to apply well... no point in going to YSU)
-Monday, call RGIS about work schedule for week after camp and give availability
~~-Monday, call RGIS office to get my paycheck fixed~~

My tuition bill went from $2400 this semester to a total of $3600. Ugh. But if I can get into my major program for Spring? Priceless. Ok, not exactly... I'm sure they will know exactly how much I owe them when I'm done. But fuck it, I'll figure that out later. At the moment, there's a good chance I can attend 4 classes at KSU on T & Th and then the one class at YSU on Sat. That leaves me being able to work M,W, and Sunday. Whew. I might make it all work out afterall. I will be able to attend Camp knowing that I've done everything and I'm just waiting for all the results to come in. I can still sit back and relax. *sigh* deep breaths.

TO DO (after camp):
-check YSU status
-check OSU status
-start checking into a tutor for the Math Class of Doom
-fucking work my ass off as much as possible
-check into filing deadlines for major (Fisher)
-find out how my transcripts get updated at December time.
-get shoes, and a bra for the wedding and then get alterations done

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